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| | Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?Page 4 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) | | Sparks would be great but we all know how long fireworks last. I've always been more interested when my curiousity has been aroused. 'What makes him happy? What makes him tick? What tickles his funny bone? What's he all about?'' Meeting someone with whom I can have an awesome conversation about anything and everything without running into a conversational wall (you know when there's an awkward pause and the whole conversation gets rerouted and eventually falls apart). Wondering what a kiss would be like from him. The impulse to touch him .. if I don't want to do that, then mmm all the conversations in the world won't help. I'm the touchy feely type anyway, hugs, cuddles, a kiss for no reason 'cept that we're close enough for me to reach - if those impulses aren't returned I can sense it pretty quick. Cold fish isn't a dish I like. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:26:10 AM | When I was younger I associated "sparks" with physical attraction(or perhaps raging hormones, who knows) :) but now I'm finding that sometimes we need to chase that spark further--for instance, I'm immediately interested when a guy can make me laugh, or keep up with a witty conversation. If he can do that in person as well as through phone calls/online chat, then it's great--even if there isn't a physical attraction right away. I've learned to seek out the inner person first, and give that a shot before saying "nope...no spark there...NEXT!"
What seemed to create a spark for me years ago has sort of flickered for me--a guy that just seems interested in me physically now has less effect on me; in fact, it's a bit of a turn-off. Today, a "spark" for me might not come until a few dates...
Everyone is different! I have been around long enough to want a long-lasting fire rather than just a spark, and I'm willing to be patient. :) | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:58:14 AM | I guess it all depends on what it is you're looking for in a relationship. For me, I tend to know instantly if I want to proceed down the 'romantic' route or just remain as friends, but by the same token, I have been friends with people for a long time and physical attraction has grown from getting to know them better. Someone's true attractiveness is in who they are in combination with their appearance. Ever met someone drop dead gorgeous who just didn't float your boat?
Sometimes the 'spark' can be misleading and just means physical compatibility which can fade in a relatively short time. If there is an emotional or intellectual 'spark' there as well as the physical one i reckon you're onto a pretty good thing, but they don't always appear at the same time.
I'd say if you really get on with the person in your communication but you didn't feel a spark, it's probably worth more meetings. Don't forget, as well, that the expectations we can place on these meetings can seriously affect our physical condition and you may not have been aware of any 'spark' because you were maybe too nervous or merely just thinking too much about it all. As the connection between you develops, you should be able to work out in a reasonably short time whether the attraction is mental, emotional, physical or a combination of these.
Hope that helps in some way and good luck all in your fishing exploits | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:08:55 AM | | hey journyingsoul.... you could be quoting a conversation that i've just had with a friend. she's never used on-line dating so did'nt understand.... always listen to those first inital instincts.. they are always right!!1 | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:16:20 AM |
This is the problem with spending too much time conversing with the person online or via telephone before you finally meet. You feel obligated to like them, or you really want to feel a spark . . but, if you don't - - what next?
You can like someone without wanting to date them. They can be just a nice person, you have things in common with, but just don't see them in a romantic sort of way. Peopel expect the "love at first sight" thign when they meet. What happens if one person feels a spark, but the other doesn't? I find that the feeling just tends not to be mutual. I have met people I could see being friends with, but nothing more. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:12:04 AM | | There's a difference in feeling "no sparks" and "hell no I'll never see this person again". There's a grey area in there which I've decided that I wanted to see again a person despite feeling "no sparks". "Sparks" to me means "we both want to get inside each other's pants". I tend to be patient with relationships, with a "looking for the needle in the haystack" attitude. I've had a couple of great relationships with women who I didn't feel "first date sparks". I can see why lots of people going on internet dates have that "disposable" attitude regarding "first date sparks", as you can play the numbers game, if you will, cycling through as many first dates as possible in search of that ever elusive mutual "spark". For me, that spark can be found after the first date. So if a woman has the qualities that I seek, and the "mutual sparks" aren't there, often I'll be patient and hope that the lady values the qualities that I have and is patient and willing enough to go on subsequent dates. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:39:22 AM | Hey Parula, I'm all for that wanting that feeling of "wanting to get inside each other's pants" on 1st dates. There's such a rush when you find that! It really is rare. However, as I have gotten a little older, I recognize that how I feel in the long-term outweighs this search for "mutual sparks".
