|
|
|
|
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 2:26:45 PM | | Whatever male believes thats woman cannot raise a child on their own must be joking ... I know lots of women who raise children on their own for many reasons and I am one of them, none the less to say its hard but someone has to do it. My family is full of positive male role models for my baby boy, we dont need to stay with the father just for the children we should do our jobs as parents to make sure he has anything and everything he needs or wants. Single moms are looked upon as failures in life, but in all honesty single moms have the hardest job of all and deserve alot more recognition. Thanks for listening it helps to have an opinion of a single mom. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 2:39:30 PM |
Bottom line: Mothers (or Fathers) who push their counterparts out of their children's lives suck. Children have the RIGHT to a positive, interactive relationship with both their biological parents. Study after study has shown that they benefit greatly with both parents' involvement.
Are you HONESTLY going to sit here and say you believe that? Read my last post on this thread. I forced my ex husband out of my child's life. I would do it again. If someone had tried to force me to let him see my son I would have spent the rest of my life in prison because believe me, I would have taken whatever measures necessary to prevent it. Shitty parents suck, a loving parent forcing a shitty parent out of a child's life does not. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 3:03:56 PM | Read the statement again. I said right to a "positive interactive relationship with both their biological parents." Sounds like you may be the exception to the rule. All I know is if you tried to come between my daughter's and my's relationship...I'd probably be the one in prison. No one has right to force me out of my daughter's life, considering I am an awesome father. (If you need testemonials, then so be it, I'll get you dozens).
So yes, I HONESTLY believe what I said. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:36:28 PM | Ccindicane2, I really think that a Father could have taught you how to deal with you anger problem that you seem to demonstrate. We DO need both parents. It doesnt mean we are all blessed with 2 parents,but there are definitely things a Mother teaches and things that a Father teaches us as kids growing up. I am sorry you had a bad Father,but remember,he is the one that lost out by not reaping the blessings from his children. Unfortunately,women like you tend to take it out on ALL men since you had a bad Father.
How you raise your kids early on will be how they behave in their teenage years. Not having a Father to offset the problems they experience in their teenage years will only make things worse later on. Kids do need a Mom AND a Dad | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:55:02 PM | | Someone hear said something about people who have a single parent are single parents themselves as a negative. There might be a reason why they are single. Maybe because of the abuse they see between their moms and dads was what they believed a relationship is about so they themselves look for something like that. When finding it and being in it, maybe they realized, "oh shit, this is wrong," and now they are single. You can't assume that having no father (or mother) growing up might be the reason why someone is a single parent. Me and my sis had no father growing up (coming to see us whenever granny wants to see us is not really there), and we're both in positive relationships with 4 happy children between us. But we did have a positive male father figure there to help us out on things. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:55:51 PM |
Read the statement again. I said right to a "positive interactive relationship with both their biological parents." Sounds like you may be the exception to the rule. All I know is if you tried to come between my daughter's and my's relationship...I'd probably be the one in prison. No one has right to force me out of my daughter's life, considering I am an awesome father. (If you need testemonials, then so be it, I'll get you dozens).
So yes, I HONESTLY believe what I said.
You can rest assured my ex husband would swear he would be a positive influence in my son's life. Did he ever harm him? No, he did not, he only met him twice (both times as an infant). Would he have harmed him? I have no way of knowing. I DO know I was not willing to take that risk, therefore I may have force what you would consider a positive influence out of his life. I do know he still carries a worn and battered picture of him in his wallet proudly showing off "his son" who has long since been adopted by my husband. THAT is what children need. LOVE, not blood lines.
I am not saying YOU should not be a part of your daughters life, I have no way of knowing. I am saying that it is nowhere near as simple as you make it sound. Sometimes people have legitimite reasons to exclude one parent. Sometimes the child is much better off, even if someone, somewhere thinks they might have been a positive influence. | |
|
Gavel
|
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 82 | |
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:12:13 PM | Criticizing the fact I type too fast.
