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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:46:59 AM | I am so tierd of hearing this line of crap about "The Thrill of the Chase."
Ladies, if you think you'll be happy has a hunting trophey, stuffed and mounted, then by all means keep playing that game! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:51:13 AM |
The chase... No man chases a bus he's already caught! Not So!!
May sound true... but seems most of these guys seem to think that once they have bedded lady they can stop showing and ardent interest in being with her again.... I find a man is more inclined to pursuing his love interest.... and the challenge is a turn on!
It is a ritual mating dance..... I see too many people just say the flirting.. and playing with each other ends or never has begun to begin with!!! How sad to loose so much of the fire of a romance for intellectualism.... Dating and mating..for me is exciting... If a man shows one ounce of taking me for granted... and I warn them up front! I'm gone!!!
The best way to keep a man is for him to know you are a valued person he needs to keep up with you or loose you....! Not a game.. it's human nature! When did pride go out the window?????
i kinda agree with that however that only really happens in niteclubs etc well from what ive seen anyway. I think to be honest the one we really want is the want you dont have to chase or let them chase you its pretty much like a magnet ahhh to be in love then of course comes marriage and its usually this | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:56:51 AM |
I am so tierd of hearing this line of crap about "The Thrill of the Chase."
Ladies, if you think you'll be happy has a hunting trophey, stuffed and mounted, then by all means keep playing that game!
Dude chill man its just a stupid thread besides chasing is fun or being chased
either way its one of life's best game, the hunt is on. It builds confidence and to a lesser extent theirs but i dont see anything wrong with it.  | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:02:52 AM |
"OP, you are right on. The chase, for me anyway, heightens anticipation and allows more and more interest to develop. What comes too easily is not valued much whereas what is sought after and gained only with time and difficulty is highly valued. This is human nature. .
And is not human nature for me to be repulsed by a guy who's so easy, that all I have to do is keep him guessing, and he's mine. Manspirit was right, chasing IS actually a submissive behavior. I want to know a man can handle my strength and be strong himself. He needs to be secure and confident, and most of all, not afraid of me. It's like he's afraid if he gets to know me, he might actually have to care about me (how awful for him;).
I like the element of surprise too, sometimes. But I don't need to be teased. This is what adolescents, who are not fully emotionaly mature, do. It's all they know. But once we have a fully formed sense of empathy, which some apparently never do, we naturally want to please our partner through effective communication and lasting chemistry, which I think comes from mutual respect. Clingy women/men are not being respectful of your space, especially in the beginning.
I met a guy who from here was 10 years younger on year, and at first he called me constantly needing reassurance that I liked him. I tolerated it, but I didn't love it. Once we became more comfortable, and I began to call him more frequently (when it was APPROPRIATE to do so), then he had the nerve to tell me it annoyed him. If he hadn't been such a hypocrite and done same thing when he didn't even know me yet, I would have maybe understood, but whatever. He was ten years younger and obviously wasn't very self aware. But I swear to you, in my experience only two types of men want you to give chase. The ones who are selfish and immature, and the ones who have been hurt before and, unbeknown to themselves, never got over it, and they're scared to love again.
I dated wonderful man once who had no experience with rejection (i.e. no experience at all). It never occurred to him to punish me for loving him by pulling away or getting "bored". If fact it was my distance from having been treated like crap by stunted, non-committal people that put him off in the end. He WANTED me to pursue him back, believe it or not, but I was too afraid, like a lot of these men. And yes, at the time, I was more attracted to men who made me feel like I could never fully have their attention unless I made life hard for them.
The aforementioned man just got married recently. My loss to be sure.
