| | Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?Page 4 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | OP: "It would be wonderful to find a match that isn't demanding of my time and allows space without insecurities. The balance would be in knowing when we should spend valuable time together…"
well said! | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/10/2007 5:53:21 PM | | I like having my alone time, yes..I would like to have a relationship again sometime when I feel I am ready to commit to one and give my all..I just got out of one a year ago, so I am just taking it easy for now..I'd rather be alone then being in a bad relationship or feeling smothered and not getting my alone time..I need to be able to replenish myself so I can be of value to others :) | |
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Ninki
| | Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/11/2007 2:48:42 PM | linmar, I agree with you that my alone time is precious to me and I hate to give it up. On days when I don't have to work I catch up on my hobbies, reading and/or housework and I'm perfectly content. I always say that if it's meant for me to have another relationship, it'll happen. But it'd have to be a part-time relationship, because a full-time one would consume too much of my time and energy.
Ninki | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2007 6:01:20 PM | | I think there are two major factors that dictate the way we feel. First, if your are divorced and a victim of a failed relationship you probably have a trust problem. Second, I think it depends on how long you've been alone. The longer you're alone the harder it's going to be to live with someone again. In my case family is another factor. I'm not about to give up time with my kids and grandkids to spend time with someone else's. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2007 6:26:35 PM | As many have commented, it is a matter of balance. The last several years is the first time of being alone in about 17 years, for me. I've so enjoyed learning what is truly important, to me. I have always valued my alone time - yet, at times felt that I could not have it. Now - I love to be able to be a support system to my friends and family - even if it consumes my entire evening, day - even weekend! I love being able to sleep in on a Sunday if I just want to. Sure I've dated off and on - nothing even resembling a serious scenario.
I do understand about the feeling of relief to be able to get home and relax. I feel it safe to say that I wasn't relaxed until getting home. As humans, perhaps we become more accustom to habits/places as we age?
The thought of never finding someone that I would want to live with? Quite likely - yet I don't want to have myself in a situation that I'd miss such a man if he were standing right in front of me just because I've gotten in the habit of being by myself for so long.
The merely fact that I've become spoiled by being single, doesn't mean that I lost my finesse of compromise on a healthy level! | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:02:56 AM | | I am not sure if it's liking being alone better, it's just that we are all different and have have varying ideas how how involved we want to get with someone. Those of us that have spent a lot of time single, get used to being alone and often appreciate the time when we don't have to entertain or interact with others. It's a lot easier to make decisions for ourselves if we don't have to take consideration for others, life is freer, and if we are leaving behind repressive relationships we would have no desire to put ourselves back in such a predictament again. I think we get used to doing things our way, and like it, and are unwilling to give up the freedom that seeing somebody on an everyday basis would deprive from us, even if that freedom is just being able to go home to an empty house. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:18:01 PM | I think it is a getting older thing. While I sometimes enjoy being in the company of others, I don't want any demands on my time. And that means I seldom want to give up the peace and calm I enjoy by being alone. It turns women off, and I don't blame them. Furthermore I realize what I'm saying is selfish. I want relationships on my terms and that's very one sided.
The solution? Don't date, or if you do date, be straight up with the person you are with and let them know how you are. You'll probably lose the person, but that's the chance you have to take if you don't want to change.
While I personally may be willing to change in the future, right now I don't feel the urge to do so. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:41:57 PM | I have read all posts and have not seen the word comitted. I live alone and do not like it . My choice of the male species taught me things I wish I never was shown or have been a part of . I felt pain , heartache ,loss of selfesteem , harassed if not as sexual as he would have liked or wanted. caught in power struggles over hot or cold temp in home
controlled or bullied to get his way . Compared to jo blows wife , or girl next door .
affection or hug meant sex !  And not wanting to shower before sex always
 wanting to kiss with bad breath ,no privacy when batheing . I believe there is a time for play and a time for me time. This is just some reminders I have when I really get wound up and think I want in relationship . And I ask myself , how committed am
I ? or do I want to be . If all this goes with being in relationship I will stay alone !
I want to be respected in all areas , I want compassion , I want honesty up front !
I want to be accepted for who I am . I want a mature man , a romantic & fun man .
I want a man that takes pride in his hygiene especially if approaching me for big kiss or sex. 
