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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:13:32 PM | For those of you not bothering to read the whole thread, let us highlight the glaring inconsistencies for you. These are MOST of the OP's posts. Please take the time to note that this man went from a mere man to a blue collar, not good looking, unemployed racist. I ask, if he were that bad, why in anyone's name would she have even considered having anything to do with said loser in the first place, let alone a meal?
Msg 8: To elaborate.....
This was to be a first meeting and if I am going to monopolize my Saturday with meeting someone and drive over an hour I would think a dinner or lunch would be more worth my time and energy
Msg 32: Mr. Creative,
As you can see...eating is NOT a priority of mine.
I am sure he would have expected ME to pay , (which I would never !!!)....because he also asked me if I had a house and was looking for a roommate as he was selling his house and since he was in some type of blue collar union was looking to move anywhere !!
As you can see there were alot of other reasons why the request was totally out of line...
Shall we say CHEAPSKATE..boys and girls ???
Don't know about other women but I hate a cheap guy !
Also...I am single right now because I have found noone that I CHOOSE to be with and I can definately take care of myself and my family.....
I applaud the guys and women who have agreed with me....
Msg 81: Its me....highjacking my thread again....as I did not know it was against the law... Mr. Bike Man.
My comment in my profile "its not where you are , its who you are with"....I would like to explain myself for you people who do not GET IT !
I don't care where I am .....as long as the person I am with has the decency to treat me with respect and want to show me a nice time and give both of us ample time to get to know the person for who they are and that really can't be done over a cup of coffee for 15 minutes after a long long drive......I felt insulted as my circle of friends would never treat each other so "matter of fact" and shabby.
I am sorry but after the conversation with him I really can not treat him like the KING he thinks he is and try to get to know another his way! Also sorry for those of you who feel his behavior is warranted as I think much more highly of myself than maybe you would think of yourself.
Ta Da !!
Msg 138: High maintenance ????
Hmmmm...lets see now
coffee vs. lunch.............maybe a difference of one or two dollars of a man's moldy money out of his pocket for a chance to meet maybe the woman of his dreams ???
You guys are a REAL TRIP !!!
I do admit I have high standards with whom I am looking for but what is wrong with that???
Get a real life and quit trying to find the cheapest way possible to get what YOU want !
I am what I am and noone is going to change me ....I like myself and I love being treated like a Princess ...hey guys...if you don't like being with a Princess, then just lower your standards and I am sure you will find the woman of your dreams and I hope you will be a happy man!
After being in a two year relationship and now being single again I have found that the world of dating and trying to meet someone has gotten to the point where I am content and financially able to take care of myself and it is sooooooo nice.
Msg 190: Well the last time I answered a comment Bike Boy said I was highjacking my thread !
I reserve my Saturday evenings for dates if I am interested in meeting someone.
I guess I am not really keen to these internet dates where you can't really see the person before you meet them.
I am used to going on a date with someone I already have seen and talked to so when I think "date" I mainly think a Saturday evening outing like a nice romantic dinner so you can talk and get to know each other.
This coffee thing is really weird to me and a waste of my time as my time is important to me .
I had talked to the guy online a couple times and he seemed nice and then gave my cell number which can't be traced to find out more detailed information and to see and hear more about him.
The conversation was not going well and I did not like a few things he talked about. He is the one that brought up the coffee thing , not me.
If I did not want to drive over an hour to meet him at 7 or 8 in the morning...a Saturday morning...my day off when I like to sleep in I don't have to because I , for one, am NOT a desparate women so I can pick and choose....when, where and what type of a date it is !!
I actually have a life beyond my quest to find my Knight in Shining Armor!
I don't have to meet anyone if I do not want to and quite frankly his personality and his looks were not that great to make me have to go ANYWHERE with this person.
That is my choice and I do not know how I got labeled a Princess just because I did not want to drive over 60 miles on a Saturday morning for a cup of coffee to meet a guy who has no real job...was a racist....his pictures looked old and not up to date.....he had a shirt on with sailboats and wore thigh high white socks with his sneakers...not to mention asking me if there was room in my house for him to "move in"!!
I do not need to take a "road trip" to meet anyone.....do not like men who can't dress....who don't have class...who seemed controling....44 yrs old and never been married.....goes to a bar 3 or 4 nights a week to play Texas Hold Em.....
