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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:09:07 PM | if he’s having casual sex with me then he’s doing/done it with others
Yeah, maybe true.
But to answer CowboyEnuff’s original question, which he himself answered again (msg 139) – YES, I too believe that casual sex can mean much more. In other words, I think that it’s a case-by-case situation. (To be sure, for a number people, it probably is just a notch on the bedpost, but I’m not talking about them… or me.) First, if between consenting ADULTS, then wtf? I don’t believe that it’s anyone’s place to subject others to their values. Of course, I did get a chuckle from sirius19’s post (msg 140) as well as sublime’s above (msg 150). Excellent observations. Second, I’d like to think that this “mutual attraction” would be something approached without the “benefit” of drugs or alcohol – just your basic human sexual proclivities. 
And on a personal note: I’m no saint, nor am I a player or seeking casual sex… but one-time affairs have occurred in my life. And, I’m 100% positive that these were ladies in every respect, not merely seeking a “boink”, but wanting to express their femininity, sexuality, and passion. Do I think any less of them? Hell no! These were meaningful, sorta spontaneous, wonderful, to-be-cherished life experiences.
Now, pardon me… I have to go back and try to figure-out what they’re talking about in Fantasyland (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9141281.aspx) Seems one’s education never ends! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:37:16 AM |  Not sure where to exactly post this under, but thought maybe this would be a start. Why is it that some women are looked at only as good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to get serious with? I'm not a whore. I'm not a prude. I'm not desperate. I don't smell bad. I have all my teeth and they're white and straight. I'm adorable. I am entertaining to be around. I'm honest (sometimes overly so), dependable, loyal.... lets just say I have some good qualities. AND I'm looking for a "relationship" not a Wham-bam-thank you- maam.
 I can appreciate a guy that is honest about only being interested in only that, I am not interested in the friends with benefits. But lately that's the ONLY offers I'm getting. Does it say "slut" across my forehead? Do guys really think just because I have kids, it is a sure sign they will get laid?? I will NOT just settle for what comes along. If I was only looking for the friend with benefits, I would be set for life and never have to worry about going without sex ever again. But, that is not ME! Seems like now I am that girl that mom always warned you about, and not the girl you would take home to mom.
Am I giving out some kind of a vibe that classifies me as unworthy of a relationship and only good enough to play with? Am I just not "girlfriend" material?
So the other day, I met a really adorable guy, well who referred to himself as the "redneck", we cracked jokes about it and had a lot of good laughs. (thats one thing I look for in a person.) There have been times in life I asked myself, could you really see yourself with a backwood redneck? I would have said NO, but after meeting this sweet redneck, my opinion has changed. Well last night my 58 yr old single female friend (for her age which she doesnt look she is very beautiful and 1 hell of a sense of humor) decided we was going to go hang out at the local bar she goes to. Of all people to be there, the "Redneck"! The day I met him, I had the "work" look going on, meaning hair looks like crap, no make-up type of thing, but he was still hitting on me. I get all types of guys hitting on me while looking my worst and I have asked the guys I work with, "how many guys do you think would hit on me if they seen me at my best?" So last night I actually did something to my hair, slapped on the 'ol makeup and we headed out. He was across the room, winking, smiling ya know the whole nine yards. Well I didnt tell my friend about him, and she noticed him and was like oh my God, look at that guy checking you out, she was like I bet he will be over here talking to you in less than 5 minutes. He walked by very slowly, looking but trying not to make it obvious, and kept circleing around us, she made the comment if he did it again without stopping she was going to trip him.  He stopped by several times to chit chat, flirt you know do the guy thing. At one point my friend got up and went to the ladies room, he got up and damn near came running to talk to me, he sat down and said, "I am going to be up front and honest with you and have to ask you a question, I think you are very beautiful and I was wondering if you would like to go have wild crazy sex RIGHT now with no strings attached?" I thanked him for being honest with what he wanted, and told him NO, that I dont sleep with just anyone that comes along, if I was just looking for sex I have plenty of numbers in my phone for friends who are like him only wanting sex. Told him I get plenty of offers for sex everyday, that hes not so special and the only one to hit on me. Do guys think the not so good looking girls with sleep them because they think we are desperate and dont get plenty of offers? He did continue to come back and talk, and we did take him outside and gave him a shot of "Fireballs", a whiskey you cant buy in Texas, apparently he couldnt hang with it, (he was already pretty drunk and the shot really added to it), shortly after going back inside the bar, another guy was talking some crap to him and they started fighting and he had to leave. LOL
