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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:22:41 AM | Hi there,
i can always remember my mum saying to me, find someone without any baggage, but hey i'm a single parent of one smashin 11 year old. there's nothing wrong with a bloke going for custody or having 3 kids.
it's obvious the ladies that you have been talking to don't relate to the real world. also one of the comments that i read was, no one drinks infront of her children. Well some of us are licencee's and have to live in a pub. My son's grown up in this enviroment for 6 years and believe me i;ve had no problems.
you'll meet the women of your dreams who'll love your kids to bits. x x x
I'm sure my dream man's out there somewhere xx | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:45:09 PM | alright here goes i am a single parent of 3 a 13 year old daughter 12 year old son and a 9 year old son so i kinda know wher you are comming from is any woman going to want to date a guy with 3 kids and be an instant mother
belive it or not they are out there i have run into several
problems that i have read about you are you advertise too much your picture of you and a beer tells people that you cant even put the beer down long enough to take a picture you might have a problem
second you are fighting for custody is like asking for some one to help you fight your ex wife its your fight not theres get a lawyer for help
if the drinking is more important then the children the get a doctor instead
if your looking for a partner to replace your ex wife that is fine if your looking for some one to help you fight your battles you may never find some one
this is just my opinion i could be wrong | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:14:44 PM | do what you gotta due for the kids, me i got custody of my 12 and 16 year old sons and my shared custody of my daughter who will be 4 in jan. i couldnt imagine life with out them, one thing about the kids they will always be there.
i go threw the same thing woman see that i have 3 kids and run like hell....maby some day one may not run ,but for now i have a house full of love. | |
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Ren75
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Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 12/22/2007 5:08:34 PM | I'm not saying change this in your profile, but the big red light for me is the drinking. Nothing wrong with a beer or two but more than 3x/week would be too much for me to put up with and I know I'm not alone (not saying there aren't women out there that don't care, but it does decrease your dating pool). Don't forget, much of our generation had alcoholic parents to contend with and nothing screams "run away" like a man who's a habitual drinker.
I couldn't care less if you had 3 kids, that would never scare me away.
BTW, you have nice eyes :) | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:19:27 AM | I am also a single mom with kids. Buddy... it's works the same for even the moms. If the lady dont want you cus of your kids. kick'em to the curb. You dont need her in your life. I would rather go out with a single parent then someone who does'nt have kids ..why? cus a single parents mental stability is more practical when it comes to family issues, thats me. I like the family life. So, what Im trying to say is that maybe this life is not for everyone. Being a parent. Also... some single parents shy away cus of the possible drama that will come with a custody battle. "DRAMA". Thats scary for alot. We all been there. I feel for you. It's life and it does happen to us. Maybe after the DRAMA is settled you will meet someone. It aint easy for alot of people to deal with that... being the GF and dealling with your mans court hearings.... its going to be hard. Yet.... it probably be best to be friends till it's over.
When I went through my court battle's.... shoot I barely had time for a relationship...lol. I give you credit..... you have alot of energy. Keep up your spirits, rather with or without court battles.... you will meet someone.... when you even least expect it. People say... when you are looking for it.... it aint there. Maybe stop looking for that special someone and concentrate on you kids.. Who know's.... she just might be sitting next to you, in court or maybe in a snack shop.  So stay positive and give your time at this moment to your babies..... they need you right now.... not some girl... you personal life is always going to be there..... Our kids only grow up once in our life...... make it worth your wild. Because we will never be able to see it again. Hang in there.... life aint over... relax.... it's just begginning.  | |
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Bibidy
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Joined: 12/15/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:14:54 AM | Im a single father too, io dont see why i should hide the fact im a single father. Ladies, if i didnt tell you for weeks that i was a single father while we are dating, wouldnt you run thinking i was lying to you?
If I was honest and told you up front would you think i was being to honest. In most peoples profiles that i have read it says, "Looking for genuine honest guy". So when you are honest and say your a single father you dont even look at the profile. LOL, as far as it goes thats contradiction at its best.
You got the guy who started this forum, "Ugly_guy32" (not taking the mickey by the way) then more than likely another thousand of us on htis site that will tell you we are single fathers, and we love doing what we do. But we get told we have commitment problems, whats that all about??
I understand that women who have a maternal side are worried about getting close to the kids and viseaversa, so they dont risk it. but You'll never know unless you try.
I have tried relationships with single mothers before i had my kids, and I got to say the commitment problem came from the woman, so i dont see the problem, theres loads of guys that will commit to single mothers, just wish there was women who felt the same bout guys.
In the same respect, what about the women who wont take a single father if the want their own children, thats a joke, unless we say we dont want kids we are automaticly judged!! most single dads will say, right now they dont want kids, but at the end of the day if the woman in our life wanted a kid, we would have to think about it. Unless you have had the snip you would at least talk about the possibilities would you not??
