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| What Kills Me
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:12:00 PM |
Latest stats: 5 messages sent ...... 0 (zero) replies. Is it just me, or does it seem that nobody on here is social? If this were a real social group people would say "what a bunch of stuck-up, unfriendly, non-social people".
IMHO ....most people on here only talk a good game. It takes effort to meet someone and many are not willing to do so.
If they actually do make an effort it is only after being overly picky , expecting too much so that it can't go anywhere. I agree that many seem to over-rate themselves. | |
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| What Kills Me
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:16:11 PM | 5 messages?
I hardly ever get replies and I've sent way more then 5 messages. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:26:18 PM | BUT...........we get more mail on dating websites and we are also capable of multiple org*sms [/unquote] That last part is what were really steamed about...Gods just not fair !!!  | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:39:31 PM | I wonder how many women you have to message before you get a response. In my HUMBLE experience, I have to message 25 women to get a response. That's just an average, but represents fairly well the odds. Usually they are older, and less attractive by society's standards, and maybe have been around the block 12 times more than me. Oh well, I have been around the Audio Block a time or two.
You see most people have car speakers in their car. I have professional speakers like they use in clubs in my car.... they are way louder, and they can really hurt your ears.
You see, some have more experience in dating, I have it in audio. We are all born with a gift. Mine is technical. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/18/2007 11:48:23 PM | Interesting thread w/ lots of rants... but does anyone remember that we don't actually know these anyone messaging us or vice versa. I've been on both sides, guilty of not replying and sad at not receiving a response.
Seriously not receiving a response rolls off my back, no big deal they don't see the connection I did... it's just as well, saves potentially painful dates.
Guilty of not replying is a number of things... don't see the connection, IE: 'looking for someone near my age but the guy is 20 years my senior'... I actually replied nicely that I wasn't interested to a few of these. Got pursued by one of them only to have him blow me off in kind of a rude way a couple of days later. Seriously told you I didn't think we were a match, and then you had to hurt my feelings because I was right the first time?
Some guys profiles seem great... but Hey sexy lady want to IM me? just isn't the kind of hook that gets me interested. Word to the wise: this is NOT romantic or impressive! When I see these my first thought is he has written so many girls today that in order to get them all written in under 5 min, he has to keep them short and sweet. Probably not the case, but it is my gut reaction.
I've met some nice guys on here, but don't consider myself a player, so I don't care to have 20 conversations going with EVERY guy that sends me a message. Some of them I MEANT to get back to, but became wrapped up in a guy that was really holding my attention. I know it's a numbers game, but too many can be confusing and quite frankly feels dishonest.
The biggest factor is I usually only check my email at work, I don't have the TIME to nicely turn away every guy that emails me... and it isn't an ego thing people, or being picky. (Trust me strangers on the internet can't break or make (I wish) my self-esteem. ) It's a cross between being overwhelmed and not having the words to hand out the rejection that I myself have experienced from men. One of the things these forums have taught me to open my eyes to is: Hurt is NOT gender specific. I have spent more agonizing moments trying to find the nice words to someone I am NOT interested in, then in the guys I actually want to write back.
My point is don't take it soooo personally, maybe she will get to you in a few weeks, and if not she wasn't the girl for you... it is the internet... YOU DON'T KNOW what is going on in this person's life. Like in real, flesh and blood life, SERENDIPITY is still the strongest factor. We can try and control it, but love/attraction is personal. My god if I got mad at every guy who wasn't attracted me, I'd miss the great guys who are. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/19/2007 4:53:10 AM | | I figured out guys on POF... They won't give average looking girls a chance, no matter how ugly they are themselves. They will never know how to care about anyone only themselves. The old bald ugly guys wait for the 25 year old super model girl to fall in love with them and they can't figure out why they don't have any luck dating women. The only women guys are after see right away the only reason they are interested is because of how they look, so they don't give them a chance. Guys have a double standard. They think the supermodel girls are going to fall all over them because they are God's gift to women when they don't look in the mirror to realize they are looking for someone who isn't their equal. They reject girls who don't look like they won some bathing suit contest. They laugh at the average looking girls showing an interest and only use them for sex when they are desparate. They will never know how to accept anyone for who they are, because guys are all visual creatures and will never settle for any other kind of woman, but they blame these women for not having anything to do with them and wonder why.... It is because they really are shallow/idiots/ jerks and they don't think women see it. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/19/2007 10:19:35 AM | Wanda .... "They won't give average looking girls a chance, no matter how ugly they are themselves."