My friend and I talked about the whole "dating" thing and how it is now days. Most guys are only after sex, still live at home with mom, dont have a job, dont have a car, use drugs, drink to much. I asked her what am I doing wrong, she told me it wasnt me, its just the guys that are attracted to me. So how do I attract better guys? Guys who are not only after sex? While sitting there listening to her talk and tell me, dont give in and have sex with this guy, that hes trash, I was having thoughts about this thread and what Cowboy had to say that casual sex can turn into more. So whats a person to do? Everyday at Home Depot there is a guy who is married because he forgets to hide that little band, who flirts like no other and has been trying to get my phone number, tries to convince me hes not like other guys that he would treat me right, blah blah blah. I asked him if I could call his wife and ask her if it was ok, he just smiled like it didnt matter. Just not my type of guy, that brings the true meaning to P-I-G! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/16/2008 1:30:03 PM | | without reading the other posts.. i say sex messed things up if it happens too soon .. which now a days it does.. there is no more waiting.. if we as women dont put out on the first date there are 10 more that will and he will move on... so we sit here and wonder and doubt ourself's? NO.... we are the keepers! just a shame they\, the men didnt realize that when they "could have had... " us keepers! oh well!!!!we are the ones who ARE here to console them when their hearts are broken and do i dare say their penis's drained dry? WE are the FRIENDS! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:47:03 AM | | transplant ummm i'm not really sure the reason you'd take a guy outside and ply him with whiskey...if you didn't want to have sex with him? seems to me that there's a mixed message in there and you're setting yourself up for all kinds of danger. and the guy at home depot...how much conversation do y'all have when "he's trying to convince" you? seems like mutual flirting there. the men i know DO take no for an answer when it's a definite NO, but if there's flirting mixed in, they're bloodhounds! be careful. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 2/17/2008 6:24:58 PM | Him and I had previous discussed the whiskey "Fireballs" prior to seeing him at the bar and he said he would like to try it. I had it with me because my friend that I was with also wanted to try it seemings it can not be bought in Texas and neither have heard of it before. Several of my friends have taken shots of it, and it didnt mean I was going to have sex with any of them. So does this mean you cant drink with friends without the intentions of having sex with them? When I told him I wasnt for the no strings attached sex, he said he respected me for that and listened to my reason for it.
I am not a "flirty" type of person, when guys I work with see guys flirting with me and they know I dont like it, will come up and ask the guys to leave me alone. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:29:12 PM | ....For once I can talk/type to a guy and say, "wow, you was so right!" without swallowing my pride or die laughing from thinking a guy was actually right.  Thanks Cowboy, your response several posts ago, actually made sense! After some time, the "Meaningful Overnight Relationship" is BACK!!! A little time and patience he came back to me. Now one more question, at what point does it go from "having sex" to "making love"? Is it the same, or just a nicer way of saying it so the female doesnt look or feel umm whats the word I want to use here? easy, cheap, a ho? Usually when I heard anything with "love" in it, it had me wanting to haul a$* the other direction, but when he told me to come see him so he could "make love" to me I had to wonder if his feelings are true, does he care or was he just trying to be nice about it to get a piece that night? 
Fire away!! I am ready for all the hate mail to continue to roll in!!  | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:21:13 AM | Let's be honest for a second! When a person first meets someone they know if they view that person as a person who they could potentially date, possible husband or wife material,possible friend, possible sex buddy,or just good enough to be a one night stand. That's just based upon instant chemistry and attraction, however that can change depending on the people involved. And, like it or not no one is willing to stick around if the sex is bad!
