| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:25:22 PM | "to me its a long way and hes well aware of that. i drive about 2-3hours a day to work and the last thing i need to add to my commute is driving to see him. i explained this to him very clearly and im hurt that he seems to be disregarding my feelings and just neglecting me in general."
At this point I'm beginning to feel sorry for him. It sounds like you expecting 100% from him on this issue and not willing to give even 10% youself.
Sounds pretty onesided right now. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:25:35 PM | When a person isn't in your own neighbourhood, its easy to get distracted from a person you enjoy. This man has time to see you once a week, lives not in the same area and you're getting restless with the limited amount of time.
I doubt he will change his behaviour and its time to look for someone that you can spend quality time in your area. I would prefer to have a coffee & walk vs a 3 hour phone conversation and when the night is over, you can give each other a hug vs hanging up a phone.
Good luck with your decision. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:26:14 PM | Jeez Loise , ya really are makin yourself sound like an a$$ , you assume he is with others without any evidence , actually you never even mentioned it at first . Your scren name suits you sneaky . Actually do the right thing and bow out , let this working man find a woman who isnt so self centered and concieted . It amazes me that you can travel the distance for work but its too far to go for love .
Its women like you who give a bad rep to others | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:29:51 PM | | Sneaky....it's self serving princess' like you that give the nice girls a bad name. Get off your high horse and dig down into your heart and figure out whether you really want this guy. It doesn't sound like you do at all...you want him to do ALL the work? Get over yourself! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:34:33 PM | | I was in a relationship just like that .. she only wanted to get together once in a while and I wanted more. We were only a few miles apart and I had a problemwith it. I'm wondering why she's like that and when I pushed the issue about spending more time she stopped calling. I'm now moving on | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:46:27 PM | I heard of wanting your partner to have certain qualities, but what is this "requirements" your talking about.
Hey, babe wanna come visit me?
Nah, just checked the contract and I dont have to drive! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:48:33 PM | fox,
ive only known him for for a couple of months, theres no way you can expect me to love someone after such a short period of time. furthermore, my job is my livelihood, where as he is just a guy. BIG difference!!! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:50:05 PM | I REALLY don't want to sound like an ass either...but maybe you should canvass your neighborhood, and put signs on the telephone poles, fliers under windshield wipers, looking for the right guy for yourself. If that small distance is an issue to you, try your neighbors. jeez. You DO sound like an ass, darlin.
I know you are young, but for heavens sake, you have to give if you want to receive.
JMHO
JD | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:56:51 PM | ~~my job is my livelihood~~
And the rest of the world is only working to pass the time. He works too, or did that fact escape you?
And they wonder why in the lower brained animal kingdom some mothers eat their young.
My last post to this thread.
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:56:53 PM | "we arent official yet which means he isnt my bf. if he was then I guess I could drive to see him once in a while."
He doesn't have to be official for you to make the drive, really, come on. You made that rule up!
"I do question whether or not I should take it to the next level if he doesnt put in more effort."
THIS is the most significant point you've posted. THIS is what EVERYTHING hinges on. Everything else you've posted is fluff.
I'm going to give you a strategy to work with. It's this:
You're actually the one that can take this to the next level.
If he's not interested (and I don't think he is) then it won't fly.
Either way, you'll have your answer.
"I'd love to see you more often" is what you say. He says "I'll try harder" but nothing happens? Then either accept what it is or move on. Personally, I think you can accept what he gives and date other guys at the same time. Let him know that's what you're doing.
He'll either be okay with it or not. If he's not, then he'll gear himself up to seeing you more often. If he's not into it, then you can have your fix of him if you want and make new friends and see what develops in your life as you move along.
"im probably going to end up doing the same thing...see how he likes it!"
Don't do it to spite him, do it because you are a young woman who would like to find a good guy that you love.
"bottom line is he knew the requirements that I had for a potential bf and he shouldnt have made promises he cant or wont keep. there are definitely consequences for someone that does that."
Again, you make it sound as if you're dealing out punishment! "There are consequences!" What are you, a Borg? "Resistance is futile!" Maybe, just maybe you're a bit too harsh and he's not that crazy about spending more time with a harsh person? Chill out a bit and relax and back off some and try more of a laid back approach. Let him sense your absence some and see if he draws closer to you to check it out. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 5:12:18 PM | wow...lol...I'm thoroughly amused and disgusted at the same time.
amusing -> 30-45 mins...if that's long distance to you, you gotta get out more, travel some! Hell, I had an ex that lived in Ont. Now that's quite the comute!
disgusted -> I really hope for him he's smart enough not to take things further with you! With the amount of effort your looking at putting into this, I know it wouldn't take me too long not to drive to see you. These realtionship things are two person affairs, it does take effort, sacrifice, and a willingness to do things that you may not necessarily want to do.
So my advice-> Stop complaining about something you are unwilling to do anything about yourself! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 5:28:58 PM | youre kidding me right Imsneaky, has Elvis spoken to you lately?  Im still trying to figure out why people pronounce Arkansas ( pronounced ark-in-saw) while Kansas is ( pronounced kan sis) shouldn't it be pronounced (Ark Kan sis)
Relationships are supposed to be Honest??which is something YOU ARE NOT my friend, you whine about a guy that comes and sees you once a week, but you wont go and see him, because hes too far away ? 35 minutes away? what are you walking backwards through the woods, or cutting through the Emerald city falling in a field of poppies?
You're expecting the guy to give you a Steak Sandwich when all you have to offer is a peanut butter sandwich? are you really that thick? talking about selfish.
i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$-imsneaky a little late for that You think?
