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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/23/2007 2:57:15 PM |
How many of you women were so vindictive that you drove the father of your children away from them ??
And told them that he was'nt necessary.
Yep, I hold my hand up, I'm one. For a very good reason, too. My ex-husbad and my daughter's father were both low-life pieces of scum. One mentally and physically abused me and the other just beat the crap out of me. Both of them did this when I was pregnant. Hmmm, I wonder why I tell my children that they don't need faters like that?!
What a sad, sad thread
Please tell me, why is this sad?
I completely agree that there are two sides to every story and that mothers can be just as bad role models as the next person. At the end of the day, all single parents need support to do the job that is meant for two, alone. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/23/2007 3:28:23 PM | Husbands do suffer abuse but the fact is it is only through men's own inability to voice their feelings that it is ignored. The macho image that men create for themselves comes back to bite them on the butt! Don't get me wrong, men do not deserve to be beaten anymore than a woman does.
"1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime and between 1 in 8 to 1 in 10 women experience it annually. Less than half of all incidents are reported to the Police, but they still receive one domestic violence call every minute in the UK." - Women's Aid.
A husband, (particularly your sons) will be charged when a wife, without a scratch on her, says she was bashed. Even when a batterd husband is hosptalised the wife is rarely charged.
It is incredibly rare for an actual conviction to be made from any domestic violence case. There has to be evidence of an assault before they charge anyone involved.
While researching this topic, I looked at both Women's Aid and Men's Aid sites. The WA site provides statistics, support and practical advice. Not at any point are there any negative references to men outside of statistics. The MA site offers no statistics, it sets about rubbishing WA methods of data collection. The MA site totally sexist, claiming that the majority of domestic violence claims are lies put forth in court by mothers who wish to gain control of the situation.
I am therefore not surprised that you have these opinions of people and women. It would appear that sites such as MA just fuel these feelings of bitterness and resentment and I think that it is a real shame, as it prevents men who have been in an abusive relationship from moving on.
I myself was in an abusive relationship. My ex was very manipulative and very careful that no-one else saw this side of him except for me. At the end of the day, people think what they want to think about domestic violence, I had friends that I could have shown a video of him beating the crap out of me in my pregnancy and they still would have chosen not to believe me.
All domestic violence is incredibly distressing but to be perfectly honest, this subject has little relevance to the topic of this thread.
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/23/2007 3:39:36 PM | (not connected with the other ongoing plots in the thread)
You think all bad influence, is still better than no influence? And yes my sons know the difference. They can tell when deception is going on, they've seen cheating against mom, they've seen their dad get kicked out of several apartments, live 6 places in less than a year, hoard all his money away from them (yes away from the kids so they get NO support) becaus they know he's working and isnt getting them what they need not even a TOOTHBRUSH, late everywhere and every time, to noticeable disruption and disdain every time. Doesnt pay bills (lights get cut off etc), breaks into places and steals things WITH THE KIDS WITH HIM. The list goes on and on and on. Too many even to write a book about.
THeir dad did two things that I consider favorable, that I could have easily done myself or had someone else do.
Taught them how to swim/confidence in water
Showed them how to use a computer (they get this in school too)
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While they may have gained skill from those things, they gained nothing in terms of their relationship. They know how it is, and those things arent going to change that.
That specific person, needed? Very doubtful, if not definitely not.
This isnt a "bashing" session, its a truth telling session, and this is just the drop of melted water on the tip of the iceberg. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/23/2007 5:18:05 PM | | And a comparative note, the kids do well (better) when they have not been around their dad. As soon as they start spending time with him, they start lying, talking trashmouth, taking things of others, saying nasty things about people, and other noticeable negative "qualities". After they have stopped spending time over there for a while, it improves. More time with him, it starts all over again. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:52:12 AM | I don't think Boys need their fathers but I do think they need male role models in their life.
I am lucky in this as my dad and my brother have stepped up to the plate and are good role models for my son.
I also teach him alot as well and am very involved in his hockey life and so forth.
It was me in the basement with him teaching him how to check properly into the boards and so forth.
