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sddude
| | Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 100 | |
| | People who have a backup partner...Page 5 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | I am celibate by choice and I think I am good looking enough for woman to ask me for sex and they do and it drives them nuts to get all hot with me on a date then they desperately ask because I do not followup and I tell them I am celibate, they hate not having the power and knowing they can get it at anytime with anyone else , for a long time I end up being the target to them on trying alot of times to take me out and try something , it frustrates them really bad and even worse when they see me all mushy with someone else at a party , I just refuse to be a player , hahahahaha I guess that may be a little evil for them, if they are good to me I will keep them for the long haul if not they can suffer. I always did... | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/25/2007 4:13:45 AM |
Queen: Guess we're agreeing to disagree on this one. I agree with a lot of the other posts. If you have a backup, you're just not going to go all out in a new relationship.
I agree with you on that actually, I was just saying that not all are looking to find a new relationship, so for them maybe it works for them. Also, those who are looking for one I would hope wouldn't keep an arrangement once they meet someone new. I was more talking about what happens when you're between relationships, or whatever the case may be.
And, to respond, given the choice between celibacy and meaningless sex? Celibacy. Makes you appreciate what you have when you have it.
It's still strange hearing "i'll save myself for serious relationships only" coming from a man at all...I still think either men who don't want to be caught saying anything else where women might read and judge, or it's the men in this forum who have this opiion. Most men I have talked to in social circles aren't picky about how meaningless sex might be, as long as they're getting it.
Roping someone into marriage? Ha! Not likely. Have no desire to walk that plank any time soon, if ever.
I don't have that desire either, nor do I want kids - never on both counts. Usually people who don't want marriage aren't exactly out looking for serious relationships either; usually the two are connected, at some point.
Passion and commitment aren't necessarily linked, but from experience I think it helps. Being the stallion in the stable brought in to stud when needed? No passion, no adventure, no thrill. The concept of sleeping with someone just to get off just goes nowhere for me...But, that's me. Really, I am not condemning anyone who does it. Just still don't, and probably never will, understand the motivation.
Of course it shouldn't be boring, completely meaningless, or dull, in that case I think most would pick celibacy. But if you knew someone you were attracted to, and had chemistry with, who just didn't want more than fun while you were single and dating, you'd say no? Commitment and passion are great together, but don't always have to be connected for everyone. However - if you've been faced with this situation and wanted to sleep with a woman badly but said no because she wasn't willing to date you as well, then I say kudos. Sometimes I think men project what they might do in that situation, but don't really know how they would react.
And the leash I was referring to was "Our Leash" not "a" leash. I just refuse to be led around by mine. Let the big head do the thinking. There IS enough blood to run both, contrary to popular belief.
Well that's interesting, and rare - now that the word is out, some scientists may want to study you...lol.
Anyhow, I just wanted to clear up some of what I said earlier. I believe a lot of people are different, and don't for a second expect everyone to follow any specific code about how to live their lives. Obviously I am not old fashioned about it. I just really do get a kick out of listening to men say stuff women used to say years ago...women are supposed to be the emotional, prone to attachment gender. In 20 years, there's been a total flip flop, and it's pretty radical - it fascinates me. | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/25/2007 4:44:49 AM |
Assuming the person with a FWB has the guts to be upfront and honest, what kind of impression does that give in the first place to a potential mate that one is dating? It shows that the person with a FWB places sex on the same level as getting together for a game of cards, or going out for a night of dancing. One would hope it gives the impression that the person is upfront & honest! Perhaps it shows that the person is taking care, & finds having one steady partner preferable to sleeping around. Or, that they've simply run out of batteries!  | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:30:11 AM | OP...My personal thought would be no way...How can you possibly move forward in anything if you are still holding on to something else...It is low self esteem...Gee if I dont have this new guy and I let the old one go...I will have no one...That is a huge insecurity issue...I laughed with one of the replies which stated having multiple sex partners or side dishes had nothing to do with self esteem...Somebody please look it up in the psychology books...YES IT DOES...A well known fact if a girl has a low self image they are much liklier to have early aged sex and multiple partners...On this forum we are all adults and as adults can make healthier decisions...When did it become acceptable that while we were deciding we could string along someone actually looking for a life partner...I know, men have been doing it for years, blah, blah...It seems to me after reading these posts, the men have evolved and the women are the ones stooping to the old days...How sad...As far as Thorn, our American gentleman who has typed excellent responses... I am embarrassed to say it but to two of our Canadian Missies, Tootsies, he is right...Those females are wrong...Pierre Trudeau made a law so that ...Oh, maybe everyone on the planet didnt know what his wife Maggie was doing or who she was doing...I have been on six meetings since the end of March through this site...I do not consider them dates yet...None the less, I am not going to be bopping anyone new or old until I find the one that sparks my fire...I have self esteem, self confidance and SELF CONTROL...I love being physical yet I want it to be mutually monogomous and A CELEBRATION of two people who have feelings for each other...Please dont try to feed me the scum that we are Adults who have needs and are now in control...That bs is simply, I like sex and can do it with whoever I want cause I want to...How degrading...
