| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:45:24 AM | OH it's so hard..and so tricky. I've tried it before. Long term, I just don't think it's possible. Unless of course maybe you both just HATE each other, but the sex is amazing. But why would you want to be with someone long term that you hate? Or why would you want to be with someone LONG TERM without emotional attachment? I could see maybe a night or two, or even a couple of weeks or months. Perhaps after getting over a nasty breakup or during a dry spell. But for years?? Not even likely. For me anyway.  | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:57:17 AM | I personnaly couldnt do it as when I tried these 'fun' dates I found I was getting to like tehm too much and it was one sided so ended them
A man could but I think its more than likely that a woman might get involved???  | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:50:00 AM | Well...Anythings possible !
If they were both able to totaly shut off their emotions, just see each other as bits of meat then yeah maybe ?
but i would be more worried about STD's, Aids etc ...
If they were just sleeping buddys with no ties , how many others do they have?
JAZZY J  | |
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tsu
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Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 105 | |
| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:13:50 AM | | not a long term one - in my opinion you have t be tied in emotionally for the sex to grow and for the relationship to develop into a long term one where you care about each other and have some respect develop- otherwise you may as well be reading a well loved book , you know all the good bits and the bad bits and which pages to skip - butif something more exciting comes up whats to keep you from reading it x | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:18:59 AM | I once had a lady who I was dating go down on me,and when it came time for me to return the favor,she looked at me and said no,that it was kinda personal for me to do such a thing.So I simply said ,"and sucking my****isn't?" To be honest,I feel that when two people come together to share thier intimacy with each other,you cant help but establish some kind of feeling for her  | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:33:38 AM | good point! My hubby went off sex a long time ago (unusual because it seems sites like this are full of men whose wives go off it) but he doesn't see others. He and I are happy, we share a lot but not sex...... I don't seek his permission to see other men (not sure he would give it anyway) but I am totally discreet and I would never flaunt my desire to have fullfilling sex in front of him... our feelings for one another are on a different level.
I do have feelings for my 'friend' and he does for me - we make love but are not in love....... does that make sense? | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 108 | |
| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:42:02 AM | As with all things its down to the individuals, some can some can't.
When you get two together that can, then indeed it's possible.
Personally I can.
Comments of "I can't therefore it's impossiable" or judgements of the enjoyment of sex without great emotional investment is going to derail this thread I'd guess ! | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:55:24 AM | I never really try to detach emotion from sex. It works best for me if I give a woman all I have emotionally in the bedroom. In short I don't try to do the impossible. You have to look at it in terms of risk and reward I think. You get to spend time with someone you care about and enjoy having fulfilling sex with emotionally and physically. Why set boundaries or try to make it artificial?
I am not sure why it is so hard for some people to understand that in many situations, a relationship just won't work out or isn't preferable. That is a rational thought that doesn't take rocket science to come to grips with. The feeling of wanting someone and caring for them on a deep emotional level is not a bad thing. Who said you need to separate sex from emotion? Not me. What fun would that be. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:22:00 AM | okay....here's MY opinion...
I think it totally depends on where people are in life.
I'm older...been married...been divorced...married again....widowed...got grown kids...got my retirement established...own my home...etc.etc.etc.
The only thing missing is the physical relationship of the opposite sex...and you girls can talk all you want about "BOB"...but there's nothing that replaces the physical touch of another human being.
So...if I found a man who was in the same situation as myself...and we decided to come together like this...then ...yes...I believe it is entirely possible.
Sometimes people just aren't looking for a long term one on one relationship with someone who's always 'there'....and probably difficult for someone in their 30's or 40's to actually understand. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:30:27 AM | Its funny I did this for a couple yrs...and I did get to a point where i thoughti could get emotionally attatched to the guy...but then i got past it...i dont know how but after a while it was just a fun activity....a yr and a half later it just seemed a stupid waste of my time. Why the hell would someone not want to be emotionally attatched to a person???If your holding back cuz of baggage and crap in your past then grow up and abstain till you get your head on straight....like the drunks do  | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:50:50 PM | Well, on a purely personal level, if I'm not attracted enough to someone, both physically and intellectually, to imagine forming an "emotional attachment" for him, I'm sure as hell not going to have sex with him.
But I would also find it pretty insulting to think that someone could have a long-term sexual relationship with me--which would surely also include some level of conversation--and NOT develop an emotional attachment. I've never understood why anyone would consider it a gratifying thing to be that un-adorable.
It obviously does happen, but really, how many of these things are "successful"? If you think about it, no matter how long one of these relationships goes on without complication, if soemone gets disappointed in the end, it didn't work.