If I was this guy and you acted this way, you would be like a hillbillies front teeth ........GONE, as in bye bye, see ya, later, ciao, im out of here, bonsoir, adios, and farewell
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 5:41:15 PM | he lives totally out of the way for me. i dont like driving so much and he's about 30-45 mins away depending on traffic so it doesnt really make sense for me to do that. going in to this relationship, i told him my adversion to driving so far and he claimed he would make it work but so far it isnt and i dont think he gets it.
30-45 minutes away is your idea of a long distance relationship? Get real, woman. You're the one who doesn't get it. For a relationship to work both parties have to make an effort. Maybe you need to forget this guy and date one of your neighbours. Assuming that you don't have an aversion to walking that is.
P.S Just for the record, you DO sound like an a$$. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:04:26 PM | Imsneaky,
Have you ever thought that maybe he might think you are not worth the effort? You have made it pretty clear by your posts that you don't think he is worth your effort.
Not only that some where back a few posts you said "we aren't official yet" because it's only been two months.
For God Sakes woman, give the man a break! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:49:54 PM | I think you are being completley selfish..
i dated a guy that was a 3 hour drive..one way
i too drive about 2 hours a day to work and then at wokr i drive my cleints around on outtings for the majority of my shifts.
I think that he is probably not seeing you as mucha as you would like cuz he thinks why should he be the only on to travel..
If you really want to be with him then you have to show him how much you want to be with him and try and make things work..
things could be worse, he could actaully live futher away then he does and what if he too felt the same way about driving as you did..
you both have to give it 50/50 and from the sounds of it you want everything to be dished out for you, and if its not your way then its the highway..
well i dont think your going to get very far in the realionship area the way you think things shoudl be 95% him making the effort and you only giving it 5% not even..
hes probably just questioning how much you really want this..
and probably has moved on or will if you dont show more interest..
you have to stop pointing the finger and him doing something wrong cuz he aint, the ball is in your field..its your choice as to how bad you want to maek things work..and even if you dont i think you have to sit back and realize that your in the wrong before jumping into another realtionship..
Sorry but i truelly believe if you want a relationship to work you both have to give it your all and things should be equal.. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:45:31 PM | well i made several attempts to express to him how i feel and what the consequences would be if he didnt make more effort. i did my due diligence and now its up to him how he wants to handle it. if he drives me to outsource then its his fault, not mine.
THE END
~R | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:50:48 PM | Ok Little Miss Princess...keep playing your games. It's your fantacy I suppose, you can make it as good as you want to.
Have another Cranberry Martini or 3 and we'll see you at your next pity party. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:53:38 PM | 30-45 mins is LONG DISTANCE ??? It is "out of your way"? My goodness, didn't he get a real prize when he started dating you.
sheesh | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:05:57 PM | Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, pass me the brandy
You remind me of one of my neighbors in-laws, she has this nice Smoked Virginia Ham, roast potatoes, and fresh baked bread, but whines because she doesn't have enough peas and carrots
I'm telling you in a few years you will be on POF, starting another thread, whining about how your Husband's left you, your Plantation has been devastated by war, your home resale value has plummeted and the Bank repossessed your car, the Wizard of Oz peed in the shower, but its your ex hubby's fault because he didn't show you the love
Even if a miracle happens and Dorothy and her dog drops in for tea, and the guy "makes "an effort and succumbs to your desires( I'm trying to keep a straight face typing this) he must feel honoured and considers himself lucky to be in the company of greatness Princess | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:34:37 PM | OOPSIE - you meant to say Long Distance Relationship (35 minutes - yeh that's a fcker ain't it?) Note dripping sarcasm.
- Ok, OP ~ I am with ya now but just barely.
As far as communicating to him your feelings try something like "Umm, I want to see you more then once a week because I really enjoy our time together and I would love to spend more with you."
Now here is a novel concept.
Then try putting forth some effort into the relationship on YOUR part, instead of putting it all on him when you see each other, YOU pick up some slack. You can drive, can you not???
Fcken people that make sh*t more difficult then it has to be.
Get over yourself, stop whining and woman up for the love of God.
If you want to be with him understand it is a 2 way street sister. Relationships arn't like the streets of New York. That would be one way incase it went over your head.
It takes 2.
Ughhhhh.
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:57:17 PM | OP, many people can be happy in a relationship regardless of how often they see each other or get physical...it all depends on how much they care for each other and what they both want. If you're having a LDR and seeing each other once a week, that a LOT more than many in a LDR get - most in LDRs would LOVE to be able to see their partner that often. If you'd be tempted to sneak around on this guy you're supposed ot be in a relationship with, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him...just find someone local or go screw a bunch if that's what you want; but at least be honest with him so that he doesn't fall hard for you and then get hurt when he finds out you haven't been faithful, or you dump him all of a sudden some months down the road. Put yourself in his shoes: would you want someone to do that to you?
But, you should be an equal partner and go see him also if *you* want to see more of him. A relationship is a partnership, not a one way street. I was gobsmacked when I saw that he only lives 30-45 minutes away and it's "out of your way" to go see him?! Then it's also out of the way for him to see you, but at least he's making the effort...*you* aren't making any effort at all. Please, do this guy a favor and let him find someone who accepts him as he is and who'll be an equal partner in the relationship. And I hear Prince William is free now; maybe he has an opening for a princess.
well i made several attempts to express to him how i feel and what the consequences would be if he didnt make more effort. i did my due diligence and now its up to him how he wants to handle it. if he drives me to outsource then its his fault, not mine.
THE END
Whoo-ie, lol...I really hope this guy doesn'tmake any mroe effort than he already is...IMO he deserves much better than someone this self-centered, selfish, and totally clueless when it comes to what makes a relationship.
OP, here's a post you just made recently about how thrilled you were after your vacation with this great guy...man, I know people change their minds fast sometimes, and the old joke is that women do a lot, but you give the rest of us who *don't* a bad name.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/6915477datingPostpage2.aspx
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