I don't begrudge people who don't want a 2nd date if they don't feel that "spark". And I'm not saying that I always want a 2nd date when I don't feel that "spark". All I'm saying is that say I meet an intelligent, independent, healthy, fun, funny, sexy woman on a 1st date; we don't feel that "instant mutual spark", I respect her qualities more, and I'll want to see if a "smolder" can develop instead. "Smoldering" is always good, too. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:51:42 AM | I have been on 3 "dates" from a couple of these sites, I talked on the phone with these guys first, totally felt we had alot in common, then we'd meet, and nothing! There has to be a spark or some sort of chemistry for me to want to see them again. I'm so glad you asked that question, because I thought I was alone! | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 6:40:55 AM | i'm amazed at all the impatient people on here who would throw away a great relationship because there were no instant sparks. that's a poor way to decide if a person is right for you. honestly i can't believe it.
no skyscraper in the world has ever been built from the top floor in the sky down to it's base. you creat or build your base first by getting to know the person, then decide if you want to "add on more floors". i find you instant spark, chemistry people unrealistic. instant gratification is not the answer. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 6:51:15 AM | NO sparks or unable to determine if there are sparks means there is no chemistry. I suggest if that happens to stop seeing that person and keep yourself free in the event you meet someone who you feel that spark with. The other is just settling...
I did this and winded up meeting someone off the internet, fell in love and we are getting married in a few weeks. He is a great guy and everything I could have hoped for and more. To think I would have spent time with NO SPARKS guys... ugh. I maybe would never have met the perfect guy for me wasting my time like that !!! | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 7:01:01 AM | meeting nice people is never a waste of time unless like you, you're intent on dating 7 men for everyday of the week until you find "chemistry". i find your response bullsh!t.
i hope your relationship and forthcoming marriage is based on what is inside of each of you and not just fireworks. good luck. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 7:26:44 AM | I've found that sparks only rarely happen on a first date, mainly because "first dates" are so artificial and structured.
In real life, you might see someone several times, at the bar, at the store, on the patio, at a party, on the street or bus before you realize that there's an attraction between you.
On a "date", you are dealing with a specific environment, under the pressure of a first meeting. What you aren't seeing is how the individual operates under various circumstances, the breadths of their talents, or their personalities once they begin to relax around you.
One woman I used to date I had run into at several bars/gatherings, and she felt no sparks whatsoever until she saw me dance.
Another woman I knew didn't feel sparks until our 3rd date when we were on a crowded subway together and I gave up my seat to an elderly gentleman.
I've known women that didn't even notice me until there was a crisis at work.
And other women that would barely talk to me initially, until they noticed how many people in the bar would walk over and say hello.
The reality is, we all *think* that our sparks started on the first date when we remember our past relationships, but more often than not it was after being around that person for some period of time that we suddenly notice something special, or extraordinary about that person that makes them different in our eyes.
We all can be a little extraordinary under the right circumstances, unfortunately the "first date" and go philosophy isn't really conducive to that. It's why I would never rule out a woman until I had seen them a couple of times in a few different environments. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 7:34:25 AM |
meeting nice people is never a waste of time unless like you, you're intent on dating 7 men for everyday of the week until you find "chemistry". i find your response bullsh!t.
Totally agree with the meeting nice people never being a waste of time. HOWEVER, the rest of your statement is typical "You don't agree with me, you suck, BS"
Grow up little man. One would think that a guy could outgrow the short man attitude at 55. Guess not. Pffffft.
L8TR
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/5/2007 8:47:05 AM | | I have had instant attraction before and it's wonderful. That said, I was 10 years with my ex. We worked together and the (major) sparks grew from nothing, so I would always give it time. I have a rough rule of thumb. If I don't like them or actually feel repelled (!), there is no second meet. If I like them but there is no physical chemistry, I will always give it a few more chances. But yes it can make for awkwardness, especially if any attraction is one sided. I plodded on with my last fella because I liked him and we were a good match in many respects. But his feelings progressed faster than mine and it caused problems. So maybe in that case I did the wrong thing! I don't think there are any easy answers to this one. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 3:19:01 PM | | The spark isn't always about physical attraction. I met a guy thru work that I had talked to several times on the phone previously. I liked his personality, but when I met him, he wasn't that type that I am normally attracted to. However, having talked to him so much on the phone, and already feeling a spark, I found him very attractive. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 3:23:34 PM | | I don't think there has to be this great spark. I think if I have an enjoyable evening and like the company I go again. Actually in my experience the spark grows with time. I have heard there is this great spark where you just know and I think people are lucky if they find t and stay together I wonder though how long they usually last. I don't meet someone and immediately wonder hey will they be good in bed . You can have great sex with the spawn from hell as far as a relationship goes. However to make love to someone and to feel loved in return you really have to get to know someone. So if you enjoy talking to them and thier comapany give it a chance. You never know. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 3:23:50 PM | lol, love the line:
Sparks would be great but we all know how long fireworks last.
I've had the range from absolutely no sparks to raging infernos on first dates, which all became perfect flames.
What are the best predictors? Are they nice? Are they smart? Are they funny?