I'm losing my patience with people who make you feel responsible for how they treat you. Now that's unattractive. The same people will tell you, "if only you give me my space I'd be able to care about you more." Hogwash. I've used that lame excuse before. Take your own time to yourself, don't demand it. If you're not assertive enough to establish some boundaries, that's your problem. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:35:28 AM | | Bravo, Accidental Tourist. Refreshingly well said. you've made that leap from girlhood to true womanhood, that many do not. Experience can be a harsh teacher, but if you learn from it, you grow from it, and gain perspective, as you certainly have. That says a helluva lot about you. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:36:11 AM | Luv Docs Tips... not a nightclub thing here.. too dang old for that scene!!
Situation: You meet someone.. date for a while, then you go your own ways... a year goes by they see your picture and ask you out again.. This time play it cool, no hanky panky... its only a date afterall .... They want more.. you lay it on they line.. What you are looking for exactly in a relationship!! Well they balk, they still want to play the field, blah blah .. So.. tell them to go their own way.. no skin off your nose... A few months go by.. then a couple of emails.. hi... lookin good...this is not game playing per se... it is a mating dance!!! This next time.. a decision do you really want this person in your life or not! Big Decision!!!! If you answer one way.. you're accepting one type of relationship.. not necessarily the type you are looking for... if you respond another.. you end the dance.... If you ask again are they ready to settle into a relationship and you really are not.. then you look like a tease....
Both sexes have a way of making the chase happen... sometimes you win, sometimes you loose and sometimes it turns out to be exactly the love of your life.... Without a bit of dancing.. both of you may have jumped too soon into it! Waiting too long and one person may have had a change of feelings....
Now this is a true situation...... a Man and Woman... when it comes down to answering the newest email.... well it's waiting to be answered.... and deeply considered ...... the outcome of this chase.....
As it was stated before 'women chase men until they catch them'... So true.. Just knowing if you want to catch the fishie... is the most important decision a woman will ever make.
Go ahead bash away.. lol! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:36:25 AM | How sad to loose so much of the fire of a romance for intellectualism...
Hmmmm, Girlflower. I think D.H. Lawrence would beg to differ (and he's pretty hot for a dead guy). Actually I think it's sad that North American society has lost intelligent romance over to the likes of Sex and the City.
I think that within "the game" there is much foolish pride and false dignity. One way for a woman to value herself as a person is to be true to her nature and have the esteem and confidence to let a man know that she's interested. The right kind of guy will get it (and appreciate it!), because he already recognizes that mating for sport is silly and respects that first and foremost, we are all human.
No need to hog-tie the poor bugger, though! Calm assertiveness works much better, because it's sexy.
As for keeping a man: well, who wants to "keep" a man who doesn't want to be kept? But a strong emotional, intellectual and physical connection creates depth, magnetism and longevity--he won't want to go anywhere.
I agree that sometimes you need to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, but fortunately, that's necessary only when you discover you've got a "player"--then you know what to do.
Good luck to you  | |
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dnto
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:50:27 AM | Following on from msg 15 and 104.
I think that the ‘surprise’ is higher-up the evolution and emotion ladder than the ‘chase’.
If you show some extra effort and surprise your date with some simple, safe action that shows that you are interested in them uniquely by having actively listened to them beforehand for appropriate clues, then it’s going to be rewarded normally if there is interest on their part. It also feeds us at a deeper level because it can fool our system into thinking it’s at a deeper part of the ‘hunt’ than the ‘chase’. If it isn’t rewarded by some interest very soon after that date, then you don’t surprise them again until there is some reciprocity even if you really enjoyed the action of surprising. Reciprocity and rewarding positive behaviour are very strong motivators. If it doesn’t work, then they aren’t really into you or are playing games, so you move on. This approach isn’t a game, it’s just common sense. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 9:19:19 AM | PrettyPicky says:
.... Actually I think it's sad that North American society has lost intelligent romance over to the likes of Sex and the City.
...............................
How true! People assume that romance is something that "happens" to you, or something that others have the power to "make you" feel. Wrong and wrong. Very wrong. Romance is a state of mind, and nobody but yourself has responsibility for your own mind. If you enjoy feeling romantic, that is because you CHOOSE to feel romantic. You create your own feelings, all of them.
