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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 11/17/2007 6:49:15 PM | This is a line that many draw in the sand.
IWjen dating; I am looking for someone who keeps my interest and that I am drawn to.
If that leads to sex does it make me a bad man, I am looking for more than sex.
I want to hold her and feel the texture of her skin, touch the small of her back and if she gets goosebumps, I want to kiss them.
If we all had the opinion of "I have to be in a relationship to have sex"
would that be good or bad.
The bottom line is who am I to say.
All I know is what I feel.
Let's use the music analogy or thought, remeber hearing BAD COMPANY sing "feel like makin love" and I remeber hearing Bette Midler singing "when a man loves a woman"
They ar both singing about the same thing and i want to feel both of those things.
Kem | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:39:55 AM | Recently... seems many recent things have occured to me...
Yet, recently, I was asked "does a man expect to have sex on the first date?" And I hated to say this, because it causes so much controversy. But I answered "YES! We do! " with no explanation given at this point. Just that flat out honest answer!
And after a bit of ranting and raving on the other side of the conversation, I was finally asked... "really? why?"
Now for the hard part. On any given day it is not often that a guy can get a chance to speak with a woman who listens to the whole story (not bashing, just factual as I see things) before going off, getting angry, taking it personally, etc. This person was one who allowed me to explain. First, I clarified that "I" think this way, but do not expect it to occur. More like HOPE! But even when chances have gone that such a thing would occur, I have 9times outta 10 run away from that moment. For me, it is because I know in my heart that once she has what she wants, she will most likely loose respect for me. Decide that she wants more, or that she only wants to be friends.
And I have had this happen to me before, so why should this time be different.
At any rate, I also told this person, as they asked several other questions. Some related to who and how the guy would perceive them afterwards. My thoughts are this on the subject:
"you know, regardless of what he / she thinks of you. YOU gotta look at yourself in the mirror and if you like what you see and who you are, then other peoples opinions matter little...especially the negative ones"
I thought it a very profound conversation. It opened my eyes to how women perceive things in regards to sex. And made me look at what my perceptions were.
"CowboyEnuff" | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:30:44 AM | | I so agree.Being raised old fashion with old family values,I was taught that a girl didnt "give in" on the 1st date or the guy would think she was easy,have no respect for her,and never call her.Its hard to break out of that thinking.Now with things being alittle more serious these days(aids) etc You have to be very careful.I think 2 people should have sex when BOTH are ready.Whether that is 1st date, or 20th date. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:51:52 AM | Isnt it amazing how there is so many different opinions on the one subject.. I think it all boils down to what are beliefs and morals are as individuals,, sure we all have sexual instincts by nature, but I think it depends on your upbringing, your history of relationships, your self esteem, and morals..
I'll be the first to admit I have had casual sex as well as one nighters, but very few of them was intentional (I know I spelled that wrong hahahaha) , but in the past it seems I was always drawn to the type of man who didnt treat women in a good way,, as the years went on, I realized it was by choice, so today, I feel more comfortable with who I am ,, and having sex is not on the priority list.. now don't get me wrong, I love the actual act within itself, but if I know from the very get go, that is all the man is seeking, odds are,, its not gonna happen,, not today.. I understand alot of folks disagree, and I am far from centerfold material, so its not like I get very many offers, but, in the long run,, I want to be able to know in my heart, I am doing the best I can to be the woman I want to be all and all, and that does not include casual sex. I admire folks who can carry themselves well with dignity that do, but I am willing to bet its usually the ones you don't know what happens in thier bedroom vs the ones who advertise they are ready available. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:14:19 PM | | I'll echo what some have already said. It's not up to us to say what is right for each person. If both people are on the same page and not lead to believe something else is going on then I say it's fine. I tend to stay single for very long periods of time so, if nothing else, cuddling can put me mentally on top of the world. The key is honesty and communication. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:59:24 PM | casual sex is not my cup of tea. I find it hard to perform unless there is some kind of feelings there for her. Looks, body type, all the superficial stuff does not help me rise to the occasion.Even though a few eyes has. I find if I'm not attracted to the women (mentally), There is no use.
To each thier own. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:41:28 AM |  Is it considered a one nite stand, if your with the same person MORE than once but not dating? Don't really see it being the friend with benefits thing either, cuz its not just for the sex? So what is it? LOL....Meaningful overnight relationship?  | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:59:04 PM | You would be meaning "I would like some M O R please"....
