| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:23:26 AM | People tend to love the way they want to be love and not necessarily the way the receiver wishes to be loved. Learn their love language.
One gentleman I dated always opened the car door for me. When we arrived at my house, occasionally I would slip a note or a card on his seat which he would find when he left. Or I would put it over the visor and he would find it the next day. He always seemed delighted. I knew from conversation, since he was retired military, how much he had relied on written word for communication while deployed. So cards and notes were what touched him.
A date showed up at my house with a sunflower because he knew my kitchen was done in an Italian, French provencial theme. The flower lasted longer than the relationship, but it was the thought that counted. He knew something about me and tried to make the gesture appropriate.
I slipped a card in the breast pocket of my(former) man's jacket while he was in the restroom. When he went to pay the bill, he reached in his pocket and found the notecard, his smile was priceless.
A glance across the room which says, I am glad I came with you and that you are leaving with me.
A tender touch. A kiss on the back of the neck. Approaching from behind and putting your arms around the other. Tender touches. A massage with no demand of anything in return...........but you will probably get it.
Pulling a coverlet over him when he sacks out on the sofa. Ever notice how he doesn't wake, but snuggles under the cover? He might mumble, I just had my eyes closed, but he is comforted just the same.
She snuggles by you and reads a book while you watch one more round of stupid cars going in a circle (I know I live in the south, but I am no NASCAR queen). My ex loved the races, I would sit by him and read or do needlework. He knew I hated races, but he appreciated the fact that I was willing to share it in my own way. I would glance up and make a comment every once in a while.
Pick a flower out of the yard and give it to her. Help her prep for dinner. You get home first? Start dinner.
Notice everything mentioned was free or cost less than $5US. All it required was a little creative thought as to what would touch the other person. Trust me, men love the romantic gestures, too. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:58:12 AM | What people don't realize is that it is not enough to Love someone your way, but to make them feel the Love their way as well.
Although you two may share a lot of special moments together, and I am sure she knows you love her, these little expressions may just be special to her. They may make her feel Extraordinary and not just Ordinary. If they mean something to her, than give it to her.
What will it hurt, it's painless enough, and it feeds her. It's a win/win situation. If she is fed emotionally, she will be happy, and that happiness will reflect on you and your relationship with her. This is not a power struggle. It is just respecting someone's needs and individuality. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/16/2008 6:06:33 AM | | OP I don't actually think its the present...its the thought. That you thought of her sometime during the day and you took the time and effort to do something about it. My Late Husband and I were dating and I was refinishing cabinets and had one screw driver it was taking forever to rehang them and then rehang them he bought me and electric screw driver. If I mentioned a author I loved he would buy the first new book out by him. Little gestures add up. Its not about the money that was spent. Its about the thought.........Good luck | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:07:58 PM |
Embedded in my moral fabric I guess....
Wow! That summed it up, nice and sweet, mikelstorm. And I know you didn't mean unromantic people don't have morals, lest someone think that a reason to analyze that to death, lol. Great job. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:58:09 PM | Guess it depends on the girl...I personally hate sappy, silly little gestures like flowers and try to make that clear to the people that I date. I appreciate the thoughts of the OP that I would rather you take the money you'd spend on flowers and put it towards spending time with me, building memories.
However, that being said, have you ever heard of a book called "Love Languages"? It's an interesting concept, basically that everyone has their own "love language" of what they interpret as being loved. Example, for some it might be gifts such as flowers, for another it might be acts of service, like you clean the house, or for another it might be displays of affection. The premise behind the book is that most of us instinctively show love to our partners by using our own "love language" when we should be showing our love for them in their "love language". Clear as mud, right? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:43:46 PM | HRWild on 4/17/2007 7:01:15 PM
>Romance is about holding hands. Romance is a surprise dinner for her by candlelight >and her favorite apertif..
>Romance is sitting on the couch together, doing the New York Times crossword >puzzle.
>Romance is making love by the fireplace.
>
>These things will be remembered a year from now. Romance is about the precious >moments you spend together.
Unfortunantly, some of us marry inconsiderate animals who "forgets" that these things ever happen, but do remember that you stood her up for your 8th wedding anniversery because you had injured yourself at work, couldn't get in contact with her via mobile phone (that was off) and was busy getting reconstructive surgery.
Mind you, in over 13 years of marriage, i can remember the ONE time she reached for my hand (that is a romantic guesture right??), even if it was just before i got gangbashed by 15 people on the Gold Coast... at least her "romantic guesture" didn't result in her being hurt....  | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:34:24 AM | | Time-out. I understand in some countries the middle finger is considered a romantic gesture. A wink and you're in, same gesture returned means 'not this lifetime' Go figure. Time-in. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:53:33 AM | | Too bad that some much emphasize is put on material ways of showing love versus how someone treats you or the extents they go to to do the things you need done. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:50:55 PM | [ Too bad that some much emphasize is put on material ways of showing love versus how someone treats]
gesture means some motion or wink, blow a kiss ruffle, a boy hair, a hug, a squeeze, a goofy expression not materialist things.