I'm sure, generally speaking, that this is something that's easier for people who are in a marriage or other kind of LTR in which other sexual relationships are either allowed or encouraged, which makes the dynamic for them very different from that of single people. Given the broad demographic of POF forum posters, the presence of those in that kind of LTR relationship on this thread--in the "yes" camp--is pretty high, which must be revealing of something.
And btw, I can't believe someone on this thread actually compared a sexual relationship to a friendship with a jogging or tennis partner. Are you serious? And this same person (the single woman?), btw, delivered a lecture to another poster about not attacking sweet fishy "ad hominem," without bothering to note that sweet fishy (who's in an open marriage) had flat out said of the other poster that she couldn't be more "ignorant"--so, let's try to show some fairness here?
And also btw, the person who brought up Heidi Fleiss? Those weren't relationships, they were business transactions betwen prostitutes and their customers, something very different. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:56:09 PM | | Well to add to my earlier post (#37-I think), I just ended it with my fwb or fb because I can't do it. I can't sleep with someone and not fall. Maybe future guys will see this and know to leave me alone. I can't do it. It's impossible for me and when I told him I fell in love with him he more or less told me hasta levista.......I didn't want to keep lying to myself or him, I am not numb and I do have feelings and I am crying right now.........As for the man I fell in love with........good luck with the emotionalless person you get tangled up with next and I am sorry I fell in love with you.....but ya made me happy and you made me feel so doggone good. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:12:38 PM |
I'm sure, generally speaking, that this is something that's easier for people who are in a marriage or other kind of LTR in which other sexual relationships are either allowed or encouraged, which makes the dynamic for them very different from that of single people.
Nope. If the two people are in a good emotional space in THEMSELVES and feel complete for themselves, an FWB relationship is great. In fact, I can attest to it being a lot healthier than many marriages. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:43:45 PM | lol here i am....given my age and some life experiences and interaction with men (and I can only speak from a female point of view) If they are somewhat narcissistic or sociopath, they prey on the emotions of the women they wish to capture, to gain emotional control and get what they want. SEX I don't believe a mentally, emotionally, healthy person (male or female) with some sense of values, integrity or virtue, can interact sexually with another person without having some emotional involvement.
As I mentioned earlier, (someone I met on a dating site...long distance) I was involved with a man who chased me for 6 months, did everything he could to encourage me to have an interest in him. Gave me lots of attention and indicated he was very smitten with me. I thought we were good friends and he at least cared for me in a friendship and as a human being. He knew exactly who I was, what I was looking for and how badly I had been hurt in a previous relationship.
When I finally agreed to meet him, it was wonderful. He went out of his way to make it one of the most romantic dates I had ever had. He made reservations for me in a historical hotel, (the room was $230.00 a night) had a jacuzzi tub in the bedroom, a dozen yellow roses, romantic music, candles and wine there, waiting for me. I was swept off my feet by his attention and attentivness. All those things were wonderful but it was him I fell in love with and the passion was unbelievable.
Little did I know what I was dealing with. As it turned out this man was very manipulative, actually quit emotionally devoid of feelings and when he knew I was hooked, it all started changing. I couldn't figure out what I was dealing with, since I had no concept of this type of personality. I refer to him as "Crazy" since that was what I came to call him....because that is exactly what he did to me....drove me crazy. I knew him for 2 years or should I say this person existed to me for two years, but never did I know who he really was and that was just the way he wanted it, He knew exactly who I was mentally and emotionally....He knew the pain I was in emotionally and his only concern was if I was interested in meeting him.......for sex. And no he never put it that way, each time he was charming until I agreed to meet him again and when I did.....it was come here, have sex with me, I'm done, now leave....I dont know where my head was, it was my heart that betrayed me.
I finally found out....hell he had women in 5 states he was seeing for sexual entertainment.....I was just one of the group.... I ended it and I still have no idea who this man really was. | |
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U-nMe
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Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 120 | |
| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:55:09 PM | message 120
Great post!
I too experienced something similar..not just once but TWICE what an idiot I am...I will not go into details here but there are an abundance of men out there doing what you and I experienced - there is a raging addiction out there..SEX addiction in different formats.... I believe the Addicts are the only ones who are capable of emotionless sex (my opinion)
Thank God you walked away from the sociopath | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:11:11 PM | | chuckle....u-nme....you have your filters set to must be male.....I was going to email you...but cant get through.....I wish you the best in your future searches....I find...I'm reluctant to even try anymore, due to my experience. Good Luck.... | |
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U-nMe
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Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 122 | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:29:44 AM | Does falling in love count de juris as an emotional "attachment" or rather a "high powered emotional connection"? I.e. does Eros lead to attachment or "DSL" (high speed, high quality) connection, emotions-wise?
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