For me, it's the inverse: if they're not nice, or not intelligent, or not amusing or amused, no second date. Tried cute-but-stupid once: OMG, never, ever again.
What is not nice? Not being polite to the waitstaff, not being on time, not being well-groomed: basically, the first date with me is at least three people: me, the date and my mother's voice. If the verdict is, 'He seems nice,', then Mom gets kicked out so she doesn't see the goodnight kiss. If it's silence, well, back into the ocean he goes. And if the voice says, 'Aren't you glad I remind you to carry cab fare?', then I excuse myself and leave through the kitchen.
Here's the chemistry I do believe in: the nicest guys are the best kissers. | |
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Shoal
| | Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 95 | |
| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:15:39 PM | I agree - i'm amazed at all the impatient people on here who would throw away a great relationship because there were no instant sparks. that's a poor way to decide if a person is right for you. honestly i can't believe it.
It's understood that love-at-first-sight doesn't always occur, however, sparks on first date are expected? Gees...well I guess that somewhat explains why so many are not actually getting together | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 6:41:22 PM | Not exactly sure where this notion comes from that one is "impatient" simply because they elect not to purse a path that lacks the "spark" they are seeking in a romantic relationship. Perhaps I was under the misguided impression that this was a discussion of meetings with romantic interest in mind, and not simply amicable, platonic intent. I mean, perhaps some of you are "slow to burn" so to speak, but that hardly makes your perception of the situation any more valid or honorable than any other. No idea why you would judge others as "impatient" simply because they disagree. Would seem to me that like begets like, and each situation is different. In my case, I generally know a great deal about a person long before I break bread or share a cup of joe with them. The "meeting" is merely a formality, a "chemistry experiment" if you will. Of course your mileage, like your experience, may vary.
Meeting new people is never a waste of time, but sometimes when you meet someone with romantic intention as the reason for said meeting, an absence of "sparks" may disqualify them from further romantic pursuit, but that doesn't necessarily disqualify them from being a potential friend does it? The fact that when given only the "lesser" of the two options to choose from, some might choose to withdraw altogether, which is hardly anyone elses fault. In the end, what makes one person tick may make another tock, it hardly makes one right and one wrong, just different. So please let's leave the "impatience" nonsense off the table.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:54:03 PM | I've had no sparks, and tried hard to get "into it" all for naught. Even sex was like, "pass me the water?", "Here you go". And that was during intercourse! We lasted three months as a couple. We were, and still are great friends, and we're even sorry we couldn't find a spark. We tried everything because we got along so well. Still do!
If I'm not seeing anyone (and she isn't), I'll invite her on a holiday down south for 2 weeks. No sex. Just fun company. She really is like my sister. There is one unspoken rule though. It never came up, we just seem to know it. No sex with others while we travel. That's ok with me (her too I guess, cause she never disappears).
(Big sigh.....) Too bad, she's got a killer body, and a smile that'll melt you in an instant. Just...... no sparks between us. | |
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Kazot
| | Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 99 | |
| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:17:02 PM | I'm not sure I can get sparks anymore. I get lust, physical attraction but not quite what I would call a "spark".
I have met a few people and I noticed they were looking for the clouds to roll back and lightening to strike. If that happened I think I would duck and cover.
I don't think age has jaded me, it is just I remember love. The warmth that you carry around in side and when there is oppertunity you can easily fan it into a blazing bon fire. And when the bon fire has burned bright you can bank it to that deep mellow warmth that brightens you from inside.
I hope I don't miss a special someone because our chemistry was off and there was no explosion. I prefer the longer lasting feelings like the tides, gravity and the fusion of the sun. Something that will last and can be depended on. | |
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| Help.. Does no 'sparks' on a first date mean anything?
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:39:47 PM | tamiam2892,
Unless you only want to be friends,of course there has to be sparks. At some moment, out -of -the -blue, there should be a 'something' that you feel that makes a lil swooning.
I know the online 'like' is a big gamble when not having met first. Even the phone leaves ya wondering.
I had a idea years ago:
I once had this guy send me video tapes of him talking, walking around his apartment, etc, and I did the same. That way, we had more of a handle of who we were talking to on the phone ,for many,many months by then, and when he flew 3000 miles, I would have evidence left for the police incase he was a nutcase and chopped me into bits hahahaha, and he would have had the same;it was genius on my part, but a bad love mistake in the end.
Did not stop him from being a nutcase many months later, but was safe-distance was involved- and not so scary in meeting him at the airport in person. And, gave good evidence of the 'sparks' going to be the easy part.
Oh, by the time a video is sent,you have a better idea of 'in person' sparks-of making sure there will be,if many miles are involved.
All in romance issues have some gamble if you really want to seek for that-sigh-good spark ,yet there best be some to start with -mercy.
I say you need spark, if just a tiny one.
Smiles,
Gren | |
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