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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:47:33 AM |
I've never seen the phrase " my career is my top priority"
My career IS my top priority << there you've just seen it! :) I don't have little kids and if I'm honest career and education have been my top priority in the past few years. I think men cop out sometimes and use their kids as an excuse not to get too involved with a woman, or so that she won't expect him to give the best of himself to her. But, let's face it, no matter what we say about ourselves, when we fall in love things change!
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:09:51 AM | It doesn't bother me at all. I like kids, and they should be their top priority.
I have a friend who was asked to give-up her kids. I'm sure there are some women that would ask the same of a man. Go Guys! | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:22:18 AM | Several possibilities,
1-It's not true but he says it in order to make himself look good
2-He's building in an escape clause for any contacts that come his way
3-Be warned, he has no concept of different loves for different people and he's making sure you realise that you will always be second, and frankly, if a guy does this even before he's met someone, I take it as a red flag.
4-And this is most likely, he's just not ready for a committed relationship, apart from that with his kids, see point 2. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:57:51 AM |
Still going on why cant ever one be first in your life and than just handel the problems as they come up, that is what you do in a marriage take one problem at a time.
That'd be valid advice, if problems lined up and waited patiently for their turn.
Arlo | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:23:44 PM | princess too wrote:
***** So does anyone else feel that this particular wording is a red flag of what to expect if you engage in a relationship, a bit of a turn off or I am reading this wrong? Do women who HAVE children of there own take this differently than women without kids? *****
Whenever I see a profile where the guy states "My kids are my life" or "my kids are my number one priority", I have to wonder why they feel the need to say that? If you have kids I would HOPE they are a priority, and that you're a good father. If you're not, that would reveal itself pretty quickly and he's be gone.
I have kids and love them to pieces, but I wouldn't put that in my profile. Even if they were younger I might mention that I have kids and I'm into family, but to state they are a priority is sort of silly.
One man who contacted me on the personals had a profile that was literally non-stop about his 5 kids.... he never mentioned what he likes to do, what he's looking for, etc. He went on and on about cheerleading practice and going on vacation with his kids, and how he's so busy with all their functions. I decided to write back and ask him if he even had time for a woman. He said of course... he doesn't go to every single function with the older ones and he guessed, upon re-reading his own profile that he did make it sound like he was consumed with their "stuff." So I made a few suggestions. Since he's on the personals looking for a potential relationship and certainly she would have to fit into his family oriented life, perhaps one line would do about how he's very active with his kids and hopes to meet a woman who would welcome being part of a loving family. Then I suggested he tell that potential woman all about the things "he" enjoys... the type of music, functions he would do with "her," etc. He rewrote his profile and what a huge difference! He started to actually get responses.
Sharzi | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:02:55 AM | | I have kids, but I don't have anything like that in my profile. My #1 priority is me! My relationship would be 2, and my children 3rd. I need to keep myself, and my relationship stable & healthy, to support my children, and as long as my relationship & I are in good shape, the natural focus is then to the children (his/mine/ours) - as a team, not an individual! Making my children a higher priority than my relationship gives them too much power, and creates a situation where there is no stable foundation to support & nurture them. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:17:36 PM | | It depends on the relationship! My daughter had to have surgery that her surgeon was not sure she would survive. I was to meet someone for the first time and let him know that I would be unavailable for several days due to the situation. I told him the basics of what I wrote here. When I got back I called and he said, "You have too much drama for me multiplied by 4." Referring to the fact that I have 4 children. On the other hand my daughter had a child and I financially couldn't go right away to see her. My children live in another state. I was on another date (different person) and showing the picture to him of my grandchild when he said, "I can't believe you're not there with your daughter." So you do want to be sure you children are a priority, but you decide and only you what should happen when. Thankfully my children encourage me to date and have even set me up a few times. A little weird but they appreciate that I have a life as well as they do. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:30:29 PM |
I have kids, but I don't have anything like that in my profile. My #1 priority is me! My relationship would be 2, and my children 3rd. I need to keep myself, and my relationship stable & healthy, to support my children, and as long as my relationship & I are in good shape, the natural focus is then to the children (his/mine/ours) - as a team, not an individual! Making my children a higher priority than my relationship gives them too much power, and creates a situation where there is no stable foundation to support & nurture them.
I agree with the "me" being the top priority but I don't see how a relationship takes priority over children. A relationship by the very definition contains two parts once of which is you and the other part[s] someone else. You have control over your own actions and thoughts for the most part but you do not nor ever will have control over someone else including your children. I think by putting a relationship before your child you put them in a more precarious position because the relationship in question is formed by trust whereas there is a biological connection with your children that typically is stronger. Now if your life requires a relationship for sustainability then I can see your point but I think independence from non biologicial relations serves both you and your children better. Just my opinion. As long as your setup works that's good for all.
O | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:43:46 PM | Well, in my experience I've been around some people that felt the need to say this out loud and I tend to find that often times they came from families where the parents in some cases did not put their needs first so they have a strong need to state this outloud b/c as parents they are on a mission to do a better job of making their kids needs a top priority. It isn't a bad thing at all. In the dating area alot of times this statement is made to be fair to let you know not to interfere with the needs of the kids or alloted times spent with the kids. Example if you dating a guy that gets his kid everyother weekend you can expect he will spend that weekend with his kid and dating you will be 2nd priority. You are expected not to interfere with his time with his kids. If he invites you along that is a good sign he is inviting you in his life. I personally have no problem with this and it tends to make a man more attractive when they are a good parent.
In my social circle and family circle it isn't necessary to state this out loud b/c it is a common understanding that children come first. My parents were always prioritized and were never intimidated to speak up to someone when we were growing up about something they felt was not good for these kids.
I personally like to make my son my priority but I do tend to believe in the philosphy "happy parents make happy kids" and sometimes you do have to treat yourself to some away time from the kids as long as this can be arranged. It takes good friends and family and good trusting babysitters in general to make it possible to treat yourself to some fun as well...gotta work out a "balance" | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:46:16 PM | <--- Well, MY top priority is not going broke trying to date all you high maintenance women (and I've found practically ALL the women I seem to like are high maintenance in some profound way  )
If people want to put on their profiles their top priorities are this or that, I say go ahead -- just makes the dismissin' easier.
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:06:03 PM | | Hmm so now we've switched the subject to "high maintenance " women....OOOOOOKKKKAAAY....do we have any other thoughts to share related to the subject at hand? or has the conversation played out? | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:44:48 PM | IMHO, as a person without children, I think that if a man wants to say that his kids are a priority, then that is his right. The same thing applies for a woman. It isn't different from someone posting that their career is a priority, or that their physical training is a priority if it means advancement to a level they require in life, or whatever.
A red flag?? Hardly.
The red flag should come up if their children aren't a priority, wow. If they love their children so much where they can admit that to the world, then all the power to them for placing that significance on something THEY brought into the world.
Parenting is a tough job, so leave the good parents alone and let them prioritize away the little people who are the next generation to run this world. If you need to ponder that, then I consider that a red flag. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:05:52 PM | I can understand how someone without children would not understand those phrases. :)
I have three wonderful children and that is a very important fact in my life. No man will ever be as important as my children. This does not mean that I have no room for anyone else, it simply means I am responsible for three lives and their needs- as long as they reside with me- and that I will always consider them first.
I feel someone is just being upfront when they let you know their children are their first priority. You should appreciate that they are sharing that and know that one day your children will be number one for you. The love you will feel for them is uncomparable and second to none... | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:25:45 PM | Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Hopefully it means that a single parent will understand if the child-less person they are dating puts their career, education, or friends first. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:04:37 PM | | It all depends on what stage of life you are in. I am in the stage of life where all my kids are grown and I am looking for someone to share my life with that is in the same stage. When the kids were younger, they were my #1 priority. I was the only one there for them. The dating life and the family life was separated. | |
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Edge82
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Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 594 | |
| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:14:57 AM | | I'm sorry but that is a pretty selfish question for you to even ask. You don't have kids so you wouldn't know the meaning of that. A child will ALWAYS come first no matter what. The people that don't put their children first shouldn't have them because they are to selfish to have one. If you don't put your child first they could have all sort of development problems that show up later in life because of the lack of attention they got. | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:49:53 AM |
Several possibilities,
1-It's not true but he says it in order to make himself look good
2-He's building in an escape clause for any contacts that come his way
3-Be warned, he has no concept of different loves for different people and he's making sure you realise that you will always be second, and frankly, if a guy does this even before he's met someone, I take it as a red flag.
4-And this is most likely, he's just not ready for a committed relationship, apart from that with his kids, see point 2.
Hmm, spoken like a woman who has no children. Sounds a bit man haterish (yeah, it's a technical term). There are several possibilities, but you only covered the negative ones. Talk about red flags.
