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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:51:54 AM | When someone asks me that question, I answer truthfully and don't really hold anything back. I don't make a lot, but I make enough to pay my bills and have a good time with until the next payday. Plus, I save a percentage of each cheque I get, so there is that as well... I'm happy with the amount I'm making and the life it provides and THAT is what is most important.
I've met (and dated) people who judge their own life by how much they pull in per month. It seems a bit strange to me; there are a LOT of things more important than money, especially when you're looking for a romantic partner. Honestly, I don't care about the car someone drives, the house they live in, or the name branded on the tag of their clothing...those things are just for appearance. And we all know, appearance isn't everything. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:32:55 AM | I have found occupation to be an incredibly touchy subject. Some men talk freely about what they do, others get pissed off when you bring the subject up. By asking what you do I feel I am simply showing an interest in YOU. Let's be realistic guys, we spend a great deal of our waking hours at our jobs, I think it is only natural to discuss what we do for a living.
As for income, that really doesn't matter to me as long as he lives within his means. My Jeep will get me from point A to point B just as easily as a Ferrari, and is a lot more practical. Success is measured in far better ways than net worth. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:42:56 AM | Hi,
To me it doesn’t matter that much, though it is a seemingly popular topic. I am like some of the posters on this thread, it matters more that they have a job they like. This means they are open to doing things that are out side of their realm and snuggly in it, comfort being the norm. It also means they don’t have issues, are uptight, stressed out, but can laugh, communicate, love and enjoy life. Very important positive points.
When I have been asked what I do I tell them live my life, or ask them what they do. If they don’t answer then I change the subject. If they do answer I will tell them what I do for a job/career. If they ask me out of sheer curiosity I share freely. It is easy to spot, detect, someone that is gold digging. Not a fun situation to be in, being used. Fun is so much more rewarding.
Net Worth is something no one should be talking about until they really know each other and are naturally going along the path that will lead to a long term commitment, and they Both are wanting to know. Falls under the Personal Information umbrella.
Just dating and asking such questions can turn the good times into boring dead end times as the focus of the person requesting this is tuned with the person they are getting to know but about the monetary levels they may be able to tap into.
As time moves along these questions have evolved to a status symbol. Rarely have males asked this question of their dates, or friends. Females have always thought it was The Question to ask as soon as possible, or find out some how covertly. Some females today want to ask these questions and so they can share and brag about what they have accomplished. Like the low minority of male turds in the past have done to women. They are loud so they have come across as the majority. This has also prompted some men to field these questions to give their female acquaintances a chance to brag, and also find out this information about the females. There are male gold diggers too. I wish those type of people would just suit up together and leave the rest of us alone. That way all can enjoy life.
I guess there can be a problem, depends upon the people involved, if the two incomes or life monetary demands vary too much. Not being able to go places and do things could hamper something beautiful. I have found the dates where we spent less money and just focused on having fun were the best ones.
So many variables involved, dating and just getting to know each other, dating for awhile and maybe growing closer with commitments in sight, or evolved to a point where both people are really into each other and know there is something that will be coming soon out of the relationship.
That lady Suze Orman, I think that is how you spell her name, says it nicely in that we are not really comfortable, even scared sometimes, to share with our selves about our own finances let alone share them with others. No, this isn’t a quote, just from memory for those that like to nit-pick.
Some of the best memories of past times with ladies I date have been opening my own refrigerator and finding a nice fresh cut rose in a vase of sorts making that whole day even more beautiful. There are some great roses that grow here in the Pacific NW, some with scents that fill the mind. Love going to the Portland Rose Garden up in Washington Park over looking the city and Mt. Hood.
Thanks,
Eddie | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:19:00 AM | | Well'Said!............I could not said it any better'being a nurse in the death and dieing field,many patients lay dieing with a lot of money in the bank!their one regret was not spending it while they could..........money has no value if you do not spend it! | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:28:32 AM | i predict that as we deplete the supply of fossil fuels, wealth will become immaterial.
what will matter in, oh, say 20 years or so, will be survival skills. by that i include subsistance farming, plant medicine, plumbing, building, foraging and so on.
we will run out of things to spend money on. therefore, money will mean very little.
any woman hoping to find a wealthy man, believing that his wealth will support her in the future will have a rude awakening.
the wiser move would be to hone some skills for herself (speaking hypothetically), learn about the land and what it can yield and seek a man with complementary skills. a man with kids would make a good partner ~ the more hands to work, the better for everyone. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:31:43 AM | I will say that I have the upmost repect for a woman that will choose personality of money. She has personality in one hand with what shes desired and lusted over....then some average guy with deep pockets in the other hand.
