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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 8:43:17 PM | She said riduculous thing she's ever heard..never said she was right..... The post is here to get collective opinions...thats why you responded.....
To answer your question..we are all on here....looking for whatever.. Doesn't mean she doesn't date just means she's not desperate. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 9:01:17 PM | First of all you have to consider that obviously you were interested enough in the person to talk to him long enough to warrant making a decision about meeting face to face. What happens if you just threw Mr. Right away??? You'll never know cause you didn't even take the chance on meeting. What's a short little drive like that really. You just have to look on it as an adventure and once you find out that (God forbid) he's not your type then you call it a misadventure!!!! But really, life is about taking chances and that's what some of us do, it doesn't mean we're any luckier than you but it means that we at least tried. I did drive not 3 hrs round trip but 6hrs to meet Mr. Definitely Not Right!!!! Hell, he was such a loser I had to buy him lunch not that I mind paying every once in awhile but I think this guy was so bad off that he couldn't afford a glass of water and I wasn't about to be his long cool drink I did have a back up plan though and turned the negative into a positive and had a great time anyway w/friends of mine who lived in the same city. Pick yourself up girl life isn't that bad and there are plenty of other fish out there and many of them are more than willing to come out to see someone if they're really interested in that person. Better luck next time that's what I say. There are a lot of nice guys out there!!!   | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 9:02:37 PM | Astreaa~~first i want to start by saying i was a bit offended when i tried to send you a message and it said you do not accept any messages from someone my age or gender!!! I wanted to message you because i saw you are from the harrisburg area, and i grew up in mechanicsburg. just trying to nice and friendly.
did you ever stop to think that you can meet and talk to some very nice people ~~called friends, on this site? i have read of few of your posts, and i must say~you leave alot to be desired with your attitude. if i were interested in someone, distance would NOT be an issue. what is wrong with just coffee? he may have been leaving it open to both of you~~ if you didn't hit it off~~it gave you the chance to leave early. lunch and dinner could have come later provided you hit it off.
Thorn~~if you read this~~now you have the right attitude~~I love it, and nothing wrong with being very honest and truthful!! keep up the good work. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:59:59 PM | I think this guy simply proved he's a whole lot smarter than you.
First of all, this is the first time you'd be meeting each other. So instead of wasting the Saturday for both of you, he's willing to get up early, have the coffee and still have the rest of the day left to do other things. And let me get this straight. You don't want to drive 60 miles for coffee but you're willing to potentially have lunch or dinner with someone who you don't even know if you'll enjoy sharing company with yet .. to make the drive worthwhile? Perhaps you're convinced that you're well worth spending time with but it doesn't seem he's quite there yet. He's not willing to commit to spending that time until he knows for sure, thereby wasting even MORE of his also precious Saturday .. not only yours.
Second of all, he's seeing if you're willing to give as much as you're willing to take. He's willing to drive to meet you halfway but when he suggests that to you, you stamp your foot and have a hissy fit because he's not willing to put out more than you are. I'd say he's got his answer. You're expecting him to treat you better than you're willing to treat him. If this is how a simple coffee starts out, what is it going to be like when building a relationship together? I'd say he just saved himself a 60 mile drive.
I'm guessing that he would have offered to pay for your coffee in appreciation for you being willing to meet him halfway. My simple experience tells me that men are usually pretty good that way. My guess is also that he would have been willing to have lunch with you if coffee went well. He just didn't want to commit to that ahead of time and be forced to spend unpleasant time with someone if it obviously wasn't a good encounter for either one of you. I have had coffee meets turn into extended dates spontaneously because the initial "coffee" went so well. You missed out on that possibility because you didn't keep an open mind, weren't willing to take a risk and weren't willing to put out a bit of effort. I'd say he learned alot about you right there.
A one hour and 15 minute drive isn't a whole lot in the big scheme of things and particularly when you're looking for someone to share a life with. How much is finding that person really worth to you? You get out of life what you put into it. He found out how much effort you were willing to put into taking this any further.
I think the simple act of asking you to meet him halfway told him a great deal by your response to that.
I'm with Thorn. I don't think this guy is spending alot of time wondering when you're going to call him. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 11:24:05 PM |
Second of all, he's seeing if you're willing to give as much as you're willing to take. He's willing to drive to meet you halfway but when he suggests that to you, you stamp your foot and have a hissy fit because he's not willing to put out more than you are. I'd say he's got his answer. You're expecting him to treat you better than you're willing to treat him. If this is how a simple coffee starts out, what is it going to be like when building a relationship together? I'd say he just saved himself a 60 mile drive.
