| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:02:12 PM | Several posts- way back- a fellah said don't invade on someone else's 'property'. UGH. Women are not property, you goof- where the heck did you get a jackass idea like that? Good grief, what a misogynistic viewpoint....
Anyway, back to the thread; Yeah, I'm love with someone I can't have. He's divorced, though, and we never got together. Ever. See, the feeling wasn't reciprocated- he didn't want me, or anyone. I felt this emotion, something I had NEVER felt before, this intense, huge, and totally terrifying feeling- and I couldn't have the guy. Dammit.
I was 38 at the time, and it hurt so much to want someone so bad, I did a lot of crying over that. I felt f**king CHEATED by the world that has young lovers and high-school sweethearts and true love in it, because I'd never had that feeling before. I used to 'joke', in a mock-serious way, with my friends about how I didn't understand love, or what it was. Well, at the time, I didn't.
I pursued this fellow, I offered to spend romantic time with him, I pleaded, I wrote cheesy poems to him that he never saw. I wrote a lot of mopey rants on my computer. He'll never see those, either. He kept telling me 'no'. I kept up my efforts; I dressed nice around him, I lost weight, I wore provocative scents, gave him flowers, I did what I could to make myself more attractive. I tried to show him I was intelligent, that I could carry on a good conversation with a well-read, well-travelled guy like him. Nothing worked. He only wanted to be friends. I should have taken the hint when he cut off all of his beautiful hair, one of the first things that had attracted me to him in the first place (next to his humour).
After a year of this, I finally allowed it to go; it wasn't gonna happen and I resented the friends who TOLD me it probably wouldn't happen. Heck, I STILL resent them for saying so- 'cuz they were right. I hate when people other than me are right. I can accept it, but I still hate it.
This fellow is the only male I've EVER wanted to have children with. The irony is that now I'm almost too old to have a safe pregnancy. We're friends, he and I, but we will remain as distant friends, because it hurts too damned much to be near him. My heart gives a little thump anytime I'm around him. My body grows warm whenever I smell him...
It was this little situation that drove me to this site; I was realizing, that at this late date, I wanted a mate. More than a lover, more than a husband- I wanted someone to grow with, to spend the rest of what remains of my life with.... I would just have to bite the bullet and accept that it wouldn't be HIM.
Even while I'm writing this, it's all coming back and tearing me up- makes it kind of hard to see the screen- hang on, gotta wipe my eyes... 
So, now I know what love feels like and I want it. Badly. I'm going to spend as much time as I can on finding it, because it seems I need it. Here's hoping I can find it before I get too old to enjoy it- and before anyone writes back with comments about how I'm still young, consider this; I'd never felt love before. EVER. I'm now 39. If things continue at this rate, I'm gonna be in my seventies, or something, before I fall in love again. Here's hoping I don't have to wait that long.
For the OP; whatever your situation is, whatever your feelings for this person- she is off-limits. Period. Until she chooses to leave her current relationship, it might be better if you two remain at a distance from each other. If the pressure is still too much, AVOID each other. Infidelities are home-wreckers- don't do it.
You are capable of love- seek it elsewhere. I wish you the best of luck.  | |
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HzChld
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 77 | |
| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:17:24 PM | | Gothchilde...I understand what you are saying. I also understand you resenting the friends who were right, even though you knew they were right. I have some of those type friends too! LOL and yes, it pisses me off too! LOL Thank you for your post. Our Heart has a mind of its own...never listens to the head damnit! Best of luck to you my Friend. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:17:34 PM | | I am in that boat except the man I am in love with is also my ex who cheated, played games with my heart, and beat me. I dunno why I still love him, but I do. He and I suprisingly still friends after this and now he says he wants me back, however will not leave his gf. I'm sorry you are having to go through this aas well. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:28:54 PM | | What do you men out there think of a marriage where there is no love. Here's the story: The man is still in love with his ex girlfriend, he rushed into this marriage as a form of punishment toward the ex girlfriend. The 2nd woman who is now his wife, knows this but goes along with it for the benefits. He somehow manages to get her knocked up 6 months after he broke up with the ex. He is encouraged by his family to marry her (his family didn't approve of the ex girlfriend). Ok, so here's the deal...he has a big inheritance coming to him...enough said, this was partly an arranged marriage. The new woman, now his wife, stays with him despite the fact that their is no emotional intimacy their, ignores his infidelities and plays up the traditional subservient role of a stay at home wife. Could it be for her greed of inheritance? | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:03:48 PM | Thanx, HzChld... it's true, my heart made the decision without consulting my brain. The brain was only involved later, after the body was already too deep into the feelings to back out. So now I'm stuck with feelings I can't possibly act on. Phooey.