PS. Excuse my lack of punctuations, my pc is acting up...
LLL | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:19:03 PM | | I don't believe you needed punctuations sky...I read you loud and clear and even noted the emphasis! Great response! L | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:23:27 PM | | I hate that shit. Someone always lurking in the background, popping up when the SO decides they want more control. Instant replant for me. Three's a crowd in a serious monogamist relationship. | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 6:25:46 PM |
Assuming the person with a FWB has the guts to be upfront and honest, what kind of impression does that give in the first place to a potential mate that one is dating? It shows that the person with a FWB places sex on the same level as getting together for a game of cards, or going out for a night of dancing.
I think that you are confusing fvck buddies or booty calls with FWB. It is a common mistake.
In a FWB it is friends first and foremost. Normally you will find that the people in a real FWB have been long term friends way before any benefits came into the picture.
Most often they remain friends for long after the benefits have ended. | |
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| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 6:51:16 PM | | This is something not only women do but men do as well, it's one of those things people like to have "security". People like having the option of "well, if it doesn't work out, I always have such and such" very shady. Personally I don't think a person should play around with other people's emotions, but it happens and happens often. | |
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mak68
| | Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 109 | |
| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:40:26 PM | Assuming the person with a FWB has the guts to be upfront and honest, what kind of impression does that give in the first place to a potential mate that one is dating? It shows that the person with a FWB places sex on the same level as getting together for a game of cards, or going out for a night of dancing.
I think that you are confusing fvck buddies or booty calls with FWB. It is a common mistake.
No, I understand the difference, in that you have a friend that you have sex with sometimes, but don't pursue a relationship, and a f*ck buddy is someone that you may, or may not be friends with, but get together solely for sex. I use FWB because, in my view, it can encompass both.
But it seems you may have missed my point above? My point above was the consideration that is put on sex, is it used as an expression of love, caring, and intimacy with a special person in a romantic relationship, or is it just some kind of social activity one does with friends and acquaintances? Or is it a tool used in getting attention and trying to not feel lonely and unwanted. My point is that kind of behavior cheapens sex in regard to a serious relationship. | |
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mak68
| | Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 110 | |
| People who have a backup partner...
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:53:12 PM |
Assuming the person with a FWB has the guts to be upfront and honest, what kind of impression does that give in the first place to a potential mate that one is dating? It shows that the person with a FWB places sex on the same level as getting together for a game of cards, or going out for a night of dancing.
One would hope it gives the impression that the person is upfront & honest! Perhaps it shows that the person is taking care, & finds having one steady partner preferable to sleeping around. Or, that they've simply run out of batteries!
Upfront and honest is good and important, no doubt. As for the person taking care & finds having one steady partner preferable to sleeping around, well that may or may not be, depends on the individual situation.
I do think that being upfront and honest gives the other person the choice right off the bat whether they want to get involved with somebody who thinks it's OK to have FWB. It is the more mature and adult approach, to be sure. | |
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