Does it depend on sex? No, it does not. One of the most romantic relationships of the twentieth century was between a man and a woman who never had sex together. He was George Bernard Shaw. She was the Abbess of Stanbrook Convent, a nun. Children's feelings may be driven by their hormones. When they grow up they hopefully will figure out that the mind, not their genitals, is the ground in which romance flourishes and grows and endures.
.........................................
PP continues:
.... One way for a woman to value herself as a person is to be true to her nature and have the esteem and confidence to let a man know that she's interested. The right kind of guy will get it (and appreciate it!), because he already recognizes that mating for sport is silly and respects that first and foremost, we are all human.
.........................................
Correct! "Mating for sport" is for children who don't have enough brains to play chess or some other games where "mating" takes place. Real people build human relationships as agreements between human beings who are equals and respect each other.
.........................................
Then PP says:
No need to hog-tie the poor bugger, though! Calm assertiveness works much better, because it's sexy.
As for keeping a man: well, who wants to "keep" a man who doesn't want to be kept? But a strong emotional, intellectual and physical connection creates depth, magnetism and longevity--he won't want to go anywhere.
.......................................
*sighing*. Darn. If only I were way, way younger, and if we were neighbors, I would have liked to get to know this PP person. Well, that's not going to happen, but I do expect that sooner or later some dude will notice that she is one heck of a person, a really worthwhile person to know and get close to. Not to "chase" (yuck) but to relate to as an equal. A person with whom you can build a real and solid honest enduring relationship. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 9:19:24 AM | I think it depends on the man.
I have met some men who liked being chased. And some who preferred to pursue the 'Lady'.
I opt for the latter, chasing the man is not my thing.
I like to be pursued, courted, romanced.
If a man requires chasing I leave that to other ladies.. who don't mind fussing and clawing through other women over a man.
I'm not much at pretense either.
If I like someone they know it, if they want someone who feigns disinterest in order to get the man to chase them then what what else will that lady be faking?
So if they give their number and tell me to call them, then after they have called me a time or two.. I may go ahead and give them a ring.
HOWEVER,
If they don't return the call, or answer the phone then I pretty much know this relationship is going to be short lived.
I do not play the games.
Game playing may be the 'in' thing for some, but it is definitely not my method of operandi. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 9:31:11 AM | The chase is indeed old and needs to die a quick, painless death so men & women can move on and learn how to get along properly in these modern and egalitarian times! 
Chasing and the need to be chase are basic manipulations, and quite tiresome for both parties:
For women, it mostly involves sitting atop a socially-imposed pedestal hoping to God/Allah/Buddha etc. that one of the subservient Neanderthals vying for your favor is actually worthwhile, while the man of your dreams might well be sitting across the street too proud to be count himself amongst the mob, shaking his head while watching the debacle before him... 
For men, this usually involves having to put forth nearly 100% of the INITIAL courtship effort trying to catch a girl's attention, making a witty first impression, and planning a spectacular and memorable evening at great potential personal expense just so he MAY get a shot for a second date with a woman he barely knows and is as yet unsure just how far his interest goes... Given that he has no clearer idea how well the two of you may be suited than his lady of interest does, why on Earth is he having to do all the work? 
This doesn't sound like an ideal scenario for EITHER gender when all they're trying to find out is whether or not the person may be compatible... 
In my opinion romantic success comes not from scheming and conniving to obtain a cherished prize, but in honest straightforward communication where either party may initiate the conversation, but BOTH parties are willing and eager participants... Be honest, be polite, be open-minded and just see where things take you without all the old-school head-games! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:39:15 AM | I like it when women chase me. Hehehe. Back! back!
I think it's human nature to covet what we can't have. It's not something necessarily done on purpose. We search for someone that fit that rather unique combination of qualities that makes us feel whole. And quite frankly that is a moving target as we experience new thing in life. Do I like to chase? Not exactly, but if I see someone that I find attractive, I pursue. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:58:32 AM | hey pretty picky....