Na--ahhhh....not me....no way !!!
Don't need it as I have better things to do and he was NOT what I was looking for after I hung up the phone.
I did email him the next day and told him I forsaw a few problems so I would not be able to meet him and he begged me to change my mind....so there....end of story.
The request was the ice breaker for me after all the other things that had gone on in the conversation .....
I see by the postings that alot of people live where traveling far is not a problem as that is fine ....for you...but this proposed meeting was doomed from the beginning !!
Msg 272: Ya know what...I actually did go on a few coffee dates before this and the last one kind of drug on and on and on for like an hour and a half. I only had to drive like one mile , if that so that was no problem at all.The meeting was at 6:00 in the evening on a Friday night and since the conversation was going well I kinda thought he would ask me to dinner but he never did and by the time I got home I was STARVING !!
I was getting so bored of sitting there in a Starbucks just chit chatting and was trying to think of a way to get out of there and get home to eat dinner. I think maybe that set the bad tone for a coffee date from the beginning. But one thing that was nice was the date or "meeting" as you guys call it was on my terms.
Msg 314: Why should I expect anything LESS from you JWA !
Your opinion of me has always been negative and not quite sure why?????
One POSITIVE thing about men in general is that I can always expect to get top rate attention and "entertainment" from you guys as I always have and will probably continue to as there is always a man out there that will love me for the woman I am as I speak the truth and do not care one diddly squat what negative people have to say about my thoughts and opinions.
I really don't care if I meet someone or not as it is perfectly OK for anyone to be on here for the Forums only !!
I am only seeking the BEST in my book, so if a man does not meet my personal standards I do not waste my time as they are only delaying my goal!!
It is spelled a little different but ..........
Astreaa is the Goddess of "Justice and Rightful Indignation"
Msg 398: Goodewitch..
Don't ya just love it when these guys put their foot in their mouths!!
I am glad to see that I am not the only woman in this world that just wants simple respect and decency from a man.
Lord knows from what I have seen on this thread it is far and few between !!
To set the record straight for my nickname....I believe it was Bikeman and Thorn that were the ones that originally gave me the title of Princess so I just thought I would amuse them a little by refering to myself as one !!
I could only imagine what they would expect a woman to do for them on a date.
Really now....isn't this whole thing absurd ..over 300 reasons why most people think I should drive over 60 MILES to meet someone for a cup of coffee and since I didn't I now am being ridiculed and some probably want to burn me at the stake or hang me for it!!!
What is this world coming to ......heaven help us | |
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 5/8/2007 12:01:20 AM | Well, there is an hour of my life I'll never get back - and I didn't even have to drive anywhere for it!!
So you talked to him, didn't get a good feeling from the conversation and wrote him an email saying it didn't sound like it would work out. Why wasn't that the end of the story for you? Why did you feel the need to come here and insult everything from his looks to his job? This sounds very much like high school when one person rejects the other and the ONLY way to handle it is to laugh and giggle as they pass by in the halls, while spreading rumours behind their back. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 12:15:01 AM | Ok, lets recap the recap:
Msg 138: I like myself and I love being treated like a Princess
MSG: 150 bike man calls her a princess
Msg 190: I do not know how I got labeled a Princess
Really now?
And then
Msg 314: One POSITIVE thing about men in general is that I can always expect to get top rate attention and "entertainment" from you guys
She seems to like being a princess.
Msg 398: I believe it was Bikeman and Thorn that were the ones that originally gave me the title of Princess
I also like this one:
Msg 32: I am single right now because I have found noone that I CHOOSE to be with
There was also mention early on, that a year ago, Astreaa posted a forum saying that she was married and was cheating on her husband because she fell in love with another guy.
