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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:50:41 PM | | women who have kids that have never met their father, or whom rarely come around, have convinced themselves that their kids are better off without a father. It's just a coping mechanisim | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:57:26 PM | Unfortunately,after meeting alot of the women who say the father isn't around helps me to understand the reason why... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:30:37 PM | The thing is the orignal thread is Boys need fathers...period...so when you think about it we're really off topic when it comes to father figures. Now that's the difference. Having a father isn't the same as a father figure in my eyes since anyone could be a father figure, uncle, older brother, big brother association, next door neighbour, etc.
With the step fathers abusing their step sons, same could be said about fathers abusing their daughters. Lets try and stay on topic if we can, shall we? | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 12:38:15 AM | | My step dad was a far better parent to me than my real one. My step dad loved me, raised me, provided for me, was always there for me. My dad was a drunk who would disappear for months at a time. At one point 2 years at a time. My dad had a lot of problems and I love him despite everything and I'm glad he is a part of my life, but a step parent can be a more than suitable replacement, they can even be better. My step dad was a better dad to me than any biological dads I know of. Not all fathers are good, not all step fathers are good either, nor are all uncles, grandparents, etc. But a positive male role model is all you need. Some children are brought up by one parent, by two women or two men, yet these children often turn out better than plenty of kids brought up by a standard mother and father, and are perfectly well adjusted. In an ideal world, both parents are involved, but it isn't like a kid can't be a perfectly happy and healthy child because their father isn't part of their life. So no, they don't NEED them, it is ideal to have them. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 4:34:04 AM | | Children do need a male role model in their lives, but it certainly doesn't have to be their fathers....my daughter is around my stepdad, my dad and my brother, but not her father. I think she'd wind up a bit mental if she was spending time with her father lol. She has all the love she needs | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 7:52:44 AM |
Unfortunately,after meeting alot of the women who say the father isn't around helps me to understand the reason why...
I hope you meant something other than how this came across, like you are saying the mothers are responsible for the fathers choosing to leave their children.
I will give you the benefit of the doubt because we go way back... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:09:09 AM | | I totally agree with Bing147 on this....now that gay relationships are having children in some way, you're talking about 2 moms or 2 dads...if these children turn all right (and I think quite possibly better since the chances are they're learning not to judge in a hating way considering they're being raised by a gay couple) then that more then proves that the child doesn't need a father and a mother. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:23:24 AM | Today 25th of April is International Parental Alienation Awareness Day
..its our day to speek up .our children not just boys need dads | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 2:44:04 PM | I have raised step children and I have seen for myself ,,when there real dad shows up years down the road they will love him ,they will get mad and then cave in to what is a natural and essential feeling for a parent.unconditional love.A role model will never experience this to the same magnitude ,I have children of my own now and understand there unconditional love first hand .it is never to late for a parent to come back into a child's life .nor is it ever to late or impossible for a child to make peace and come home.
Blood is thicker then water.... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 4:03:31 PM | Any idiot can become a father. I've met a few who laid on the old charm to make themselves seem like they were the greatest men alive, only to tire of that sport and revert to themselves when they figured the girl was good and caught. I'm guilty of it too. Most guys are, and most guys will say anything to get into the desired woman's panties. Especially if she is the keeper type.
It takes a real man to step up and be a Dad. In the end the Role model who was there to teach catch, throw a punch, bandage the scraped knees is going to leave a lasting impression on the child, even when bio parent comes back into the picture to finally take the reigns of their responsibility. If they haven't truly changed and are acting out of guilt, the child will realize it eventually. The steady role model will stand out as the better ideal, the person who was always there when the child needed them, whether they are a step parent, teacher, coach, or good neighbour. There comes a time when we all realize our parents were not all knowing and powerful. This is no different for children of the single parent, then the children from a "whole" home.
Children need responsible role models of both genders. Biology plays a role, but it is not so huge as we think. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 4:52:14 PM | Becomming a father takes more then shooting live ones ...
No role model will replace a real father .., A Step Dad is a wonderful position in the family they can give you if you let them .If you do a good job the children will love you and respect you, the children are innocent of the previous failed relationship ,you could be the man responsible for showing this boy how to become a man by your example ,I agree Children do need responsable role modles.
But your not there Dad.
