| | Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?Page 3 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) | | yes there has to be chemistry no chemistry then no attraction !!!! | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:10:07 PM |
My advice: MEET! Don't EMAIL EMAIL EMAIL and PHONE PHONE PHONE.... that's not the normal progression of things.
Since when is Internet dating considered part of the normal progression? This allows you to meet someone that may not be in your area, but still compatible. But anyways, meeting is easier said than done in many instances. If you live in the same town, not a problem... I live in a rural type area. The nearest "interests" come from 75-125 miles away (and a few further). Now take into consideration jobs, children, time, money and it adds up to taking a while to arrange meetings. So, you get to know someone anyway you can in the meantime, right?
So it all balances out.. you do what you have to do.. take the chance.. but most of all .. don't go in with a preconcieved notion, but rather go in with eyes open and willing to know the person regardless. As you have heard, there is many forms of chemistry.. which works for you today? | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:35:02 PM |
Msg: 7 -- it was me being "picky" but when I am in front of someone I know if there are sparks or not for sure.
OF COURSE YOU ARE PICKY. I'm picky also. You MUST be picky, after all, you should be trying for the Long-Term, PREFERABLY LIFE-LONG. You don't want to spend the remainder of your life with someone who is substandard for your desires, now, do you? That's why all of this is so difficult. It would be so easy to just "settle" for whoever happens to be "comfortable" like an old shoe. But I want so MUCH MORE, and I'm sure you do also. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:37:17 PM | | Photos mean nothing. I can never tell whether or not there's a spark until I actually meet them in person. An attractive person does not automatically imply attraction. It's a case of pheromones over photos. Men might like the catalogue system that the internet provides, but mother nature gets the final say. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:46:53 PM |
Sparks ? They may spark a flame which roars out of control and winds up ashes that smells like hell and hard to clean up.
If you want sparks, then dont delude yourself by putting down long term.
I so agree with the above! If I do feel sparks - it concerns me and I tend to back off because I am not looking for lust. Yeah, it was fun, back in the day. Now I want something with a solid foundation that can be built upon, hence, my comment about meeting 3 or 4 times that I state in my 'first date' area. I want to learn about the purpose of the person, not my libido. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:04:21 PM | Wow this is a really good post. I find myself agreeing with alot of this here. The cart before the horse, the guilt someone may have after emailing for so long. I had a couple thoughts. I think that that kind of instant attraction is great and rarely happens. Sure two positives dont make a negative in this case. Good online, good in person, right on! People can just like each other. Its as simple as that. If they are great on communication, but you just dont feel something then you have to give them the puppy dog eyes and say "sorry". It sucks on both ends.
But I do believe that something can grow out of nothing. Thats why there are so many occasions of office/backstage romances. The more you hang around someone the more you ...well you know. I know Ive had some relationships that literally I didnt even notice the person in the room, then somewhere down the road it turned into a long term thing after we kept bumping into each other or whatnot. Maybe thats just the universe stepping in. Sometimes I'm sure we all wish it would step in a little more.
Anyway just saying good stuff here. Ive been having a lot of dates lately and I do email alot before hand and have been finding nothing really there once we show up in the same place. Its very relevant to me, and sometimes you just dont know what to say. Actually it really doesnt matter what you say, it means and people hear the same thing. And people wonder why there is so many posts about "why did he/she just stop emailing?". Sometimes its just Easier to Run. I guess Linkin Park got it right. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:24:00 PM | "Since when is Internet dating considered part of the normal progression? "
It is NOW.... and it's up to us to keep it as normal as possible. If normal for YOU is EMAIL EMAIL EMAIL and PHONE PHONE PHONE PHONE and that works for you, FABU!
But for me, I don't want someone to "grow on me"... that sounds like a fungus and I don't wanna have to visit my doctor to get rid of it OR you.....
LOL!!! | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:19:46 PM |
Msg: 31 -- think of how successful those dates where you felt a spark were - what percentage turned into anything remotely long term?
I have felt "The Spark" three times in my life. All three developed into LTRs. I tried a few times to "force" myself to try for something more but it never worked. My efforts did nothing more than add unwanted stress to an already failing relationship. I won't try it again. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:42:13 PM |
Msg: 56 -- An attractive person does not automatically imply attraction.
My first "sparksNfireworks" experience was with a woman who was by no means a beauty queen. Most men would probably consider her to be a "Plain Jane". For me, she was just about as close as one could get to being my "ultimate dream girl". I miss that feeling of elation from being around her. D*mn, that was over thirty years ago. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:55:19 PM | Sparks sometimes take a few more coals on the "dating" BBQ to light.
Don't dismiss something out of hand just because it did not hit you between the eyes right away. (Speaking from experience) Sometimes after the 2nd, 3rd, 4th date, whatever, he/she will say/do something that validates our belief that the chick-flicks Hollywood churns out really DO sometimes come true. I am not trying to sound flippant, but in this VERY disposable society, it sometimes pays to hang in there and delve beneath the surface of nerves, expectations, and the like.
Good luck! 
WD | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 11:14:12 AM |
sometimes pays to hang in there and delve beneath the surface of nerves, expectations, and the like.
