| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:41:53 PM | I think it's more than possible...
However I do not think that there would be NO emotional attachment whatsoever, personally I would have to actually like the person to have sex with them, and I would have to find them attractive.. it would have to be a friendship (there's no good sex without trust IMHO)
But.. and maybe it's my age, and the fact that I enjoy my time alone and have a demanding career. Or maybe it's because I have been married and divorced, and widowed - been there, done that. I am far past the "starting a family" thing... I'm not a very dependent person. I relish my freedom to come and go as I please.. yes I could see some kind of mutual arrangement with someone whom I respected, was attracted to and liked, but wasn't "ga-ga" over. There would be no financial complications, or parenting issues... there could be quite a few benefits to it.
After a while "BOB" just doesn't cut it. There is something about sharing yourself sexually with another person that no toy can quite duplicate.
It's more appealing than a one night stand with someone you hardly know.
Maybe I've come to see that the hormones and chemicals released during the "dating and honeymoon phase" are just that.. chemicals. THAT is not real love.. it is infatuation... and after enough experience it becomes apparent that it fades, rather predictably in about 6 months to 2 years. It isn't real. THAT's when you make a decision to stay or go, to love this person (Love is an action and a choice, not a feeling, something I'm beginning to understand) or go in search of the chemicals that feel so good.
Real love... like I feel for my mom, or my child.. or my best friend.. and for the few men I have been with long enough to get past the chemical rush and get to know their soul has little to do with sex. (Funny, the people I REALLY love I take as they are.. hmmm...and I don't hold them to me like a life preserver) Sexual expression of real love with a beloved partner is a wondrous and (I believe) rare thing..and can greatly enhance the relationship, BUT! if the sex was removed (example - your partner develops a disease which renders them incapable of sex) the LOVE is still there. Chemicals be damned... real love isn't based on sex.
Honestly..., I believe I have fooled myself in the past into believing I really "loved" a few people in my life because of my (unrecognized) sexual needs and wants, and probably abandonment issues.. or whatever other insecurities I harbored as a younger person. Fear of being alone, or unloved (unlovable?) or whatever. Looking back at those particular experiences I now see that real love was not truly part of the picture. I was actually pretty dishonest and selfish, even if I was oblivious to my self-deception. In a way, I held those people hostage to my own unrecognized fear, needs and insecurities.. in the name of love. Sad.
I have issues with the whole "morality" thing. Sex (oooo that's a dirty thing only acceptable under the cloak of "Love") Why does love make it any less dirty? really? I've had it both ways.. with someone I truly and deeply care about and with someone whom I COULD NOT have known well enough to have that deep concern for (Sorry but dating someone for a month and sleeping with them does not qualify as a deep connection - we don't really get to know someone for at least a good year of spending time with them and building trust and intimacy - That's the truth of it) and the sex, for me, though ALWAYS better with a real beloved, was still pretty darn good. Morality, in some ways, can be a great disguise for personal discomfort with ones own deep or disowned needs which are then projected onto others. That's why some women who have chosen to fulfill their needs without shame get labelled "sluts", it's pure jealousy in a lot of cases, and also fear that if 'she' can enjoy herself it's possible for others too.. and a lot of people are TERRIFIED of their own desires. They fear losing control of themselves in their desires (we all have em) or they fear that that woman will rob them of their partner, real or potential. Some men fear it because female sexuality has been controlled by men for many thousands of years (for various reasons) and people fear losing control (for many reasons) but I think also because female sexuality can be a very potent and powerful thing.. maybe even a bit frightening. So sex is it is a very powerful drive.. and the whole "love" thing puts kind of a fence around it... it CONTROLS it. That makes people feel more secure, I guess. In themselves and with their partners.
I don't think it is immoral to have sex with someone you don't have a deep attachment and commitment to - IF one is honest about it, I DO think it is immoral to have a deep attachment and commitment to someone to have sex, or to secure a sexual supply.
I think it is immoral to have sex with someone you are married to when you just really don't feel that way about them and LIE TO THEM about your feelings.... to have a cushy 'secure' home life and social respectability. Especially if you are having affairs on the side or betraying that person in some way. It's dishonest, self-absorbed and despicable. It's dishonorable.
I think it is immoral to lie to oneself and another to have sex (players are just ONE example)
I think it is immoral to have sex without any concern for the others health and well-being.. whether you know them well or not.
It is immoral to have sex with anyone you are in authority over (see below)
I KNOW it is immoral to have sex, or gratify oneself sexually with those unable to give informed consent or against their will (this includes extremely intoxicated people, children, animals, emotionally distraught persons, mentally handicapped, or mentally ill persons.. etc... )
BUT... To have a mutually agreed upon relationship, between consenting adults, hopefully discreet, to fulfill each others needs, with respect and honesty, doesn't seem all that immoral to me. Actually it seems rather enlightened in a way - if not enlightened than at least honest.
This said, yes, I think it's possible, maybe for some preferable... how long term would depend on the people involved, their level of self-honesty and comfort with their wants, desires, needs and boundaries, their independence and respect for the emotional well-being and spiritual health of both parties.
