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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 12:46:17 AM | You know as I read everyone's opinions, I realize that for those of you that say "boys (or children) NEED fathers" is a slap in the face to the single mothers that do a great job raising their boys (or children) without their fathers. JMO.
For the above post, why did your son's father leave the country? Is it a personal reason or an excuss (sorry for saying that if it wasn't, just curious is all to why he would leave his son). | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 1:22:51 AM | I think the way Jennifer has handled her situation is admirable.... She's not denied her child access to his father.... kids arnt stupid and in time will realise who's actually 'there' for them....
I dont think its a smack in the face to single mothers at all... no-one said they didnt do a good job at raising their children... (and anyway, who's gonna admit they do a crap job? every parent thinks they are great at raising their kids).
Having had 2 parents in a loving marriage all throughout my childhood and adulthood, I find myself very lucky... and personally, I feel for those children who dont have that luxury. Because these days - it is a luxury with there being so many one parent families. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:26:57 PM | Oh boy....
I am a single mom..I know shocking..lol I have made many mistakes with my kids and I am sure I will continue! My ex husband lives 1100 miles away.. he has not seen the kids in ooooo 5/6 years? or so. They are children and us being divorced in no fault of theirs. But...I do have a son, he is 14..and I have honestly worried about raising him on my own more than the girls. So I became very well versed in sports and things that interst him. My son is very close to my brother and uncles and older male cousins, which I felt is very important. I have taken him to pro sports events, coached sports teams and exposed my children to a variety of activities so they would grow up healthy and happy. My son has a 4.166 gpa in high school, has never been in trouble in or out of school, is on various school sports teams, was nominated for youth of the year. He is a very well rounded and respectful child. Do I think I have done a good job raising my son, yes...am I perfect?...no. I am very lucky to have him for a son. I do believe if I was not as involved in his and his sisters lives (school/sports) they would not do as well as they do. HMMMM maybe this is why I have been single so long...lol
Jersey  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:53:12 PM | Looks like this threat has been around for awhile...
I cannot agree that they "have" to have a male role model, however, I think it would be preferred, if there is a good / positive male role model available. Unfortunately, this is not always the case and so we do what we can (at least I have) to make sure they grow up to be good, well-rounded men, without, having that role model available.
In my case, my boys haven't seen or heard from their donor in eight years, by his choice. Other than their uncles (on my side of the family) that they see on occasion and male teachers at school, friend's dads...I've been it for them.
I've done the best I can, but...I am not a man.  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 9:14:55 PM | I am a widow, and am not a single parent by choice. My husband and I were happily married b4 he died in a car accident. It has been 2 years and is still painful for all of us.
I have boys and girls, both want positive male attention. I hope that I am enough for them so that they do not go seeking daddy love in all the wrong ways and means. Sometimes there are family or friends there to step in, and sometimes there are not. Sometimes there are programs like big bros/big sis, and sometimes there are not. You have to do the best you can with what you have.
Personally, I find it offensive for ppl to speak of single mothers as if they all wanted/asked to be where they are in regards to their familial situations. As if we all are blubbering idiots who never spare a moment for forethought. We don't need your pressure, we have enough already - trust me. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:28:08 PM | THis is what I mean when I don't agree that boys need fathers. YOu have jerseygrlinfl3 telling her story and she had positive males in her son's life.
NOw with the smack in the face, if you told my mom, "boys NEED their fathers", she will be offended if not worse. She did more then my father could ever do. I was lucky because I had a godfather that cared for me. Now if I didn't have him, I might think the same way only because I didn't have that male around to guide me. Now that's what I think is the problem. It's hard to say you need or don't need a father if you never had one. I truly believe it depends on the situation. If the boy knows what kind of father he's missing, then chances are he doesn't need him. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:33:34 PM | onlychild i noticed you have been hanging in on this forum for 20 pages now..and you say when you started out that you would prefer gay parents to having a dad .. and now like to use the smack in the face insult to mothers by anyone who says boys need there fathers around ..women aren't offended by anyone saying children need there father .why should they be ? the fact is children need both parents ..a high percentage of the ones who don't have both parents in there lives develop other issues to deal with .you do not have to be a perfect dad to do any good ,,you just have to be there for them ..some need lots some are independent ..