I would have to think, in regards to your question Transplant, that it is NOT a one nite stand. I am currently involved in a similar situation that has turned serious. The way relationships work these days, people often want more than just committment. If you are content with the status of your relationship, then I would say not to worry about "labeling" it.
"CowboyEnuff"
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 1/28/2008 4:27:49 PM |  "Relationships" or what ever you want to call them work in odd ways. Guess I wasn't content enough just being the "other" woman while he searched on, I have been dismissed.  I guess that is what happens when only 1 person is willing to give their all.  Life goes on. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 1/28/2008 8:01:25 PM | So sad to hear that this happened to you Transplant. It is never easy... relationships!
In regards to the Original Topic folks, I am here to say... "YES! That Casual Sex can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...!"
The person I am involved with at this time used reverse psychology on me and sort of allowed me to walk into the trap on my own. OOOOooops! Did I just say that?  
Actually to be honest with you, I rushed head first into the trap. Looked up and saw the bars slowly closing around me and kept quietly still hoping she would loose interest. And since it was originally agreed we would just be Casual sex partners. It came as a big surprise to both of us that we were spending practically all our free time with one another since our first meeting 6+ weeks ago.
Will this lead to more? possibly! If it ended tomorrow would I be worse for the wear? Definitely! But I would have some great experiences and a new life long friend as well... She and I can still talk about people that contact us and whether they are potential mates or dates. This is something that many adults are not ready or able to handle at this time of their lives. Some NEVER! I am grateful that she and I can be friends as well as lovers and more...
So for you Transplant I would venture to say... "Do not rush it "! Love wiLL find you!
"CowboyEnuff"
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:35:28 AM | | If you are actually hanging out and occasionally having sex without a commitment it's one thing, but if you have some guy calling you or trying to come over in the middle of the night after he exhausted all other possible resources, it is a one night stand no matter how many times it happens. Of course that is just an opinion. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:13:42 PM | | I'm 59yrs. old, and come from the old school, we were tought to wait untill marriage...that's out the window, i got married at 21, and divorced at 40, so much has changed, in these last 19yrs. after divorce, from what i've been around, if you can get sex on the first date, and she's happy with that, then good, me i had rather get to know something about her, her turne on's, and what makes her horney, it's much better sex, if she is truned on and horny... | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:01:41 PM | I for one can tell you that the lady is right as i am one to walk the very same path she has been on .....in my years of making friends and meeting men whether it be online or in the very midst of my backyard I can truly say that I have no regrets in exploring or touching one's life or someone touching my life in a very brief way and the memories made have been very meaningful.
To this day I am still very much in contact with those who have come into my life and have reached into my very soul and body.....they know my spirit, the essence of who i am and with no regrets we call each other friends and lovers. Every once in a while one will venture back to me and we rekindle the memory of the past and once again a new memory replaces the old one, parting with a smile a twinkle in our eyes, and a warm feeling of been touched, the sunsets and a new day is around the bend ....what more can you ask for ????? Indigorose55 New Braunfels Tx ; )  | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:00:27 PM | | casual sex can be a very good thing. if men can do it all the time why can't a woman without all the bad names attached to it . we have needs too . does not mean i want to know your name .and if we encounter each other again then great.but sex is healthy. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:11:18 PM | | I was just talking to a 51 yrs. ol' gal tonight, about this post, and she had to call her friend up on her call, to come down there to join in our conversation, and did i get an ear full of there thoughts, i guess women are no differnt than men when it come to sex, they made me blush, they said thing's i thought only men talked about, both of them said they would have casual sex three times or more a week, if they could find a man who would do it with them, they said it kept them Healthy, and i have to agree...they said call it what you want One Night Stand, Booty Call, or what ever...they called it Good For You... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/13/2008 3:36:45 AM | i don't want sexual relationships or sharing a sexual experience with someone to be...
casual:
1. happening by chance; fortuitous: a casual meeting.
2. without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing: a casual remark.
3. seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; apathetic; unconcerned: a casual.
4. irregular; occasional: a casual visitor.
5. accidental: a casual mishap.
if he's having casual sex with me then he's doing/done it with others...i deserve more.
sjc | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:14:09 AM | (they said call it what you want One Night Stand, Booty Call, or what ever...they called it Good For You...)