That is a 2 way street. Darlin!  | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/19/2007 10:25:13 AM | I think its a matter of perspective. I know I'm nowhere close to perfect. More like average.
I don't mind the average girls, most people have at least a couple of physical traits in their favor, sometimes more. Of course, being a guy I take shots in the dark at the upper parts of the totem pole as well, hoping someone will fall low enough to give me a chance. :D | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/20/2007 9:01:02 AM | OP Brilliant Trolling, 19 pages of fun.
Recipe.
1. Be 19?
2. Post something relatively true enough to be believed, 1 in 4 repsonses. Yep OK with that (so what, springs to mind).
3. posutlate a theory based on womens online attractiveness in comparrision to the real world (The Troll).
4. Use psuedo science to justify the troll, which has already moved from point 1 and 2.
5. Buy pop corn, sit back and watch the flame.
Of course, what women isn't going to be so angry by this that she 'has to respond to this attack on her attractiveness'. Secondly, what man having being slighted by a womans genralisation of men, posted in anger, isn't going to step forward and either support women 'you are all beautiful' or 'overeacting with 'because I'm not like that'.
Well done, first rate Troll!!  | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/20/2007 4:55:39 PM | | On internet dating sites both sexes get more attention. It's a beauty contest. The better looking guys want the slutty girls and the slutty girls want the good looking guys. People in the middle email these people expecting a response and get the old read deleted or unread deleted. Oh and if you wear less clothing in your pictures people talk to you more, I forgot that part. Me I just sign in, do a search and see who's online and email. If they really want to talk to me, they reply, if they don't I take it as a sign they aren't interested and move on. I might send 15 emails a day and get maybe 5-6 back and out of that 5-6 maybe 3 people I end up talking to on MSN. Dating is a game to me, and I have to have a strategy. One thing though about me at least is I reply to every email I get whether it's a 'no thank you not interested' or 'I'd love to chat some more with you.' | |
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| I agree
Posted: 5/20/2007 6:57:01 PM | These message boards shot my ego sky high. 50 e-mails a day! Hell yeah I got picky! Because I could be. I didn't know I could attract such high quality and numbers. It is human natur isn't it? Ugly rock stars become famous and look who they date!
I went from dating a junkie con to business owners with planes and mansions. Do you blame me! I might have been happy before with a little attention, but on-line dating showed me my worth. And I am thankful. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/20/2007 8:03:28 PM | Wow, and I thought I said stupid things from time to time. You know a good woman can make a life so much richer for you. She can make the struggle worthwhile. I'd sugggest you try a gentle hand and tender caring manner. Maybe not speaking would be a plus as well. You might want to rethink some of the things you're doing. Let me give you an example, a red rose is a fine present, but it's only a flower. It's not the flower that is the gift it's what it represents that makes it special. Remember presentation is important as well. Leave a rose on her pillow and let her wake up to it. Much nicer than handing it to her in a dirty old tee shirt and saying "here you go!"
If you learn how to treat a woman like a woman, she'll make you feel like man. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:22:38 PM | You guys are right! It's like Loudspeakers. The biggest most powerfull ones are used for outdoor concerts, clubs, churches, bands, etc. and the weaker ones are used in cars and in homes. Who wouldn't want to feel a 103 db per watt cab driven with 400 watts rms continuous power in your car or at home!!!! that would make your car or home sound like a dance club at full volume. Professionals use the heavy duty equip. and us regular people use home stereos and car speakers (the inferior stuff). The only difference is with the internet the low down guy like you or me can buy the parts for or even buy an already made pro cabinet and install it in his car or home. See my point, if the internet allows average people to obtain professional sound equipment for home or car, then it also allows average people to obtain hot dates even though they are average....... it's a numbers game!
