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| | Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?Page 5 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | If we're all enjoying be alone, on our own, better and we're all able to take or leave having a relationship,
then,
what exactly
are we all
doing here?
Marcia | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:09:25 PM | I enjoy being single -- love making my own rules and not having to answer to anybody -- I've spent enough time alone to be content and comfortable with myself and I know myself really well but I also like to have someone in my life --- just not in my back pocket.
I think the perfect relationship for me would be one where I have my place, he has his, we have time together, and time apart, but with a commitment to each other where neither one of us is out shopping for more. Wonder if THAT combination exists? | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:58:10 PM | Well this may be POF suicide, but here goes. I've been in live-in relationships of some sort pretty-well non-stop since I was 17, 18 years old ... up until 3 years ago. At that time I decided to revamp my life, stay single for a while and concentrate on work-related things. And to be honest, living alone (for me) is beginning to feel very comfortable. I like being able to wake up in the morning with a creative idea and just be able to 'go with it' without having to check with anyone else whether I can -- and I don't mean this badly, just that when you co-habitate with someone else, you do have to consider them, as well. And after 3 years of being single and living alone, I must admit, it might be a difficult thing for me to give up.
Will I ?? ... Dunno. I suppose that will depend on who walks around the corner today and into my life ... says he, optimistically.
cdn guy | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:07:00 PM | I have been divorced 22 years, in the beginning I wanted to remarry. I think times were different and coming out of a marriage that you weren’t planning on walking away from makes for this fear creeping into your life that says you’re not worthy. It’s a state of mind actually that you have to work through. You marry for the right reasons not because you became comfortable being labeled as belonging to/with someone else. That becomes quite the validation in our society.
I tried two different times in the past 22 years with engagement, but in the end I think I sabotaged myself by choosing a mate for the wrong reasons once again. It has to be for the right reasons. And the reasons can be plenty so I won’t bore you with mine, because most of you can fill in the blanks anyway with your own tale.
I think as time goes by to find a man I want to share a house with or name I can’t say that I want to. Someone mentioned those times where you want to be alone for creative endeavors and it can be so difficult but who is to say that the right person won’t respect that and give you space even under the same roof. I won’t close and seal up my options, as that would be cheating myself.
But nor do I sit and stew over what I don’t have today. We enrich our lives and hope to find that special someone who understands our needs and responsibilities also. If I were to enter such a union it wouldn’t be with the idealistic belief that we melt into one. It is way to consuming for the self, and maybe that is a worry for those who experience it in the past. That fear of disappearing when united with someone else. Maybe it’s a female thing I don’t know.
I will say this, the test of true merit in the man I am with will be a true quest on his part. For I won’t settle in the future for a man who won’t walk through fire to be with me. Call me a princess but I expect it. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:32:31 PM | Snickers, there was an article in The New York Times, some months back, about just that.
Couples in long term, monogamous, relationships were each choosing to keep their own homes, because they, each, liked living in their own space, with their own decor, their own kitchens, and their own housekeeping philosophies, and neither was willing to give up theirs to move in to their partner's. They decided, together, on sleeping arrangements. Weeknights at hers, weekends at his, time apart if they wanted it, for instance.
So it is not without the realm of possibilities. As always, you just need to find a worthy partner... | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:40:52 PM | I think both have their drawbacks.. I love my time alone, but also get lonely. It would be nice to wake up with a SO and have breakfast together. Right now it isn't happening, but I believe I am happy with or without a relationship. Hey, that sounds like I am really confused. 
LOL, maybe acceptance is the better word.. I accept my situation for now, but would like to have a SO in my life.. ok, unconfused now  | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:41:22 PM | I once read that one of the famous current writer/playwrights -- can't remember who it was, might have been George Bernard Shaw -- lived a very long (40 year), loving life with his wife and each of them had separate houses on opposite ends of their rather large property. Not surprisingly, the longer I stay single, the more I tend to remember that story. We shall see.