I think the simple act of asking you to meet him halfway told him a great deal by your response to that.
You get out of life what you put into it. He found out how much effort you were willing to put into taking this any further.
Well put celticblue! Hey, at least he didn't have to go too far out of his way to see the "real her". | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/23/2007 11:54:36 PM | C'mon after reading several of the OP's posts I can't blame the guuy for insisting on coffee. Who could make it through a dinner with a self-proclaimed "princess". Pfffft last I checked Princesses had class, regal bearring and brought something worthwhile of themselves to any endeavor.
High maintenance ????
Hmmmm...lets see now
coffee vs. lunch.............maybe a difference of one or two dollars of a man's moldy money out of his pocket for a chance to meet maybe the woman of his dreams ???
You guys are a REAL TRIP !!!
I do admit I have high standards with whom I am looking for but what is wrong with that???
Get a real life and quit trying to find the cheapest way possible to get what YOU want !
I am what I am and noone is going to change me ....I like myself and I love being treated like a Princess ...hey guys...if you don't like being with a Princess, then just lower your standards and I am sure you will find the woman of your dreams and I hope you will be a happy man!
Let's see he was to drive 1.75 hours to meet you and you 1.25, for coffee which allows a quick initial meeting time to talk and if it goes well continue if not both part no hard feelings. But that extra 15 minutes is too much?
You seem to equate how much someone else will give to you or spend on you with appreciation for who you are and what you have to offer in a relationship ........ Isn't that what an "escort" is? Not that we mind giving for the right people, the reality is there are other people that just are not worth much investment.
BTW this is from a guy that most certainly did not lower his standards, found better, and after reading your insights counting my blessings. Infact I would consider it a lower set of standards to allow myself to be used by anyone so self-absorbed.
So if you really want someone in your life that you can love you might want to look up those guys that cloned Dolly the sheep. Talk about taking loving yourself to an extreme. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/24/2007 12:42:58 AM |
I do admit I have high standards with whom I am looking for but what is wrong with that???
Nothing wrong with having high standards but you still need to be realistic and remember you want someone to be able to meet said standards.
Get a real life and quit trying to find the cheapest way possible to get what YOU want !I
Expensive dates do not mean they are great dates.
....I like myself and I love being treated like a Princess ...hey guys...if you don't like being with a Princess, then just lower your standards and I am sure you will find the woman of your dreams and I hope you will be a happy man!
It's good to like yourself but you might want to be careful of going from confidence to arrogance. I don't really think that because people don't want a Princess they are lowering their standards either, especially in this case.
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/24/2007 7:42:38 AM |
If it was his idea to simply want to meet for coffee only We'll never know if this is true or not; the OP has decided not to post relevant facts to support her flimsy arguments
and given the mileage between you, then he should have been the one to go the extra mileage, especially when he wanted to meet only long enough for a cup of coffee. You don't understand what "meeting for coffee" means. It means "let's meet and if we discover chemistry we continue the date". Especially since there is distance involved for both parties, not just the woman. Now if the guy said "let's meet for coffee halfway", the OP does this, they experience chemistry, then the guy says "sorry gotta go need to do my laundry", then THAT'S SOMETHING RELATED TO THE TOPIC "Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!" Not this crap that's being discussed here.
Obviously this guy is a major cheapskate since he expected you to drive so far for just coffee and didn't want to drive out his way by a whole 15 miles. And these are the guys who really wonder why they can't get a date. These aren't really the issues related to the thread subject header; that's stated in Msg32, which if posted in Msg1 where it should be posted would make a mockery of the subject header, as these are apples and oranges.
Going all the way back and re reading the first post, the question that crossed my mind was "and the point of this post is....??" I'm wondering the same thing, Ladyc4. We'll never know because the OP has opted not to further add anything relevant to her subject title; she seems to have used this thread to vent what seems to be her general frustration related to her inability to have meaningful communications with potential suitors. | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:30:55 AM | coffee vs. lunch.............maybe a difference of one or two dollars of a man's moldy money out of his pocket for a chance to meet maybe the woman of his dreams ???
Or the woman of his nightmares. Maybe her pic's are 10 years old, she's gained 200lbs, is looking for a sugar daddy to support her... any or all of those.