A person so filled with confusion. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 5:31:53 AM | | A few people have quoted Astreaa's profile about first date. " Its not where you go, but who you are with" ... and have used this to make a point about the fact that she should have no problem going anywhere if she really were serious about meeting someone.. Oh pleeeeease! Are we all so pedantic and nitpicky that we take that statement SO literally that we think Astreaa will go anywhere? Like the Antartic for a date? just because she made a rather ambiguous statement. It was meant, Im sure to express the idea that the 'surroundings' were not important, but the person you were with. I see th this as a petty attempt on behalf of some to act like a bunch of laywers, trying to trip her up.. its her profile. and I myself quoted anothers profile on here... just to illustrate how easy it is to take someones words and twist them out of context. Very nitpicky.. and I still am of the opinion, that 60 miles, of half of it, for that matter, is way to long a way to go for a coffee meet. In my opinion. thanks. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 5:47:45 AM | | I agree about the 60 miles but if I wanted to go I would go. I am retired so I have the time and I always look at things as an adventure. If I went I would research the area first and see if there is anything to do there like a museum or art gallery and take it from there. If things don't go well it won't be a wasted trip. Before I agree to meet ANYBODY I want to speak by phone to hear how they sound and what they have to say. I would like to know this person through talking before I made the trip. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 6:39:23 AM | independance( but not so independant that you dont appreciate it when a man opens a door for you)" Hmm. and this gentleman admonishes me on my take on equality. Touche'...:) Not admonishing your take on equality, rather your take on entitlements. Thanks for showing me this, now I've got to admonish you for quoting me misspelling "independent"--that word is not misspelled in my profile description.
believe it was Bikeman and Thorn that were the ones that originally gave me the title of Princess It wasn't me; I won't speak for Thorn but I'm pretty sure you self-assigned that level of royalty, OP.
most people think I should drive over 60 MILES to meet someone for a cup of coffee I don't think any really thinks you SHOULD do anything, other than give a proper title to your gender-bashing, attention-attracting, self-adolation thread titles.
Dating is a TWO WAY street. It is for mature independent adults.
Well, it's lame that he's not into meeting half-way or at least meeting later. Did he give a reason? The OP implies that he is cheap and needs a job. Don't know whether to believe that or not, as there are several logical inconsistencies in the presentation of her arguments. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:43:04 AM | OK, the inconsistencies of the OP's posts aside, this is about spending over an hour to meet someone halfway for a coffee on a first meeting, right?
Now admittedly I wouldn't like to meet on a Saturday morning since it's most people's first shot at a lie in of the week but - & correct me if I'm wrong here - both people can suggest where & when to meet and alter the arrangements to reach an acceptable compromise, the key word being "acceptable". I don't think that the OP has mentioned suggesting to meet for more than a coffee (& since when did going for a coffee last only 15 minutes anyway?) - she's just said it was unreasonable to expect her to spend that time travelling for the date. Mind you, if you set out thinking of taking a few hours out of your schedule as monopolising your day then it's probably not going to be a great date anyway 
Now, I can't drive. In order to meet anyone at any location other than the centre of the city I'm living in it would take over an hour. I see no hardship in this, to be honest. He offered to meet you halfway & to anyone who thinks that a man should make all the running - grow up, will you? I find it rather irritating when women want to be treat as equals yet expect a man to do all the running, or paying, or decision making or whatever. You can't have it both ways - the sort of bloke that would do all that would be likely to be either a doormat or some sort of anachronistic chauvinist, so be careful what you wish for, eh? A 2 & a half hour round trip to meet someone halfway is not unreasonable in the slightest. And quite frankly, what do you expect to do on a first meeting besides a coffee & see how it goes? You're not prevented from doing other things once you've had the coffee, you know | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:44:03 AM | | to bike man.. you may if you like 'admonish' me on my spelling error in quoting you..lol,.. I freely admit that I spelled independant wrongly.. Its a fair cop,.. place the cuffs on me.. but I think you may find that by pointing out that error, you may make yourself look a little pedantic.. as to 'entitlements' what on earth is this new diablerie? lol, Wordplay is great but only to fudge issues,.. I do not believe I am entitled to anything. The world and the men in it do not owe me anything,.. I have always expressed a wish for what i would like or what I think is a good way for a man to behave in certain circumstances.. I certainly do not advocate demanding these things as entitlements.. go back through my posts and you will see when saying what I would like,.. rather than I want,.. or.. I demand. Its a simple matter of saying or asking politely. A subtlety that you seem to have missed. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:47:14 AM | | good lord is she still getting attention from this? ... This Princess whose time is too valuable for her to even be polite? Seems she has the time to come back and bask in the " glory" of all the attention she has received. Perhaps her Prince Charming will read this and seek her out. At least he will know exactly what to expect. To each their own and Godspeed. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:19:58 AM | Goodewitch, when I quote someone I cut and paste Control-C/Control-V. Spelling errors and all.
