| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:31:29 AM | | good opinions from all but mine is that the girl knew where he lived when the talks started.If distance was a problem,then they shouldnt have started conversing to begin with...Secondly if this coffee meeting happened to go well,then what? Does the guy always drive to where the women lives,pick her up and go to the date site and then drive all the way home everytime? What I see is that a 1hr drive there.15min for coffee and a 1hr drive home if the meeting stinks is a small investment compared to a long dinner date that flops..Besides your on a dating site..bend a little | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:41:36 AM | Smiley...
So glad to hear also that there are REAL MEN in this world that have the same idealistic views as me ! You do bring up a good point about the price of the gas involved with this proposed ridiculous adventure!
Oh, and browneyes....the guy that made the apology was joking....he lived all the way in Canada....that post was very entertaining for all !! | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:09:24 AM | Wow, we sure have a lot of different opinions here in this Forum. That's what it's for. Perhaps it's showing us that there's a chance for ALL of us to meet someone with whom we can connect.
Yes, I drove 75 miles to meet a man with whom I had been conversing. Our phone conversations were delightful, contained a little bit of everything . I don't remember who suggested what, but I didn't hesitate a bit, because I thought he was well worth meeting. He was! No, we're not an item, because distance stands in the way at this time.
May I tell you that he was delightfully attentive...called me several times enroute to make sure all was going smoothly on my trip. By the way, it WAS for coffee...but, he made it clear that if we clicked, we could spend more time together. Coffee turned into lunch, and lunch turned into a visit for a few more hours before parting. He was just as attentive to me on my way home, phoning a few times to be sure I was o.k. I LOVED THE ATTENTIVENESS.
We have not met since that time...he is working and, unfortunately, I don't feel he actually has the TIME at this point in his life, to be the fulltime companion for whom I am searching. However, we both have each others phone numbers and have talked several times. See each other again...probably.
To travel that far to meet someone whom I felt was worth the effort...ABSOLUTELY!
My FIRST priority is QUALITY, not quantity.....and it has to be a two-way street.
There are many points that have been brought up by the posters in here and there is some value to all of them. I'm thinking...Know what you're REALLY looking for; make sure your profile reflects that; be flexible; go with your gut instinct; be a bit adventurous, while staying out of DANGER. Don't throw away a good potential, with proper communication, you'll be able to work out the awkward beginning together.
For me, it's much more delightful to look forward to walking down life's pathway holding the hand of a devoted companion, than making the trip on my own.
And, those are my thoughts... | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:09:53 AM | "But you didn't list these "other" reasons when you originally posted.....Had you , then perhaps, lots of responses, inlcuding mine, would have been different."
She didn't post them because they're excuses she's coming up with now to paint a different picture of herself. Let's not overlook the fact that despite these alleged other "reasons" we now hear about, originally she was willing to meet him (if he offered dinner). Period. She's changing her story.
"As you can see...eating is NOT a priority of mine."
Well, then a cup of coffee would've been just fine.
"Shall we say CHEAPSKATE..boys and girls ???"
Maybe he wanted to see if you were just out for a dinner or not. Maybe he wanted to see if you were genuinely interested in him or his wallet. What do we call that, boys and girls?
"You do bring up a good point about the price of the gas involved with this proposed ridiculous adventure!"
Oh I see. You shouldn't incur an expense, but he should pay for dinner. Again, this is all about money for you, not about interest in him. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:22:07 AM | hello i always offer to meet half way!! thats only fair i think but men lately are wimps they want the girl next store?? come on get real!! you won't know if you don't try!! and iam willing to try!!! thanks and good luck to all!!! | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:36:22 AM | Something I've noticed on this site and the forums...people seem to have taken the Humanization out of dating and almost seem like they treat it as a business transaction.
"Hmmmm, lets see here....if I'm going to travel 60 miles each direction, average 25 mpg, thats going to put me down about 5 gallons of gasoline. At $3.00 a gallon that is going to cose me $15.
I would at least think it would be fair to get dinner out of the deal to make it Worth My Time. However, I would perhaps be willing to compromise for a nice lunch."
Whether this young man was offering to buy you a cup of coffee or Surf-N-Turf, the point of meeting someone isn't "what you'll be doing" "who's spending money" or "who's driving", the POINT of a meet should be to actually MEET the person and see if you connect with them, then take it from there.
Many women I've talked to actually PREFER a first meeting to be something casual like a cup of coffee without the pressure of an actual dinner date. While I can't speak for this guy obviously, if I invited a woman out for a cup of coffee and was told "it's not worth my time or gas money", she's gonna get a nasty nick-name in my mental "dating journal" and my chances of every speaking to her again are slim-to-none.
