| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:24:21 PM |
Any man worth dating will not do any "chasing" of the woman. Men who engage in this sort of pusillanimous behavior are pathetic. You are reading too much Cosmo.
wow, that really got me laughing out loud. thanks!!!! i needed that!   | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:53:54 PM | | OP if you are one who likes having her guy to have to chase her and jump through hoops at least do the right thing and clearly state it in your profile. Save yourself and some guys a lot of time and headache. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:00:04 PM | | Ron9, this isn't something I read, it's something I have seen my girlfriends do with their dates. They were dumped because they were "too easy" and I don't mean in bed. I mean they were always available when the guy called. I guess alot of men like a challenge. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:03:10 PM | | True, unless the man is a chubby-chaser. I had a roommate like that once - he always chases the larger ladies, I think it was easier for him to "catch" them. THat's just one counterexample - it's not the entire story. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:17:58 PM | | I think the word "chase" is being used too literally. Someone suggested challenge. Maybe that's a better term. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:58:39 PM | There's a big difference between the chase and games.
Games involve, from what I see, the wanton use of dishonesty in the pursuit of the goal. It's a game...things don't work out, big whoop.
In the chase, the stakes are higher. It's not *always* clear who's the hunter and who's the prey, and that's part of the excitement, IMO. Certain behaviors are out the door when there's the chance of some real investment in the hunt. People tend to think, I believe, that this only applies to the initial introductions and maneuvering towards initial dates and whatnot, but ideally, it never ends.
Sometimes the two can be hard to differentiate, but scrutiny and a little time will show the facts. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:09:30 PM | ^^^^ well, yea, hunter and prey 'play' is always a good idea for a little fun   but personally, i don't think i am really into that if it's serious (as opposed to playful and fun) -- it does feel a little game-like to me, in that serious sense, no matter how you slice it. i'd rather just be upfront and open; that kind of openness establishes a comfort zone and that's important to me. | |
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CTR916
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:39:57 PM | I wonder how many women claim to like the chase, and then complain about being used for sex, once the "chase" is over?
I prefer a booty call relationship, or a friends with benefits relationship, to a chase relationship anytime. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:24:23 PM | | Games are dumb. Dont play them. Not all men play games, so find a nice one. :) | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:32:47 PM |
Any man worth dating will not do any "chasing" of the woman. Men who engage in this sort of pusillanimous behavior are pathetic.
You have GOT to be kidding me! Okay everyone, as you untangle your tongue after reading Mr. IveGotAGoodDictionary's post, remember that maybe men worth dating, are the one's that will treat the lady like a lady and not expect her to do all the work. Clearly, for charliemcsd, chivalry (which I might add has nothing to do with being a coward - that's what pusillanimous means, for those of you who did not run, with dust at your feet, to the bookshelf) is long since dead...what a shame and I was hoping to be talked down to for the rest of my adult life. Someone pass me a drink!  | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:52:17 PM | i won't chase any women, if she is really interested in me then she will tell me.
my opinion if ya have too chase then that's a game, i aint got time for games | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:07:41 AM | I'm glad to see I'm not alone.
I see a profile and I respond to it, I initiate the conversation, maybe it is up to me to keep it going, but then ladies why are you here if not to take a chance, and write a few lines back and forth with a guy, who's just here for the same reason as you, according to your profile.
In this case she saw my profile and wrote to me first, I respond with:
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"Hello (her name),
Thank you for writing. I'd like to learn more about you.
My two children are grown and out of the house. I've been single for just over three years. Some of my relationships were short, the last one was 7 months and ended in early April.
What other morsel of information would you like to know?
Tell me about you
O and Communication is VERY important to me too.
Communication is a two way street, each must be willing and able to open up and speak
and
Listen
B. David :)"
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and she replies with:
"If you want to chat more email me back."
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Did I say something that turned you off?
In this case I wrote her first, my second email asked some questions, not too personal, gave my answers to the same questions and I expected a small exchange of emails till one of us gave up our phone number and we began phone conversations, till we both felt comfortable enough to meet in a public place for coffee, or a drink (which I think is bad for a first date).
So this is the letter I was going to send, if you think is applies to you, then maybe it does, if not maybe it doesn't. Ladies, this is me, B. David:
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SUBJ: I respect you
(her name),
I'm not into chasing you or playing games.
#1 I am a gentleman, not rude, nor easy and I'm not a child.
I saw you picture, read your profile and thought take a chance. I believe if I'm not willing to take a chance, I'll never meet the lady (notice, I didn't say girl) I'm looking for.
You put up a profile here on POF to meet people, to eventually meet that special someone. Maybe you're currently dating and haven’t decided, tell me so, don't lead me along, just say "I'm dating, give me 2 weeks to decide if this one is the one and I'll write back.” I can accept this.
I asked you some questions and didn't get an answer, maybe I'm a bit harsh, but did you read my e-mail?
I am interested in you, to know more, when I feel comfortable I'll give you my real email address and maybe my phone number too and you can call me, or give me yours for me to call you, if you like the guy to call first.
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Well that's my opinion, I could be wrong, in which case I'll be single till I die :( | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:11:43 AM | So ladies, that's me. These posts stay a long time by as of this writing I am NOT dating any one. I am in only one serious relationship at a time. That's me.
And I'd like to hear if I'm doing this all wrong or right, thank you for reading | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:18:22 AM | Hey Red,
Yes sometimes its the thrill of the chase.... but if you are too far away / good at hiding we might lose the scent.......  | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:08:33 AM |  **** the chase. That doesn't mean be easy, but I hate the concept of a chase where I feel like I'm being baited along. If it isn't at least a mutual chase of sorts, chances are I'm not going to chase very far, lol. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:16:17 AM | | If you make me "chase" you by not showing interest or making things hard I will just move on. I don't like to play games, I feel its disrespectful. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:26:30 AM | I do not mind the chase, but if it ends up being too long I will lose interest.
