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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:01:34 AM | | Some people lie, they lie about their past, and they lie about the face that they have issues that they will not addresse. I read an article which says most women have some sort of mental/emotional retardation/issues that effects how they socialise with other wise in some context. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:08:38 PM | | Excuse me! This is not about me! Sorry to burst all your bubbles. I read a person's response to a forum about how a man manipulated her. lol.... Now? This forum absolutley says nothing about me in this. Simply a forum to help others. And? This isn't about me. So please spare the humor. Lordy! Grow up people! This is meant in general if someone has been hurt and/or lied to. A forum to discuss if someone has been in this situation and simply that; nothing more. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:09:56 PM | how could you NOT get over it?
the person who lies, cheats, etc - not worth your time. yes it hurts. my ex-husband had a girlfriend on the side for half our marriage, and i ended up losing HUGE financially and emotionally (i also lost my friend, who turned out to be the other woman). i'm not going to pretend it's a walk in the park, BUT..
why the hell would i let one a$$hole ruin my relationships with men forever? it's HIM, not the men i meet in the future, that have hurt me. there is no sense whatsoever in making all men pay for one man's betrayal. i guarantee you, there are good guys out there, just like there are good women out there. i just need to recognize him when he walks through that door.. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:09:06 PM | | so true Naive my friend...each new person in our lives as friends or otherwise brings some new and wonderful things yet unknown to us...to measure all by the guide of one that has hurt us in the past is to measure short the potential for what they have to bring into our lives... | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:23:14 PM | I think this question can be answered on animal planet. Does the deer trust the lion? I noticed that after the lion has had something to eat, the deer are not so nervous.
Know yourself and know who and what your dealing with. I just spent the whole afternoon with two highly emotional teenagers about this same issue. (they are on restriction and both wish that I would trust them and let them off early)
Trust is something of a gift you earn from someone. Not all people find trust valuable. Some waste it - like money. For those of us who know someone is not trustworthy and find trust valuable, like the deer we are nervous. It is ok, the deer live with this daily.
You can rest easy when the lion is full - at least for a little while. Just protect yourself so that you are not the next meal.  | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:52:35 PM | ElectricLynn:
Trust is something of a gift you earn from someone. Not all people find trust valuable. Some waste it - like money. For those of us who know someone is not trustworthy and find trust valuable, like the deer we are nervous. It is ok, the deer live with this daily.
This is so true and I love the analogy of the deer with the lion...so true!!! I am going to remember that  | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 4/22/2007 12:30:08 AM | It really does make sense. I had never seen it put in such simple terms before and it really was right timing with me on something I was tussling over concerning a trust issue in the last two days. And well this person showed a part of their character that i was refusing to see (for stupid reasons) and well...perfect timing my dear! It helped me come to the decision that deep down I knew I was eventually going to make.
Trust is a big thing with me, break it a little and it is gone with little to no hope of getting it back. I always give them the option and door to regain it but usually it was misplaced to begin with. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:06:02 AM | I agree with you.
Why should the 'other women' or 'other man' care what the persons situation is.
It is the person who is in the relationship that is at fault. Sure, the first thing we all feel like doing is scratching the 'other persons' eyes out and making them pay the price for our hurt. But thats not who we should be angry and hurt with. Its the one who betrayed us and who chose to cheat. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:31:35 AM | Yes I've been in that situation. It's almost an impossible situation when someone manipulates you into believing that you're the cause of all the lies, all the abuse, all the cheating etc etc. First they tell you you're "off your rocker," then you start to believe it and after a while it's true. The worst part about being in that situation for me is that it really did change me into someone I didn't want and never intended to be.
Yet somehow the table gets turned and we become the one that has "to get over it".
I'm not sure what you mean by this. How are the tables turned? If you've been in an abusive relationship then you are going to be damaged by the experience, and you're going to have to recover from it. If you'd been hit by a car, and had to recover from that experience you wouldn't say the tables had been turned. Think of it that way - you did nothing to bring on the abuse, but it happened, and you're going to have to recover to have any hope of a normal life.
It is very possible to get over the experience. I know I'm not there yet, but I've come a very long way in the past few months. I've met women who have endured the most unbelievably abusive relationships and they've gone on to enjoy loving supportive relationships with new partners. It isn't easy, though. It takes a lot of effort, counselling, reading, self-help groups, meditation - whatever works for you. You have to move on from your past, which includes letting go of resentment, accepting what has happened, realizing that you've changed and forgiving your partner. For me the hardest part of recovery is learning to trust myself again. When you're in that situation so many decisions are made moment to moment in the interests of protecting yourself and your children - it's easy to forget who you are and what you stand for when you're always reacting to a person.
Just remember recovery after abuse (physical, emotional or psychological) takes a lot of time and effort, and it's a lifelong project. You'll never be the person you were before the abuse, but you can grow and learn from the experience.
Hope that helps. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 5/29/2007 1:43:30 PM | Does anyone ever take a look at who they are that they believed someones lies and/or manipulations?
One of the very valuable gifts I received out of the pain of my SO's affair was the opportunity to really see myself from a different perspective. To understand why it took me so long to deny what was (with hindsight) so plainly in my face. To understand my part in the unraveling of a relationship. To judge MYSELF, gain insight and learn and grow from that. Looking at MY ugly underbelly was almost tougher than living with the initial hurt of the deception and betrayal.
Any trust issues are about YOU rather than any person you happen to be dating. One way of understanding your trust issues is being willing to examine who you are that you believed the lies/got into (or stayed with) an unhealthy situation. | |
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:10:39 PM | Yes we can trust again! If we first learn to know someone first..before placing
our Trust in them.
and never take ownership of their cruel issues.......Leave their problems
with them!!!
and what goes around always comes around.....not one cruel deed will go
unpunished!
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| Manipulation and Trust - How We're Lied To.... Do We Ever Trust Again?
Posted: 6/13/2007 9:34:18 PM | someone has a concious after all... surprise surprise... She feels bad for the wife so she started a thread for her.. and decided to finally tell her after what everyone else posted after.. she sent this link to the wife so she could get over it and move on so she could have another attempt to get into his pants again... and I thought you understood learning things the hard way through pain and greif was just a part of life... lmao!
You should have started a new thread called: "Get over being cheated on and move on so I can move in"
trust is something that is built and earned over time.. not something that is created over night.. | |
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phyn3
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Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 48 | |
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