the boys who grow up without there father around are missing something and they cant understand why..something is missing ?some were shorted..and some were robbed of haveing a father ..If the boy cant know what kind of father he's missing, he will have problems with it..and be forced to accept what he has been told about him ..but we all no family ties are strong ,,for example a bad son is still loved and protected by a mother even if he ends up in jail ,,its called family .. in the family a bad father is still loved by his son ..as well as a bad mother..we cant say someone wasnt good enough to be a good dad ?because it dosent matter if they werent so perfect ,,they still get the job done in there childrens eyes as well as the way there mother has raised them ,,in there eyes she was perfect ,,she was mom ..and he was my dad ,,
. good or bad our parents are what we are made up of and we will love them both unconditionaly..if we are allowed to.
we do not question why a childs love is unconditional ,,its just there and understood.. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:34:41 PM | So in summary of the many posts I've read here is it fair of me to assume that...
A-Men are NOT needed as 'Fathers'.
B-If men are around they are horrible people for the most part
C-Never provided anything except abuse
D-Brought little to no cash to the table
E-Provided no emotional support to their wives and children
F- Women are better off without them, they are good for nothing anyway
G-Women can teach boys to be men better than men can.
H-One question though...is the opposite also true? That a man can raise a girl without a mother being around?
Just what I've gathered from reading the 'single parents' etc forum sections, it has been a real eye opener. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:39:47 AM | ^^^^^
Yeah it’s an eye opener alright, it proves how well the Feminists and the MSM have convinced women they don’t need a man, & children don’t need fathers.
While all around the evidence proves how horribly wrong they really are.
Soaring juvenile crime rates, soaring dropout rates, soaring rates of teen pregnancy resulting in more single moms living in poverty expecting the Govt, to bail them out.
More single moms trying to raise boys into men, when they have no clue how to do so as they are not men.
They emasculate our boys, telling them to get in touch with their feelings and feminine side, it’s ok to cry, traditional genders roles are bad, it’s ok for boys to play with dolls and stuffed toys, instead of toy trucks and guns.
And yet we sit around pretending to be confused by all this and keep asking what is wrong with our boys and young men today.
I bet if we actually thought about it we could figure it out .
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:57:50 AM | I bet if we actually thought about it we could figure it out .
i dont think they will let us fix it ,marrage is becomming something of a lost generation ..two parent familys are already a minority ,,I think the mens birth control pill will end the current system where almost all men are haveing children they cant keep.... ..when the pill is in the mans hands men wont go that way .men dont have babies .,,right ladies..women thought the old generation of women was like a slave to a man ?so i guess they had to have a go at turning men into slaves for the women for a while ..but it ends with the children gone ..the next generation will probably be all about money and me ..like many of the the mothers that raised them..and they will stay single ..because they were raised to be single like mom .... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:12:52 AM | | A question I posed hasn't been mentioned...Is it reasonable and perfectly alright for a man to raise his daughters alone with no female influence? Is that OK or is it the usual double standard that women can do everythign perfectly and men are complete idiots about everything and are hopeless at any given task? Given the man bashing in this forum I'll expect 95-5 against. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:39:53 AM | ^^^^^^
Dude, I think you know the answer......
Just like my Ex used to say to me when I disagreed with her.
" What do you know about raising childern ? After all your just a Man"
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 1:31:41 PM | I have been told by a few children that I am the closest thing to a father that they have ever had. I coach kids softball and find it sad a child feels a softball coach who sees them two times a week for 3 months is the closest thing to a father that they have had. I really feel bad for the kids. So yes children need a father.
