| men and the chase
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:00:59 AM | | A man will chase a woman until she catches him. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/29/2007 10:33:37 AM | Responding to:
Posted By: redrihannon on 5/2/2007 11 07 AM
Subject: men and the chase
Message: .... I am a very open ,honest and upfront person. And I am told by "friends" that guys don't like that. Well I am me, and always will be, so until I find the right guy that likes me the way I am........... who knows?
Now there is a woman worth knowing. I hope she will encounter some eligible dude who is capable of appreciating her for what she is.
She says her friends are giving her advice of what (they think) guys like. Well, the heck with them. If she is true to herself she will not be worried about what guys allegedly like. She will be busy being herself and sooner or later she will meet some guy who will recognize her qualities.
Living to please others is a dead end. People who think they have an obligation to re-shape themselves to fit the image they think others want are engaging in a kind of prostitution, a self-abasement for the pleasure of others. A strong confident woman will say - Here I am, this is me, take it or leave it. I do not live for others and I do not ask others to live for me.
Then if a relationship develops she and he will recognize each other as equals. A sound relationship between two people is one in which both are ever more alive and growing. They will support and nourish each other and welcome each other's growth. Not dependents, not Cinderellas and rescuers. Equals. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/29/2007 11:06:19 AM |
I only chase when I wanna get laid. From a potential partner, I want an instant connection.
Hmmmm, I like that..... | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/30/2007 11:03:39 AM | I don't chase. No special reason, just never have. I am, however, susceptible to the chase. 
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/30/2007 11:13:16 AM | I don't chase anyone, I don't like it when the girl plays hard to get or gives me mixed messages because she thinks it'll keep me keen.
When I meet someone I express my feelings to her openly and would expect the same in return! If she thinks she can play games with me and thinks that I'll like "the chase" she is mistaken! | |
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CTR916
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 82 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 7/30/2007 7:05:33 PM | | How do women justify the soul mate theory in Nurture, and the chase theory in Nature? Aren't the two mutually exclusive? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/30/2007 7:37:49 PM | Men who like to just write and write and "chase" as you say seem like frightened little boys, unable to make a true connection. They like the cat and mouse, but are afraid of the one on one. I especially find it annoying when a man wants to write and write, promises to call and doesn't, or plays like he is not interested, thinking I will drop my life and pine for him. Then, he writes that HE has a life and he's not interested....very convenient since I didn't appear to drop my knitting and run after him in the fray.
Geesh, when will some men grow up?
Women too, yet I haven't had any of those encounters....LOL
Good luck and good riddance to those kind of people... | |
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CTR916
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 84 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 7/30/2007 7:57:29 PM | | What do you think is the cause of that "Peter Pan" type of attitude? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 7/31/2007 11:27:41 PM | I will chase a cab or bus down. Something that counts.  | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:00:56 AM | Good points, all. Women & the chase, similar thought. I take/live a simplistic view: The Game of Love. We see it all around us in nature, mating rituals, etc.
So many of us often say, "Don't wanna play games". OK, understood to a point.
When we were kids in the school playground...what happened when we said we didn't
want to play in the game of the day? Uh-Huh, we were friendless for the afternoon. Or week.
Or worse. So what happens now when we refuse to participate?
Uh-Huh, deja-vu.
It's the WORK, the participatory dynamics required to make things happen FOR us & TO others that occasionally wear some of us temporarily-lazy ones down.
Isn't it always silly to blame a gender or a dating site for our lack of effort, or enthusiasm?
It's like breaking the mirror because we don't like who we see! LOL.
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:36:22 AM | I sort of agree with the OP's statement. The problem is I like a challenge too (as opposed to playing with my emotions). That means I like them to value themselves enough to not rush in just because my nonchalance has intrigued them. I keep my distance because I want them to keep theirs too at first, but it does usually have the opposite affect. So annoying. So if I give them the chase and they pursue all the time, I get bored just like the men supposedly[/] do.
I like my space too, but the only way I seem to get is when I start asking for more time together and then they pull away. Asking for space has never worked. Why does it have to be so confusing? It shouldn't have to be so backwards. I believe there's at least one man out there who I can be honest with about my feelings and he will do the same. He would be smart enough to know that just because I like him now, doesn't mean he has to run. My feelings can change anytime. If someone keeps doing the opposite of what I'm doing, I'm eventually going to get frustrated and turned off. I think they call it "the dance."
I guess what I'm saying is too many people expect this silliness to go on for the life of the relationship, and past the initial "courtship" phase. I don't think I can take that. Knowing I could push someone away for merely asking too much (even if I don't expect to get everything I want), scares me and frankly puts a big dent in my sex drive. I think too many people confuse healthy personal space with head games, and I'm starting to get confused too. To me it should be about communicating what each person wants and meeting in the middle. Then again I never was much of a romantic in reality. I prefer to be practical, even in relationships. Once you feel secure with someone, that's when I think the fun should begin. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:07:11 AM | I guess I'm the odd duck, MOST of the long term relationships I have been in were actually initiated by the lady in question. If a woman doesn't act at least more than a little bit interested in me, then I simply won't bother her again. Also if it feels too much like applying for a job that I'm not sure I'm qualified for, or feels like I have to be a trained monkey -- constantly trying to keep her attention and/or amused -- it just gets old real fast.