So some people men and women will want to get that part out of the way quicker these days so they wouldn't be stuck with someone who is bad in bed. I have met many women who never knew that they can have two type s of orgasms which surprised me that these women didn't know they could have a cliterial (i think i spelled that right) and a viginal one (for the guys who are reading this..pay more attention to your woman)! So, that's just one example of lack of sexual knowledge and communnication! I got big lips the women i date are very happen on both ends lol
But, hoenstly a guy will not respect a woman totally if she gives up her goodies very quickly to him. Most men won't admit that but we here the same stories over and over the girl will say she normally doesn't sleep with a guy that soon or she normally doesn't put her lips there unless she's in love lol the whole conversation is amusing to us guys! Women say these things because they don't want to be looked at as "easy" or a "slut" and i can understand that.
Life lession: never ask your mate how many people they've slept with!
The reason being the answer the real answer will hunt you! No matter how small or big the number is!
So the question was can casual sex mean more then a one night stand?
The answer is if the person isn't settling for sleeping with someon who they're not attracted to mentally/physically and there is something else the person has to offer other then good sex. End of discussion!!!
Feel free to email me with any other questions! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:05:37 PM | But, hoenstly a guy will not respect a woman totally if she gives up her goodies very quickly to him
so this is a test or what? why do they request or demand it ?????
Im not exactly well informed but have learned that it's a damned if you do or damned if you dont.. If I do.. Im as you said.. "not a keeper" if I dont, I'm demoted back to Jr. High school prick teaser???? so for now.. I do what I want to do.... if i can???? | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:32:17 PM |
without reading the other posts.. i say sex messed things up if it happens too soon .. which now a days it does.. there is no more waiting.. if we as women dont put out on the first date there are 10 more that will and he will move on... so we sit here and wonder and doubt ourself's? NO.... we are the keepers! just a shame they\, the men didnt realize that when they "could have had... " us keepers! oh well!!!!we are the ones who ARE here to console them when their hearts are broken and do i dare say their penis's drained dry? WE are the FRIENDS!
shende1923 , It's quiet rare to find someone like you that refuses to be anything but a "KEEPER"/Lady. Believe me, it's not shameful for you and other ladies like you to wait until the right man comes along that is wanting a "KEEPER". Let them that think a sleeper is better than a Keeper move on. I guarantee you there is some good men that are willing to wait to meet a "KEEPER."
I'm glad you let how you feel be known.... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:38:07 AM | | Well, 1- I don't get friend-with-benefits offers........sigh. 2- I don't think a woman should lose respect if she and I "fornicate". Sometimes the passion is there. Sometimes either gender has been without too long. Sometimes that unpredictable spark is there. I could sit here and say don't seek it out and for the most part that's true. However, I do often crave that touch, that scenario, etc. It definitely isnt all I want in the big picture. They key is to communicate throughout (I've probably said this before). If sex is all you want, say so. If it's hormones and ya still wanna pursue deeper things with each other...say so. ;) | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:01:48 AM | I think the biggest obstacle is that women do not want to feel like a whore. And a culture founded by STRONG religious conservatives has bred a very judgmental environment where she automatically assumes that having sex with a man she is not involved with will mean just that.
There are some little loopholes. Alcohol, for example. I think its ability to lower inhibitions isn't NEARLY as potent as a woman's ability to then claim she was "soooo drunk" for anything that may have happened under the influence. It's a way she can escape judgment from others and herself.
There are a few rare birds who don't give a damn what anyone thinks -- gotta love those. Also as women get older, they seem to start living life on their own terms instead of the way others say they should. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:42:55 AM | Wickedkyra, you just described my rebound from a few years ago after the end of a 5-year relationship. It was absolutely what I needed - a very sexual guy to make me feel desirable who also just liked having me around. We could watch hockey games and then I might sleep over. He was my bar buddy during that time, too. We both knew that there was no romantic future for us, that kind of chemistry wasn't there, and we both expect different things from a relationship. It didn't make what we had any less great, and he is still a very, very close friend. I actually think it's a great way to go when you have neither the time nor desire to get emotionally attached to anyone. But everyone on here who has said that honesty is important is absolutely right. And you do tend to hear from the guys who end up not really wanting to hang out with you casually with whom you share no common interests.
