| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:37:36 PM | | Flowers and chocolates are very unoriginal. I had a boyfriend who knew I liked books, so he brought me a little metal book on a chain for a necklace from Europe. Even had a page in it. Someone bought me a leather bag to carry my books in. Think of the person. Be original. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:51:39 PM | | I never thought much about romantic gestures, I just did them automatically. Now that I am in a relationship with a wonderful lady, who is doing all these things for me, I look at the gestures in a different light. Just today when I left her house she called my cell phone within five minutes, telling me how much she already missed me. That means more to me than gifts or flowers or anything money can buy. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:51:46 PM | Aww Romance !!
Back in the day, before the EX became an cheating *sshole and an ex.. He use to do little things that did mean alot.. Here are a few ~Ideas~ for the OP and anyone else reading..
On Sundays he's make breakfast.. Just out of the blue..
Wash my car...
Do the laundry.. (With out me asking)
Touch his toes to mine at night before we both fell asleep..
Walk up behind me when I was doing the dishes and kiss me on the back of my neck..
There's a few ideas for you that show you, you don't have to buy a thing, just show a little attention !! | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/23/2007 8:30:36 PM | | It's not that it's expected from a guy..but..from my own experience- when my late husband brought me anything, or sent me flowers for no reason.. just told me that he was thinking of me when he wasn't around me, which was so neat. He would send little notes on the computer throughout the day, which meant the world to me..cause I knew he was thinking about me. I didn't expect him to buy me things, but he did because he wanted to..he said he wanted me to know I was his world every waking moment, and I did know that....he was a very special, caring, loveable man!! | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/30/2007 3:38:32 PM | | I totally agree with 1gentlelady ! When you are in a relationship with someone special, you learn what is important to HER. Whether it be a handwritten note, a phone call to let her know you miss her, or a small gift for no particular reason. I feel that it's also very important to do this because you want to, not because you feel that you need to. The little things that mean "I appreciate you and am thinking of you"... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:21:09 AM | Men don't need to buy a woman things daily, however they do need to make her feel appreciated and adored. As long as the woman feels like the most special thing he's got going in his life, and feels that he appreciates her for it, then that is romance.
Taking her out now and then, whether it be a fancy schmancy dinner or a picnic of peanut butter and jelly at a beautiful park is a wonderful gesture that you enjoy her company and want to spend time with her. If you do happen to buy her jewelry, don't do so because she is money hungry, but because it is a token of your feelings for her that can be constantly there to remind her. A sweet love note that can fit in her purse can have the same effect though.
Why do men always seem to think romance is expensive? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:03:47 PM | Well, they are supposed to be sincere!!!! It shoud be, and there needs to be more than just one or the other, a good relationship should have many facets, many indications of love, support, caring, thoughtfulness, romance... who says that a box of chocolate says I love you better than a mid day call??? It may be that this person just wanted any sign...and got used to the way things were, and felt she gave more than you and wanted you to even it all out.
Communication, appreciation and evidence of caring is needed in any relationship...
you have to perform consistently at work, be grateful or appreciative of the job, you cant just act like you are doing them a favor... a little extra effort goes along way..
If taking time out of a busy schedule is a effort, why not communicate to her how busy you are, heck she may offer some help, and may then realize that you are showing her that you are giving up somethings to spend time with her, nobody wants to be used, or taken for granted, why not figure out what makes her happiest, it may be that she is fine with you at work, and a phone call of sweet words means ten times as much, or a flower, or a card could really bring a smile to her.. and let her know what really means alot to you to, like you really appreciate her doing your laundry so well, or shopping for the food, keeping up the house so well, things like that..
BL | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:10:02 PM | I dont like it say on the first date. But once i'm seeing the person on a reg basis....i'm fine with it. I love flowers. I've gotten flowers once for Valentines day from someone that was just a friend. NEVER my ex husband.
BUT you dont have to have all the commercialized stuff to be romantic. :)
It should NEVER stop though. EVER. I love writing little notes and leaving them in spots where he'll find it that night, weeks, months, maybe even a year later. Just to remind him how much I care/love him.
But I need romance in a sense in return. | |
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grog27
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Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 59 | |
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zanie
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Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 60 | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 8/8/2007 2:26:59 AM | Because, often, you can say "I love you" in a more meaningful way by acts of random kindness, within a simple gesture than you can in put into so many words, though understand, the words are important too. It is merely another way open to you with which to express yourself how much you care about the other person.
Everybody is different of course. But if you feel that "spending" time is a drain on your time and resources or in other words a "waste" of time, then you shouldn't do it.
