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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:23:51 AM | Perhaps the posters are feeling some frustration because there does not seem to be a clear and consistent reason for the OP's original premise: it's about the $$, it's not about the $$, it's about the person, it's not about the person. These glimpses into her actual issue with the 60 mile drive (o.k. for lunch? Not o.k. for coffee?) make it confusing for the readers. Don't we all hope to learn and share something from the forums? If one can not come to logical conclusions here, it is easy to see how both men and women can get confused regarding respective expectations on a date or "meeting."
Hopefully, I have not said anything inconsistent with my belief that there is nothing wrong with those who hold themselves in high regard and seek the company of others who would support that esteem. The problem is: how does one reinforce one's confidence? Do you seek out those who respect you and treat you well or do you elevate yourself by seeking out those you can treat with a lack of respect? | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:29:16 AM | | No wonder they are both single.........they can't even communicate privately. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:34:30 AM | Great insight, Latia.
If a person does not know where they are going, how will they know when they get there? If one is so conflicted in their expectations, then there will never be any pleasing them. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:37:46 AM | I am not bashing. Astreaa wants input, so I am sharing my "analysis/Op-Ed/commentary" as to why her coffee dates are not going very well. Sometimes being tactful removes the point-being from a directed happenstance. I wish everyone only the best, and I hope that Astreaa reads my posts as critical advice, harsh as they may be.
One of the best parts of the forums, is that they do clear-way through misunderstandings. I am sure that I am often misunderstood. I express my thoughts directly. If I ever have need to start my own thread, I would hope that others would do likewise. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:45:24 AM | You know....what the guy did may not have been right...but he should still be fogiven and forgiven. I don't think tehre is anything wrong with driving 60 miles, I personally wouldn't mind.
<div class='quote'>Forget that!!! Sounds like he's telling you to sit,jump,Bark, Do you need it ?????
Hold on a sec, you don't know this guy, and besides just forgive him, maybe he just wanted to relax abit, and thats why he did that. I mean he did what he feels made him more happy so....
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Posted: 4/28/2007 12:03:10 PM | I, too, have been blunt and even sarcastic in this thread. Perhaps that is in the arrogant hope that I can bring on a different perspective. I just get concerned when I believe that either gender (or maybe the same, in some cases) is trying to get the other to capitulate, cave, jump, etc. That is really the mark, not of confidence, but rather an insecurity that can only be staved off (always temporarily) by having the upper hand.
Does that apply to the OP? I am not certain. If it does, the OP would be well advised to seek a more centered definition for her self-respect, in which case these types of misunderstandings may become a thing of the past. Because if you are clear about your own self-worth, behaviors of others would only be a reflection of them and not a personal slight. There are other ways to ensure those one comes in contact with clearly understand that one is a person of value and deserving of respect and consideration. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 12:55:59 PM | | I have driven 60 miles and a whole lot more. In fact I would rather meet halfway or even go the distance to his neck of the woods than for him to do all the travelling. To me the main point is not whether it's coffee or lunch but how long you are setting aside. If it's a quick 20 minute cup of coffee, I do think it's ridiculous where there is substantial travel involved. On the other hand an hour or so meet seems more reasonable to me - whether for coffee or lunch. And generally I do prefer shortish arrangements. Far less tricky if it's instant dislike! | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 10:38:20 PM | Perhaps when booking a coffee meet over any significant distance (this value left to the discretion of the person driving) one should check out what else the town,village,city or metropolis has to offer that may be of interest. Then, that way, if the coffee is cut short for whatever reason, you would still have something to do after having made the journey.
I agree with "latia" and "translation". I too tried to adhere to what I deemed a "polite" reply to the OP's question, but to no avail. Advice was asked for and renderred. The fact that the OP was in fact NOT seeking advice, but rather support or justification for lack of respect for anyone other than herself should not change my attitude towards the subject matter or the person responsible.
I had ocassion to drive about 100 miles (one way) this past Thursday for what started out as a coffee meet and turned into a lengthy dinner and then an even longer drive home in the wee hours of the morning. My only hope is that she enjoyed the experience as much as I did and would welcome my driving to her town again (hopefully in the very near future) so that we can spend more time together.
Just my experience and opinion. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/28/2007 10:59:13 PM | This is another issue that makes me wonder why people seek long distance connnections. And long distance means differently to each of us. Obviously, for OP, an 1.5 hour drive is long distance. Assuming the chemistry and all the other blabla had been there, were/are you (whoever you are) prepared to date which involves this kind of 'sacrifice'? Life is already very 'naughty' and sometimes makes us bump in people we click with, who are not precisely in our subs. It happens when we go to conferences, festivals, etc. That's fate, for not a better term.. but going looking for it?
