| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 11:35:08 AM | Has anyone really paid attention to how he refers to her...he acts like she was a piece of Property that he had Title to. Women have not been Chattle for many many years now. He "let her know when she got out of line"..omfg....Fred Flintstone...drag her back to the cave.
Anybody know her well enough to get her side of this "poor me ..what did I do wrong" drama?
just another few cents worth... | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 11:41:11 AM | "He "let her know when she got out of line"..omfg....Fred Flintstone...drag her back to the cave."
So, Willow, if your man gets out of line, what do you do? Smile? Let him continue? Tell him it's fine, his behavior is acceptable to you? Say "Anything you want, dear"? Or let him know that he's crossed a boundary? | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 12:02:30 PM | | I was never oppressive or violent towards her, she did cross the line several times over the years and instead of knuckling under like some p---y-whipped wimp I corrected her as she has done to me when I have gotten out of line. I never prevented her from getting anything in her life, I never prevented her from pursuing her dreams, I was never one of those abusive idiots who always bashed their wives both physically or mentally, I was not raised that way, my parents were loving and stayed together 58 years before my father died. They gave a lot of love to the four of us and raised us great but they did insist on discipline. I thank God they taught me that because it made me a better person. Why do you people always assume the worst from anything that somebody says????? Have you been hurt that bad in the past???? Save the Fred Flintstone crap for one of those "husbands" who screw it up for the rest of us!!! | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 12:07:42 PM | Respect precedes love. You never respect someone who is always kissing your @ss.
Unless she was reciprocating how "nice" you were to her (and she wasn't because then you wouldn't have had to make the point of how nice you were to her), then you were kissing her @ss. You were supplicating and it wasn't a relationship of equals.
Stop trying to manipulate women through your niceness. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 12:12:28 PM | OP said:
It's funny she is sending me mixed signals right now, one moment she is in"friend-mode" and treats me that way and last week we met to go over the sale of the house and she gave me a full hard kiss like she used to in the "good ole days". It's really strange.
She did this when you met to go over the sale of your house??? This looks like a huge red flag to me. Sounds like she's just trying to keep you on your "good side" so you will let her just take you for what ever she wants. Sounds to me like you are a prime candidate to be taken to the cleaners if you're not careful. I agree with a lot of other posters here about the "friends" part. Be civil and cordial to her (that just makes you more of a man), but DO NOT try to remain "friends" with her...she's just using you. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 2:07:24 PM | Why do people think it is ok to act as if you own someone? Respect in a relationship goes along way. Neither partner is a piece of property, at least not in Canada , under Canadian Law. I was under the impression Slavery was abolished in the U.S. as well , but perhaps I was misinformed.Ethnic and cultural differences aside, nobody owns anybody. The fastest way to chase somebody away is to hold on too tight.
As for your question creative guy... I am not the one in here crying about what did I do wrong? He told his side of the story. Period. I asked if anybody heard her side.
Who decides what "line" MY MAN is supposed to be in? People are not toys to be lined up and displayed as trophys. I would no more "try to keep my man, as you refer to him, in line.... than I would allow myself to " to be kept in line." Just for the record.. I am an adult, a free citizen in a free country. I am somebody's mother, somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, somebody's wife ,somebody's friend...but I am MY OWN WOMAN. TYVM.
And OP.. when you sound like a caveman .. you are perceived to be one. I didn't write your comments.. you did. When you air dirty laundry in public you have to be willing to take what criticism goes with that . You opened the door, deal with what came through it. You asked for public opinion. You get what you get. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 2:11:57 PM | | i really dont thik you did anythig wrong,,,she just wanted out of it sounds like to me,,i wish i had someone like you | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 3:28:52 PM | Welcome to my world. You can put aside your entire life to help someone else feel loved and it will never work. No matter how well you treat some people they will continue to be self absorbed and shallow. If she needed big gifts or grand gestures to stay in love then she was never worth it from the beginning.
PS: I hope she picked up the truck payments. LOL | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 4:10:43 PM | | It's her truck so she's got the payments, I made sure of that at least. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:30:58 PM | As for your question creative guy... I am not the one in here crying about what did I do wrong? He told his side of the story. Period. I asked if anybody heard her side.
Who decides what "line" MY MAN is supposed to be in? People are not toys to be lined up and displayed as trophys. I would no more "try to keep my man, as you refer to him, in line.... than I would allow myself to " to be kept in line." Just for the record.. I am an adult, a free citizen in a free country. I am somebody's mother, somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, somebody's wife ,somebody's friend...but I am MY OWN WOMAN. TYVM.
Through all your rhetoric, none of which this thread is about, and your shifting the topic away from the question that was asked of you, I gather that your answer is that if your partner crosses a boundary of yours, you permit it.
As an example, we could say that a problem creeps up in the relationship that causes some friction between the two of you. The problem grows bigger and then you two start arguing about it. Emotions heat up, let's say, and the argument escalates to the point where your partner gets very upset and reacts in the heat of the moment and says something terrible to you.
According to your answer, this is permissable behavior on his part. It's permissable because he's an adult. A free citizen. Not some "toy" to be put in line. (Not that I recall the OP calling his cheating STBX a "toy").