And whether or not there were other circumstances that caused you to not want to go out with him, the fact is, you started a thread based soley on the fact that you couldn't be bothered to drive 60 miles to meet him without getting something of greater value than a cup of coffee in return. That sort of Gold-Digging attitude is just the sort of thing I used the dating process to weed out. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:03:26 AM | Oh my sweet dying jesus. Did you people miss messages 23 and 24?
He not only read her thread, he responded . He "apologized" in a well worded and well deserved rather sarsactic slam( which I loved , by the way) and she in turn responded.."I accept ".....omf... she soooooo missed the point.
As did I .. at least the joke part....but anyway.
Back on topic..
to the OP....for christ's sake woman get over yourself. It was for a first meeting not an engagement party.Where is it written that he owed you anything? Where is it written that your Saturday is more important than anyone elses? Good Lord maybe you Were expecting him to send a Limo..who knows? Have you thought of placing your personal ad on the following site?www.greedyselfimportantspoiledbratseekingfatwallet.com
I understand it caters to the narcissistic, no offense, just a hint .
Either you want to meet somebody or you don't.Simple fact. If you are only seeking dinner dates at a location of your convenience, I think it would only be fair to say so in your profile. It would allow others to avoid wasting their precious time as well.
My understanding of this was that they Both were driving to meet somewhere near the middle. Does his car run on water?...was it less expensive for him to travel and is his time so worthless?... Sorry OP but I cannot agree with you in your original statement and even less once you started justifying your arrogance. Dinner would have made it worth your time? Would you have had sex with him to make it worth his time?( if he were expecting it?) If a man posted this thread he would have been blasted six ways from Sunday and labeled as all kinds of barnyard creatures.
How did this thread not get deleted for being self serving, trolling , or a self pity thread? | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:03:51 AM |
It would not be WHERE you go but WHO you are with !!!!
Hey Astreaa , I hope you recognise that quote.. it's from your profile in the "First Date" section... a little more idealistic than realistic perhaps ?
I applaud the guys and women who have agreed with me...
Ahh! So the reason for posting here is not to interact with others and get various points of view and see whether your own viewpoint may be a little myopic or lop-sided, but rather the purpose is to accumulate as many people as possible who agree with you ? Well then honestly hun you didn't need to post at all, did you ?
Well said Wazza.
Creativeguy as well. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:06:37 AM | I agree Campfire Girl,,,
Ain't no mountain high enough,ain't to valley low enough,ain't no river wide enough to keep me from "YOU" if we cared about each other!!!!
The attraction does have to be there and you do have to want to meet this guy big time.
Like the Op. she may not be to into this guy, If not I can see her point there,,,,Just tell him,
I drove an hr, rode a bus 9hrs.to see a guy, fate and faith, "first time"didn't worry how many pennies it cost me, "You have to want to do it bad ebough" Now I wouldn't do it for every guy,, Call me stupid or desperate, some things are worth going after. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:22:38 AM | See this thread:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6938917.aspx
See all of the opinions regarding the concept of shared distance and what exactly is considered "gentlemanly" in todays dating environment.
Quite frankly, if a woman is not interested in putting out the same amount of effort to meet me as I am willing to invest in meeting her why whould I even bother? The old adage about not making someone your priority that does not do the same for you applies here.
The audacity of the man in question here! Lets see, you both obviously exchanged emails, then a phone call and there was obvious interest from both. You agree to MEET him and then have the gall to complain that he wanted to meet half way for coffee? What is truly your issue here? Is it that he wasn't willing to buy you a meal, or that he wasn't willing to invest more time in the meeting?
No wonder us men are always confused as to what women want. The concept of the "First Meeting" versus the "First Date" is oft discussed here in the forums. A First Meeting" (as this was to be) is to be a brief meeting to ascertain the validity of the attraction that has developed through email and phone calls. The option to extend it to something more than coffee or a drink is always there if both decide the interest continues to be mutual. From what you told us the gentleman in question did not rule this out. He just didn't want to make this the initial plan. I would say that was the right thing to do. Anyone that has had the experience of sitting through a long date with someone they feel no attraction to understands this.
OP, perhaps you need to examine your own personal dating philosophy and the concept of "selective equality". I think this man was absolutely correct in asking you to invest as much into the meeting as he was willing to invest. Attraction, interest and dating are a two way street. Both people involved need to put an equal amount of effort into it for there to be success. You have shown that you are not willing to put out the effort which may in turn cause you to be on POF for a very long time. You are not a Princess and he is not your Suitor. You are both adults in the year 2007 and your dating/meeting philosophy needs to be updated to reflect this. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:25:41 AM | I think from your first post you said you didn't want to travel that far for coffee. He disagreed. So you don't meet. Big deal. Move on to the next person you are interested in.
Did you create this thread to bash him and try to make him feel bad? | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:45:13 AM | Oh my sweet dying jesus. Did you people miss messages 23 and 24?