Boys need fathers ....Period | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 5:59:45 PM | | You keep saying that yet give no reasons. And apparently only boys need them, not girls. As for me, my step dad IS my dad, a dad is not the same as a father. Anyone can be a father, it takes a man to be a dad. Guys who father a kid but aren't good parents, I don't consider dads, just fathers, a sperm donor, nothing more. Blood isn't what makes a dad, a good step dad can be just as good as a biological one. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:27:26 PM | | yes children need a male role model not neccessarily a father. I also believe that because of the lack, single moms try harder to make sure that their children have just as many if not more opportunities than children with both parents who often take things forgranted. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 8:42:21 PM | | Lyrical girl,thanks for the benefit of the doubt...but if you ever knew me from way back you know that I never go "with the flow" if it is flowing the wrong direction. Stepdads try and I do mean "try" to replace the real Father,but like I said,I have experience and I also know others who share the same experience with stepfathers/stepmothers. Blood is thicker than water and even though my Stepdad tried to do his "job" it just wasn't the same. It is too bad my Dad chose alcohol over me and my sister,but you know,I still treasure those brief moments with my real Dad over the 15 or so years with my Stepdad...sorry to disagree,but that is what the Forums are about,TRUTH. I might have to be a kid's Step father one day if I ever get remarried,but I will know inside that kid really wanted his real Dad to be there for him and it was just unfortunate that it didn't happen that way. I don't play mind games with any kids,I just try to make amends for the wrong that was already done. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/25/2007 11:21:15 PM | desperodo
Boys need fathers....period...
Ok...explain if you can. Just repeating this isn't going to make us believe it. There is many facts here that says a boy doesn't not need a father. I didn't. My dad couldn't give a rat's ass for me and my sis. We turned out better then he did with both his parents. He lives paycheck to paycheck, no kids wanting him around, and he's going to die that way. He had a father and it screwed him, I didn't have a father and I have a wonderful family.
My friend's dad took off and has never been there, but a man married his mother. He never took the title "dad", but when my friend started calling him that, it brought him to tears. His step dad is his father/dad.
Someone said that a father coming back over time will help out. Not all cases. My dad always claimed to wanting to come back and have some kind of relationship with us. Guess what, he never did. We called and gave him chances, and he screwed up. Now we don't even care since we felt that he cheated us out of a chance of knowing him. We do know him now, and he's a selfish jerk. Hope he's happy because he's losing out on 4 beautiful grandkids. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:21:27 AM | I am a single mother of a three year old son. I left his father when he was 2 months old. I have no family that is present in my life. It is just my son and I since he was born. I have not dated since I gave birth to him. My son has never seen me with a man. No man has ever even been in our home.
I dont feel that he needs a male in his life. If it end up like that one day then great, but I refuse to let a man that has even half the love I have for my son in his life. I feel that it would damage my son to let a man come into his life that is not going to be in his life in the long run.
My son is very very smart. People ask me all the time how old he is I tell them that in just turned three and they do not believe me. They tell me that my parenting skills show. They are even more surprized to learn that I can raise a health smart young man by myself with no kind of help from anyone.
So in my opinon a man does not need to be in his life. It would just be extra love for him if that day ever comes. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 1:50:04 PM | iamtheone, you're saying you had a step dad who was there for you for fifteen years, who loved you and took care of you and you treasure the time you spent with your drunk dad who didn't care about you more? Wow, I feel sad for you. Blood is meaningless, its relationships and love that matter. Blood is just that, blood.
exceptionalmanwanted, I think its great that you raise your son well and he's mature, but he should see positive male role models in his life to give him some sort of model for what a good man is. I'm not saying you need to be bringing men into your house, as in dating guys and bringing them home all the time, its good that you don't. But do you have any male friends? Or a dad or uncle or grandpa or brothers? At 3, he's fine but as he gets older, he is going to need some sort of male role models. | |
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jossi
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Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 3:46:45 PM | | I think boys need boys lol and if it can be real father that the best for the child. I know few families where stepdad does just as good or better job and my hats off to that. I have always worked towards my daughters keeping in touch with their dad and gotten possitive feedback from them when older. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 4:13:34 PM | Intersting on this subject-there is now a scientific process being brought into being to enable women to conceive without men-just like some single women now have IVF treatment when they have no male partner-this is where the line of thinking that fathwers are superfluous leads-a world where fathers are considered so irrelevant that scientific techniques are used to pervert nature and bring children into being without any hope of a father ever being involved.
The true answer to the thread is obvious-yes children need fathers-but some single mothers do an excellent job of compensating for the absence of one. But it is still the IDEAL situation for a child to have a two-parent home with an alternative male and female role-model. And that is why absent mothers-and absent fathers should be given every opportunity to have contact with their children as it is more benficial than no contact. Do children need fathers? It is a hypocritical question-turn it around and ask do children need mothers? Yes-they need BOTH-where this is possible. Society is suffering from the lack of fathers in modern homes-too many children, particularly boys, are growing up without a male role-model-and often turn to negative influences like gang leaders as surrogate fathers. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:45:23 PM | I am a single Mother of three kids, two girls and a boy. My kids' father has decided he'd rather play father to his girlfriend's kid and does not bother with ours. I do believe that children need a positive male figure in their lives...not necessarily their father if he does not behave like one though. My ex unfortunately treated my kids poorly when he did see them. He would see them for 1.5 hours once a week. All that time he was on his cell phone with his girlfriend ignoring the kids and they would come home crying every time. So, I don't believe the person he has become is a good role model, father or not. I don't get insulted when people say they need a male figure...even though I am trying my best to be both to them, I know I can't be.
