| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:12:20 PM | OP, actions always mean more than words...but getting flowers for one's partner *is* an action; it says you thought about them. If it's a routine, then it's a routine and not simply because you were thinking about them...and that goes for whatever the action you do is. If one does something because they think they *have* to, or because it's valentine's Day so they're *supposed* to, that defeats the whole purpose of the romantic, caring gesture.
When I'm in a relationship, I'll get flowers for him sometimes; other times I might get a card, some cute little thing I saw that I know will make him smile, or a bottle of wine I know he likes. Those are all romantic gestures to me because they show I'm thinking about him and I care, and they're done for just that reason - because I'm thinking about him and I care about him. If we're watching a movie and I get up and get him a cup of coffee it's still a caring gesture; and remembering how he takes it and making it that way is still romantic, at least to me, because it makes him *and* feel good when I do it...same goes when he does it for me.
It's not a case of wooing anyone; it's a case of showing consideration, caring, and thoughtfulness...and once those things go that's when people start taking each other for granted and the relationship starts to have problems. Also, some people do a lot of things in the beginning and then once they're in an exclusive relationship they stop doing them...I say if that's now how they really are, then they shouldn't do them to begin with, as they're misrepresenting who they are and that's not fair to the other person. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:19:53 PM |
If one does something because they think they *have* to, or because it's valentine's Day so they're *supposed* to, that defeats the whole purpose of the romantic, caring gesture.
Now that means we SHOULDN'T send roses on Valentine's Day - right? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:53:50 PM | Hey, moon fish, I got a big bottle of vodka in my freezer! Wanna come over and share it? I'll save my money and take the direct route! After all, my fishy one, candy is dandy but liquor is quicker!
blah, blah, blah...
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 2:01:01 PM | | Romantic gestures mean difference things to different people. Personally, I don't need candy (I'm hypoglycemic so it's not my friend, lol)....a single flower means more than a bouquet if it's given JUST BECAUSE. A note left on my windshield...on my carseat....on the nightstand...whatever. It's just nice to know that the one who has your heart is thinking about you. JUST BECAUSE. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:19:43 PM | Whatever one does for the one they love it should be done voluntarily and with sincerity ---- it cannot be forced and mean anything.
If the person is important to you then you should be looking for ways to put a smile on their face, a playful laugh in their voice and in someway bring joy to their life.
A relationship cannot be left to deteriorate to "wow, I let you hang out with me and hey BTW isn't it enough I let you have sex with me!!!" which is sometimes how it feels. This may be what your girlfriend is feeling and trying to express to you. Are you paying attention to spend time doing things that interest her or is it just you living your life and she gets to come a long for the ride. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 5:32:18 PM | I love it when its genuine and unexpected.
It doesnt have to be flowers and candy. That is unless the flowers were Tulips and Daffodils, because thats what makes me happy.
It should be something personal. Something that shows you were paying attention. Something I really like. I would be happy with a milky way bar, or a bottle of wine that I love.
I always pay attention, and I buy little things to let my partner know I was thinking of him, and it is usually something he really likes. I get so much pleasure from that.
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 5:42:45 PM | To me it's not the things you buy me and how expensive they are. It is the small things, like the little note that is unexpected, the flower ( notice it is singular) on my pillow, the message on my phone telling me you miss me, or what you're going to do to me when I get home  ! A bubble bath ready for me because you know I've had a bad day, dinner ( even if it's take out or a tv dinner) as long as I didn't have to cook it! LOL
Knowing that I'm special enough to someone that they do these little things to make me smile and let me know they are thinking of me is worth more to me than all the money in the world! That's my vote!  mthr | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 5:50:06 PM | Ooooooooooooooh I beg to differ.........
People seldom remember everything you say, but they do remember how you made them feel. Another cliched yet true story is that it IS the little things that make us (men and women) feel important. These are the things that come from the heart and what the Mastercard commercials deem as priceless. That this concept has been commercialized is no surprise to me. It still strikes a good nerve with people.
These are not petty.