But it's also nice to know that I'm not so broken that I can't love someone.
I'll keep on fishin'. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:30:05 AM | | hi im matt and my girlfriend just broke up with me because she is (or thinks she is a lesbian) we went out for two years and a month and we love each other but in the long term she cant live the way we did. i wish there was another way because we both want to be with each other and it is complicated because in the last two months she would not want sex on a day but then all of a sudden want it really enjoy it but then the next day feel horrible about it. i love her so much and she loves me but she cant live were she feels she has to have sex anymore. im so sexualy attracted to her and i feel that she is to me but forces herself not to because it is not her identity. it drives me crazy. so in answer to your question i do love someone who i cant have sexualy. and the horrible thing is all that was effecting her in our relationship was the sex but in taking that away shes taken the passion and the closeness and some of the friendship so it is hard to take because i cant just forget about her because she keeps getting upset that im not meeting her and seeing her as much. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:21:55 AM | yes i understand have been best mates with the love of my life for 3 years ive seen him in and out of heartbreak many times ive been his shoulder to lean on i finally plucked the courage to tell him how i feel i waited till he was single i told him and he said he loves me to but is worried it will destroy our friendship but personally i think not doing something about it will destroy it as he gets moody with me if i flirt or chat to another man yet hes aloud to date other girls and if i say something to him about it he reminds me im not his girlfriend what the hell do i do
someone help xxxx | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:05:37 PM | | Yes I have been infatuated with a married woman at work for the last 2 yrs that I cannot have. Talk about complicated! Double whammy, two marriages and working in the same dept! I am trying hard to deal with it, I have found that by avoiding her, it helps to forget her. Avoidance is probably the best option for these situations IMHO. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:15:17 PM | hi spicey italian
your story made me sad,yes i was, for over 20 years , although we had an affair for most of that time but at the end i just could'nt leave my husband at the risk of losing my children, i truly regret this cause when i finally decided to be with this man i love and i were together for one year till he passed away.
it just about killed me, so if you and this girl are truly in love and not just lust and she's not in love with her husband than try to convience her that staying in a dead marriage for the kids is just not right for her and them and her husband.
good luck, | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:25:22 PM | your email made me teary eyes,
don't get discourage dear, it's very hard to love someone and not to be loved back.
when you least expect something it will happen.
i lost the love of my life"jack" last year, he died.
i thought i would never ever have such feeling again for anyone, that feeling of excitment, but guess what, out of the blue i found this again, it's still early in the relationship to plan a future as we are still getting to know each other, but when i think i wanted to die when i lost my love i never thought this could happen again.
so please,let this man go forever, and by doing this you will be free of this man and move on. you don't have to do all you did to attract this man for if he was interested he would have let you know. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:41:29 PM | /quote
I think you should get your mind out of the gutter with that last remark you made....this man has not said anything in a "sexual" manner so why are you jumping to conclusions? In my opinion it is a very sad situation and I feel for all of them...first of all, you have 2 people in love who aren't together because one feels she needs to keep her family together for her kids (although it sucks..you gotta give the girl some credit for trying to do what she thinks is right), then for the husband who is being emotionally cheated since his wife is in love with someone else..and finally...the man she really loves..who loves her as well but has to sit on the sidelines and only dream of what could have been...my heart goes out to all of them..but especially him.. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:47:37 PM | Alot of women leave their spouses that have young children. Sounds like an excuse to me. Children adapt to most situations if it's handled correctly. Why live your life miserable and grow old with someone you don't love.