Rob | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/11/2009 11:54:14 AM | | well i have been in relationships and we're not threeatened by the children. they are threatened by us.anyway,there are the q's will my kids get along with his? willl they like me? will mine like him?more times than not it's the kids who are not ready for the parents to date.i've been ready for a long time.my kids are just now ready. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/11/2009 4:59:09 PM | I think that a lot of your issues could come from the fact that you are currently fighting for custody. I dated a man who was in that fight, and no one really wants to go through all that drama. I would suggest getting past that, really getting your life in shape and then pursuing a woman. Even if you found a woman willing to deal with the drama you have going on, she is likely to bolt after a while if it just continues on and on.
Having 3 children is probably going to be a lot for any woman to come into, especially if she has children of her own. It's a lot of work. Now there are plenty of women who will be fine with that, but some won't. You can't worry about those who won't. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:00:25 PM | The pool of interested women is automaticaly reduced when you add factors such as children and custody. It doesn't mean that there are none to choose from however. There are hundreds or thousands of women in your area on this site. Keep looking until you get the right one.
When a person has three kids, that is four possible relationships that the new prospect has to consider. Might be too much for many, as there are many simpler profiles to choose from. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:37:13 PM | | The fact you have 3 children does not scare women away. It's something about you they do not like, or they do not want to step into a custody fight when your priorities obviously are, or they do not want to assume the role of "making you feel better" because you are going through something difficult and you have nothing left to give someone else. Too much for a first or second date - I would expect a woman to act differently if you and she were together in a relationship, but just starting out? When you have everything settled in your life, you will find that women are more available to you - and it does not matter how many kids you have. You have nothing to give to a new relationship right now as your full attention is elsewhere. Accept it, deal with the issues in your life, then begin dating when you can give a women the chance she deserves when starting a new relationship, or even dating. There is nothing wrong with that, either. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:31:37 AM | Personally, my preference is to find someone, who does not have kids, nor wants them. I've always known, that I never wanted kids, so I chose not to have them. Now that I am 40, I am having a hard time finding a man, who feels the same way that I do. But, I know that they are out there. Just like I know, that there are single mom's out there, who would love to find a man like you, who has 3 kids :)
Just hang in there, and you will find a woman, who will appreciate you even more, that you want your kids to live with you full time!
Trish :) | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:12:30 AM | I guess it would depend on who you are looking ot date and how you present having three kids.
If you are letting them know upfront that you are looking for a stepmother...or are trying to date women that have raised their own children...then you likely aren't going to be successful.
IMHO,a woman that has one or more children herself that are at home still would probably be the best match for you and your situation.
Question is: Is that what YOU are looking to find? | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/12/2009 1:05:32 PM | | Women should be the least of your worries now.What you need to do is concentrate on you and your children and enjoy yourself and your kids.Find an activity that makes you happy and brings the positive in you so it can radiate to your children and people around you.I myself am i single father of 3 kids and well to be honest i haven't had much luck on any dating site and i consider myself an attractive guy but it does not bother me because i appreciate what i have now and i set a positive outlook on my children.I consider myself fortunate to have full custody of my kids unlike some who can't or are not allowed to see their kids.So remember if a woman cannot accept you because you have children it's their lost not yours! | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/13/2009 10:07:44 AM | | I don't think it's the fact that you are a single father of 3...and if it is, they must be women who don't want kids, or are afraid of getting into a relationship kind of like starting a "ready made" family. The thing is, you can't let something like that discourage you, because there are plenty of women who don't mind it...like me! :) | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:38:00 PM |
I've since decided to date men that do have kids but I have restrictions within that rule. They must not be under the age of 10, must have a mommy somewhere as I won't play that role to someone elses children, nor will they to mine. Like now, I won't live with a man until after my kids are out of the house (4 more years to go whoo hoo!) so I will never again have to worry about their hearts being hurt as they were before. With children, come conditions. Some people don't want to deal with that, be man or woman.
This is almost verbatim what my own dating rules are, with the only exception that I won't date a man with children under the age of 18, he must not have the kids full-time and while the "mommy" must be in the picture, I'll append that to add "who is healthy, who takes responsibility for her own children and whose own life is full enough so as not to make her interested in tinkering with her ex." I was in a situation where a child was under the age of 18 and the mother of that child created plenty of drama. I also witnessed a custody battle in that relationship (ex-wife being declared an unfit parent) and it created a lot of stress around us. In the end, the stress and resulting resentment created by the ex-wife and kids were what destroyed the relationship.
Because of what I went through with that relationship, I cannot date a man who has children full-time. A man who has children without respite rarely has the time and energy for a relationship, unless he also gets involved with a full-time custodial mom.
It stinks, because I have met some otherwise nice men on here that I would date....but unfortunately, their situations (kids full time) have too much potential to turn ugly. You want to believe in a Brady Bunch ideal, but also consider - when a man has children, anyone else that enters his life will not be a priority, nor will they ever be "in the right." For example, if something came down to "child vs girlfriend," the girlfriend will always lose. Always. Even if she is right. Women who have been there and done that are leery of anything resembling that situation. | |
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