One of my favorite memories of an old BF was him going to my apt when I was at University and making me dinner with the all the meagre food I had in my fridge. I LOVED that! Later on in life I also received $$$$$$$$$$$$ flowers from an ex sent to my work which meant less to me because what I learned about him later. He sent them because he could. It was a grand-standing manoeuvre to show how much $$$ he had. He never even wished me a happy b'day. They meant very little even though my colleagues oohed and aahed over them. I felt empty. Now before anyone flames me about the importance of the latter, I am ALL for the tokens of appreciation shown for no reason. The reason why the last guy in my story here is my ex was exactly that.
OP, time spent IS important. I'll agree with you there, but it is HOW the time is spent which speaks volumes. Bottom line, DON't take each other for granted.
WD | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 6:14:18 PM | A good little story for this topic:
My buddy and I were visting a friend. My buddy noticed a card and a small open gift box that is exposing some jewelry. My buddy says to him "Who's the gift from?" He answers, "Its a return." I asked to see the note, which says "Thank-you for the wonderful evening, but after one date, it would not be appropriate to accept such a gift." In my mind this chick has Integrity, the number some female strength quality.
Here is a guy who works with women- mostly beautiful women- and he dosn't have a clue. Imagin me trying to explain "coming on too heavy." The girl who returned the gift has to be thinking to herself, this guy is extremely lonely. What a loser!
Ok now for my main point.
Gifts are very personal to women - at least to good women. They are only appreciated if the girl really likes you and when you have "time" in the relationship. Only give gifts (but never money) on appropriate occasions, and keep the cost down. Hey if she says she likes frugal guys, marry her.
Gifts are a manditory part of the "maintanance package" The typical man doesn't realize that when he captures a woman's heart, its just the beginning of a new relationship. He thinks that romance ends when dating ends. After five years of marrige, he's likely to have a 42" waste from drinking beer and burping into the air for his kid's ammusment. And he wonders why his wife doesn't want him to touch her.
She buys you little things not only because she know you like those things, but it also keeps the relationship new. Its just one of those things like coming home from work, give your gal five minutes of your full attention -- and then she'll run off and be happy (gifts once in a while do the samething) Keep these tools for long-tern love, she will idolize you in spite of the fact that she knows you are far from perfection.
Thoughts or comments?
Cheers
Shawn | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 6:17:21 PM | For me a romantic gesture is not flowers/chocolates/presents.....those are objects...and comercial, nice and with the right intension they become romantic.
But for me a romantic gesture is something that shows loving and caring....getting up and making the coffee, helping clean, cooking a meal together, everyday stuff that shows you want to spend time with someone...affection...and showing you care in the little ways is ALWAYS needed if you intend to have a lasting healthy romantic relationship. | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 37 | |
| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 6:37:23 PM | It's nice to know that someone is romantic and considerate towards another.
That is the missing element in alot of relationships unfortunately. People forget about that. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 7:11:06 PM | Yeah I seem to see a misconception of what a romantic gesture is.
Its doing something for you significant other that they love and appricate. It isnt chocolates or flowers every once in awhile. Its doing something that makes your lady feel very special.
In fact Im sad that many women dont see or feel the need to do special things for guys. I dont mean gifts or even sex (why women feel that sex is a reward for romance I will never understand) but just something special.
One of the most romantic things ever done for me was a woman who picked me up from work after I had a hard days work and my car wasnt running. She took me to her place, told me to relax that she had dinner ready for both of us and we spent the evening together just watching movies and snuggling. Was a terrific date that I really cherished simply because she took the time and effort to make me feel special.
That is romance not chocolates or gifts. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 7:26:06 PM | Shouldn't a romantic gesture be a sign of affection or caring?
I've always referred to myself as a small "r" romantic. I find the production of some grandiose affair detracts from the spirit of the act. More sizzle then steak so to speak. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 7:52:32 PM | For me, material things aren't important. I would much rather have a note left somewhere I will find it, an email telling me you are thinking of me, a kiss out of the blue that isn't meant to be sexual but to tell me you care.