Okay, I'm a rambler... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:44:42 AM | Wickedkyra, you just described (message 17) my rebound from a few years ago after the end of a 5-year relationship. It was absolutely what I needed - a very sexual guy to make me feel desirable who also just liked having me around. We could watch hockey games and then I might sleep over. He was my bar buddy during that time, too. We both knew that there was no romantic future for us, that kind of chemistry wasn't there, and we both expect different things from a relationship. It didn't make what we had any less great, and he is still a very, very close friend. I actually think it's a great way to go when you have neither the time nor desire to get emotionally attached to anyone. But everyone on here who has said that honesty is important is absolutely right. And you do tend to hear from the guys who end up not really wanting to hang out with you casually with whom you share no common interests.
Okay, I'm a rambler... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:47:24 PM | Am prepared for all the bad messages to start hitting my box after I post this... but..... A few months ago I had started talking to a guy and really got to know him. I came to conclusion that maybe Im not ready for a relationship or just not dateable. He also said right now hes not looking for a relationship, and if he was looking he would like to date me. So we continue to talk and get to know each other. We hang out all the time, go out to eat, have a few drinks and both consent to sex. The sex wasnt just a one time fling, it happens quite often. Actually, lol since my last relationship that failed him and I have had more sex in a months time than I did in the year and a half relationship. Even if the offer for sex wasnt there, I would still feel the same towards him, he is an amazing friend to have. Not a day passes that he doesnt call me at least 10 times or send 50 text messages just to see how I am, etc. I dont ever let my kids even meet my friends, but one day he asked if the kids and I would like to go have dinner, so he got to meet them. My daughter has to have surgery again soon, he knew she had a doctor appointment and called to ask how it went, so when he heard me crying and upset, he did all he could to reassure me everything will be alright. He said he would be there with me during the surgery.
Even if nothing more becomes of the friendship I am content with the way things are and will never have any regrets! He has reminded me that there actually are good men out there waiting to be found. Next month we are taking a weekend trip to Padre Island together. We are both honest and very open with each other. We both agreed we wouldn't see or have sex with others until we decide what will become of "us" or just be honest with each other and not mess around behind each others backs. Some people I work with tell me I am a whore for having sex with someone outside of a relationship, but at least I am having sex with the same person and not a different person every night. I dont care what people think of me, it is my decision to do what I want. I really dont think I should have to hold out on sex until marriage seemings I know I wont get married again, so why should I be losing out on sex? | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:57:18 PM | no worries Texas Transplant.. you do what's good for you and him and to heck with anyone else! I just got this great email from Hollywood Squares.. you are too young to remember it but some great folks and quotes... one that applies to this is.. including me... Question: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Answer: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:54:57 PM | | im not one for casual sex.. honestly that is not something that anyone with a sense of morals should participate in.. it seems to me that we have lost the sense of what sex is truly about.. love and passion!! something to be shared between two people who truly care for one another.. but in the world that now says that sex sales we seem to have lost our moral boundries!! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:58:46 PM | | very true sscamarogirl.. morals can leave you very lonely at the end of a night.. or even years.. morals are good... convictions are even better...they are just lackin the human contact factor???? | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:29:23 PM | If sex is to be shared between 2 people who truely care for one another than what is the problem if its between friends? If both consent to it, and agree they are not messing around with other people than what is the problem? Can people no longer love and care about a friend like they can a lover? If your lover is supposed to be your best friend, than why can you not enjoy the company and such of a best friend, and if all works out, that best friend becomes a lover?
I guess that makes me one without morals! | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:11:56 PM | I can't speak for all women nor would I presume to. For myself, I choose not to engage in casual intimacy. At one point in my life I did engage in that practice, but I discovered that I really just wanted someone to sleep next to and hold me more than I wanted sex. Once I realized that, I quit participating in casual intimacy.
So for me, no I don't engage in that kind of behavior because it only serves to highlight that I don't have want I truly want and makes me miss it more. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:10:08 PM | | I have talked to a lot of my female friends about this subject and found, yes it does and has crossed all their minds that they was in "that state of mind". Some didn't go for the casual sex because they worry what the people around them will think or say about them. You know, a women who has casual sex is considered a whore or just easy and not worth dating. Some are in denial about having the thought and wont admitt they think about it. This passed weekend I talked to one of my closer friends, about my friendship and causual sex relationship with a friend, she felt no shame as she done the same thing. Said it all started out as casual sex with a friend, and guess what they are now in a serious relationship for a year and a half now. Every situation is different but sometimes it does actually work out in the end. To each their own and their thoughts on the subject. | |
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