I know I'm not educated enough for you.
Don't get my information from DQ first. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:14:08 PM | a_sweet_fishy
I agree with the picture remark. My sis and I were close to my dad's mom, our grandma for many years, she more then me. After she passed away, we heard from mutual friends of my dad's that he has recent pics of me and my family and my sis and her family. We barely seen him since my grandma passed away. Turns out he took the pics from my grandma's house and kept them, to make himself look like a loving and caring father and grandfather.
When my son was born, I was willing to give my dad a "second" chance but through my son. He won't be my dad, but he's welcome to be my son's grandpa. It's been over 3 years and my dad hasn't called. I gave my dad a baby pic when my son was born with our phone number on the back to call, he never did. But he sure is proud to show pics that were not sent or given to him to his friends. In which it makes us, the kids, look bad to his friends that don't know us. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:28:49 PM | | a_sweet_fishy, a parent never has a right to push another out of their childs life, unless they have a legitimate reason to think they would hurt the child. The child deserves better than that, they deserve to have both parents be a part of their life unless theres some serious reason for them not to be. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:37:45 PM | It would appear you didn't read my earlier post. This child was the result of my being held down and raped in front of my husband's friends. Add to that the chokings, beatings, knives being thrown at me and stabbed in the wall behind my head.......while he never once harmed my child, I believe my reason's were legitimate. However, his family and friends and he all thought I had no right or reason to take my son far away from him. I disagree.
I will have to add, I don't know, but I doubt he would have physically harmed my son. He places no value on the lives of women, so it would have been different. However, do you honestly think any child needs THAT kind of influence? | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:44:26 PM | | Ah, I did miss that post. Then yes, I think you were justified. Though why you didn't press charges and have him locked up is beyond me, then it wouldn't be an issue. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:50:21 PM | | Because at the time it happened I was a battered wife. I did not (becasue I was not allowed) speak to family, friends, have a telephone........he had me followed when I went grocerey shopping and to make sure I knew he would tell me what route I took and the exact speed I drove through each area. I once had to stop for gas and it was the "wrong" gas station.......got in BIG trouble for that one! So, when I filed for divorce and there was no record of any abuse, he was given full visitation. Yeah, pressing charges would have been great, sometimes it just doesn't feel like an option (especially when the disposal of your body has already been pre-planned). Just for the record, his mother and one of his sisters has since apologized to me and admitted they knew all along what was going on. Isn't life just beautiful sometimes. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:54:57 PM | | Just seems odd that you didn't have the courage to do that but you were able to leave him and get a divorce. But I'm sorry at your situation and glad you're out of it. How did you allow all of it to happen in the first place though? Seems a bit crazy, I can't imagine anyone ever agreeing to marry someone like that. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:59:20 AM | [You can rest assured my ex husband would swear he would be a positive influence in my son's life. Did he ever harm him? No, he did not, he only met him twice (both times as an infant). Would he have harmed him? I have no way of knowing. I DO know I was not willing to take that risk, therefore I may have force what you would consider a positive influence out of his life.]
I did read your posts before (and after), but I'm sorry, I for one (and probably the only one) am not taking what you say at face value. My ex made all sorts of outrageous claims to my villiany (including the classic "sexual abuse") to justify pushing me out of my daughter's life, all failed. I am not one to dance around the "giant pink elephant in the room." People can (and often do) claim wrong doing on the part of their ex's to get their way in a divorce/child custody situation. I will eat each and every one of these words (but only in your particular case) if you can produce sufficient police/arrest reports, records of abuse, convictions etc. to support your claims.
By your own admission though there was no evidence that your ex was a danger to your son (he only met him twice and he never harmed him). You just decided to push your ex out of your son't life. Its your SON's right to know his father, regardless of your own personal interests. As is my case, thank goodness they have laws to protect a child's right!