I want an ambitious man . I would like to meet man that travels for job or just a great catch , That way
we both get time to self . "absents makes the heart grow fonder " I am sure I can handle it !  Thanks all for posts | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2007 5:32:51 AM | communication is the name of the game.being able to tell each other what you need makes for a good time together.i live alone and frankly feel that there is something missing in my life.i know as long as i have POF i'm really not alone and that helps but a dilogue with someone that you are partners with,well that's something else again.i think you need to like someone before you love them.and i think i would need to lose my I need....i need.....i need attitude before i would become a good life partner.i'm working on it.the key ,and i may be wrong, is a "we" attitude.we all scarifice things in life for the people we love and some times it feels real good.i don't think "alone" is better. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:40:06 AM | | i have to agree, i think it floats on both sides, women that i have met want everything to move way to fast. i like coming home alone and relaxing, dating once a week or even two weeks. but i also like to have somebody who i can escape with for a week. so is it better to be alone, i would say it's better to have two homes, one for them one for me. | |
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Ninki
| | Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 93 | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/27/2007 11:33:48 PM | Thank you Ohdriver! GMTA!
Thanks for all the great response! I agree that being single is not a negative trait nor is it selfish that we want to live our lives in our terms! There is give and take if we are in a relationship which I believe can be successful if two people are not too egotistical about always fulfilling their own needs with no consideration for the other.
Honey I'm In the Mail-I thoroughly enjoyed reading your comment with all the gestures! You should consider doing some writing if you already have not done so! I love humor!
Hi Djr, I agree..I don't think "alone" is better. I think sometimes it's better to be alone as we're sorting things out instead of someone in our life who is attempting to hold us back from our own life. We're all living our individual lives besides being with someone else..do I make any sense? Life is so precious and so short. I wrote a lyric about it that might explain some of what I feel. Hopefully, I don't offend anyone! I don't feel this way now but I felt it when I wrote the song and began taking control over my life and what I can and cannot tolerate for the rest of my life as I patiently wait to find my soulmate.
Wiped the day clean with a white glove
swept anguish out my door
piled stress on a poop scoop and gave it a shove
there's no room for that no more
Sliced a razor through some heart strings
flicked a clean cut straight and sure
sowed a place for me with peaceful things
gonna satisfy me to the core
'Cuz I'm taking back my short life
made room for only what I like
took hold of control
as I walk a new stroll
and I'm feeling whole
headaches and fools bye bye
headaches and fools bye bye
Got no time for enabling tears
don't care if you understand
can't show emotion for make-believe fears
and find it wise to tell ya again
That I've taken back my short life
made room for only what I like
took hold of control
as I walk a new stroll
oh, I'm feeling whole
headaches and fools bye bye
headaches and fools bye bye
(C)2004 | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 3:27:25 AM |
I ask this because I've been single for a number of years and I've grown accustomed to being content with myself. Most times when I date, we usually end up having a fabulous time and it turns into another date. But then I find myself wanting to have my alone time back rather shortly after I start dating. I become selfish about my time and I end up sabotaging yet another developing relationship. So, I'm usually drawn to men who are uncommitted so there isn't a demand on my time
This is EXACTLY how I feel at the moment .. except I am drawn to women, and not men, obviously .. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:43:13 AM | I am not bothered because it can be fixed by throwing money at it, setting it on fire, pissing on it, or just ignoring it until it goes away.
^^^^ made my day - too funny!
Yeah, I have the same feeling. I don't necessarily want to be with someone 24/7 for the rest of my life. Too intrusive. I start feeling as though I have to walk on egg shells around other people. I just wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and not have to worry about someone else either approving or disapproving. I crave closeness at times and, at other times, it feels so unlike me. I guess I don't know WHAT I want. Just want to be happy. My motto any more is: whatever happens, happens - whether with career, love life, or anything else. I do my best and, beyond that, it's out of my control. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 9:51:02 AM |
I've grown accustomed to being content with myself. Most times when I date, we usually end up having a fabulous time and it turns into another date. But then I find myself wanting to have my alone time back rather shortly after I start dating. I become selfish about my time and I end up sabotaging yet another developing relationship.
I was alone for a number of years after a 22 year relationship and discovered that I do not like being alone and that I do not function well on my own.
On the other hand I was scared to death of getting involved in a relationship that could lead to a repeat performance.
I had to really do a lot of soul searching to learn what I could do to avoid getting into another doomed relationship based on the qualities of the person I was looking for. Equally important, I had to learn a lot about myself and what I can do to be a much better partner in a relationship in order to hopefully prevent any repeat performances.
One requirement is that we each need our own time and space to do what we like to do on our own and being supported and encouraged by the other partner to persue these activities. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:59:27 PM | | I've lived alone for many years after being in a marriage that I can only describe as pure hell for the most part. I like living alone. I don't like being alone all the time and I'm not. But I like the independence that I have. I do what I want, go where I want, without explanation or obligation to anyone. I like it that way, and I can't see giving it up. | |
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