Money isnt everything and neither is settling for a person...can it buy you happiness? | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:06:42 AM | | I dont think that income is a big deal when it comes to dating. I really think I just ask because I just wanna know. To me my job is fun I like going to it and I probably spend atkeast 8 hours of my day at it. I dont mind talkin about my job because I like what I do so I guess that I just ask probably because I figure some people like their jobs and I wanna make sure they have one. I dont ask about their job to find out their income because I have my own income and honestly I dont need anyone else to pay my way through things I just like to know if they actually have a job. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:18:10 AM | This question works both ways. Men ask women this as well. The only people who need to know how much money you make is the IRS. How much someone makes is not a 'date question'. That's a big no-no.
But asking what you do for a living is an honest question that deserves an honest answer. Our jobs or careers take up alot of time in our life, and a date may ask simply because they want to know about you. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:25:47 AM | Income and occupation can reveal a bit about a person. A view may differ when comparing a plastic surgeon to a pro bono dr or one who completes monotonous tasks all day v. someone who is a creator (music, literature). Someone who changes occupations may not be irresponsible but rather easily bored and in need of challenges and change.
So, imo occupations are important information to obtain by both the men & women. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:01:30 AM | So let's assume that asking about occupation isn't about asking income, however asking about income is considered rude.
What should people do when their occupation is a clear indicator of wealth? Good examples of this are jobs like Neurosurgeons, CEO's, CFO's, Presidents/VP's, Commodity Brokers, Commercial Lawyers, Landlords, Real Estate Developers, Hedge Fund Managers, Mutual Fund Managers, Factory owners, various types of Investors, etc, etc.
Similarly, if these people live a lifestyle that is afforded by their financial status, should they hide their hobbies and pastimes? For example, if someone plays polo, spends time at their chateau/condo's/summer homes, yachts, collects automobiles, travels extensively, collects fine wines, etc, should they not discuss these since those are their legitimate hobbies and interests? Would that be considered bragging? Or does the discussion of interests/hobbies only apply to those pastimes that can be afforded by the average person? These are extreme examples, but you get the picture.
If these individuals have no desire to indicate an income level and want to find women who are interested in them as human beings what options do they have? Ideas anyone?
And before people say that wealthy people don't exist on PoF, in the general population 1/30 people qualifies as a millionaire ($1,000,000 or more in net worth), while those who have ultra high net worth ($30,000,000 or more in net worth) represents approximately 1/10,000 (Capgemeni study for Merril Lynch). So, assuming PoF's 300,000 members is a normal distribution, as many as 10,000 people on PoF would be millionaires, and theoretically you would see something like 30 people who would qualify as High Net Worth individuals, or what the typical person would see as Ultra Rich.
That being said, this population may be skewed somewhat as this is a "free" site, however, don't be fooled. There are most likely thousands of millionaires who are or have been on this site, thousands more who earn very good incomes (multiples of 3 to 20 times the median income), and possibly as many as a dozen or two who would be in the realm of the ultra wealthy. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:13:41 AM | | Until the day comes when I suggest that we meet at the soup kitchen for dinner my source of income is not a debatable issue. I have been asked point blank where I get my money and frankly that is not your concern. As long as the kids are fed and there is gas in the boat, life is good. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:47:21 AM | A field of income may indicate the possibility of obtaining large amounts of cash - but that's all. Many people go belly up in business. If someone has such limited knowledge to believe that certain groups of individuals are cash cows - that's their error. On the flip side, I do know individuals that have a large amount of spendable income. These people don't hide it - it's who they are. This is possibly why pe0ple reared in old money only associate within their circle .
I personally haven't played polo but I've been a spectator. Some people enjoy this and some don't. The reality is that if a person has a high level of $ and enjoys things that are not common to this person they are interested in...it's going to be difficult period. Why is it bragging? Who is the average person?
The only way around indicating who you are, what you do and how you spend your time is to lie and compartmentalize your life. The people you date cannot be around your family and friends. You can't tell your family and friends about your dating. All relationships would have to be fairly short term. I really don't see another option.