My point here (as Slysterling would say, at an ad-nauseum rate, emphasis on the Nausea  ) is it's ok to have differing opinions on topics such as this, the gentlemanly/womanly expectations of internet first-meets such as the OP has referenced here in her misguided post. That is what ought to be the debate in this thread.
A person, whether a man or a woman, expecting the other to go out of their way to meet, that borders on ENTITLEMENT, much as a woman's expectations go as far as "chivalric" behavior. You see this issue of entitlement often referenced by women who have requirements that men act with certain financial and/or behavioral commitments early on in a relationship. When in fact there are many more uncertainties prevalent with meeting someone via the internet as opposed to meeting In Real Life. Uncertainties that prevent rational people from making blind commitments to people who they do not know very well.
Goodewitch, like you have quoted me in my profile, I am attracted to women exhibiting indepedent behavior. However, it's not an independent behavior on a woman's part to expect things to occur in relationships on a scale tilted toward her. That to me is the definition of DEPENDENCE, not independence. An independent woman wouldn't engage in a correspondence with a man who lives 150 miles away, with the intentions of perhaps meeting that guy, and expect him to drive the entire distance to her, and ensure that she is fed. An independent woman can probably feed herself, as she does most every day of her life, and is capable of OFFERING to meet half-way if she is GENUINELY interested in meeting that gentleman. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:45:20 AM |
An independent woman wouldn't engage in a correspondence with a man who lives 150 miles away, with the intentions of perhaps meeting that guy, and expect him to drive the entire distance to her, and ensure that she is fed. An independent woman can probably feed herself, as she does most every day of her life, and is capable of OFFERING to meet half-way if she is GENUINELY interested in meeting that gentleman.
Exactly.
The OPs attitude is all about "entitlement" not independence. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:00:17 AM | I believe that was her whole point to start with.......to meet half way and that would be about 60 miles and if meeting to make it worth the time with more than a cup of coffee.
It is refreshing to have another willing to meet you half way, which for many, will not even consider. I have had some that insisted that I do most if not all the driving to meet them, and then while together never even attempted to offer to pay half of the lunch or meal.
When on here for a while, you learn the lessons and even though we all try, I hope, to be fair and kind, many are just not willing to meet you half way in any way at all. Those are the ones that we can eliminate quickly and move on to others that are willing to try.
I have yet to have any that I have met on here pay for that cup of coffee, glass of wine, breakfast, lunch, or dinner that we shared. What I am asking is that they meet me half way, and at least offer to help, or allow me the chance to say, "you can get it the next time", if there is a next time.
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:06:01 AM | what a loser he didn't even want to buy you lunch?? He should have offered to drive to see you, that is usually the way it works the man needs to put forth the effort to spend his money and time not the other way around!!! I would not even consiser
seeing a man that would not put forth the "effort". your better off with a real man not a loser like him. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:09:07 AM | If I might add ... here is where women and men may differ ... and yes I know I might get into trouble for this but I'm going to say it anyway ...
I have no idea what her day entails or obligations she might have .. but I've had the same request(s) ... and in my case here is the deal: I'm a single mother, I have a child, my day does not revolve around anyone but my child. No that does not mean I don't have a life - I do and its a great one. Would like to meet Mr. Wonderful, never know .. might in here / might not .. but .. there are factors that anyone (male or female) should take into consideration when asking someone to meet "right now for coffee" or "drive here and meet me". (Not all single parents are mommys!) For me ... I have to ensure first and foremost that my son has a babysitter ... and that is not always possible or do I want to go through the trouble .. depends on the individual. I guess what I'm saying is its not just about "you" ... but then ... if you really want to meet someone ... you will make it happen! Just wanted to add my opinion.
hugs all .. take care! | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:11:44 AM | I believe that was her whole point to start with.......to meet half way and that would be about 60 miles and if meeting to make it worth the time with more than a cup of coffee. It's hard to tell just exactly the distance between the OP and this guy, since the OP sort of stopped relating to us PoFfers any facts relevant to her scenario. She posted somewhere in this thread that the guy wanted her to initially drive 60 miles to meet him, then 15 miles more in order to meet more "half-way", 60+15=75, and 75x2=150, so I assumed that this guy lived at least 150 miles away from the OP.