And to support what I HONESTLY believe, even though my ex tried to claim that I would be harmful to our daughter, I hired an independent counselor who testified that my daughter and I have a GREAT relationship and it was my ex who had caused harm. After that, my ex dropped the whole trying to push me out of our daughter's life bit, because I had sufficient grounds to push HER out of her daughter's life. Did I pursue that option? No, because my ex took the steps necessary (based on the counseling) to create a positive relationship with her daughter and it is my daughter's RIGHT to that relationship. Would I love it if my ex disappeared never to darken my doorstep again? Absolutely! Would I MAKE that happen? Not so long as its in my daughter's best interests to have her mother in her life. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:05:36 AM | I don't care if believe me or not. I have no reason to doubt that you would be harmful to your daughter. Of course an independent counselor YOU hired testified in YOUR favor. And a woman who had been abused WOULD back down. Your story proves nothing except that you were willing to fork over the cash to get what you wanted. I have no clue what the TRUE story is.
Oh, and for your information, it is NOT my son's right to know his father, regardless of my personal interest. If a child's mother is not safe in the company of a man, then the child is not either. PERIOD. Thankfully, my ex signed the papers so my child is now legally adopted and is no longer his. There are some very evil, controlling, manipulative, brutal, men on the world. They tend to be good at getting what they want and controlling every situation around them. I refused to back down and I have my son, healthy, happy, and content. His bio father has since been to prison a few times, caused another girlfriend to miscarry a set of twins (shoved her of a chair she was standing on on the kitchen) and STILL 10 years after the fact has yet to get a job! | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:47:40 AM | All fabulous stories to support your viewpoint, I'm sure. There's an equal amount of evil, manipulative, brutal, and controlling women out their as well. So you'll just have to pardon me if I don't buy into your (admittedly by your own self) non-evidence-based justification on why you stripped your child of the right to know his father. Thank god I live in a society where mere accusations and anectdotal evidence alone can't convict someone. Oh wait, in your case it can!
The independent counselor was chosen by my ex btw. I was as open and transparent about it as possible, since I have (nor will I ever have) anything to hide. I allowed my ex to select the counselor and I agreed to the one she chose. She could have just as easily chosen a counselor who would unquestionably side with her, but I believe that the truth will always prevail. And yes, I would gladly "fork over" any amount of cash to "get what I wanted," considering all I want is to preserve my daughter's right to know both her parents growing up. I walk my talk.
Aside from the fact that you don't believe me and I clearly don't believe you...yes, it is a right of your child to know both biological parents, no matter how you try to justify otherwise. You may hide behind your tales and your legal manipulations all you want, but a right is (and always will be) a right. Again, by your own admission your son's father never harmed, never threatened to harm, and as I recall in your postings you didn't seriously think he would harm your son.
So congratulations on YOUR "victory," I'm sure your son will be all the better for it. And you didn't even have to "fork over the cash" to get what YOU wanted. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:07:03 AM | I said clearly, PHYSICALLY harm in regards to my child. I feel emotional harm (IE abusing the other parent) is just as detrimental.
I am well aware of the number of evil manipulative women in the world. I have seen many of both genders. I know excellent fathers and mothers I know crappy fathers and mothers. I also know that no man willing to abuse a woman deserves to EVER have contact with a child resulting from that abuse.
My son now has a father a daddy a man who loves and values him AND me. Someone who will not lay a hand on me and will help raise him to be a good, kind, caring, loving, man someday. That takes the place of ANY blood relation. If, for some reason, my husband and I were ever to divorce (which will never happen anyway) I would make sure he had EVERY opportunity to spend every available minute with out children. They need him, they love him and he does them. I am not some evil woman who does not want a man in my children's lives. I want them to have a good father. Just not one who had many times over proved he is a violent, abusive man.