BTW - I know guys that have alot of cash and have married women who are largely attracted to them because of the money. Some men prefer this - it takes alot of pressure off of other areas of the relationship. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:44:27 AM |
If these individuals have no desire to indicate an income level and want to find women who are interested in them as human beings what options do they have? Ideas anyone?
For pete's sake, you don't friggin worry about it.
I'm sure there are plenty of people on POF who have been picked up on a first date in a Mercedes, Lexus, Porche or whatever. Eventually if you like each other they have to see your house and your plasma TVs, 6,000 square feet, hardwood floors, sunken tubs with fireplaces, built in bar, built-in pool and jacuzzi, or your country chateau.
Hopefully you have something more to offer than that. If you don't then you deserve to be wanted for your money.
In my neck of the woods a million bucks won't even buy you a house, much less make you wealthy, lol.
I'm fortunate enough never to have been wanted for my "wealth".
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:08:40 PM | When I was on other dating sites that shall remain nameless, I wouldn't even respond to or message a guy who'd filled in the income field.
If we get to the point where we're moving in together, then fine.. I probably need to know then, but I can also kind of judge from your current digs what you can afford, too. So maybe not even then.
It just occurs to me typing out this response that out of allt he guys I have dated.. nto to sound sleazy, but at 36.. there's been quite a few... I knew what only 2 of them earned. I was engaged to one of the guys and lived with the other for nearly 3 years. | |
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| Dude, that's like, so LA.
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:25:18 PM | I think this is an interesting question. I always ask people what they do...because Im interested...in what they do.
Im not asking because I want to know how much money they make.
I have my own money and my own stuff. I don't need a guy for money.
Maybe its my generation or something...I don't know. I just don't know ANY women that are looking for men for their money.
If anyone is thinking about marrying for money...I would suggest applying for a loan at a bank instead. In the long run I believe its cheaper.  | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:38:25 PM | As you might expect, I have a drone job that pays for my voracious appetite for comic books. I toil through the muck of a pitiless society only to be brutalized with jeers of scorn and ridicule. After a weary day I drag my tired and lifeless body home to write these tales of woe.
On a positive note.... I get free Happy Meals! | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:20:02 PM | | I remember about 20 years ago on a date that she asked me what i did for a living. I told her i was a Ford mechanic. She told me myself and all the rest of mechanics are just out to rip off women. I asked her what she did for a living. She said she was studying to become a phsyco analist. Or something like that. I told her ok, you bring in your car to me. I tell you what is wrong with it. How much it will cost to fix it. And when it will be ready. If someone goes to you, you mess with their head, charge them way too much by the hour, and then tell them to come back again for more work. So who is ripping off who? Well, let's just say that date ended really quick. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 2:50:53 PM | I sit here wanting to really speak my mind about this topic, but feel that I would most likely be kicked off the board rather than just be sensored... 
So I will say yes.... Yes it does matter and god be with you if it isn't a profession that they can't brag about to their friends and family.
I understand people want some type of security, a man that works and can provide, but it goes a lot deeper than that...
I have personally seen women back off many times over the yrs based soley on my profession. I have had one or two be honest enough with me to tell me the truth, I've had others just fade away in the shadows, it has happened here even already.
You know its pretty obvious when you see the change in attitude once the cat is out of the bag, sometimes they pretend it doesn't matter, but the reaction is always the same.
They are all warm and cudly in the begining and then you might as well as dump a bucket of ice water on them.
You see, what I do takes me out of town often, but I do this because I wish to have a comfortable life style. I have a dependible vehicle, I nice home with acreage.. a nice peaceful life. I have "NEVER" cheated while in a commited realationship.
So when I hear a woman say it doesn't matter what he does for a living as long as he has a job... I say BS ! | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:37:24 PM | Starline...I for one do not care what Occupation or Income level someone is at ,as long as they are employed legally& are happy at what they do..and so what if he doesn't make 250,000 $ a year...not a big deal a job is a job...Infact I find men that have money are somewhat of a turnoff..I do just fine on my own I don't need a man for money...to me it's whats in the heart that matters more. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:41:16 PM |
So I will say yes.... Yes it does matter and god be with you if it isn't a profession that they can't brag about to their friends and family.I understand people want some type of security, a man that works and can provide, but it goes a lot deeper than that...This allows you to quote a previous post.