Throw the man a bone/something so he comes back for more.
I've gone through this chase game with someone I really liked, but in the end it drove my up the wall and I stopped. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:48:22 AM | Excellent post, OP. Some of the replies kinda surprised me though.
It's interesting that so many people (mostly men) are equating "the chase" to playing games. It's not about stalking, asking a guy to jump through hoops, or win someone over who has intitially not expressed interest. The chase is all about courting, pursuing someone you're interested in, and (on sites like this), making yourself stand out in a sea of many fish.
Those of you completely against chasing, do you wait for jobs and other opportunities to come to you? When the truly motivated people see something they want, they pursue it. Especially if there are other people vying for the same opportunities?
The opposite of chasing is not chasing, of course, and I'm really surprised (not just in my life but in the lives of my single friends) when a man expresses strong interest and then immediately seems to develop a "who cares" view of the whole thing. It's like the guy wants to dial her number. He's just too busy yawning. He made a point to contact her on a personals site, she responded, and now if she's lucky, he'll email a sentence or two once a week. That's playing games.
So many men have posted how unbalanced online dating is. That there are many more women than men on here. And the common "complaint" is that women are too selective. With that in mind, if you show interest in a woman on here and she returns the same interest, is it a good idea not to chase? Even a little bit? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:03:40 AM | | It's nice to work for something, as long as you know that you can get there in the end. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:06:44 AM | | lol, im old fashioned...i would never lower myself to chase a man | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:10:10 AM | i find the men chase to the sex, right off.
out of the mouths come the phrases...
"she has to be oral.."
the chase is to the bed, before they even want to know my last name.
i wish they would slow down....
they keep forgetting, it begins in the brain.
stimulate me mentally, please? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:26:23 AM | I agree that chase is probably the wrong word - but it is a cliche that we are all familiar with.
I would like to think that if a man sees my profile and is interested in talking he would contact me. I dont consider this chasing, I consider it interest. I have good manners and will always respond. When we get talking, we each get to find out more about one another. During these first interactions I have no problem telling the man that I am interested in learning more about him, find him interesting/attractive and let him know that if he wanted to meet in person, that would be nice. Then I leave things in the man's hand to let me know if this is mutual and allow him the opportunity to take the lead to get together - all without any pressure from me - just open communication.
If I am not interested in the man I also tell him (nicely of course) that I dont think we have enough in common to take this farther than a romantic direction. I have had some very nice comments from men on how open I am to them and I have been thanked by some men for not stringing them along. I see it this way - treat others as you would like them to treat you. If I want a man to be a gentleman, it is required that I be a lady.
I feel bad for the men who think that women are too selective - arent men selective? Isnt choosing someone to date, totally subjective? We are all allowed to have characteristics and traits that we personally find attractive and lifestyles and interests that should be some what complimentary. I dont take rejection personally, as there is no need to and I am glad that we are all not after the same person/people. Now that would make things harder yet - dont you think? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:28:52 AM | ShowMeTheWay says:
"I think we are all competitive creatures by nature and therefore even without self consciously recognizing it, we do enjoy a small but satisfying competition from time to time,......."
Well, you can satisfy your desire for competition by playing Scrabble with a neighbor, or playing games on line. But it is degrading and insulting to treat another human being and their emotional life as some kind of sport.
This thread caught my attention because of the reference to "the chase." I couldn't believe that in the year 2007 there are still people who think that there is a place for "chasing" in human relationships. If you are an adult you should have left all that behind when you outgrew schoolyard games of tag.
Relationships between human beings should be based on equality, not on maneuvering for advantage. I was married to a wonderful woman who always treated me as her equal and I learned to treat her as my equal. I will never go back to the childish way of relating that involves people adopting attitudes and behaviors just because they think these are traditional and expected of them.
So I would certainly avoid a female who imagines that a man has a "duty" to "treat her like a lady" - rather than just a person who shows respect and courtesy and caring for another person.
I have occasionally been told "Thank you for giving me a good time," in which case I just replied "Thank you, I had a good time too," because it is NOT one person's responsibility to "give" any other person their feelings. You choose your own feelings if you are an adult. The only kind of people I want close to me is people who take responsibility for their own feelings and their own lives and for whether or not they have "a good time." Self-responsible people choose their own emotions and if they enjoy an experience it is because they choose to enjoy it, not because another person makes them enjoy it.
And in any relationship I take notice of who takes responsibility for making contact. If somebody thinks that only one party makes all the phone calls while the other one is passive, then drop it and move on. The person worth getting to know is the person who is secure and confident and will call you just as easily and often as you will call her. People who are passive and dependent and reactive rather than proactive are likely to be the needy kinds of people who will drain all the energy and strength out of you in the long run. If you fall into the trap of being the one who takes the initiative while the other party just responds, you will soon establish a relationship of co-dependency, not of mutual strength that enriches both lives. And the person who lets another person be the risk-taker and initiator, while she just responds, is accepting the role of a weakling and cannot be surprised later when she finds that she has just been used like a "thing" instead of being valued as a self-responsible human being worthy of total respect as an equal. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/16/2007 1:42:33 AM | I have neither the time, nor the inclination to bother with the "chase."
Unless it involves me, Bruce Willis and the term "Yippy-ka-yay, muthafukah" | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:26:37 AM | I don't chase no one....... if you don't want to be with me or there's too many to compete with............I say  I only treat someone with the same respect, I would accept back........Doesn't mean i am an instant marshmallow thou......... | |
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