A gesture also shows that you know someone might really derserve more than what you have to offer a gesture is a sign af acknowlegement if she doesnt derseve chocolate or flowers maybe youre right if youre with her what is that saying for u. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:59:01 PM | The operative word is "ambiguity". If you are mature and in tune with your feelings for your partner - no ambiguity would be present. Furthermore, it shouldn't be routine. It should be when you feel the desire or merely want to surprise your partner. Once you fall into a routine it does not have much value.
Also, romance is not only about buying chocolates/flowers, etc.....is about caressing your partner and holding her hand, etc................. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:46:39 PM | Like so many on here have posted............romance is not the gifts that you buy............it is how you treat each other.
Holding hands, cuddling, just letting that signifnicant other know that you care.
If you have to do that with monentary things, it's just not the same. I can feel alot
more romance just from the look in his eyes. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:53:28 PM | I guess I should add that sometimes it is nice to get a rose or even a daisy from the
field across the road. Like on birthdays or sometime important. But most of the time
I just don't need the things you can touch or hold in your hand. It's the memories of the special times spent together. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:03:50 PM | | like some of the people above said its not wether its the same stuff that people always do and stuff the point of doing thoses things is simply to make your partner feel loved,apreciated and all that. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:14:45 AM |
Does this mean that I am emotionally detached ?
Brother, (in Christ) I feel for you and what you are going through. You have a basic understanding of what women "like" on a first date and as well what they "need" in going forward. I think in the end they probably didn't want to find someone like you so quickly (they probably prayed or something, LOL) and when you show up they back off very quickly. I have had this happen in my life as well and it has nothing to do with you.
Women always advertise that they are "ready" for the right relationship but usually they are so caught up in their own misgivings that they wouldn't recognize it if it became a domestic violence issue, they still (sometimes) want to continue living their lives with no influence from a "man"......(Misandry)
Sometimes they should just admit they are at least bi-sexual if not lesbian.... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:34:45 AM | | What's the point of saying I love you through actions if the person doesn't hear it? You don't only speak in your own language, you listen to the other person and say things in a way they can understand. If my guy hears appreciation by me cooking him a steak and giving him a neck massage rather than my buying him flowers and writing a poem...guess which one I'm going to do? Cook him a steak and give him a neck massage. It isn't about what I think is important. It's also about what they feel is important. Even if it's a "petty little thing" like a box of chocolates. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:55:26 AM | | I think it all depends on the person. One person might give a gift but it has no real meaning because they have no feelings behind it, or they just give because they feel they should, not because they really wanted to do something nice for the other person. If however the gesture is sincere and really from the heart, then that gift or gesture of romance suddenly IS romantic and takes on a whole true meaning. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:13:39 AM | Giving gifts is not petty. Sometimes a waste of money but not petty. My ex use to bring home beef jerky and chocolates because he was thinking of me. In the beginning he would often get me little gifts when I was in college ranging from maybe $10-150 and I always thought it was sweet and a waste of money because he had no idea what I liked. I was dumb to criticize his sweet gestures because he was kind of gun shy in expressing his affection to me. I would of rather him save all that money and buy me something I really liked. Anyway, it is important to show that you are thinking of someone. It's not just spending time with them, it's spending quality tome.
I think it might help for you to invest in some book in regards to "falling in love with your woman" again. Relationships are alot of work. If you are quesitoning this than it seems apparent that your girlfriend seems a little neglected. So, that is who you are dating and therefore it is a problem for you. You'll see. Good luck.
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:26:32 PM | All it required was a little creative thought as to what would touch the other person. Trust me, men love the romantic gestures, too.
How very true! Great post outofthedesert, I'm glad that you get it, so many people don't...... I believe that romance is the fuel that keeps a passionate relationship going. Ask yourselves what type of love affair do you want? I know that I want one that as overflowing with passion. What is romance? For me it is simply showing my lover that she is the most special person in my world. Anything can be romantic if presented in the right manner, even taking out the garbage ( leave a little note saying that its been take out because you wanted her to have one less thing to worry about that evening , and now she has a little more time to relax). The trick is to be consistent in the little gestures, so you have creditibilty in the grand ones.
Romance should be fun, and can be used to make even the most tedious chores eventfull...like leaveing little love notes around the house where your partner will find them when they are doing the housework, little gifts can be hidden in the fridge or coffee containers. Just do things that show them that THEY are special and what they mean to you. Romance is not sex, althrough it leads to it most times.
I know the type of realationship I want....It must be full of passion, she must want that as well. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:07:37 PM |
One question: Is romance supposed to be given both ways or is it mainly for her?
In my opinion it's supposed to go both ways. The thing is that men don't seem to always understand what a woman finds romantic and women don't think about what a man would appreciate. I think it's romantic to draw a bath with candles and rose petals for my guy. That isn't going to go over well with all guys, so I try and listen to see what would make him feel admired and appreciated. If that's for me to not bother him while the game is on, serving him beer and cooking him a steak, then that's what I'll do. It isn't up to me to decide what he should see as appreciation, anymore than its up to him to decide for me. You should always be thankful for any sign of affection, regardless of whether its exactly what you're looking for, but it doesn't hurt to listen and respond to your partner. | |
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Romance is just letting your partner know out of the blue how special they are.