Make quality time for each other whenever you can, if even for a brief time, everyday, in whatever way you choose, and one which she would appreciate. Sometimes, this is simply talking, or walking, playing a game, whatever works for you both that not only feels like time well spent, but a time in your life that is special. Whatever you do, make it personal, and only for her and yourself.
Life can become routine and complacent. So can relationships. The difference lies in actually living life instead of merely surviving. To take action, instead of simply going through the motions.
Good luck. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:27:34 AM | It's the spirit in which those things are done. There was a time, many years ago, when my ex would buy me a gift, he'd be beside himself with excitement to give it to me, rarely did I ever get to wait till my actual birthday/anniversary, etc. to open my gifts.
Later on, it was just "going through the motions," and those presents didn't mean so much to me.
One guy I was in a relationship with was struggling and agonizing over what he should give me for Xmas...told me he knew something I really wanted, but he was afraid it wasn't "romantic" enough. I told him to go ahead and get what he thought I wanted, because the fact that he was putting that much worry and thought into a present for me was more romantic than anything he could buy me with money.
So when they say "it's the thought that counts?" I think that's especially true in "romance." If that's not true with the person you are with, then they are more materialistic than I am, and don't know what "romance" is. Romance isn't what you buy/give/do for someone, it's the spirit in which it's done. It's how you are feeling about that person when you do it. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:02:35 PM | that is very true.
i think if you explained that a person might go for it.
but does a female do that too? i think females take time out of their busy lives no matter what and men think its a huge favour. thats why they want those things. and its not you thats supposed to see the value of it, its the female. so if you feel stupid about it, then you can tell the female, or you can like, i dunno, just not do it and just say like, no harm meant.
i remember the things ppl do for me (this one guy actually came over after saying he was too busy cuz i was like ur done if you dont, and i know saying your busy is a ploy to make you look like someone, they say thats why ppl are so scared of an available person), and also unexpected nice things, that i maybe thought were retarded in the first place but i look back and be like how nice.
anyways, not everyone does those things, and yes you can do it in other ways and let them know in other ways. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:31:08 AM | | They lighten the mood, they contribute to positive atmosphere, They form a bonding or mirroring of your feelings. They emphasize how you are getting along together. They perk up feelings and can be enlightining. They move things forward. They can switch they way thing are moving for the positive letting things go or showing agreement. another thing about romantic gestures is when youre out with your friends and theyre might be ackward sitituations on who is the one who is really interested in being set up if it wasnt for romantic gestures I thing one would sort of back away and the the other might accept this gesture in a positve way rather than getting pissed off over the same guy which isnt that comman because of these romantic gestures happening. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:48:45 AM | | The little kiss, the random hug, the touch in passing, sending an email just to say you are thinking of them....these things don't cost anything or take much time, but make the other person feel special. Why are they so difficult for some people? If a person claims to like you but DOESN'T do these things (even if you tell the person that you'd like it), why not? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:52:51 AM | Both women and men appriciate those little "just because" gifts or trinkets from time to time.Little surprises,everybody likes a little surprise once in a while.It's nice. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:18:32 AM | Old thread or not, it is nice to see that most of the gentlemen that posted "get it".
Neither the man nor the woman should ever let the romance in a relationship die. Unless of course, you want to see yourself some day in the future complaining to your friends about how "blah" your relationship has become.
And no, a romantic gesture does not always involve something purchased, although that is nice once in a while too. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:21:17 AM | Why is it needed? It shows the other person "gets" you, that they care and that you are important to them. The book "the Five Languages of Love" does a good job of delineating the type of gestures that move people... what has them feel loved and cared for.
Generally, I'm not that big on gifts ... for me it is the time spent with, or the effort. My bf has done three very romantic things for me (well, way more than that, but three that really stand out).
The first was when he was unexpectedly finished with work early so he took the subway, bus and a very long trek on a cold night to show up at an arena in a really crappy, inconvenient area of the city... to watch my daughter's hockey game with me. What a surprise! THAT blew me away! I don't think someone has ever gone to that much personal inconvenience for me... I was touched, hell, I was rocked by it.
Another was a joke... I'd teased him about not being very romantic and it had turned into a running joke between us. At Christmas he presented me with the tickets of the first concert we'd attended together mounted in a frame. How perfect! We killed ourselves laughing... in one swoop he'd pulled off the killer of all schmaltzy romantic gestures and - slam dunk! - buried my joke about his level of romance... plus, you know the guy was romantic cuz he'd saved the tickets, right?
