| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:12:19 PM | Do women really find us so complicated?
A massage is nice. Steak with potatoes is an amazing meal especially if you spoon feed it to him. Basically us men like to be babied.
A bath is nice too although i have heard some women said they find it gay if men like baths.
But its also the little things too. Record his game. A phone call on his way home. Petting his head. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:40:01 PM |
Do women really find us so complicated?
I see a series of little things done on a daily basis as a romantic relationship, but it isn't necessarily a romantic gesture.
I can only give my opinion, but in my view its man's simplicity that makes them difficult to understand at times.
In my mind there must be more than what I'm being told because for me everything is interconnected. There is rarely a simple answer. When a guy equates recording his game to a helicopter ride over the city, it makes me completely baffled. It can't be that simple...there must be more. I would often go above and beyond with no regard to what he truly desired because I couldn't believe it was that easy. I've learned to just accept man's simplicity and not dig when small signs of affection are plenty for him. At times my digging was interpreted as "never being satisfied" when that wasn't the case. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:24:03 PM | | Well men don't enjoy helicopter rides over the city or written phrases in the sky. We are more interactive and hands on. So if you arrange for him to fly a fighter jet or helicopter is much more cool (if you really want to be elaborate). www.fightercombat.com -male version of romance | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:33:32 PM | | I think to set you apart from everyone else. They make you feel special as an individual. With the world as fast paced as it is...time taken to do such things (which can be very small in effort but large in reward) is what great memories are made of. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:15:45 PM | | I guess you haven't found the right person then. Romance is not about buying petty little things. Not about buying things at all. It could be a simple kiss and while you hold her and tell how in love with her you are. How you could never dream about with another. Maybe how she completes you. Flowers are nice and show that you have thought about the person but I would like a card with your true feelings much much more. I do think these things are needed. It is your job to make her feel loved and make her feel beautiful. It is also her job to make you feel those things in return. If you don't do those things you tend to grow apart and take each other for granted. I know because I was in a marriage like it. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:28:51 PM | Flowers die and I can buy chocolate anytime I want. It's the little things that mean more to me than the buying of gifts. Unless of course it's stocks or bonds(JK). Like me, a good sense of humor as well.
Romance, affection are each person's own perception of love, devotion or whatever.
OP. If it really bothers you this much then have you tried talking to her about it? I'm sure you both can come to some sort of agreement. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:30:06 AM | Rather than looking at it as romantic gestures (perhaps because I don't know that I am especially romantic, or at least I'm not especially moved by the grand gestures that some people call romantic) I prefer to think of it as appreciation and thoughtfulness.
It really is just perspective... walking around in the world actively looking for the opportunity to show him I care, or do or say something that he'll like. Or share something that has meaning for me.
Why is it important? You create your life in each moment. Generally, you're either building or stagnating. I'm a builder, it is that simple. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:59:34 AM |
So why is it so important if its meaning is so ambiguous ? This is not to say that romance is not important at all, but the buying of flowers, the chocolates, the petty little things like that I fail to see the importance anymore of them. Or the message that that they are meant to send.
Speaking of stocks, bonds, and cheap talk...
The wastefulness of courtship is what makes it romantic. The wasteful dancing, the wasteful gift-giving, the wasteful conversation, the wasteful laughter, the wasteful foreplay, the wasteful adventures. ...the acts of love considered most romantic are often those that cost the giver the most, but that bring the smallest material benefits to the receiver. ...male generosity during courtship is relatively inefficient as a way of transferring resources to females... Romantic gifts are those that are most useless to the woman and most expensive to the man. ... They do not increase a woman's survival prospects as much as they reduce a man's bank account.
- Geoffrey Miller
Perhaps the OP is just suffering from buyer's remorse. Did your gf come with a money-back guarantee?