So yes they need male role models but it doesn't have to be the father it just has to be a respectful male human being that a boy can learn from and also learn to respect from. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:26:10 PM | princessantonia I'm betting your smart MOUTH got you in more trouble than you could handle. Your so called STATS can be turned around in a heart beat by and number of studies depending on whose you look at. Your p!sspoor attitude will be picked up my any girls you have. And they as well will have nothing but probs with men in her life. You Sons will NEVER find any sence of self worth nor understand any boundaries they need to set concerning women based on your hatred of men. I see it all the time. In every case I've seen a troubled boy with an uncontroled mouth for a mother. Your the kind that just can't WAIT for someone to cross you so you can vent on them. Your a sad case for sure. HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMASSSSS | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:07:31 AM | Intimidated by a 26 year old? Oh dear. Why dont you go and find someone who's interested in what you have to say, not that you actually have an opinion, just a lot of insults. You obviously have very little in your life. Have you looked up the stats I used? No? Didn't think so.
Please don't patronise my intelligence just because it intimidates you, you know nothing about my personal life or who I am and before you say it, I'm sure you don't want to, which asks the question, why have you written anything at all, other than to annoy me?!
P!ss poor attitude??!! Sad case? Lmao, is there a mirror handy? I don't hate men, I hate prejudice, nastiness, selfishness, ignorance and arrogance.
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:13:04 AM | It seems this thread has drifted to classic examples of women attracted to "bad boys" and then blame all men when the bad boys are bad husbands and bad fathers.
The reality is that boys mature best in steps by acheiving goals and being recognized for the acheivement with responsibilities. Without this process, they often don't mature and are resentful. The lack of maturity, however, does not make them unattractive to women, as seen all over this thread.
In virtually all societies on this dirt ball, the process to manhood has programs where the process is often formalized. In western society, it is no different. Boy Scouts, many organized sports, karate, music, some school programs, etc are just such examples. Several single mothers saw me as a good role model for their kids and asked me to be a scout leader to fill in that role for their kids. Since then, other similar roles have come along. Now I am single again and the irony is, women still go for the bad boys even when they have kids. Yup, its a screwed up world we live in. But as long as the bad boys get the women, the women will whine about all men being bad.
This thread is vastly different from another thread:
Are men 45+ with grown up kids willing to date a single mum with young kids?
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:50:51 AM | | I coach kids softball and get told by a few of my players mother's that I am the closest think to a father their child has ever had. So what does that tell you? Boys do need fathers. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:39:37 AM | this is the problem with todays society. U have kids taking guns to schools, kids becoming parents in there teens, un behaved kids. Well guess what, these same great kids will be leading this country in the future. Why is it ok to feel that your kid has the right to be born into this world without a dad. If you laid down to screw him, was he not good enough to be the dad. They make protection. How can another male figure care for the kid like its dad. If he is such a peice of shit that he isnt around to help raise his kid, then why the hell did you let him impregnate you. He didnt just become scum overnight. Someone that will abandon there own kid is a lifelong loser. SO while the country continues to fall into a soceity wasteland, look at the stats, most of the screw up kids came from a single parent household.
U made a good choice, when your kid is on drugs, quits school, has s rap sheet, and grows up in a trailer park, tell them you made that decesion for them. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 10:20:45 AM | Children of both sexes need both POSITIVE male and female role models whether they are their parents or not. Some parents are not suitable to be positive role models at all.
However, different children see different things depending on the circumstances. It's all about education and personality types.
Example: If 2 children have the same negative role model in their lives, one child may decide "Now I know what I will NOT be like when I get older" and the other will decide, "What's good enough for my family is good enough for me" and will continue the cycle. It depends on the child and the education of that child betwen right and wrong behavior. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 12:03:41 PM | This is just complete bunk. Boys and girls need stable, reliable, loving adults in their lives. It doesn't matter whether the loving adults are male or female - but there are key characteristics that kids need to develop self esteem, self love, security, and confidence - the tools necessary to grow to become a loving adult. More than anything, kids need to know that you are there for them, that you love them, and that you have confidence in their abilities to become independent functioning adults.
There are so many completely inept people out there trying to raise children, and they pass that endearing characteristic down, generation after generation.
If you are a loving, completely committed mom or dad - doing your best to make good decisions for your kids, more power to you. And, if you can or HAVE to do it without an opposite gender partner to help, then there is a very good chance your kids will be just fine. There is nothing more hurtful, in my mind, then to model a dysfunctional domestic relationship for your kids - and THAT, more than anything, screws kids up. This gender question, is just a smoke screen. Step up to the plate and put your kids first, and stop ****ing about how you don't need to do that, for this reason or that (always a selfish reason.) Accept what an awesome and wonderful responsibility it is to be a parent - no matter who else is helping you or NOT helping you.