I have been told by a few children of women I dated that I was like a father to them and it always bothered me that their biological father was not in their life. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 2:42:44 PM | Dude, I think you know the answer......
Sure I do, I'm merely baiting the women who till this point have been so vociferous in their condemnation of the men in their lives( by choice mind you). | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 3:31:19 PM |
But...I do have a son, he is 14..and I have honestly worried about raising him on my own more than the girls.
-I wanted to ask why? Why do we as single mothers automatically assume that our daughters are less at risk than our sons if no positive male role model is present? I believe we would do well to remember that girls suffer as much, if not more, from lack of positive male influence. I am not discounting the positive female influence on either gender, but there are different needs satisfied by each, and lacking either can and often is detrimental to a child's healthy development.
-Aim-
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gajira
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Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 466 | |
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 3:52:55 PM | A question I posed hasn't been mentioned...Is it reasonable and perfectly alright for a man to raise his daughters alone with no female influence? Is that OK or is it the usual double standard that women can do everythign perfectly and men are complete idiots about everything and are hopeless at any given task? Given the man bashing in this forum I'll expect 95-5 against.
Why do you particularily care? I raise my daughters by myself, I do a pretty good job and don't give a flying **** who approves or not. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:06:19 PM | | Who said you were asking for approval? This is a forum though isn't it? As to why I care...just don't like being told I'm a failure and an idiot, I'll clip a few comments and see if any look familiar to you. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:57:02 AM | To 776877,
Boys need a responsible male model to influence them while growing up....the same goes for girls needing a positive female role model.
Let's face it...when boys reach 14 or so....there are certain things they don't tell their Mom...and when girls reach that age of puberty....there are certain things they would feel embarrassed to tell their Dad.
Mom's and Dad's might not always be around....but having a relationship with adults who are the same sex, give influence that is crucial I think, for a child to have a balanced upbringing. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:54:05 AM |
They emasculate our boys, telling them to get in touch with their feelings and feminine side, it’s ok to cry, traditional genders roles are bad, it’s ok for boys to play with dolls and stuffed toys, instead of toy trucks and guns.
And you know this because......I don't know....you are a fly on the wall in every single mother's house around you? Right. Personally, I have never emasculated my boys and let them or encouraged them to play with dolls. Neither have the other single moms with boys I know. Unless your mommy did this for you, I don't think you can presume to speak on how they're being rasied.
And furthermore, I'm guessing that the majority of the poverty stricken, fatherless prisioners without dads were not raised by moms who paid even the remotest attention to who or what they were playing with. It is true there is an overwhelming amount of prisioners who grew up without a father, but keep in mind that if you really read the statistics, they are probably 99% from urban environments where they were exposed to crime all their lives.
I am of course hoping my boys do not end up in prison or jail, or the mental healthcare system. But I would hope the same thing if I had a husband. In reality I have provided them with an attentive, stable parent who is teaching them morals and values, and providing them with the most loving environment I can provide for them--that includes understanding that they are boys. That in itself reduces their chances of growing up to be substandard citizens as some here would suggest.
The law of nature, God, the way of the world, however you want to phrase it, intended for us to raise children in a two parent environment, you're right on that. But to say that a father raising a daughter alone or a mother raising a son alone cannot 'do it' soley based on principal is narrow minded, arrogant and presumptuous. And in my opinion, if more people lived their lives without trying to tell others how, and if more people had a sense of community and helped out where see they a need, we'd all be living in a better place. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:44:35 AM | My son's father uses him like an old raincoat. Contacts him and has contact him when he feels there is a benefit to him, and then goes for months with no contact.
It's not for me to judge, it's their relationship, and not something I interfere with. My son is getting to the age at 13 where he can make his own mind up, without my influence.
I did write a poem though, just to vent.........it goes something like this....
To my Son's Father, a Warning!
