| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:26:23 AM | | This may be a silly question, but what exactly qualifies as "Chase"? I mean, obviously having to compete with another individual is the most notable type, but when does being cautious turn into the territory of "playing hard to get"? | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:27:00 AM | I'm athletic and a fairly decent runner. I can outrun lots of chases...  | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:40:17 AM | Only dogs chase.
Draw any analogy or pun from within that sentence that you like. From my experience, people like to be appreciated by others, instead of having to vie for one's affection in which the end result may become being treated like a trophy-catch. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:45:40 AM |
Msg: 26 -- but when does being cautious turn into the territory of "playing hard to get"?
To me, "Playing Hard-To-Get" is the woman switching back and forth between showing interest and lack of interest. A display of disinterest means I'm wasting my time with her. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 11:27:02 AM | The chase is really part of the foreplay. And some men are good at and enjoy it while others don't. Some women put more emphasis on it then others, and even this may vary depending on the season they are going through.
From a personal point of view I enjoy the gradual build up of satisfaction that comes when I see myself gaining ground and the distance between us grows less and less. In the past this may have occured over weeks of dating or just over the course of one evening. There was a chase of sorts though, involved in each case.
I will add this: there is often a feeling of dissapointment afterwards if the chase finnished too quickly. Well, dissapointment may not be the right word. Not sure what the right word is really. While I never conciously judged the women I think I subconciously felt some disrespect when things progressed too quickly.
Today I'm looking for a good marathon runner. Any out there? | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 11:41:07 AM | | TY very much MFH2112. I am glad you like this post. I am just trying to understand dating in general. LOL, if there is a way to think about it logically. When it comes to feelings there really isn't alot of logic involved. I know what I want and am looking for. I am dating a man I met here on POF, its new, we are doing the "dating dance". It is hard for me. I am a very open ,honest and upfront person. And I am told by "friends" that guys don't like that. Well I am me, and always will be, so until I find the right guy that likes me the way I am........... who knows? | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:03:18 PM | | to open your heart to a lady is not to chase a lady but to woo her | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:15:35 PM | discombobulated61 - very interesting perspective. Which I believe is what makes men and women seem to be actually be from mars and venus. Without honest, open communication one never knows if another is "easy", "really interested" or "desperate" or if you have indeed, won the lady's heart.
games, games, games..........but we continue to play, right?
On another thought - I have tried to open a dialogue with some men after seeing their picture or reading a thread post or their profile and some enjoyed the interest and others have told me in no uncertain terms that they do not appricate a woman pursuing them. Unfortunately I was only trying to chat with them. Go figure! | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:15:57 PM | Well, for me, I can honestly say that I would really like to be pursued for a change. I always seem to do the initiating. I guess I haven't found the 'one' who wants to chase me yet. If I do the chasing, I'm agressive; if I don't, I'm too passive and aloof. I wish it was so cookie cutter perfect. Then I'd know what approach to take.  | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:22:20 PM | | herefortheposts - I looked at your profile and you might be pursued more, if your profile appeared more open to it - as you seem pretty much uninterested in a relationship - IMHO. I have found that men friends of mine would tell me they pass on a woman who is here for the forums only or seemed emotionally unavailable. Not to be picking at you - just an observation. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:31:06 PM | | While it's true we appreciate something we've earned more than something that just lands in our laps, I also believe that if one is looking for a partner and is lucky enough to find a good person they're attracted to, compatible with, who accepts them for who they are, and is in love with them in addition to that, then what do they need with a chase? Why keep chasing qwhat you've been looking for when it's standing right in front of you? To me, if someone needs the chase to keep them interested, then 1) they don't know what they really want, or 2) they're only looking to have a good time, and that means 3) either way, they're not someone *I* want. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:32:55 PM | From what I hear from various men, it's women who come across as "desperate" and "needy" that are the turn-off. This is perhaps the part of women-chasing-men that turns men off-----when a woman pursues a man in a desperate fashion.
The same could well be said in switching genders. The smell of desperation/neediness has been a turn-off for me as well.
Dignity and self-respect are attractive in both men and women. It is appealing when someone carries themselves as someone of worthy of being treated well. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:55:30 PM | This whole chase/games chit is causing me problems ... even in my work related potential relationships.
I find myself doing the same thing in business as my “so called” singles life.
I am a sales guy for cripes sakes. I am SUPPOSE to - sell sell sell my service to corporations but ........
NOPE ...
I catch myself doing the same thing (in business) as I do with females that don’t seem all that interested - I IGNORE THEM. I don’t chase them at all. If they play “hard to get” I just forget them - at once.
I think all of this personal development (zillions of ebooks) has me so immune to rejection - that I just ignore it and move on to some other place or something else.
Some customers would be worth “wooing” but a gal ............. I don’t think so. Who in the heck would be interested in a lop sided relationship? I’m not - I already did that for 20 years ....... ugg.
Since I have NO experience with “wooing” gals and no interest in “learning it” - I guess I am the same as I have always been. Even as a kid - if I was interested ... she knew it - if she goofed around with my interest it was too late.