And, MOST importantly - take care of yourself, and model the life of a healthy, joyful, responsible adult for your kids. That is what they will grow to become. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 1:05:43 PM |
There are so many completely inept people out there trying to raise children, and they pass that endearing characteristic down, generation after generation.
So what is your suggestion? I choose the route of volunteering my own time and exploring the root issues making people inept parents. With that experience, I see a considerable difference in the needs of boys and girls. I don't see it so much as specifically needing a male role model but more recognizing what a boy needs to mature. Some women(mothers) recognize this but many don't. Some assume boys are no different from girls and try to raise them from a woman's perspective at growing up female. Boys aren't wired that way and will not likely mature to be responsible adults. The sad thing is, they will have the worst traits of both genders. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/26/2007 2:45:10 PM | I also volunteer at women's shelters. My goal is to see that parents become empowered, emotional, intellectually, spiritually, and financially, so that they are equipped to carry the responsibility of parenting. It's so true that boys and girls are different - I have one of both - but, then - every individual is unique. So often we bring our own predjudices, weaknesses and strengths into parenting - it's something that every parent has to guard against, when it doesn't serve the child.
Sounds like you're a great dad - or would be...  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:38:30 AM | Lookingforgoodgril, nice way to pass judgement on situations you know nothing about. Lots of people bail when a child is on the way or after it has been born. Yes, sometimes they ARE losers overnight. Lots of birth control methods fail. And believe it or not, lots of decent people grew up in trailer parks.
This is what I'm talking about. Instead of taking things as they are, so many people want to just use armchair quarterback psychology and judge the situation and the people in it. More people need to see what's RIGHT with the world and single parent homes, instead of passing judgement and pointing out what's wrong.
Bad on you. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:49:57 PM | Should be "Boys have fathers but need good ones".
So in other words---Period??? NOT!!!
That's not to say "perfect" as there is only one who is. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:39:19 PM | | YES kids need and deserve both parents, but on the other hand when the dad walks out on them never returning theres not much you can do is there kids need positive male and female role models in there life but this does not have to be from the parents if one had abandoned them. I have 2 boys a 4 n 2 yr old, there dad walked out a yr ago the youngest wouldnt know what daddy ment let alone what his own father looks like and the oldest has stoped talking about him so yea they miss out on a daddy(that the dad chose all by him self to leave them) but on the other hand my boys have plenty of male role models in the form of uncles family friends ect and these men WILL never walk out of there life so kids can get these important things from other males or females | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:56:27 AM |
Should be "Boys have fathers but need good ones".
Completely agree! My son's dad is not the best role model in the world and if given the choice and knowing what I know now, I would have made wiser choices. On the other hand, I am grateful that my son has a close bond with him and that he gets the 'male-bonding' time from him, as opposed to getting it from my dad, who is getting too old to be running around after two year-olds.
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Why is the thread only about boys needing fathers? Surely girls need their daddys just as much as boys, purely because they need to learn about how men behave and the role that men have in life, which should be a positive one, rather than negative. This view may well be seen as a little old-fashioned but as a single mother, I admit that both my son and daughter benefit from a 'father-figure'.
I think boys do need their 'daddys' but only when that male has something to offer the child as a role model. I don't think that there is any point in sending a child off to spend time with someone who is only going show them negative aspects and influences. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:45:36 AM | Both boys and girls need a father figure in their lives, preferably their real father.
I am still fighting to gain access to my children and even have a court ordered inquiry that came back with that exact statemaent. Just try and get that across to a vindictive ex is another matter when the ex is adament about keeping the father away and ignores court rulings! | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:07:26 PM | | You selfish little beetch...just what we need....another little **stard....and no....you did not turn out 'all right'....I can't believe how selfish you are....go back to school....you can't spell.... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:15:16 PM | | Let me guess....three kids, three DIFFERENT men you've screwed, never married....GREAT example.... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/20/2008 1:16:09 AM | I love how turtletown is daft enough to post responses to 3 random replies in a 20-page thread that was last active last YEAR, with no quotes or any indication what responses are being replied to.  | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:50:36 PM | he's edge-u-ma-kated...
Can tell by his choice of words and cool use of intellect.. lol.. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:17:27 PM | | OOOF!! He's married...but discreet. Guess that's why he's trying to get in a couple of stealth-retorts. I am SO glad this one has been ressurected! WHEW! | |
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