cdn guy | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2007 9:16:01 PM | | My marriage ended 21 years ago, I dated and lived with men since then and inbetween I found how much I enjoyed my own company. I don't like being alone better I am going to take the relationship when it comes. A 24/7 relationship has never been a problem for me, you gotta love those guys that like to tinker in the garage. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 1:40:36 AM | | I was married for over 28 years, and my kids were grown and married. Divorce left me alone for the first time in years. At first it was very difficult to get used to living alone. Now I have found that I enjoy my single lifestyle. I can do what I want, when I want, and don't have to answer to anyone. I went back to college, work full-time, and stay so busy most of the time that I wouldn't have time for a guy anyway. But sometimes, I still find myself missing the company of a good smelling, sweet talking guy to cuddle up with, or just talk to. But like some of you, it doesn't last long. I end up wanting my freedom again. I guess this statement is true; 'you don't look for someone you can live with, you look for someone you can't live without'. Then you will want to be with them and not alone anymore. I've always said that it will take a very special person to make me want to give up my single life again. But I still have faith that he's out there. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:10:46 AM | I agree that it can be easier living alone than making a commitment and trying to make a relationship work. But and it is a big but, there comes time in all our lives when we crave a partner. The problem is of course that we think it should be all hearts and bells and whistles when in fact the sort of relationship which most of us seniors need is companionship as well as a sexual one. Too much emphasis is put on the sexual chemistry and not enough on just being able to relate to one another. Everything moves so fast that it is over before you have even begun and its enough to make your head spin.
I have been on my own for about 17 years and I would like to have some-one to talk to and share with, which is why I am here, but I dont feel so overwhelmingly alone that I would settle for less than I want or deserve.
 Anna | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:37:24 AM | Response to cdn guy; "might have been George Bernard Shaw -- lived a very long (40 year), loving life with his wife and each of them had separate houses on opposite ends of their rather large property."
The best of both worlds. Together when you want / apart when you want, or when they start to get on your nerves.
The longer I'm alone, the more I enjoy it. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever want to live with someone else. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 5:20:38 AM |
Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Better?
No... I don't like it better. It can be lonely and boring at times.... and sometimes I wish I had someone to hold me or to share some time with me....
And then I think about getting a dog again.... lol
I can be without a relationship because I'm finding that most of the men I'm meeting haven't worked through their anger issues with regard to past women in their lives...
I'd rather be alone and 'leave' having a relationship than deal with someone else's unpacked baggage.
hmo | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 5:31:46 AM | GREAT thread OP!!! I was starting to think I was the only person who has decided that living with myself is so much easier than having someone in my life.
When I do date it seems the other person always wants too much of ME.. too much of my time.. wants to grab my shirttail and enjoy MY friends.. MY hobbies.. and the reason is because they have never made a life for themselves. I have been in relationships but at this point I enjoy my privacy. I do enjoy the company of men sometimes and I'm very lucky that I have a few EX's who still love spending time with me therefore I do not have to be alone if I don't want to, however they have learned not to PUSH me if they want to continue to just get together and have fun. Like fishing, kayaking, camping.. and eating out.
Sometimes when I do get the notion I might want a serious relationship.. hell I just invite one of the them over for the WEEKEND and usually by Monday.. I'm kicking them OUT THE DOOR!!! I have a full life and just don't have time for the BS that comes with relationships these days. I have had the lies.. the jealousy... the mooching and a few other unwanted habits they bring with them.
As for the person who asked WHY we are on this site if not looking for our match... I have met some awsome friends on here! I also enjoy the forums.. This site has become one of good friendships... great get togethers.. and also some long term relationships. While I think everyone will agree, to find that special someone would be wonderful but to go out and LOOK.. and NEED it has already passed for most of us. Sometimes it takes being alone to find ourselves and to actually start to love ourselves. Being alone for a while lets you explore your own needs and you find out exactly WHO you are and what YOU want in life. That is not saying that people who have the need to be with someone is wrong, it's just wrong for some people and right for others... ok.. time for feed up the critters, now that is when I'd like to have a man around.. chore time! LOL | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:42:05 PM |
I can be without a relationship because I'm finding that most of the men I'm meeting haven't worked through their anger issues with regard to past women in their lives...
I'd rather be alone and 'leave' having a relationship than deal with someone else's unpacked baggage.
Oh my! I thought I was the only woman who went thru this issue regarding most males,lol
I luv being alone, but I also luv having companionship from time 2 time.  | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:23:40 PM | I like me and living with me. I enjoy the fact I can do as I please.
I like my life, I'm having fun.
I get lonely at Valentines Day and Christmas, on rainey days and when it's cold.
It would be nice to have someone to wake up beside on Sunday mornings.
It would be nice to have someone join my life, not consume it. | |
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| hey, I'm "anyone".Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 5:23:41 PM | It appears that the "alone" thing is a bit of an age related issue accd'ng to some of the posts.
When I was younger, I traveled much on my own, and took in many "touristy" sort of things, oftentimes would meet someone that was fun to do said things with, but at times not (seriously, picture one's self at Hershey park, "alone", Disneyworld "alone", that's what I mean)
Back then, it didn't affect me near as much as it does now, and now, I would sooner -not- do something , than do it alone.