Starline - In response, you are right with your post. However, it seemed that the OP was concerned that the woman would figure out his income by his occupation title and that she would only want him for the $.
I believe you are correct. Depending upon our past, we may or may not be able to trust a man who does alot of traveling - we may not want a man in law enforcement or a firefighter - we may not trust someone who works nights. & the same could be said of men. I've dated men that were so insecure they needed to know they could reach me any time they wanted..I've also been with men who couldn't handle if I succeeded professionally because they didn't have the same drive..However, I don't think that was the intention of this thread. | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:28:30 PM | You see, what I do takes me out of town often, but I do this because I wish to have a comfortable life style. I have a dependible vehicle, I nice home with acreage.. a nice peaceful life. I have "NEVER" cheated while in a commited realationship.
Starline -- As has been pointed out you have a different problem than the topic of this thread, which is men being worried about women wanting them for their money.
It seems that you have a career that keeps you out of town quite a bit and women who consequently worry that you are cheating on them.
Now, my husband traveled on business frequently, was out of town for a straight month on international travel once a year, and I never worried that he cheated. However, he was the type to call (even though he worked in intelligence), send cards, flowers, take me on vacations at the end, and bring home romantic gifts. The guy just loved the hell out of me, so it never even occurred to me that he would cheat.
However, there were some men I dated before I met my husband who traveled almost all the time. In these relationships the "dating" was rushed, sometimes confined to airport restaurants, and a lot of phone calls from around the world, or from various airports. ICK. One of these men was extremely wealthy, and at the time I was anything but. I dumped him. He was shocked. But I wanted companionship.
I don't know if you travel so extensively that most women just find they don't have enough of a social life with you, so they decide not to pursue the relationship. After all, a relationship is supposed to be fun, provide companionship, and some women need more of it than others.
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:09:53 PM | ladyc4 said:
Other than men who need to "rescue" women who are destitute or nearly so( and I'm not sure which one I feel more sorry for) I think everybody's a little scared about getting fished in by a gold digger or freeloader
Don't feel too sorry for this here nearly destitute woman :o) I'm living well for being poor, am debtfree, have a ton of prospects and possibilities to keep growing above the "nearly destitute", am not hampered in any way by keeping up with the Joneses, have learned to be appreciative of the smaller joys in life, and, best of all, have learned a lot of new things because poverty can be magnificent fodder for the inventive and creative mind.
Courtesy of thrift stores, I dress better than I ever did when I could still work (can you say "silk shirts in every imaginable color"?) Courtesy of wanting better food than food stamps can buy, I eat healthier and much more tasty meals than I ever have in the past (can you say "homegrown produce, wild game, morels, fresh fish, organic and additive/hormone-free?") Courtesy of being unable to just buy this and that, I make things myself just the way I like them, unique and fitting me instead of having to go with run-of-the-mill mass-produced stuff - who could possibly "rescue" me from this and offer me something better than what I have?
Don't get me wrong, it'd be nice if I didn't have to worry about financial bottlenecks off and on, and it'd be nice to have enough extra money for gas to go exploring this pretty area and do some traveling. But that's something I can work on myself... I see absolutely no need to trade what I do have for a few financial benefits from someone else.
As it's been mentioned before, it's more important that somebody likes what he does for a living and that he does it well, and that he manages his money wisely. Incidentally, that's also much more appropriate for a conversation than the ill-mannered "so, what do you do and how much do you make and what do you own?"
Just my 2 cents  | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:39:35 PM | Thanx for the responses....
My original response wasn't about money or material things, but rather the willingness to accept people for who they are and not what they do.
I don't really blame women for wanting their man home everynight. Hearing the phone ring on the TV only to sub-conciously wishing he was calling.
I realize women are a social creature and men in general are more solitude. On the other hand I know many people that have been married for 20-30 even 40 yrs in my profession. Loneliness is a tough pill to swallow, but to judge a person based on what he does to pay the bills... well, just isn't right.
I couldn't care less if she worked as a Walmart clerk or was a waitress in a truckstop.
If a trust & respect is there, then what does it matter ? | |
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| How important is income and occupation in dating ?
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:54:42 PM | ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ With all due respect starline, I don't think the ladies are objecting to what you do, just to the fact that what you do prevents them from seeing you.
Doesn't sound like they're being snobby about your profession from what you've said.
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