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:37:36 AM | romantic gestures are needed for me because without them i have felt unloved and unappreciated.
it is not gender specific...but, yes, it is quite personal it seems to what presses your romance buttons.
i receive flowers so rarely, so the three times in my life i have, i was in heaven and felt utterly loved and loving for the one who sent them.
i used to find notes on my car on the windscreen- love notes - from one boyfriend and they were always such a surprise and reminder of his love...and, again, filled me with love towards him too.
i have slipped cards into pockets and brief cases to unexpectedly express my love and appreciation for another. i have often kissed the cheek or neck (i'm short :) of my sweetheart just to let them know they are my sweetheart....and you can always see they appreciate the gesture.
there are many ways to express our love - romantic, or loving gestures can go far and it's always the thought behind the gesture that is really being 'displayed'....so of course find out what really moves your man or woman and if you want them to know they are loved, if you want them to feel love towards you - then keep doing them....but not because they are expected for that's not allowing for the real joy and beauty of them -to be spontaneous and unexpected!
i agree that they are probably more needed in long term relationships to keep reminding both people they are still in love.
and, yes, the 'five love languages' book, that i'm surprised is not mentioned more in this thread, holds one big key to finding what loving gestures you can do for your partner that you know will be received as loving (and vice versa).....for as you can see in this thread, it is such a personal preference and what works for one will most definitely not necessarily work for another!....until you remember the feeling behind the one giving - if you know it's from a truly loving space, then rejecting such efforts seems disrespectful and unappreciative, honestly....and definitely will mean future efforts will probably not happen.  | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:01:04 AM | This comes from the Wikipedia dictionary:
NOUN:
1. A love affair.
2. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: They kept the romance alive in their marriage for 35 years.
3. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful: "These fine old guns often have a romance clinging to them" (Richard Jeffries).
Romance is not about the love or the things you buy-it's about that one moment that you just touch her hand and it sends her to the moon! But it goes both ways. Does she send you too the moon also?
It should never be a WORK IN PROGRESS but a feeling that ebbs and flows- as timeless as it is effortless.
kj | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:07:26 AM | | I am a hopeless romantic so I think romantic gestures are wonderful. Maybe, they are not essential in a relationship, however receiving a romantic text, a beautiful poem through email, flowers or a small gift just because someone had been thinking about you and thought you would like it are welcome gestures. I used to slip soppy messages in pockets, write a poem about my man or make a romantic meal for them just to make them understand they were special to me. Little surprises here and there keep your relationship alive - especially in longer term relationships. Care and consideration should happen anyway and surely if you really love your girlfriend and want to be with her long term you would make an effort to make her feel good. Relationships dont just happen - they take time, effort, lots of work and patience to grow. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:09:52 AM | | Rassurance. It really is the little things. Touching, even just a passive touch on the arm or cheek. A small kiss, not a sexual one, but a peck on the cheek or hand. Be a gentleman, open her car door for her, at a restaurant, wait until she is seated before sitting. The od unexpected gift, not a dozen roses you bought, but a simple daisy you picked yourself. A card for no reason. I think it's important to make a woman feel special as you think she is, feel like she is beautiful, tell her she is, not that she is hot, or a babe, but that she is beautiful and so very very special to you, cherished, adored. Listen to her make her opinions and thoughts valid and important because they are. Make her feel safe, respected and loved. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:27:44 AM | I give xfahctor an A+. finally a man who understands romance. althouht i never wanted my car door opened for me or my seat pulled out. And the same goes for the woman, she should do all she can to let her man know she loves him and appreciates him.
Life of leisure you are dead wrong. u could take lessons from xfahctor. romance is free..doesnt cost a thing. A simple night walk hand in hand, laughing, talking , and just enjoying each others time is free last time i checked. if u are spenidng money on a woman that is ur fault..dont blame it on romance. learn the true meaning of romance. its not money. none of the things u listed saying they are wasteful is wasteful. when u are tired of not getting a date...inquire with xfahctor he can teach you a thing or two to help you out. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:41:39 AM | It's the little, frequent, romantic gestures that are the most important to me. Touching my face with tenderness, holding my hand, helping me put my coat on -- all those little things that SHOW how much he cares. Talk is cheap, but when he backs it up with action, it means the world to me.