P.S. I LOVE Huge speakers in my house (Same type as at a concert) Rock On............. :D and in my car tooo!!!!!!!! | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:01:36 PM | | When I first got on this site, I e-mailed lots of guys and probably got replies to about half of them. I don't get a ton of e-mails from guys contacting me first, and the majority of the ones I do get are from people who didn't take the time to read my profile and see that I am here for dating, not screwing. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 12:27:35 AM | | As long as you’re not bitter.....I am so tired of being blamed for the past..and having it used as a social lever for demanded equality. I work very closely with women at every level and the ones at the top never raise this argument...They don’t need the victim out clause..They made it and deserve all the respect and accolades that come with competency and strength... so there, s the change see ya in Kits... Ya 19 ghab | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:04:19 AM |
In real life they' d be fine with whatever attention they can muster, but on pof they get an inflated sense of their attractiveness to males so only a fourth will reply.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but they aren't fine with "whatever attention the can muster" in real life either.
Let me tell you what "real life" is like for a woman. I walked to the corner store, 3 blocks away, yesterday. I got catcalls from the 7 guys doing a roof on the next block. One carload of guys shouted truly disgusting things. One guy stopped and asked if I wanted a ride. Two drunk, homeless guys waiting for the bus really freaked me out, as they followed me. The only two I responded to were the 2 drunk, homeless guys - I turned around and told them very firmly that it would be a good idea to back off.
I'm not any more selective here than I am anywhere else. Here I've gotten some guysthat just say go check out my profile and let them know if I was interested, I've also gotten the jerks that ask if I want to meet for a quickie, or "Hey baby, I'd do you in a minute", then there's the typical married guy asking if you're up for a fling....and a couple of guys that took the time to read my profile, actually say something about something in the profile, ask me questions about me, my life, chat....and the one guy I actually agreed to meet.
Nope, just selective everywhere...
Maybe it's your approach... | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:27:56 AM | john1747 "Usually they are older, and less attractive by society's standards, and maybe have been around the block 12 times more than me. Oh well, I have been around the Audio Block a time or two."
Maybe the above is why you don't receive responses....you sound pretty jaded.....I am curious though how would you know how many times around the block one has been? What does "around the block" mean to you? And, isn't attraction supposed to mean "what attracts you?" not "based on "society's standards? BTW...what is society's standards as far as attraction is concerned? Just curious..not picking or bashing you....
You are a cutey (not to worry though, as I am not hitting on you...I stick to the "older" guys, smile) ...and yes I am an "older" woman (as you say ) but I have not been "around the block 12 times or more". I am hoping that according to what society measures as attraction that I fit into that category. Geesh...yet another thing to worry about... | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:48:28 AM | There are a lot of broad, generalizing statements being made here.
Most who have posted have done so from the basis of their own personal experience, which makes it true for them, but not necessarily everyone.
What you believe is what manifests what you will experience. If you take from your experience the attitude that all the women on POF are picky, fussy, stuck up, full of themselves, well... then thats exactly what you will find.
In terms of a profile, if youre going to post something about yourself, my advice would be to make it totally and completely honest. Go ahead and be a little vulnerable. Dont put just what you think others will believe, put what's TRUE. My own profile has very little about myself. Nearly nothing in fact. Yet through POF I have found a friendship that I know will last my entire life. And I sincerely feel that it is because there is no prejudgement in my heart. I just did what my conscience told me was the right thing to do, and it didnt matter what was in my profile. It mattered what was in my heart. The universe listens to that, and provides accordingly, good or bad. | |
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K_Dub1
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Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 470 | |
| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 10:30:59 AM | I dont think its as 'black and white' as a scientific formula or inflated egos or anything. Some girls (usually the cuter ones) get tonnes of messages-especially when they are new to POF...and its simply a matter of not being able to keep all the msgs and people straight. Sooooo they need to make a split decision/judgement-based on relatively little information...just the profile, on which lucky guys get the time and dedication required to entertain a fisherman. When I first signed on, I used to get 20-30 new ones a day! I hated being rude and ignoring them all, but I screwed myself over by politely saying hi/thanks....which would in turn end up in getting 3 more from each dude....
Bottom line, if she doesn't bite your hook, maybe she's just contemplating 20 other hooks to nibble on (either that, or you're just ugly LOL) | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 11:34:51 AM | But no one is ugly to everyone.
Ugly is relative.
Attraction should not be based on societal standards. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 11:02:33 PM | You are right..... attraction should not be based on societal standards.