All of my relationships have been instant on both sides - no one had to guess about anything. I was interested in them and they were interested in me and we both made it clear right off the bat. All my boy/girl stuff has been relative long - I’ve never had a short time/term relationship.
Kids play games. I have been real about this boy/girl stuff since I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. I have WAY too much experience at being real about it to start playing some child’s game at this point.
Sometimes I am really gal that I don't get intersted in many gals. That way I don't even have to think about all the games and crappola, that is in people's heads, very often (shiver). | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:09:21 PM | | Depends what kind of guy it is i guess, some do, some dont, it may be tricky to get the feeling what kind of guy he is:/// | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:37:43 PM | [/Since I have NO experience with “wooing” gals and no interest in “learning it” - I guess I am the same as I have always been. Even as a kid - if I was interested ... she knew it - if she goofed around with my interest it was too late.
All of my relationships have been instant on both sides - no one had to guess about anything. I was interested in them and they were interested in me and we both made it clear right off the bat. All my boy/girl stuff has been relative long - I’ve never had a short time/term relationship.]
going to have to learn how that quote one day ..
same here ..always been that way ..I hate the chase | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:43:49 PM | I dunno counts on what you consider a "Chase"
I personally hate to "Chase" after a woman. I prefer to talk and interact and having to chase after someone is just one more game playing ploy.
If you want someone to just run after you and try to impress you before you will give them the time of day then I fell the problem is yours rather than guys that dont chase.
Id like to think men and women can be adults and not play silly games but sad fact is too many enjoy doing this.
If your going to set yourself up as some kind of "prize' that needs to be won then chances are you arent worth the game at all. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:46:11 PM | Thank You all for all the replies. I find all of the opinions very interesting. I also find it interesting that mostly men have replied. I don't play games. I do play somewhat hard to get...but that is also because I am not easy. If a man shows interest in me, and I am interested in him, I let him know so. But I prefer he be the one to call me. He to plan the first date....and so on from there. More than maybe chasing me, to me, it is him being a gentleman and putting forth some effort to woo me.
I think the OP is talking more about a guy taking the lead rather than any "chasing" being involved. Decisiveness, initiative, and effort are generally considered attractive qualities in men. And when the man takes the lead in a relationship, he displays these qualities.
In my experience, women generally prefer me to make the decision as to what restaurant we're going to eat, or place we're going to go, or things to do. Not that they don't come up with things that they want to do too, but if there is nothing planned already, they don't want me coming back with "I dunno, what do you want to do?".
If a woman is constantly calling the guy, making the plans, making most of the effort, we typically tell her that he is just not that into her. One of the measures of how "into" a man is in a woman, is in the effort he takes to be with and do things with her. | |
|
atlast
|
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:47:19 PM | Chase hell! That requires way to much effort. I use the "lie in wait and ambush" method. Sort of like that little trap door spider that pounces on it's unsuspecting prey.
I'm getting slow in my old age and some of these women are pretty fast. Hopefully one will be along soon that wishes to be caught. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:01:56 PM | Herefortheposts:
Well, for me, I can honestly say that I would really like to be pursued for a change. I always seem to do the initiating. I guess I haven't found the 'one' who wants to chase me yet. If I do the chasing, I'm agressive; if I don't, I'm too passive and aloof. I wish it was so cookie cutter perfect. Then I'd know what approach to take
I checked out your profile. And this does not compute.
Looked to me like you don't want to be chased. At least not right now.
I think though that women can initiate but then back off so it is the man who is doing the chasing. I certainly don't mind women contacting me and letting me know they are interested. Admittedly though, in this case "chase" may not be the best analogy. Invited to dance may be a better one. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:30:29 PM | | "The Chase" is only cool when you are in your teens. I think at a certain age people shouldn't play the "chase" and be honest with each other. I personally never liked the chase because it always seems that the you dig is taking advantage of you when they know you like them. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:57:19 PM | | woo: Definition, Synonyms and Much More from Answers.comwoo v. , wooed , wooing , woos . v.tr. To seek the affection of with intent to romance. To seek to achieve; try to gain. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:48:17 PM | I will not chase. If someone wants to be with you they will be and they will also make it easy for you to be with them.
Chasing, jumping through hoops and all the rest of that garbage is games pure and simple.
Want to play games? Find someone else to play them with.
Want to have a real relationship? Then we can talk. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:57:26 PM |
But men appreciate things that don't come too easily to them. Everyone does actually. You savor things you have earned, or won.
Any man worth dating will not do any "chasing" of the woman. Men who engage in this sort of pusillanimous behavior are pathetic. You are reading too much Cosmo. | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:02:06 PM |
I'm athletic and a fairly decent runner. I can outrun lots of chases...
Smithers, release the hounds.  | |
|
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:23:00 PM | i don't really see guys that way, OP. i think some guys are like that and some guys aren't. i think some people like challenging romance situations and others don't. i guess i am saying i wouldn't wanna generalize about this. but, if it is that you prefer to be less assertive and more passive, to let guys approach you rather than the other way around, if that's more comfortable for you, then i'd say that's perfectly fine. i would choose based on what is comfortable for you, rather than guessing about what guys, as a rule, want.   | |
|
Home
login 