The lady i was talking to last night, wasn't talking about a perfect stranger, and neither am I, NO WAY, some people don't want to be married, and if they have a good friend, and happen to enjoy each others company, so be it if they have casual sex, and there happy, and they go home... to there own home afterwords, WHO CARE'S, it made them happy, and what business is it to anyone, your an ADULT what you do is your own life, and at our age, I'm talking over 50, we don't talk about our sex life to everyone who comes along, i know i don't, i just enjoy it.... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/13/2008 6:03:18 PM | The thing that happens with casual sex is , sometimes it deters you, if your attention is on the person you are having a psuedo-relationship with , your really not open to other things or people. That having been said, when it has been months...and it is affecting your work..well sometimes something has to give!! But I can't say I have ever had a great thing to say about casual sex. It never changed my life, no one memorable , so why did I do it? Are we really missing the sex or the human connection?
G | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/13/2008 6:37:54 PM | travelnurse2448, (so why did I do it? Are we really missing the sex or the human connection?)
You may have hit the nail on the head, and not looking for sex with a stranger, if two people like each other, and not looking for marriage, or a real relationship, a relationship is not for some people, i'd love to be in one, but i can't find anyone i really like, i do make alot of friends...every few women want an Older man, and alot of women over 50 are not into a sexual relationship, so if a man and a woman, find friendship, and it becomes a sexual friendship...so what.....????....now you have a Human, and a Sexual connection...
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:31:09 PM | Well, those first 3 threads are some of the most confusing I’ve read since joining this site. His quote from a woman who finds casual sex somewhat appealing is hardly profound. I mean, women have the same sexual urges as men, they are just a little more successful at controlling them. We then learn that the author of a thread titled “Casual sex can mean more than a one night stand” is, in fact, celibate. He’s not having casual sex, but he’s fascinated at finding a woman who actually admits that its not all that bad. That’s a very strange setup.
But lets be honest. Whether women “say” it or not, they are having a lot of casual sex. I mean, if we agree that there are a lot of men who have casual sex, we can probably take a leap and surmise that they’re not alone when it happens. There’s probably a women involved in there somewhere. Here’s some stats for you:
The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births in the western industrialized world.
Thirty-one percent of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20 -- about 750,000 a year. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended and 81 percent are to unmarried teens.
For the first time in 14 years, the teen pregnancy rate has increased.
37% of all U.S. births are to unmarried women.
I think its safe to say that there is plenty of casual sex going on and any fear of judgment from society in general, is long gone. I don’t think society places any stigma on casual sex at all.
That being stated… is casual sex good or bad? Well, when we talk about teens, financially it’s a pretty convincing case.
Teen pregnancy costs the United States at least $9 billion annually.
Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).
The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.
The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.
But Casual Sex between two mature consenting adults? For many, there is no clear right or wrong answer. In these the aughts, I know I don’t feel comfortable with a one time sexual encounter. I mean it would have to be the perfect storm of alcohol, circumstance and super model. For me, the long term risk clearly outweighs the short term gain. I have a 7yr old daughter to raise and a Golden that needs regular feedings and walks.
Clearly, casual sex can be defined as sex outside of a relationship; be it a marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend. Therefore I don’t characterize it as *casual sex* if your are in a committed relationship. If its truly *casual*, your partner tonight just might have another partner tomorrow. And if you’re cool with that, more power too you.
Personally, I like to date and really get to know someone before having sex enter into the equation. When we do reach that point where is sex is inevitable, I want to know that we are already in a relationship and that monogamy is a natural expectation. When you find that special person you really want to know, why rush immediately into sex? I prefer to take it a little slower…get to know and really like each other and work your way up to sex with some heavy making out, etc. When you do get to the sex, it just makes it so much more meaningful and fulfilling. Just my experience.
I think travel nurse also makes a great point. I have a good friend who is in a casual relationship, really just for the sex. He’s been doing it now for two years and I can see the toll it takes on the individuals involved. She’s emotionally attached and hoping for much more. He’s never going to make it a real relationship, but stays with it because of the sex. Both of them are wasting precious time in this non-relationship while they could be searching for that special someone to be in a real, meaningful relationship. He knows it, but has a very hard time walking away from the physical relationship. It’s not enviable. | |
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