I love flowers and love receiving them but once had a bf who gave them to me almost everyday. It lost his meaning because he didnt do anything else and it was usually to suck up after doing something wrong.
Just let me know you care with a simple gesture, a show of affection and hold me like you don't want to let go and I will be a happy camper | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/18/2007 4:57:33 AM | | Appreciation can be received and given in so many different ways,with out the need for reams of flowery prose etc.The type of person that I'm attracted to,would have an inbuilt "Romanticization' off button....after anything other than holding hands. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/18/2007 5:54:39 AM | | There can be an art of being romantic...its not about buying things but about letting your heart speak through gestures...sometimes its planning a small dinner or something where you paint the perfect picture in your mind and make it reality for her..the doing it, the preperation is almost its own reward, let alone the way it makes her feel..than and even more important is the unexpected times when you just see her..how beautiful she may be at that moment and all the love you have wells up in your being and you may just gently touch her hand and kiss her on the back of neck...who wouldnot want a life full of that... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:04:39 AM | | OP - by the many posts here, you can see that romance means something different for everyone. You need to find out what it means to your girlfriend. If you love and care for her, you would want to give her what she feels is romantic and what would make her feel special. And she should do the same for you. Here's to many romantic times for you and your love! | |
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Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| i think everyone interprets romantic gestures differently
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:12:58 AM | and it really depends on the person you're with, or dating.
to some women - candy, flowers, notes etc... are the END ALL and BE ALL
to other women - they could care less.
I appreciate romantic gestures, when they are genuine and given freely (i.e. not because the guy feels 'forced' to give to me).
Women love to be noticed, appreciated, made to feel special. In return they will do the same for you. That's just how we operate.
If you don't want to give your gf romantic gestures because YOU don't see the principle - I can't knock you for it, but I SMH if YOU know these small things are important - TO HER.
I could hate basketball to death - but if I had a man, I would gladly buy basketball tickets for his b-day and go to the game with him - because it makes HIM happy. THAT"S just me, and I would want to be with someoone who thinks along similar lines. And if they don't fine - but then they are not FOR ME.
K.  | |
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| i think everyone interprets romantic gestures differently
Posted: 4/19/2007 5:01:33 PM | Wow ... I think I got my answer ... lol ... And for the important answer ... I am romantic as a person. But I have often wondered what the significance of some of these actions are. And why woman equate things like this as romance ...
Romance by defination is not about giving gifts it is about creating an environment that is condusive to making an emtional response ... So i guess you could say that giving a gift is doing that but I have never thought of it that way. So I asked ...
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/19/2007 5:14:00 PM | | I agree with mthr2kids!!!! Id love to have those lil gestures ....... Why can men not think of this themselfs?? My hubby is great and I wouldnt rather be with anyone else. He needs to learn a bit of this though.. he can be very selfish and forget that just existing isnt enough always. A little affection, attention, and romance go a long way in a relationship and mean the world to the person your with. He is clueless in this area! | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:43:08 PM | "Romantic gestures".....means different things to different people.
Regardless of what "it" is, flowers, chocolates or whatever has to be given
because you WANT to....not because you HAVE to. Romance is important,
it keeps the relationship alive and healthy.
Could the embers be slowly dying rather than burning hot? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:29:55 PM | I just heard a good one the other day. My best friend just got a second job, in addition to her regular 9-5, so she's working evenings. Knowing that she's sometimes forgetful, her bf taped her favorite show for her. Sure enough she had forgotten to tape it and was calling everyone she knows to see if anyone had it. When she went out with her bf that night, he handed her the tape. I thought that was super sweet that he knew her so well that he would do something like that, and it didn't cost him anything (ok well technically the cost of a blank tape, but those are cheap and reusable).
I personally think a romantic jesture is something that shows you listened to what she had to say and took her interests at heart. A super romantic jesture for me would be something like if he got me tickets to see my favorite football game, or rented a bunch of funny romantic comedies to help cheer me up if I was upset about something, or to help me relax after exams. | |
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