One might also argue, this means that the OP by the same token *isnt* willing to drive 15 minutes farther "for a chance to meet the man of her dreams". Ah, c'est la vie then. I guess the man of her dreams is someone who do everything her way with no expectation of her compromising and meeting him 1/2 way. Not sure that bodes well for the future of any relationship, lack of communication and compromise.
I especially loved the comment:
Get a real life and quit trying to find the cheapest way possible to get what YOU want !
I see, so if he drives the entire 2.5 hours to her town/city, and treats her to a nice lunch/dinner, is she *guarenteeing* that he will "get what HE wants"??? If it turns out there's no chemistry, or she's nasty and treats him like a piece of dirt, does that come with a money-back guarentee?? Or does this boil down to "he puts out 100% of the effort, she puts out 0% of the effort... and if it doesn't work, he's put out 100% for 0% return, and she's put out 0% and got a free meal"? Hmm... gotta love this new "equality" we have. | |
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Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 188 | |
| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:40:40 AM | i guess not!
Astrea - where you at?
i hate when people don't post an update.
it's like watching a movie, w/ no ending.
K. | |
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eman07
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 189 | |
| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:47:03 AM | cause she expected everyone to come on here and say how she was right, and how dare any man ask her to drive any distance to only pay for a cup of coffee for a "princess"
she didnt get her ass kissed.....so of course she didnt come back..... | |
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 8:39:31 PM | Well the last time I answered a comment Bike Boy said I was highjacking my thread !
I reserve my Saturday evenings for dates if I am interested in meeting someone.
I guess I am not really keen to these internet dates where you can't really see the person before you meet them.
I am used to going on a date with someone I already have seen and talked to so when I think "date" I mainly think a Saturday evening outing like a nice romantic dinner so you can talk and get to know each other.
This coffee thing is really weird to me and a waste of my time as my time is important to me .
I had talked to the guy online a couple times and he seemed nice and then gave my cell number which can't be traced to find out more detailed information and to see and hear more about him.
The conversation was not going well and I did not like a few things he talked about. He is the one that brought up the coffee thing , not me.
If I did not want to drive over an hour to meet him at 7 or 8 in the morning...a Saturday morning...my day off when I like to sleep in I don't have to because I , for one, am NOT a desparate women so I can pick and choose....when, where and what type of a date it is !!
I actually have a life beyond my quest to find my Knight in Shining Armor!
I don't have to meet anyone if I do not want to and quite frankly his personality and his looks were not that great to make me have to go ANYWHERE with this person.
That is my choice and I do not know how I got labeled a Princess just because I did not want to drive over 60 miles on a Saturday morning for a cup of coffee to meet a guy who has no real job...was a racist....his pictures looked old and not up to date.....he had a shirt on with sailboats and wore thigh high white socks with his sneakers...not to mention asking me if there was room in my house for him to "move in"!!
I do not need to take a "road trip" to meet anyone.....do not like men who can't dress....who don't have class...who seemed controling....44 yrs old and never been married.....goes to a bar 3 or 4 nights a week to play Texas Hold Em.....
Na--ahhhh....not me....no way !!!
Don't need it as I have better things to do and he was NOT what I was looking for after I hung up the phone.
I did email him the next day and told him I forsaw a few problems so I would not be able to meet him and he begged me to change my mind....so there....end of story.
The request was the ice breaker for me after all the other things that had gone on in the conversation .....
I see by the postings that alot of people live where traveling far is not a problem as that is fine ....for you...but this proposed meeting was doomed from the beginning !! | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 191 | |
| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 8:49:57 PM | | "Well the last time i answered a comment BikeBoy said i was highjacking my thread" Astreaa you're a card. way to cut him down to size with the "Bikeboy" comment. As if you don't know his pof handle | |
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 8:58:04 PM | The conversation was not going well and I did not like a few things he talked about. He is the one that brought up the coffee thing , not me.
Then why in the world would you even consider meeting for coffee , lunch , supper or anything else? | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:09:24 PM | Hey...I'd say keep looking. If he's not willing to make an effort the first time that tells you that you'll be the one making the effort the whole relationship, should one develop. It's rough enough having a relationship, throw in a bit of a distance which means effort...and for the first date.... a bit disrespectable I'd say! I agree with you...can see if there was a reason ... like he didn't have a car....but if it's that hard to meet...maybe there are some people in this world that just aren't worth meeting...sure you'll find someone who is more reasonable!!!