I guess when it comes down to it that I can't close my mind to the possibility, though I am in search of nothing in particular. Life works better when I let it happen.
Peace | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:15:18 PM | | Yes this kind of relationship does work I'm in a relationship like that now we both have partners. We get together when we can it is a friendship and sexual relationship, we have feelings for each other but know we will never be together as such.. This may make me sound like a cold hearted **** but it works and this is how we like it. | |
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firm88
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Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 154 | |
| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:24:27 AM | | I think it is possible in the short term but will not last. Sex without the emotional attachment is really like mutual masturbation. The emotional connection is really what makes sex so wonderful and so much more pleasureable. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/12/2009 1:50:18 PM | I have known people who have had long term sex only realtionships. I knew one couple who were friends for years and any time she didnt get her fix out in the dating world she would call him (if he was willing an able at the time).
She was hot too, Lucky bast*ard ...oh sorry I mean (gee that is nasty I would never have that arragement!)
EDIT: they didnt lie to each other or other people by the way. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/12/2009 1:54:14 PM | | Not for me , it's not. I suppose it may be possible for some people, but very unlikely. I think one party or the other (or both) woud become involved. And it would be likely dysfunctional, because things weren't communicated up front and honestly. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:01:01 PM | | The longer it goes on the harder it is.Any time two people spend periods of time together it is likely a bond well form. I have had relationships where you would meet once in a while have sex and not even talk unless one are the other was wanting sex.Eventually she found a guy that hit it off with her and we didn't see each other again, and thats the way it was supposed to work The problem usually appears when one of them thinks it should be more and the other one doesn't communication needs to be there from the start . | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:16:42 PM | | I'd find it very easy, though I wouldn't want to be sex partners with the same person for that length of time anyway ( at the very least I need 45 weeks singledom a year) . I still wouldn't have a problem with enjoying the sex and not falling in love. Just isn't going to happen with me, and don't see how you can just fall in love with anyone you sleep with, even after a while. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:41:44 PM | | Sex without emotional attachment? what, may I ask, would be the point in that? Sex without emotion or 'love' means NOTHING to me. I have to have formed a bond with my partner before having sexual intercourse, anything less is merely a tacky, mechanical act. Not for me thanks. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 4:10:57 PM | It is definitely possible, but in these situations it is likely that one party will eventually want something further. Two mature and concenting people can make it work, but there needs to be a decent level of communication to ensure that things aren't changing. If emotions get involved, it must be decided in a respectful manner whether to break it off or take it to the next level.
Myself, I can emotionally detach myself, but I need a little reassurance of the level of respect and interest every now and then.
:) | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 4:33:21 PM | | Well, i've had unemotional attatchemnts where sex wasnt an issue. We called ourselves ****buddies. and It worked were still friends to this day but thats all. We still respect each other and have had others in our lives where sex was involved without any feelings of dispare. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 4:56:10 PM | | Sex without emotional attachment is utterly meaningless. I've had **** buddies in the past when I was much younger, it was only until I met someone I fell in love with did I realise what 'making love' actually means and represents. To be in love with someone and have sex with them can be an incredible experience, electrifying even. But sex just for the sake of it is pointless and really rather sad. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:26:38 PM | ick ewwwww std risky stalker risky drama from cheated on SO's risky but most of all:
EMPTY
If you think about it, relationships begun due to good sex but fall apart because the emotional attachment fails and disappears..... the sex does NOT get better nor does the couple shrug off the emotional failure as unimportant then get back to that great sex they once had...No, the sex dries up with the emotion.
If sex was enough, marriage wouldn't even be desired, let alone leading to high rates of divorce. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:34:12 PM | | Ok, I know I'm probably going to get alot of flack from the guys on this one, but..here goes. I think a man is capable of having a sexual relationship and walk away knowing that's all it is. Women, on the other hand, not so much. We just are not programmed that way and I have a tough time believing otherwise. I'm not saying guys are insensitive jerks, I'm just saying that it seems to be easier for them, for whatever reason, society, peer pressure, whatever. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:36:48 PM |
I think a man is capable of having a sexual relationship and walk away knowing that's all it is. Women, on the other hand, not so much. We just are not programmed that way and I have a tough time believing otherwise.
Guess I must be wired like a man then. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:04:23 PM | | It can happen but generally it's improbable that both will maintain that stance. Not like robots! Robots have nothing but emotionless sex. Give a Robot Warrior Prototype 7.45 a can of 90 wt gear lube and a plastic funnel and point him at a Robot Wench Prototype 3.5 and watch the sparks fly. | |
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| ...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/15/2009 5:47:04 PM | Define "long-term." Emotions are going to come into play; I don't think there's any way around it. I was able to maintain a sexual relationship for roughly two years while telling myself not to fall for her. This was because my prior relationship hurt so much and I did not want to make the same "mistake" again.
Guess what? I fell for her anyway and I'm pretty happy about it. | |
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