I'd maintain that telling your partner at that point that such verbal abuse is not acceptable, or as some would call it, letting them know they were out of line, is healthy to do. It's not healthy to permit it, in fact.
Also, according to your position, you are, we are, everyone is, an "adult", a "free citizen". Not to be told by others when we've crossed a line, as if we're "property". As if we're "toys". Inhuman objects.
Well then, if that's your position, who are YOU to tell the OP that he's out of line for doing something that YOU think was out of line?
You assign the term "caveman" to color the picture you'd like to paint of the OP. But let me tell you, a caveman - or a cavewoman - wouldn't probably communicate to their partner when they've stepped over boundaries. No, they'd probably just hit them out of anger. To not respect one's partner's boundaries is what the cavewoman or caveman did. I think assigning the phrase "caveman" to the OP is entirely inappropriate, and I think you certainly crossed a line in drawing such brutish conclusions about him. "Slavery", indeed. There wasn't any slavery in his relationship. Caveman indeed. Such slurs. Who's really not using the evolved higher cortex here? You owe him an apology. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 2:30:21 AM | | Thank you creativguy, it's refreshing to hear from an individual who can comment rationally on a subject without letting emotion and past problems cloud their judgement and reason. This is an attribute that is in short supply these days. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 2:46:20 AM | | u didn't do anything wrong, if anyone is in the wrong its her for treating you the way she did. Sounds like you were really good to her, if she can't appreciate that then its her problem and nothing to do with you. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 3:13:40 AM | OP -
I don't believe anyone did anything 'wrong'. Pointing blame does not remedy anything. It is what it is and this needs to be accepted. Trying to figure out the dynamics of the demise of the relationship can drive a person batty.
All we can do is be the best people that we can, leave plenty of room for growth and learn from our mistakes.
I wish you the best - I do not envy your situation. 
P.S. I agree with some others here - this is not the time for you to jump into a relationship. Take some time off for yourself - heal - take that extended fishing trip that you've been wanting to experience (I'm assuming here). First and foremost - heal - you deserve it! | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:10:51 AM | | your absolute right, I have a week planned down in Fort Myers, Florida for a little R&R and it's time for me to enjoy life!!!!! | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:35:31 AM | I just had to answer this.....but, first, I want to say, Willow.. I believe you hate men.
You keep talking how women's rights are violated...your not a slave..or chattel..etc.
You need to chill. And stop being so angry at men. It wont get you anywhere, you will
only push men away..because your to strongly opinionated and sound rather angry.
Now, OP..Here is something that has helped me tremendously, I hope it will help u.
REASON: some people come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.
When u know which one that is, u will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in ur life for a Reason, it is usually to meet a need you
have expressed. They have come to assist you through difficulty, to
provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotianlly,
or spiritually. They are there for the Reason you need them to be. Then,..
without any wrong doing on ur part or at an inconveniant time, this person
will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up
and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has
been met, our desires fullfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent
up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
SEASON: Some people come into your life for a Season, because your turn has come
to share, grow and learn. They bring you an experience of peace or can
make you laugh ! They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it's real.
But,...only for a Season !
LIFETIME: Relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in
order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the
lesson, love the person, and yourself, put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships, and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is claravoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, ....
a Season... or a Lifetime. Someone sent that to me. Peace | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:11:06 AM | It seems that so many of you know me so well...who knew? Your opinions are worthy and mine isn't? You can call me names?.. and its ok?.. great.. enjoy .. glad to be of service...pfft.
and creative guy.. my rhetoric as you call it was in response to your question.. off thread?.. well maybe, but a response to you nonetheless.
We do have the right to our opinions. I have mine and you have yours. At then end of the day, how you feel about me is as irrelevant as how I feel about you. We don't know each other and most likely never will. Good luck to you all and Godspeed. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 7:05:40 AM | | That is by far the most beautiful and eloquent response, I thank you for sharing that with me. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/24/2007 8:11:16 AM | | The fault percentage for the relationship to end in most cases are probably 60/40 %. What do you all think. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:13:01 AM | | LOL, Mr.Nightowl. Who cares what the fault percentage is. That's why most relationships don't last. People are too concerned about trying to establish who was more at fault. We're humans, we ALL have faults and make mistakes. You should be more concerned with different statistics. Such as ..hmmmm maybe Effort percentage. Sure, we have to establish where the root of the problem lies so we can either prevent further incidents that bother us. But not to utilize that information for some sort of "fault score". | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:23:12 AM | "U didnt do anything wrong. Women r SELFISH- end of story. "
Well there you go...that's the answer to it ALL................Whew....I was worried that we would never get to the bottom of this situation.Bitterness at it's finest.
Look....the only thing that matters now and that you have to learn to accept is that it is over.Why she did it doesn't matter...She may have been an awful person,you may have been an awful person but that also doesn't matter.You have accept the inevitable.It is...........................................over.......................................Now start working on recovery and doing things on your own until you find someone that is better for you.Good luck:) | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:02:00 AM | | it is never too late. just make sure you don't fall in the wrong direction again. there are always signs....... just make sure you read them this time. surfer | |
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