How about this for a reason? He's dated a few women who don't have kids and they don't seem to understand that there are a lot of soccer or baseball or basketball games to go to, there school plays, parent teachers nights, halloween nights, zoos and parks and kid's movies to go to and homework they need help with and an exwife that must be spoken to on a regular basis. It's just part of being a parent. It doesn't mean you can't love anyone or don't have time for them, but they have to understand what an integral part of your life your children are. After arguing this point with several women who claimed they understood this, maybe the guy feels he should just say it up front and save everybody some time. I don't have any kids at home right now, so I wouldn't make that statement that my kids are my life, but there was certainly a time when that was true.
I'd say if someone truly requires someone's total and complete attention all the time, they shouldn't date someone with kids. My kids are not an escape clause, they are my family whom I love.
Most people have family members whom they love and want to be around. If I saw a woman's profile that read, "I have a big family and close friends that I love to be around", I would think "Good, we all need support and love". I wouldn't think "Ah ha! she's telling me I'll always be second" or "She can't commit to me because she loves her Mom and Dad and her best friend too much". Let her love them. I'm not that greedy | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:31:16 AM | I've had 2 relationships with men who had children. Now, while I understand that childrens needs and wellbeing are a parents first priority, you also need to be able to make your partner feel as important.
Why should a single parent expect their partner to make them their "first priority", when their not willing to offer the same?? That's like asking your partner to make ALL the compromise.
I don't want to discount a single Dad as a potential partner BUT I will be honest in saying I'm a little hesitant due to my experiences so far. Certainly if a man has "my children are my world", or "my kids are my top priority", "my kids are my life" etc on his profile I will move on.
Whilst I understand it's a delicate balance with your kids and your partner, I think it can be done if you're willing to make your relationship work!
My main gripes are the single Dads (in my experience) who:
* let their children rule the roost
* allow their children to make all the decisions (from what we will eat, what movie we will see, where we will or won't go etc etc)
* allow and even encourage their children get in bed with us all the time
* insist children come on ALL weekends away or holidays
* spend 95% of their time b*tching about their child(rens) mother
* put their life "on hold" for their children
* want me to have responsibility for the children, but absolutely no 'authority' or say in their behaviour etc
* allow their kids to walk all over them and treat me with disrespect
These are things I've experienced over and over again (and have seen the same happen in lots of other relationships) . . . . it seems that a lot of single parents expect their partner to make all the compromise because their a parent and their partner isn't. How is that fair?
No, I'm not a "princess" who expects to have my own way all the time, quite the opposite, but I do expect to be treated with respect and as an equal. I don't think it's right for example a 5yo to decide whether or not we will go out for lunch, or to decide what we will eat every night, what dvd we will watch etc etc.
It's not nice to feel like the 3rd wheel you know, it seems a lot of single parents find this hard to understand, and just attack and get defensive when someone points this out to them. I've come across a lot of the "what can you do for me/my kid(s)" attitude, and never even consider the partners needs or desires.
Nobody wants to be the bottom of anyones "list", and certainly not when their asking to be number one on mine!! | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:30:52 PM | Kudos message 596!!!
"u" said it right!
I've been there ---- experienced it first hand- with smaller children and young adults!
I couldn't have siad it an better or have I in previous post ??? Old age u know?
Remaining single till the right one comes along!
 & ain't life good single! at times? | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:10:10 PM | The person that writes this on their profile probably had an experience where the candidate "she/he" choose did not like children. I think that people who put their children first are worthy of admiration, because children don't know who should come first or last. They are learning from us and if we have them it is our obligation to guide them and protect them. To me, having to resort to making a statement is a sign that the person is trying to reasure him/herself that they don't make the same mistake again, and to deter possible candidates that are not fond of children. There is a big difference between nephews/nieces and having your own children. Your own children are a BIG responsiblity, 24/7/365 they are with you and that is not the case with extended family. Disliking children is not a negative to me it is just a choice of living. Not everyone was born to take care of children; I am looking forward to when my daughter can be on her own and I can enjoy my grandchildren. The choise of words used in this case to describe the love for children is probably not the best one. But, what these people mean about thier children is that they are going to raise them first, and then take care of their spouse. It is very difficult to do both when the members of the family are not naturally bonded; meaning they are step-parents involved. That is the price to pay when you don't get it right (marriage) the first time. You have to almost wait until your children are grown in order not disrupt their lifes further.
Jovi | |
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| Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:52:48 PM | I think some guys and women put it in there because they are just trying to give an honest appraisal of themselves. To show they are great, loving parents. It's not in mine. I was/ am a great, loving mom, but to be on a singles site is about mom, not my kid, at this writing. But, I wouldn't worry about the ones who state it.
Besides, some of the most single minded men I've met regarding their kids didn't outwardly portray this until we were dating, and boy, did I feel second, maybe in third place. Maybe I'll start another forum on this issue. | |
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