The most recent was he was supposed to be working on my birthday, and he didn't tell me his schedule had changed. Instead, he had spent the night before at my place so he "could at least be there for the morning of my birthday". I left for work, thinking he'd be leaving for work himself in an hour. Imagine my surprise when I returned later that day to discover he'd stayed home, had done some chores in the house for me and cooked a wonderful birthday dinner. Even better... he told some women at work about this and they pronounced it "kinda creepy" whereas I'd been surprised and delighted. Just goes to show you, one person's creep is another person's grand romantic gesture. It's about hitting the "sweet spot" of what you value. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:26:48 AM |
It's about hitting the "sweet spot" of what you value.
Love it, Margo. That should be in the dictionary as the true definition of romantic! Well spoken. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:27:18 AM | quote the whole point is not if you see the importance in them, but for the lady who feels the importance in them. unquote
couldnt agree more with the above ! However ladies out there its just as important for us to make our men feel as important to us why should they do all the work? Afterall relationships are a two way street. Also men you need to take this on board two yoyu are just as important......................... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:14:58 AM | Romantic gestures are an indication of intelligence, thoughtfulness, care and foresight. They are also incredibly less painful and far cheaper than losing your wife, children, home and a chunk of your finances. Even if you have no feelings, because you have that almighty death (ahem) marriage certificate in a miserly miserable fist - the romantic gestures keep the dream alive.......
You would be amazed how many women live on antidepressants and in abject misery because the man in their life refuses to display any form of affection to them, much less be willing to spend a few precious minutes of his time with his partner. What I want to know is, why is it sooo hard for a man to be thoughtful and caring at least a few times a year.....what happens to their minds and hearts once you sign that hideous contract? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:27:05 AM | | i am sorry to say this but if u fail to see the importance of romance then u are so wrong when u say u are older and wiser. romance is the most beautiful thing in the world and its free......doesn't cost a thing. you do not have to buy chocolates and flowers for romance. i am one of those hopeless romantics. its the simple little free things u say and do for another person. i fell in love with a young guy beucase of his romance. lord that man would send me an email and it would jsut take my breath away becuaes i knew he was gonna be so romatnic and he was ...everytime. his emails brought tears to my eyes. he was 26 and i was 38 and i would have gave anyting in the world to marry that man. but unfortuantly it was online becuase our distance was too great. but he made an everlasting impression on me. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:28:51 AM |
women live on antidepressants.
got an update for you there
a lot of men are also living on antidepressants too both parties need the signs of appreceiation not just the women ........................... And there again sometimes no words or gifts are needed at all. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:50:21 AM | Hi,
I agree completley, in fact I get suspicious of men who do those things, and find that while I have flowers and chockies, the power bill and other bills are overdue, it makes me question what the hell are these men doing or trying to do.
Its not hard to pay for flowers and chockies if youre not paying your way in life is it.
The women who like this are not down to earth and not with it in general.....Three cheers to men who dont waste money on flowers or chockies as the floweres will die and choclate is so unhealthy, MONEY wasted is a stupidity in this centuary.
I thought Iwas an ungratefull woman and have been accused of not being romanitc or appreciative, but the truth is I am down to earth and have values.
Private health cover (TOP) for a whole family in Australia is equal in cost to a bunch of flowers and choclates every week and I know what I would value more,
I dont understand women who want to see men waste their money in that way, I love flowers and have them in my garden, but boy do I get annoyed when I receive
flowers, i know how much money is dying in front of me and once in a while it is a beautifull gesture bu tI had an irresponsibl;e man once who would neglect his responsibilities and then send me f;lowers worth hundreds and think it would be ok and i should have been happy.
I was furious and go trid of him and dont care if I neve see a flower again, the thought is not in the flowers it is in the mortgage payment the power bill the health cover and tthe many things that genuine hard working men provide.
If your not appreciated i am here.....
Jo | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:10:23 AM | To me the gesture ie the flowers/whatever is pointless unless the person wants to give them. I would feel horrible if I was dating someone and he felt he HAD to do anything like that.....I would only accept a gift/gesture if the intention was genuine.
I think that the whole spending time because your life is busy is a crock though since she is doing that too....so that is an equal sacrifice on both persons part to make a relationship work.
I think romance is when you do something for the other just to make them smile...this doesn't mean buying them anything....it means writing alittle love note, cooking dinner for her....or her making you your fav meal, or renting his fav action movie to watch.....ect
If I was with someone and he didn't want to do anything along those lines...well whats the point.....it would be a fairly cold relationship. You need to know the other person cares about your needs and wants....other wise whats the point? | |
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