I know a lady (45 years old) who always says "maybe" with a shy smile when I have asked her out (I think I might fall over from astonishment if i ever get a straight yes or no from her)....but then most (like 60%) of the time "maybe" turned into "Sorry, something came up, can I have a raincheck?" -- often at the last minute .... After a few months of this I have simply gotten tired of it and recently told her if she WANTED to be there then she would make a bit more effort to MAKE the time...Her response? A rather forlorn sounding "Please don't give up!!!!" .....Um, yeah, then how about YOU call me when you're free, and THEN I'll see if I can clear a space for you on MY dance card for a change? Life is just too short for this kind of stuff. The whole stupid "chase" thing is annoying enough, without running in circles.
My 2c, some will probably want change | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:41:15 AM | I DONT CHASE
In fact I dont even make the first move anymore
why
because after doing it for the last 20 odd years --- its the women's turn to make the moves and chase
many good men wont chase anymore --- | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:52:27 AM | | I have found when I met someone through a platonic avenue, there was never a chase, because a friendship had already been established. That was nice. My big problem is never in the beginning anyway. It's once they're attached and getting them to roll with life's punches that's my problem. Chase or no chase, I'm tired of being the strong most of the time. I mean they were strong to put up with me, but facing other forms of adversity was hard for my past BF's. That's gotta to change if I ever enter a long term commitment again. I need someone no more fearful than me. A little fear is OK, but damn. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:03:10 AM | You were right the first time - it is a game. People shouldn't have to "chase" each other;
they should be able to just come together naturally.
All that stuff about "mystery" and not getting things so easily - they're all games that adults play.
I prefer people to be honest and real. But that's just me. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:49:25 AM | | Meh...couldn't be bothered with the chase...if both parties were equally into it...then it's easy peasy....no games....both equally making things happen..and equally happy :) | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:31:13 AM | | I'm not much into playing chasing games myself...I find it too annoying...and a bit juvenile. | |
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notard
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Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 94 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:38:07 AM | | OP, you are right on. The chase, for me anyway, heightens anticipation and allows more and more interest to develop. What comes too easily is not valued much whereas what is sought after and gained only with time and difficulty is highly valued. This is human nature. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:46:30 AM | I think "the chase" is something some women use to justify their continual passivity in the dating ritual or not having to face rejection. The chase ,for many men, is not something they enjoy or seek. It frustrates many as you probably have gotten from all of the complaint threads. Why should the men have to do 100% of the chasing all the time? Times are changing and women are becoming more forward by going after who they want. I ,for one, like when an interested woman approaches me. Forget the chase and get to "getting to know you" part. There is no excuse for not going after what you want these days ladies. That includes making the first moves.
I agree with lawgeek74. I am not interested in "chasing" anybody. I have a lot to offer and if a woman can't see it then it is her loss. Don't want to sound pompous or conceited but it's true. If I make the first move and she doesn't show any interest in me, rest assured I will move on. I have a busy life and don't have time or the desire to play games. If she wants to play "hard to get", she can find a player, because they are the ones who like the "chase". And then women complain about players. Go figure.  | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:13:00 AM | | Rule of thumb for those of us who don't chase women. If you begin to feel with this online thing that your interest is not being reciprocated with an equal level of feedback, then you've just had a reality check. If you continue to pursue beyond that point you will only succeed in undermining your self respect which you will feel inside if you continue on, and your consequent lack of self confidence will become clearly apparent. Wish her best wishes in her fishing and move on. On the other hand there are women who enjoy being chased, but I suggest you stay far away from them, as for them it is all about ego, something that they will continually need stroked because they either have relied only on their looks all their lives and have not developed any meaningful level of personality, or they simply lack internally derived self esteem. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:18:02 AM | Most men like the chase and the game, even those who claim that they do not because they like to be in control.
Because I have weird taste in men and rarely find one that I like, at first I like to assert until he catches me. Some have told me that they find me aloof at first and because most are a little thick in the head when it comes to women, I now like to make myself perfectly clear. I rebel against "the game".
If it freaks them out, oh well. I'm being true to my nature and that's what counts--that's probably why I'm still single. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:19:40 AM | The chase is likely based on sexual conquest, it's about persuing until they have sex a few times and then it's over because there was nothing more to sustain it. This place is riddled with it, and both genders are culpable in this area....it's the thrill of the moment and when the moment has come and gone, so does the chase and it's on to the next conquest.
In my opinion it's a practice that's transparent and fosters the player/playette scenarios. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:37:22 AM | The chase... No man chases a bus he's already caught! Not So!!
May sound true... but seems most of these guys seem to think that once they have bedded lady they can stop showing and ardent interest in being with her again.... I find a man is more inclined to pursuing his love interest.... and the challenge is a turn on!
It is a ritual mating dance..... I see too many people just say the flirting.. and playing with each other ends or never has begun to begin with!!! How sad to loose so much of the fire of a romance for intellectualism.... Dating and mating..for me is exciting... If a man shows one ounce of taking me for granted... and I warn them up front! I'm gone!!!
The best way to keep a man is for him to know you are a valued person he needs to keep up with you or loose you....! Not a game.. it's human nature! When did pride go out the window????? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:46:27 AM | | Passion comes from rapport, not some juvenile game of hard to get that some women should have stopped playng after adolescence. Flirting is part of rapport not part of the chase. The chase and the hunt are two very different things. Romance does not emerge from the chase......male submissiveness does. Do you want a man or a mouse. Your choice, your consequence. | |
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