Since the girlfriend was hospitalized after the loss of the twins, there is medical evidence of that abuse. It may not prove my case, but that, when added to what I say happened to me, the records from the counseling I sought after leaving him to help overcome the abuse, and the word of his mother and sister, admitting they KNOW he abused me is more than enough for most rational people to feel I was justified. You are judging every other situation on your perception of your own. Just because you feel you were a benificial person for your daughter to have in her life does not mean all other men are. If you truly are the great father you claim then I am glad you won. If not, then I pity your ex and daughter.
This will be my last post on this. I will most likely be suspended for "chatting" at this point anyway. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:56:13 AM | Again, pardon me if you fail to convince me. I merely cited your own words in your original postings (when you chose to respond to mine). I will concede "conceptually" what you say has a certain amount of merit, but even then I completely disagree with one parent arbitrarily pushing the other parent out of the child's life (to which you appear so proud of doing). Its not your place to make that decision. Again, by your own words, the courts granted your son's father full visitation rights. If there was/is real legitimate evidence of what you say, the courts should/would decide on what to do about it, not you.
What you promote is a dangerous concept. That based on one parent's justifications alone, without any hard factual evidence, out goes the other parent from the child's life, merely because they decided it should be so. I'm sure you can cite countless cases where this has been a good thing, however I can cite an equal number of cases where it has not (and the child has been the one to suffer for it). You can probably guess which side I choose to err on.
Fantastic that your son has a healthy male figure in his life. However, it is not his biological father. A child has a right to know both their biological parents. I will concede that right may legally be limited/restricted in cases of legitimate, proven abuse, but that's for the courts to decide, not the other parent. That right will only be limited up to the point in which the child legally becomes an adult, at which time they may pursue an unfettered relationship with with whomever they wish.
And that is my last word on the subject. Quite frankly at this point I don't believe either of us could convince the other, so anything further would be pointless. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 10:22:25 AM | Thats correct Maelstrom one parent should never be allowed to decide the level of contact a child can have with another parent-because too often custodial parents (usualy the mother) can shut the other parent out because of an acrimonious break-up or divorce or personal bitterness-in other words they are putting their personal feelings before the well-being of their child-which is best served through mainitaing contact with the child's biological parents.
BUT this lady was raped-and-if she is telling the truth about that-then the father may be aphysical risk to the child-as she says he caused two other girlfriends to miscary-and has been in and out of prison. But i still think supervised contact could be worked out-though in this lady case it sounds like a very difficult situation. She says that her ex is harmful to her-but contact doesnt have too involve her-the child can see th father in a supervised situation-without the mother present. So that is the simple answer to that. But if he is violent and poses a risk to the kid then the courts should decide he cannnot see the child-because he may cause physical harm to his son.
However Maelstrom is correct in saying it sets a dangerous precedent to suggest the mother should have the final say IN ALL CASES on whether the father can have contact with the son.
That assumes that ALL mothers are responsible and make the right decision for the child-which is as stupid as saying all humans are good and dont break the law. SOME mothers make the right decision but others choose to be selfish and shut the father out for no good reason-as in Maelstroms case- and that is not acceptable-and that is why we must have courts and enforcement of access orders. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:42:33 AM | Here's something you should think about if you believe your child does not have the right to know his/her father/mother....in the future, that child might want to know his/her father/mother and when he/she learns that you did everything you can to stop or protect him/her, he/she may end up hating you. In my case, it was my choice to continue seeing my dad. Whenever he picked us up to see his family, we went. When I learned that he only did that for his family's sake and not his, it was my choice to stop seeing him. He wasn't good to my mom and I knew this. My mom never talked bad about him to us as we were growing up. But my dad always put down my mom. He still puts her down after 25 years. She wanted us to learn that our father was a jerk so we understand. Yes, she wanted to protect us, but she also understood that no matter what, he deserved to be part of our lives. Unless a judge or court says otherwise.