He not only read her thread, he responded . Willow, that guy was NOT Astreaa's date. Let's go back to Msg1:
This has got to be the most ridiculous request I have ever heard.
Talked to someone on the phone I met on here and he wanted me to drive over 60 miles to meet him for a cup of coffee !!! What a joke and on top of that it was to be on Saturday morning. I mentioned at least lunch and he would not even entertain the thought of it.
I said..." let me get this straight now ...you want me to get up at like 7 in the morning on Saturday, my day off of work , and then drive 60 miles that would take me about an hour and 15 minutes to meet you for a cup of coffee ! "
First when he mentioned about meeting on Saturday....I was thinking dinner or at least lunch and I still would have to drive for about an hour to get there which I figured was halfway. Then he says....well can you drive another 15 more miles to get to the next town. I asked him why and he said ...well that would make halfway more equal !!!!
He will be waiting a long time for me to call to confirm that one !!! This is the second time I've witnessed an OP hijacking her own thread. The subject isn't the subject. The OP displays poor attitude, gets called on it, you find out what axe she's really grinding, nothing makes sense, the OP gets the attention she wants, and we all waste time debating a worthless dating circumstance. You got to get to Msg32 to find out just what in the blue hell the OP is thinking.  You find out there the OP thinks the guy is cheap, and that the guy had some ridiculous conversation topics. Then she thanks people who were misled into posting the only exact thing she wishes to hear: her wacky dating concepts make sense.
Back on topic:
Here's a thread truly about the "subject" of this thread:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6938917.aspx
Regarding driving a bit to meet for a date: if I'm considering a long-distance date, I generally offer to meet at the lady's venue of choice. If she lived 2 or more hours away, it would be nice to meet halfway, but I'll generally suggest somewhere close to her to help her put aside some of her internet dating fears. Now that there is some travelling time potentially for me and her, I'd think a meal is in order--hopefully it would be dutch, but I play this by ear. You really don't know exactly who you are meeting; my experience has been the women I've met often misrepresented their physical appearance, so I wouldn't necessarily plan an elaborate meeting. But leave it open-ended to continue the date into the day possibly if mutually agreed upon.
Did you create this thread to bash him and try to make him feel bad? My sentiment too, along with sprinkling in some "hey look at me" attention and some man-bashing to boot. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 68 | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:04:22 PM | He just wanted to make sure you were fine before it would cost him so much :) then once he concluded you were "fine" then he would have possibly took you too dinner.
Thats what happened to me I drove 20 miles and the girl didnt look nothing like her picture, so we had coffee and I sped out and never looked back lol... but in your case your pretty. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:11:32 PM | | I had an invite to come over for dinner, cooked by him. What's the catch? We've never met in person or even talked on the phone! AND on top of that it's OVER a 2 hour drive ONE WAY to get there!!! UM.....alone, with someone I don't know, 2 hours from no where as far as I know at their house for a first time meeting??? NO WAY!!! | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:13:29 PM | | In reply to bike man .. msg 66...I got that .. and had you bothered to read the whole paragraph you would have realized that. You may also have realized that i did in fact address the OP and her first post as well as her feeble attempt to backpeddle and justify her trolling for pity. Hence my question on how the thread survived deletion as a self pity vehicle. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:16:29 PM | I personally think it's only fair when you meet the first time to both drive half way...I don't think that's unreasonable. If you didn't want to be fair then why bother even chatting/emailing anyone that is not close to you? It's true what that one guy said...we can't pick and choose our 'equal rights' .....I'm sure if you had met him and did NOT like him you would have been glad that there was no lunch/dinner to get thru. Comon gals we gotta start being fair.
Newlifeat49 | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:17:52 PM | Help me out here fellow fishies;
Have just "met" a guy thru a different dating site, and "halfway" would be in the middle of Lake Michigan. Are we doomed?
seriously, whenever possible I shoot for meeting halfway, but I can be flexible if the situation seems to warrant it. And yeah, round these parts "halfway" could easily be a 30 mile drive. Of course there's always the risk that you'll get stood up. Or WISH you got stood up. I've had very few of those sorts of experiences so maybe I'm overly optimistic,perhaps the OP has been jerked around a lot by liars and guys who think that a woman using internet dating sites will do ANYTHING to meet a man, some man, any man....( they show up on forums all the time accusing women of being "too picky")
Cindy O | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:25:34 PM | You write:
I mentioned at least lunch and he would not even entertain the thought of it.
reply:
I agree with you. About a month ago I met a gal here, she lived about 70 miles south of me, but roughly 45 minutes west of my vacation home at the NJ shore. I was going down one weekend to check on the place and suggested she meet me in town and also indicated that we would have lunch. What is the point of doing the driving and not spending some time... | |
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