The OP would have a point if indeed she and this guy some morning did meet at a 150 mile midpoint just for coffee and nothing more while mutually enjoying each other's company. Since that didn't occur, I don't see the premise for posting this correspondence under the Msg1 thread title.
hey mister you must be one of those cheapskates, women do not pay men pay period.... get it No, personally I don't "get" this concept; men paying for women's attention sounds like prostitution; I hope you aren't promoting prostitution as a valuable concept for women to employ in their interpersonal relationships.
in my case here is the deal: I'm a single mother, I have a child, my day does not revolve around anyone but my child. No that does not mean I don't have a life - I do and its a great one. Would like to meet Mr. Wonderful, never know .. might in here / might not .. but .. there are factors that anyone (male or female) should take into consideration when asking someone to meet "right now for coffee" or "drive here and meet me" Not sure if the OP communicated any concern like this to this guy. It sounds like the guy was a little mentally unbalanced and that's why she didn't want to drive a little bit to meet him "for coffee". Didn't have anything to do with the distance; I bet if Brad Pitt invited her for coffee at a venue 60 miles away, the OP might have given that thought some contemplation. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:14:33 AM | Very good point......and one that goes for not only single mothers but fathers too. Many of us have children and are a part of their lives with joint custody, and equal partnerships dealing with all the parts of their lives.
The point here is not to be so random unless you both have that opportunity, but more of a planned meeting that is mutual and half way for the both of you. This is not a date but more of a meeting, and with that as the premise, both should be willing to take care of their part and not ask the other to do it for them......
Just my opinion...... | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:19:27 AM | | Guess its time for me to put my 2 cents in, I met a man that wanted to do things 50-50 and it never changed, he was also happy with 70-30 as long as it was me putting fourth the extra effort. I found myslef often backing him down as I began to feel used. I almost always payed my own way. I had to end the relationship when he started trying to charge me for helping me fix stuff around the house. I can see paying for the parts but to charge me to put the part in was just over the top. What ever happened to give and take...... Next time a man starts out with that 50-50 crap I am running!!! | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:24:09 AM |
I met a man that wanted to do things 50-50 and it never changed, he was also happy with 70-30 as long as it was me putting fourth the extra effort. I found myslef often backing him down as I began to feel used. I almost always payed my own way. I had to end the relationship when he started trying to charge me for helping me fix stuff around the house. I can see paying for the parts but to charge me to put the part in was just over the top. This type of behavior is clearly wrong when one person, either the man or the woman, has this type of EXPECTATION from the other. I'd say normal people in loving relationships give unequally sometimes in a relationship not because of any expectations but from a mindset of unconditionality. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:30:29 AM | | To bike man..(sighs a patient sigh) you didnt simply cut and paste my reply icluding the spelling error, you actually made refernce to it. Look at your own post regarding this matter,.. I thank the other posters for explaining to me the definition of entitlement,.. if this is the case then maybe I do have expectations of entitlement. Dear me, since when was making up your own mind on what you would like to happen such a crime? Its blatantly obvious that some men consider gentlemanly behaviour to be an outmoded concept,..alright good for them.. I hope they find the ladies who are willing to meet halfway, pay for their share of everything,.. sit at the restraunt table with a calculator if needs be, then look forward to a life of seperate bank accounts and paying every bill totally down the middle,. or working it out as regards who burned what electricity on a certain day.. God, talk about tetentive. you would be such a fun date, i can just picture it! Alright, Ive expressed my opinion and have nothing more to say on this matter,.apologies to the other posters for going off topic there. Thank you Goodewitch. x | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 5/8/2007 9:39:23 AM |
what a loser he didn't even want to buy you lunch?? He should have offered to drive to see you, that is usually the way it works the man needs to put forth the effort to spend his money and time not the other way around!!! I would not even consider
seeing a man that would not put forth the "effort". your better off with a real man not a loser like him.
OUCH
Just when I was starting to feel sorry for the OP I see a woman who still thinks like this. PLEASE tell me you are joking and I missed the punch line. We men will give you everything we have and everything we will ever own but only AFTER you move in for three months and then leave to find a good lawyer. For all that you ladies won't even drive a couple hours? | |
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