Again, be careful of what you say or do to your child when it comes to his father. If he looks and finds him in the future and learns different, you might have just lost your child. Not saying this will happen, but is it worth risking losing that relationship between mother and child if he thinks you're to blame. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 12:18:38 PM | I guess that was not my last post, but I think my child's potential to hate me needs addressed after that.
Honestly, if my child ever decided to hate me bacause I took every possible measure to protect him, then there is nothing I could do to stop that. He knows my husband is not his biological father. He also knows nothing of his biological father. We do not discuss him. Some day I am sure it will come up, and I will address it then. Right now he has no desire to know. He loves his Dad, his Dad loves him. They have a bond equally as strong as any biological father has with his son. He will know it was a matter of safety, life and death, that we are not around him, when and if he does ask. I highly doubt any child would hate a parent who has loved, nurtured, cared for, and been there from day one when they see a nasty, broken, shell of a person, in and out of prison, hated by most who know him, and know their parent was truthful. It would have been no different had I been raped by a stranger. Would you then be arguing I risk having my child hate me if I did not make sure the rapist was allowed parental rights? After all, according to the arguments here, all that matters was a mans ability to ejaculate. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:29:05 PM | | little girls need fathers too. All kids do. But it doesn't always work out that way. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:22:20 PM |
I highly doubt any child would hate a parent who has loved, nurtured, cared for, and been there from day one when they see a nasty, broken, shell of a person, in and out of prison, hated by most who know him, and know their parent was truthful. It would have been no different had I been raped by a stranger. Would you then be arguing I risk having my child hate me if I did not make sure the rapist was allowed parental rights? After all, according to the arguments here, all that matters was a mans ability to ejaculate.
Good lord. Again it is not your place to decide, it is the courts. If you were raped (and in this case it wasn't a stranger) then one can assume you reported it, he was arrested, possibly convicted, and the courts decided that was sufficient grounds for him to never see his child again, correct? But wait, you said the court granted him full visitation rights and that you just pushed him out of his child's life anyway? That's very presumptious of you, isn't it? I take it then we can just do away with the court systems entirely and just write directly to you for decision making in the future?
The arguments you are referring to here are about rights, particularly the child's, and now by extension due process via the law (which is there to protect said rights). They may not be the original intent of the subject line, but they are what we were recently writing about.
You yourself said there was no evidence of risk to your child from his father, merely that you "couldn't take that risk." Again, who are you to decide that for your child? If my mother arbitrarily cut me out of my father's life like that (or vice versa) I would indeed have grounds to be very angry. Of course, your son will probably believe exactly what you tell him, as he doesn't really have the benefit of hearing the other side of the story while he grows up, now does he? Afterall, you saw to that.
And how demeaning that you so readily boil fathering a child down to merely "a man's ability to ejaculate." | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:36:37 PM | | My boys need their father. The love and respect they have for him will help them to be better men. I would never never take that away from them. I encourage and respect it. | |
|
| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:48:50 PM | I have raised my boys by myself from the time they were infants. I knew back then that their father was not going to be around consistently, and he wasn't. I always tried to do boy things with them and think about things that we would discuss from an objective viewpoint, rather than a 'female' emotional viewpoint. I got them involved in sports and art. (Coaches and teams of boys are wonderful for boys to bond with). I tried to make them as well rounded as I could, being I was only one person. I had the foresight to do this.
Their dad and his family are now back in the picture, and it's not always an easy adjustment. He is trying though, and I give him credit for that. I get comments from his family all the time on what good boys my kids are. (They are now 10 and 11). Let me tell you, they are very proud moments for me, to have people acknowledge that yes, I did do a good job being mom and dad! He has been back in their lives for a year, and they do need their time with him, but I am confident they would have been ok if it had remained the three of us as well.
I think the biggest thing no matter what your situation is parenting unselfishly. I know of plenty of single mothers (and fathers), and for that matter, married couples who do not put their children first in their lives, and it is a sad sad thing. | |
|
|
| Page 4 of 23
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 |
|
Home
login 