And I do appreciate it when he spends money on me, but his doing that doesn't even come close to touching my heart the way those little gestures do. He could spend zip on me as long as he treats me with respect and caring, and I would be perfectly content. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:41:56 AM |  You stupid boy, you stupid, romance is all about being spontanous and yes its ambiguous but thats where orginality comes in. You have to be creative and yet....typical,(sometimes, dont make it routine like sending the same flowers all the time tho) you dont have to understand it or analyze it until it makes sense. It also keeps the relationship from going stale and or boring. But you stike me as a intellectual who needs to make sense of everything(booooring) and most likely you will never get it, oooohhhh well. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:57:34 AM | | ^^^^ True, I no longer buy into their games. Yet this is the world that ultimately comes from pitting one class of people against the other. In this case, it's women who have through de facto and de juris means have elevated themselves above men, inspite of the women who say it isn't so, it's hard to see the forest when you own all its trees. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:00:00 AM | Kitten, are you sure all the other gals out there are on the exact same page as you are, or are you just extremely cheap?
IOW, if you check back upthread you'll see I was referring to posts made by women who mentioned stocks/bonds and how "talk is cheap" (aka, "Put your $$'s where your mouth is!"). You gals can lecture us either way all you like, but you do have to realize that men's participation is still voluntary after everything is said and done and bought and paid for.
> VVVVV ...most of the women who have posted on here have said it's not the material
> VVVVV gifts that mean the most to them - but the gestures that don't cost a thing.
It's the compulsory nature of these "gifts" that I thought we we're talking about, or perhaps I misread the OP. There's a sense of entitlement in the minds of many women these days to all sorts of "special considerations", which is a distinct turn-off for lots of guys.
For example, take Valentine's Day... men aren’t paying women off for the physical pleasure they have gotten from them, they are paying “protection money” to women to ward off the emotional abuse they will have to endure if they don’t cough up ("put out") the baubles.
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:05:10 AM | come on boys....most of the women who have posted on here have said it's not the material gifts that mean the most to them - but the gestures that don't cost a thing.
and regarding the forest and trees analogy....i was thinking it's more like if you value the forest, then you won't want to cut down the trees!
i know i appreciate men and do not want to own them....cuz we all know that most definitely will end all romantic gestures!! :)
edit to add ^^^ahhh, well, i think too much of a good thing will spoil it...and you really can spoil someone too much....ya know that whole taken for granted stuff........so everything in moderation....but do something once in a while unexpectedly to remind us we are loved....as you wish us to do for you.
and, i've never received baubles....(though your sentence, sad if true, still made me laugh).
truly i thought the OP is about different ideas of romantic gestures and does it really matter......so does it matter to you? and what would you want as a loving gesture? and what would you want to give? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:38:59 AM | Romance isn't about the small little gifts and/or tokens.
It is whatever you do to make your S/O feel special.
I love buying women flowers, but it isn't really about the flowers themselves, its about showing them that you think about them when you are apart. I could be thinking about my S/O and if I pass a florist I will stop in and buy her a flower, if I happen to pass a candy shop, I will stop in and buy some chocolate, etc.
I think its the little things that really show you care. Anyone can take someone out for dinner or whatever, but the little things are those that'll make that dinner rememorable. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:52:19 AM | i, of course, am a female, and i like little romatic gestures. wouldn't you like it better if a lady that you went out with just called you to say hello? or just did something nice just because? i think it is a nice way to say that i am thinking about you... doesn't have to be flowers or chocolate...i had a date with this guy and told him that i was remodelling my home... he brought me some tiles for my kitchen... enough to finish it ...and that was so sweet.... because it meant that he actually cared and he listened to what i was saying... and it was really nice.
what's wrong with romantic gestures??? oc course, they are not manditory, but they just let someone know that you care?
for instance, would you rather someone that you are dating give you a massage if you've had a bad day? massage your feet if they hurt??? or just ignore you and move on... it's a two way street... i'd rather have someone that would massage my feet at the end of the day.. and i'd do the same for him. i am old-fachioned, but i think that is just part of a relationship and it foretells if that person is going to be able to sustain a relationship over the long run, or if they will be more work than they are worth. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:44:26 AM | | When a person is in truely in love, romance is not NEEDED it simply happens becuae they want to do becuaes their heart aches for that perosn and they want to do everything they can for that person. There is nothing more beautiful than true love. unfortuanly its a very rare thing today. | |
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