Look at this boy
Youth, fast approaching man
He has such feelings that run deep and true
And yet his childish eyes still hold
Such hope and expectation when he looks at you
You are his father
Dad, and hero still
And yet you seem to choose
To treat him in a way
No animal or pet you would abuse
He tries to text
To phone, make contact still
In hopes that you will live up to the man he wants to view
Yet you ignore his pleas
And fail to answer cries thrown out to you
But soon this lad
Will see the truth
Make up his mind and treat you with contempt
For all the lost and wasted hours
You could with him have spent
You treat him
Like an old rain coat
Reach for him when you will
One day, trust me, he will have gone
That special place for you he will not fill
His heart you break
So easily with ne’er a thought
So blinkered are you with your life, loves, work
You fail to hear his voice and heed his needs
Your father son relationship you shirk
So do not come and weep
When finally you realise
This strong and handsome man with dignity
Will know you not, and have no wish to spend
A single minute of his life with thee
So grasp with haste
The fleeting chance you have
To know your son, this olive branch hold fast
In hopes to recompense your failings hence
And try to kindle yet a bond to last | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:35:47 PM | valleyjavastop I didn't see that I've been around for "20 pages" as you put it. Maybe in the beginning, but I havne't been on the furoms for quite some time. Now about the gay parent thing you mentioned...it was about an adoption topic so that's alot different then talking about a biological father. You might think its the same, but I know alot more foster fathers and adopted fathers that are better fathers then biological fathers. Not saying there isn't any, but with the programs and churches I was put into growing up you meet alot of children that have only one single parent. My opinion is that every child doesn't necessarily need their fathers. If they have a positive male or female in their lives being foster parents, aunts and uncles, or even big brother/sister, the child is getting all the help they want.
Just a question because I'm curious...to all the single mothers that believe they're doing a good job raising your children, what's your opinion to this? Why's the fathers not around? Easy to say if you're speaking from your own experience like I see everyone is doing, but what your experince did for you doesn't necessarily mean it will do for someone else. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:58:58 PM | | My daughters father is not around but I can assure you that she has all the love that a child can possibly have. A child does not "need" a father. A child needs love and stability in whatever form that comes in. Tallulah knows she is loved more than anything and that is even without a "father" and that is all that matters. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/15/2007 1:34:41 AM |
A truely well rounded and totally complete kiddo cannot hatch from a single woman ever or man for that matter.
I "hatched" from a single mom ( single since I was five ) and I am well rounded, whole, and mentally healthy. I did not miss anything from not having a father, when he was around, he caused us harm, and we were undoubtedly more well off without him.
All children benefit from healthy, mature, and stable adults in their lives. Some of these need not be parents, but people who can provide proper balance and knowledge to the young ones. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/15/2007 6:35:55 AM | | being a single mom with no dad in the picture i have to say as long as they have a positive role model in their lives, whether it be a man or a woman, this is what they need. i have known people who had both parents in their lives and turn out to be the biggest losers you will ever meet, and i have know people, like my oldest son, who had just 1 parent in their lives, and turn out great( he works for homeland security and studying to be an f.b.i. agent, is an eagle scout,etc.). my kids all benefitted from a program called mentor and this gives them positive feedback as to what a successful adult is like in their lives. a kid needs love and attention, no matter what the situation is, if you can just listen, this is what a kid needs. in teen years, it is important to let them know you are there for them. pay attention to what they have to say. is growing up with an abusive, alcoholic dad better than growing up with just a loving, supportive mom better? i highly doubt it. but you seem to think that growing up with someone that smack the s**t out of you all the time is better, i say examine your prorities. no kid needs that in their lives. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/17/2007 1:14:32 AM | hi only,
my son's father choose to leave the country himself. he didn't want to live in the usa and didn't tell me that until he was in his country for almost 2 years--i thought he was finishing up his work there and then joining us here. so in turn he actually abandoned his son. i did honestly hate him for a while, but then came to the conclusion i wasn't helping myself or my son. if he wants to see is son he has that option, i will never deny either one access to each other.
jennifer | |
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