But to all the single parents out there.......I applaud you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the ones, mothers or fathers, that stay a positive role model in their kids' lives.  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:08:07 PM | Bing147,I will forgive your comments about my father just because your 20 and you don't know any better...My father was a brilliant man,a writer...and like Hemmingway,Van Gogh,etc...he had an addiction that took control of his life. Because of him,I know I will never let alcohol or drugs ever control my life,but everyone has a "monkey on their back" at one time or another sometime in their life. I don't believe my father ever got over losing me and my sister in the divorce. Shame on you for not being empathetic and I pray your kids don't have an alcohol or drug problem. How would you even know about being a single parent at 20yrs old anyway?
The fact is,no matter how much our Father messed up and made wrong choices in life,they will always be our fathers. I can only be the best Father I can be. It is every child's wish that their parents will get back together. Without that dream in their little hearts,most would have given up and killed themselves...so don't take that away. My stepfather did do an O.K. job of supplying my physical needs,but didn't supply any of my emotional/spiritual needs. KIDS NEED MORE! Two Fathers or two mothers can't take the place of A Father and a Mother...they will always just be substitutes...with that being said...congrats to those stepparents that are trying their best to do a good job,but you are few,a small %. Praise be to those parents that are giving their all to stay together for their kids and not their own stinking selfish desires...it will be worth it,God promises.  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:23:59 PM | ^^^ NOT all children want their parents to get back together! It was the best thing to have happened when my parents finally divorced. The fighting finally stopped.
Sometimes it is better for the parents to be apart than together. Apart they can focus on the children and not their failed relationship. It takes a big person to stay there for the kids after a separation, but it is better than the constant fighting and tension of an unhappy marriage "for the children." That is what I lived, and believe me, it got better for us kids when our parents finally split. No abuse, no substance problems, just two people who grew apart, and were better parents apart than together.
Edit: They were together 28 years, most of which was "for the children." We were better with the split, and seeing our parents HAPPY in relationships with partners better suited for them. Otherwise, we only would've witnessed the misery that was the crumbling of their relationship.
VVVVV They were much better apart! Sorry, but in this instance you are wrong. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:32:29 PM | | But my friend,Perfect42,it still didn't take that dream away...the dream your parents COULD get along and that EVERYTHING could be NORMAL. Of course,we had to settle...to settle for second best,even if it was better,it will always be SECOND BEST. I'm glad to hear you came out all right,some aren't as lucky, unfortunately... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/26/2007 8:45:22 PM | I know all about drug and alchohol problems, my father had one too. I have plenty of sympathy for you, in that you didn't get the experience with your father that you could have, but it seems pretty clear that you also didn't get the relationship with your step father that you could have, and that might well have had a lot to do with the fact that you didn't give him a chance, thinking for some reason that because you share the same blo0d, a person should always be forgiven. But how did he lose you in the divorce? Did he not have visitation rights? Did he not get to have any contact with you? If not, then if the reasons for it were unfounded I'm sorry for all involved. But being a genious doesn't justify problems such as alchoholism, it only makes them all the more sad as the person being brought down by them has more potential.
As for your idea that all kids want their parents to be together, are you crazy? Parents should NEVER stay together 'for the children.' Because the fact that they don't actually want to be together seeps into the entire family, the resentment and lack of joy in their lives brings the entire family down. Much better that a couple be happy and apart then unhappy and together. Kids or not. Personally, my father was a guy who got drunk and through chairs through our house. Who when drunk my mom had to take me and my brother, lock us all in her bedroom and call my uncles to come take my dad away. I used to pray that my parents would divorce and beg my mother to leave my father, which she eventually did.
I am especially glad that my parents divorced, regardless of my fathers problems, because if they hadn't I wouldn't have my step dad in my life who I love no less than my blood mother and father. My step father is not a replacement, it is an addition.
As for my being 20, you're right, but this thread isn't about what parents need, this is about what children need. Not that long ago, I was in a lot of the situations that get discussed on this forum and I enjoy posting here as a lot of the better discussions on this forum are here. I am not a parent but again, I am able to bring a different perspective to many of these discussions which I think will benefit parents to maybe see a perspective they might not in such discussions.
You have yet to post one bit of evidence that a child needs their blood father. Ever heard of adoption? Ever hear of sperm donors? These people will never know their blood father, but their parents will often be just as loving and caring and great and will be just as loved. Two fathers or two mothers in a gay relationship, I think the couple needs to make sure that the other sex' perspective is shown to that child throughout their life, but most of all, children need love. They don't NEED a father or NEED a mother (again, these are ideals, not NEEDS, needs are essentials and if plenty of children turn out fine without them, then it is not a need. I need food. I don't need electicity. I NEED water. I don't need a car. These things are good to have, but not needs), they need love. | |
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