But everyday the TV teaches us through example that the dolled up, high image women are our definition of attractive when they associate sex with beer or any other product they want to sell. This goes into the minds of all of us and many guys come to see a voluptuous blond as the mark of attraction. It's a Hollywood stereotype, but nonetheless has a great phycological effect.
To the one lady who had so many men bugging her.... those men were dogs, and don't represent the better class of guys in society. Those were trashy guys with no class or style.
To Blondandhappy..... you are attractive... I guess in an individual case it would be up to the parties involved to feel attration. actually have a problem in the social relm. It's not that I'm jaded, but that I am a GEEK (NERD). You see as I grew up I spend my younger years totally involved in my hobby (Electronics) and have it deep in my blood, as I have been into it for the last 20 years (since 12 years of age).
Instead of being out playing sports, taking first steps in the Boy-Girl world at school, dating, hanging with friends, I was in the garage building radios, and audio amplifiers at age 14. In my early 20's my natural gravitation twords the world of audio, and music (I was in many bands) made me a dry, technical, scientific, musical artistic GEEK, NERD who has always had problems socializing in any social situation. I guess I handicapped myself due to my own choices I made, but in no way am I a lower quality person because of such. I have gotten back into the social scene and spend VERY LITTLE time with my hobbies, but still have great audio in my car. Oh well...... guess I am a GEEK | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/25/2007 11:20:02 PM | I see this as a common threat or reply. Women that would not get a date in the 'real world' are suddenly in demand.
This reminds me of the time I was in Officer Training School for the USAF in 1980. There were a few women in my class and with a very few exceptions, most were not attractive. But suddenly the ones that probably never had many dates in their lives were the 'belles of the ball' and had dozens of guys chasing them.
But Officer Training School was an artificial environment. Plus we are all stuck in the same place and of course the men greatly out numbered the women.
And I think that the women complain that they can't get dates are probably to picky and set in their ways.
They say one thing but will only settle for the cram of the crop. And there are just only so many of these type of men around and few advertise for dates on a free Internet site or write in a dating forum. These men are too busy having fun with woman that are usually more attractive and have more to offer than on a free dating site. Sorry if that offends. But that is the way it is.
I am the first to admit that I have my pet peeves and the fact that I will only date a woman who does not have kids living at home since I am 50 and the women I seek are in the same age range. I feel that it is time to enjoy life at this age and not be a step parent. And there are a lot of women that feel this way and have expressed this on their profile. So before you go bashing, remember this, I learned initially listing that a potential partner not have kids or young kids from theWOMEN on various dating sites including POF. | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:56:17 AM | john1747: I get what you are saying about what TV, ect. teaches us as to what is acceptable or the definition of beauty, etc...but if we all followed that forum, no one would be found acceptable...as I don't know about you, but I don't see a whole lot of people in my every day life that look like Victoria's Secret models or, for that matter, any men that could pass for model material....BTW...thanks for the compliment.
Like you, my childhood was not spent languishing in the realm of being a social butterfly. My family was military, thus we traveled extensively. Although we reaped the rewards of experiencing other cultures, etc....for me, the impact of never being in one place very long,(instability) and, having a father who felt his role in life was to "take care" or "protect" (both to the extreme) his daughters, left me being very insecure, extremely shy, introverted, and lacking in self confidence. As a child and a young girl because I was so very introverted, my focus was always on reading (an escape) ....rather than participation in sports, or other activities associated with developing social skills or interracting with other kids or young people. It took a divorce at age 30, and moving to Washington, D.C., obtaining a job in a law firm as an office manager (thus having to make decisions, interact with people, etc.), purchasing my own home, (4 huge steps for me). etc...to make me realize that I am strong, but yet soft, can be independent, but yet rely upon my SO.... and have developed social skills that to this day surprises most of my family. (smile.) I do still escape to my books though.
I am not a Barbie Doll, not voluptious, but I guess I get one point for being a blond (smile, just teasing).
BTW - haven't you heard GEEKS and NERDS are very attractive qualities...smile.... | |
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| I figured out the girls on POF
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:47:10 AM | MAN,BEING A GUY ON POF MUST BE DISCOURAGING, SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY IF YOU'VE ALRAEDY STARTED COPYING AND PASTEING
THE SAME LETTERS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS TWENTY AT A TIME?!
SO IMPERSONAL,IF U ASK ME?!:) | |
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