I've long wanted the story of being able to work at something together, as a couple, and being able to look back and say "look what WE did", and yet temper that with one's own personality and strengths, and "that" time alone is special. Ex: I like to garden, I don't "need" a garden gal, but to have one talk to me whilst I pull weeds would be very special (sure, better if she helped time wise, but maybe she just wants to relax) Likewise, she likes to golf let's say, and I drive the cart or caddy, but just "be there" (extreme example!)
For the most part, I value my own time, but there are times when it sure would be nice to have a special gal there just to share with.
I was alone this last Christmas, (one of a few) , you can all say "awwwww" now, but it was by choice, as were the others. Going to Church alone bothers me a bit, very cold Sunday afternoons alone bothers me a bit, seeing a star filled sky w a full moon alone bothers me a bit, and I'm sure there are others. I think folks in general have a "herd" instinct (moo) but I feel that usually it's very OK to be by myself, and "choose" when to get "out amongst 'em"
Just my bit
"the views expressed by this poster in no way reflect the opinons of this website. No animals were harmed in the making of this post. This post contains no trans fat" | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:00:10 PM | | I guess I'm your basic man I love being alone but wouldn't mind getting laid...My gal passed away 5 years ago and I haven't been with a woman sexually..I'm just not available any other way other than friendship and lovemaking..I've always been single and not secure in my life as far as money, cars, teeth, Instead of trippin on it I'd rather be alone. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:15:57 PM | It all got better a few years ago when I became friends with solitude. I would rather be a relationship with a good woman - but it is not happening. I'll figure out how to jump start that some day.
My advice - just groom your intelligence, create hobbies, develop interests, volunteer, make new friends and help others who need help. Oh and get a few pets - cats and dogs are a good lesson in life - look our for their welfare, it is rewarding . . .
Joe | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:34:12 PM | | I've lived alone for 12 years and I like it a lot. I would also like to have a long term relationship but not sure I would want to live together. There are lonely times but in general I like my company and enjoy solitude. My home is my sanctuary and I don't just invite everyone in, much like my life. I also feel I am a full meal but would occasionally like to have dessert! | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:54:53 PM | | When we get older and more set in our ways it is not as important to be with someone all of the time. However, we are still alive and it would be nice to have someone in our lives. Why can't we search for both of these things? For privacy and a nice, drama-free relationship? I do not want a man around me every moment but on the other hand I do not want to be alone all of the time. I want both and I believe that it is possible to have this. | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2007 9:44:16 PM | | The longer I'm without being in a relationship, the more comfortable it's starting to become to me. Once you shake hands with solitude and become friends with it, it's very relaxing...lonesome sometimes, but relaxing. It's not that I like living alone better than being in a relationship, I'd just rather be alone than be in the wrong one ever again. Sure I'd love to have a long term relationship someday, but if that never happens I'll still continue to be OK with my solitude & singularity. I miss the day to day interaction of being with somebody I love and care about, the warmth of loving arms, sitting outside watching comets and stars...you know, all that good stuff that's the icing on the cake? | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/30/2007 3:34:27 AM | I agree with you ,maplesweet.It's been 4 years since I've had a meaningful long term relationship.Since Dec 2002,I've been more picky,as life is too short to spend with an incompatible love interest.The flip side of this discovery is that I'm less patient with chemistry or compatibility.But I do miss being in love and,in the end,don't want to settle.If I have more fun with my pals than a potential sweetie..well,the friends will get more of my time/attention in the end.
Mike | |
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| Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship?
Posted: 5/30/2007 5:10:36 AM | It would be nice to have someone join my life, not consume it.
Very well said!! The problem I've found is so many people are not comfortable with themselves and they NEED someone to be in their life. It always makes me wonder if they really want me or just a warm body. There are many people who cannot be by themselves and will go from one relationship to another just to hvae someone. I will never settle for a person just so I'm not alone. I'm at a place in my life I do not mind being by myself. Of course.. with 10 acres, 5 horses, 4 dogs and cats.. being alone is really not an option for me, even if they "people" have 4 legs.
As one person also stated, my home is my sanctuary. I do not invite potential dates here... I have dated people for 2-3 months before they even come here. I don't mind having get togethers where strangers come an dmeet and do things but when it's A MAN for romantic expectations... I'll meet him somewhere or go to his house. I've had men who just won't leave with a boot in the rear end. I've been stalked... so opening my life and home takes alot of thought and consideration on my part. | |
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