Bye for now
B | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 11:06:41 PM | Congradulations bolond, best wishes to you. Coffee dates can be the best, plus a distance can pull one out of the confines of routine life. New experiences are there for those who want,,new,,experainces. Pinkie to lip thing right there.  | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 4:44:05 AM | Whne it comes to this OP's other posts here this one isn't really any different in it's tenor or supposed "thoughts" behind it's inception. Reading a few of her posts it's clear her incidence of indignation that any man NOT adhere to her own thoughts how dating her should go this one is in keeping with that theme. I've yet to read ONE thing positive she's posted about men or anyone for that matter. If we're so disagreeable as a lot why is she seeking one? LOL Maybe once she finds one she can remake him in her own image??
Best of luck Sweety---it'll be a long, hard road for you with this attitude. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 5:24:39 AM | Why should I expect anything LESS from you JWA !
Your opinion of me has always been negative and not quite sure why?????
One POSITIVE thing about men in general is that I can always expect to get top rate attention and "entertainment" from you guys as I always have and will probably continue to as there is always a man out there that will love me for the woman I am as I speak the truth and do not care one diddly squat what negative people have to say about my thoughts and opinions.
I really don't care if I meet someone or not as it is perfectly OK for anyone to be on here for the Forums only !!
I am only seeking the BEST in my book, so if a man does not meet my personal standards I do not waste my time as they are only delaying my goal!!
It is spelled a little different but ..........
Astreaa is the Goddess of "Justice and Rightful Indignation"
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Posted: 4/29/2007 5:45:36 AM | Yes... but the subject at hand is a meeting for coffee.
It seems like a silly thing to be indignant about.
I will say though, if it's that important to you, it's good that you're expressive about it.
Good luck fishing. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:27:54 AM | At least we now know what men are "good for:"
Msg 314: One POSITIVE thing about men in general is that I can always expect to get top rate attention and "entertainment" from you guys as I always have and will probably continue to … Interesting that this observation is painted from the "What's in it for me?” point of view. While this is a very general expectation, perhaps it helps the reader understand that indeed, the OP's "personal standards" have little to do with specific constraints (minimum amount of money, time, distance, etc.).
Instead, her high personal standards seem to be based on an amorphous and largely unquantifiable need for “top rate attention.” Unfortunately, this metric will most likely be in a constant state of flux based on any given day's sliding insecurity/confidence level. Like the stock market, we can not be sure what the closing bell will bring. It is a petty, "I told you so" perspective that induces me to go back and quote myself, yet here it is:
Msg 259: People who set their self-worth based on $$, time, attention lavished on them by others will never be satisfied (even if they meet their King or Queen). | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 7:38:33 AM |
Why should I expect anything LESS from you JWA !
Your opinion of me has always been negative and not quite sure why?????
My opinion is based upon your posts here----I know nothing of you which I'll readily admit Dear One. However every post you begin is always about how one more man has somehow disappointed you in their performance or lack thereof according to some set of rules you seem to have. If it's not about a mans audicity asking you to meet him about halfway for coffee only then it's something else. Somehow everytime you encounter a man it's somehow not up to your "code".
I gather this from reading your posts right along with everyone one here that might seem interesting. Over time a pattern becomes obvious so it's difficult to think you're NOT like your posts here. My own contributions are a good example---I tend to go against the grain which might make many think I'm always negative and slightly mean. I'm really not but that can't be proved by what I post here. You might be the same---a "victim" of your effusive ponderings here.
Online we form opinions based upon what's put in front of us----real life is different but since you seem to encounter more of the disappointing types who's "fault" is that?? I'm thinking if someone doesn't ask the right questions BEFORE meeting someone that pretty much says a lot about that someone.
I'm sorry if you don't care for my replies ma'am but I might also be a purveyor of "Justice & Rightful Indignation"----or simply delusional also!!!
But we're still buddies under it all!! LOL | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 9:53:57 AM |
I can always expect to get top rate attention and "entertainment" from you guys.
I have read a couple of your forums Astreaa, and I have noticed that you are here for the entertainment. You seem to get an esteem rush about yourself, that everlasting search to feel special no matter what it takes. You are here for the attention, a boost of ego.
so if a man does not meet my personal standards I do not waste my time as they are only delaying my goal!!
The problem is, is that your standards change with the wind. Maybe you could nail down a description of what those are for use? If you could, also identify what your goal is? Well, you know, if it doesn’t interfere with your mental pleasure cruise that is. I wouldn’t want you to get angry at us mere mortals. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 10:19:51 AM | And a simple cup of coffee turned into a 13 page thread.
I'm going to start a thread about a bowl of cereal! | |
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