Very well said whitedahlia! If you go on a date with someone its because youve talked online for a bit, like the look of them (pics) and your curious to know more. So I wouldnt go on a date and after a short time dismiss her out of hand because I didnt feel that "spark". Personally im nervous on a first date, worried ill make an idiot of myself, so I give the same consideration to her too. We are all human and make mistakes. To all the ladies and gents that dismiss a guy/girl out of hand because they dont feel a "spark", remember that you might not feel it because its hard for the other person to be themselves. Give them a chance, you never know, you could be walking away from a fantastic person. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 11:18:54 AM | | Oh and dont forget guys, some women, even when meeting in a "safe" place with a man for the first time, are bound to be worried they are meeting a nutter. If I ever meet someone from online, ive ALWAYS insisted she chooses the place and I remind her to go someplace, ie Coffee, drink in a Bar/Pub, that she feels comfortable going to. I just want the lady in question to feel as its possible to feel when meeting a guy from online for the first time. Dont forget its a sometimes horrible world we live in. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 11:32:33 AM | my first meeting is not to generate sparks. it's getting to know THE PERSON.
i always go on atleast 2 dates (if she wants to) and more often than not 3 dates. by then i know.
i am a BUILDER of pyramids. you have a solid base or foundation to work from then you work your way to the top.
not having fireworks, wow or sparks on the first meeting never concerns me that much. some of my best relationships have come about over time. tom | |
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eb3267
| | Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 3:31:05 PM | we can stoke that kindling till the cows come home, there just isn't going to be any fire when the wood is wet.
Has to agree with Thorn on this one.. Ever so true, sucks, but it true..
You can meet the Greatest Guy !! But when there is nothing there, it's just not going to work.. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 4:31:07 PM | I am not trying to sound flippant, but in this VERY disposable society, it sometimes pays to hang in there and delve beneath the surface of nerves, expectations, and the like.
Things are only "Disposable" if you look at them as such, and treat them as such. Just because a person isn't your personal "cup of tea", and you know yourself well enough to tell in short order that it's not a good fit, in no way makes that person disposable. Nor is your behavior treating them as such. Some people like their coffee black, others with lots of milk and sugar (like me), no way is better than the other, its only better or worse to the person inclined to drink from it.
As for what lies beneath the surface, I personally am not a miner (or a golddigger) and not looking for the mother lode, in some abandoned mine, I bought a map for. There are already alot of good theories out there, as to how what lies beneath the surface may not be worth diggin for, and that take that into acount.:
"Still waters run deep" - Now I personally am not looking for someone "still" or "unmoving", and if things are undeniably calm and boring on the surface, probing deeper to see how deep that actually goes, is of no interest to me. Being a Deep person, as opposed to a shallow one is inherently a wonderful thing, but if I need a deep dive suit or have to spend time decompressing for a week, to discover that, it's not worth the bother for me. I think most would concur.
"The Princess and the Pea". Strip away 80 mattresses from 100, and what made you uncomfortable on the surface you slept on, will only get more uncomfortable on the 20 that remain. Dig deeper into the pile and what you found unpleasant upfront will more than likely only get worse, not better.
"A Snowball gets bigger as it rolls downhill"- We all know this to be true, so seeing as I am not looking for an avalanche of things I don't care for, or the destruction it can wreck, I am inclined to leave the scene if I don't care for the way the snowball was packed initially.
"The Layers of an Onion"- If the first layer is rancid, I am not inclined to peel it further to see how tasty it gets the closer I get to the core, "Rotten to the Core" has some meaning afterall. That I will toss into the trash and reach into the bin for another. For in that case what I have is truly disposable. I think you see my point now though. Good luck!
Have fun ;)!
PS: I daresay if you go into something with unrealistic expectations, there will be nothing unrealistic as to how likely you are to be disapointed, and have your future expections more realistically adjusted for you. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:20:35 PM | "but I know for me, going on more dates when I didn't feel a spark from the start simply leads them on and makes for awkward situations later, no thanks, lol"
sassyaquarius...
as a fellow aquarius with sass
'ditto'
well said. especially about the awkaward part. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:29:47 PM | not sure how to answer this one. last fall, i gave 2 guys a chance. the first guy, i wasn't super interested in, but i went out with him for a while. started to feel something for him about 2-3 weeks into it, BUT i quickly lost interest. made it about 6 weeks until i just couldn't stand being around him any more. the 2nd guy, i dated 5 or 6 times. i just wasn't feeling anything, so i quit going out with him. i'm to the point where i might give someone 2 or 3 dates, but if it isn't there by then, i won't go out again.
ironically, it takes me about 5 dates to start loosening up around people.
go figure... | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:54:09 PM | | I had sparks for someone once until he told me he hated dogs and then the sparks turned into darts...best to get to know someone first and go from there, if anything you will have made a new friend :) | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:24:04 AM | Wow! Again, you have all given me so much to think about and consider, and it seems there really is no strong majority, although it seems to be leaning toward 'no sparks', no second date.
I THINK I will go out with him again, although I am trying to be upfront about not being sure where it will go. As he has told me he is definetly interested, I worry about a second date not panning out as I don't want to lead him on and make things harder down the road. Sigh.
So will she or will she not go out with him this coming weekend... THAT is the question! AGHHH!
THANKS to ALL! | |
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