Good luck and bravo for not going. So many people would be going and then regretting it later wondering why the other person didn't listen to them, respect them, and put effort into the relationship!! Bravo and better things to follow for you!!!! This applies for both men and women who would make or receive such a request!!! | |
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:22:55 PM | Now I know how you got the name Thorn......in my side !!!
Luv ya anyway.......scnoookums !!!! | |
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:33:53 PM | well, if he was so awful, why did you suggest lunch to him? Weren't you afraid he might show up with kneesox and a sailboat shirt?
Now it seems like this whole thread has just been about you not going to meet someone you um.....didn't want to meet?
But hey--it's been fun!
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:43:24 PM | | It just keeps getting deeper.... and deeper.... and deeper... | |
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| Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:34:58 PM | Guys,
This woman (OP) is the kind of woman to avoid.
Why?
If she was interested in meeting the man not the perks of the date then who cares about "lunch"?
OP...I am glad to tell you that you FAILED this man's test and good for him! You are strangers...why the heck should you deserve better than a cup of coffee?!?!
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| lol @ justhank
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:01:55 PM | Thorn...that name sure suits you! Being from the south....this driving/not driving discussion rarely occurs, and I can't remember a date in which it was an issue....so I'm winging it a lil bit. You guys have made many valid points....it is pretty 'snotty' to object to driving for coffee, but not if it were lunch or dinner. As far as the time....I'm sure they could have compromised on the time scheduled. I think that I get most confused when the topic turns to a woman who is willing to drive a certain distance = how much she is willing to invest in a potential relationship. I do agree that if it is someone who you are interested in....the most important thing is meeting...not what you do. I actually drove to Orlando to meet someone....he and his friends had been in West Palm for Christmas....so it made sense to make the trip....there were two bowl games that weekend and it took almost 6 hours....had a great time even at the Cyndi Lauper concert but I still think that driving/relationship investment is a bit stereotypical. The thread that has been referenced a few times here is actually one that I played the devil's advocate....too many years on the debate teams....can't believe you guys are still discussing this! Last point...there are many women out here who want to spend time getting to know someone new...it's not about the money....if it's that big of a deal...we can afford to pay...no biggie! If someone is fun and interesting...most anything that you do together is great. Are you fellows really finding that many shallow, superficial women out here? Would be very interested in feedback. Same thing about casual dress for the first meet....just don't get it! Keep fishing! | |
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| long distance internet dating, and the gentlemanly and womanly expectations of such an encounter
Posted: 4/25/2007 7:28:17 AM | Well since the OP hasn't named this thread topic properly, I took that onus upon myself. Obviously the OP began initial correspondence with a guy who maybe on paper MAYBE looked good, maybe he fulfilled some sort of physical requirement, whatever. We don't really know since she didn't post any positive details about him. My guess is he is a bit of a charlatan. Anyhoo...
I reserve my Saturday evenings for dates if I am interested in meeting someone. Did you tell him this? If so, politely decline his offers and discretely move on.
I guess I am not really keen to these internet dates where you can't really see the person before you meet them. I agree with the OP here. Generally the first time you meet via the internet should be planned with the concept of a meeting vs. a full blown date. Why? I explained it ad nauseum in Msg66, page 3 in my response to the title the OP gave to this thread Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!. If the meeting goes well, both parties can agree to continue the experience. That's the best way to react to meeting someone via the internet. This way and attitude isn't the best way to react:
(1)This coffee thing is really weird to me and a waste of my time as my time is important to me
(2)I , for one, am NOT a desparate [sic] women so I can pick and choose....when, where and what type of a date it is !!
(3)I actually have a life beyond my quest to find my Knight in Shining Armor!
I'd find more OP quotes but I'm getting bored with this tired topic.
It seems the OP had all sorts of reservations about the guy before having a phone discussion to flesh out the first date details. Why let it get that far in the first place? Maybe the OP doesn't have the dating options she suggests she has, maybe she is more desperate than she is willing to admit here? Then start a whining, gender-bashing, thread about how she isn't willing to drive 60 miles to meet an self-employed financially-strapped homely boring racist homeless poker-playing controlling poorly-dressed middle-aged-never-married beer-swilling guy.
Look I'm not saying OP had to meet this guy for coffee. Why even begin corresponding with him if you felt like 150 miles distance is beyond your dating radius? There are just too many loose ends here that are incapable of being tied up.
I do not know how I got labeled a Princess I'll help you understand this, Astreaa.
Astreaa: Msg 138: I love being treated like a Princess ...hey guys...if you don't like being with a Princess, then just lower your standards | |
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