Children are intelligent little creatures and pick up on the happiness, or in this case the unhappiness of their parent, so it's time to cowboy up and do something constructive with both of your life's. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:33:52 AM | She was wrong to admit that to you. You have to separate yourself
from he phusically and mentally. You cannot be the catalyst for the
destruction of this marriage, especially sine there are children involved.
You cannot have her. Put her out of your head as a potential mate. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:05:13 AM | I am...I met a man through an adult social club and did not expect to have such deep feelings for him. He has been very hurt in the past by an ex and he seems to use the "alternative" lifestyle as a way of not getting close to a woman emotionally. What made it more difficult is that with me he took it outside the "club" and we spent the night together, etc.
So even though I met him in that setting it was hard to watch him be with another woman...I have learned my lesson...but it still hurts every time I see him or hear his voice.
We always seem to want what we can't have.
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 95 | |
| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:22:44 AM | Yes.
I love Antonio Banderas but he is happily married. waaa waaaa waaaaaaa :-(((((((
(stupid Melanie Griffiths....Im gonna kick her butt if she don't share with me soon!!)
So....I'm gonna get me a fishie and just call him Antonio and make him speak with a Spanish accent and and and and
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:49:27 AM | | I wasted 8 plus years loving and dedicating myself to someone I could not have my situation was different but the pain and desire is the same it is sooo overwhelming but the only way to get over it is to avoid each other and look for love you can have and enjoy. You can love someone with all of your being if they lve you back it would be if they have another agenda and you dont fit into that agenda you hurt like hell and its not worth it you really have to stay away from each other until you can find emotional and physical satisfaction and keep in mind as humans we tend to crave and desire what we cant have sometimes we lose sight altogether of what we really want because we are overwhelmed by the desire to win the challenge I spent 8 yrs hurting and another yr trying to let go it gets better feelings are only as strong as you allow them to be good luck I hope you find someone to love who can share that back with you take care lets be onest what we allwant is simply to be happy if someone in your life is causing you to hurt then that person is not what you want | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/4/2007 3:59:43 AM | | I really think people should stop interfering in other people's marriages. What's the point in going through all the trouble of finding someone and getting married anymore as there are always other people lurking around behind your back trying to break up your marriage? | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/4/2007 4:16:08 AM | It's usual case scenario for me! 
It is hard to deal with, when you care for someone so deeply but their feelings are different to your own.... and typical you wonder about them, think constantly about them, not sleep properly or eat properly and not hear anything from them, then you begin to forget (put them at the back of your mind and life) and move on and what you know they pop up from nowhere just to show you they are still around......... so therefore the cycle begins again!
only suggestion is take a day at a time, and it will either move on or you will unite as one! | |
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| Hello
Posted: 5/4/2007 4:33:17 AM | | I am going through a similar sort of thing you are going through. I was and still am married to my husband, i love him dearly still even though he cheated on me three times. We split up once and got back together, then i found out that he had cheated on me 3 times so i chucked him out. He moved in with his girlfriend and told me a month later that he was still in love with me, still going through the divorce i found out in court that they were having a baby 3 months after they met. We have a 4 year old together and he rings occasionally to speak to her but hasnt seen her since August 2006. I have been told by so many people including his family that he isnt happy, i justdont kno what to believe, but i do think that when he rings to speak to his daughter it is just an excuse to speak to me, i am so confused, want to hate him but i cant. | |
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| Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 5/4/2007 4:39:10 AM | | I am in the exact same spot as keepitreal...and i know how difficult it is...in my situation we are currently deciding if we can be friends at all...and that idea just destroys me...I have told him that I refuse to cut contact..I just cant do that to my heart...but I do understand where he is coming from...we would either fall back into being together sexually or it would be so awkward to be friends that no one would enjoy it...so what do we do?? I guess we wait and hope and pray that things work out for the good for everyone...I feel for ya keepitreal...good luck... | |
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mmmmmm if I was ever in a boat like that I have to poke a hole in it and sink it.
shame shame shame so many fishes in the sea