The man.. asks.. are you still mad at me? I'm think gee am I supposed to be? What cha been doing? Working... Third email.. well I have a couple of nights free... (meaning sex) My response.. stick it in a light socket buster....... I'd probably get fleas...
Guys who are like this just seem to think that all they have to do is crook their little finger and we'll copulate.. It's quite insulting to my womanhood and intelligence... LOL!! Shows me the type of woman he's been "getting" and I'm just not one of those airheads....I am a higher value woman than he's used to...
Cary on Sex and the City lost Big to a Higher Value Woman (whom he married) ... but he came back to her to have an affair.... right in his new brides bed... Now that was a low moment in Cary's Life!!! She realized she was hurting herself by her behavior.. and was making changes to life to overcome who she had become..... when the series ended.
A man sits at a bar.. looking over the ladies.. on the hunt... he doesn't get any play no matter how he tries... right????
A woman sits at a bar.. she looks at a guy and Wham... she can have him or any guy in the room.......!!!!
A man sitting at a bar.. sees a lady.. and actually gets into a conversation with her... he's successful If he can get her number.....!! A woman who asks for his number lowers her value....
Double standsards everywhere... it's all a chase.. and a dance.
Just thoughts from the Oldest Prom Date in The Room!!! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:16:44 PM | I hate "the chase". It's more drama than it's worth. If you find you have mutual interests with a person, and the two of you can pursue your goals better together than apart and are both well-suited for one another, pursue it!
Any women who would give me the run-around simply because I show interest in her? Well, we're obviously incompatible to begin with and she needs to be with someone who enjoys spending time, money and energy chasing after a flighty girl. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 3:27:27 PM |
OK,
I have been dating awhile. I have a question. I hear and read lots of advice out there. I read posts about women chasing men. I read those about men chasing women. My thinking on the matter is that men like the chase, they like a challenge. Not that I am into games. I do not do games. But men appreciate things that don't come too easily to them. Everyone does actually. You savor things you have earned, or won.
Opinions????
Sorry, don't like the chase.
Call me relationship lazy or what have you, but if I have to chase you, you going to be running by yourself. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:53:55 PM | Thank you so much for your kind words, fra59e. Given the day that I’ve had on the romantic front, I certainly needed some gentleman’s wisdom to keep me on track.
One of the most romantic relationships of the twentieth century was between a man and a woman who never had sex together. He was George Bernard Shaw. She was the Abbess of Stanbrook Convent, a nun. Children's feelings may be driven by their hormones. When they grow up they hopefully will figure out that the mind, not their genitals, is the ground in which romance flourishes and grows and endures.
Amen. Now, I am a product of the feminist revolution, so I am no nun (although, my superego is most definitely a problem like Maria  ). In the past, I’ve cautiously experimented with some of the liberties that modern women have been granted and come to the conclusion that “Grandma’s Rules” actually work best to keep the body, mind and spirit safe in one crazy world. My commitment to a modified chastity is neither morally- nor religiously-based and I understand why some people have the need to experiment. But I’m a sensitive soul. So to me, this commitment to myself is simply common sense.
Yes, we create our own feelings and these feelings guide us as to when to be introspective (me right now) and when to reach out.
Darn. If only I were way, way younger, and if we were neighbors, I would have liked to get to know this PP person. Well, that's not going to happen, but I do expect that sooner or later some dude will notice that she is one heck of a person, a really worthwhile person to know and get close to. Not to "chase" (yuck) but to relate to as an equal. A person with whom you can build a real and solid honest enduring relationship.
Funny—most of the men my age wish I was way, way younger  ! Hmmm…could I give you the dude’s email and maybe you can talk some sense into him? (God knows, it’s not my place….he’s a decent guy but a little thick-headed when it comes to women.  )
At the vantage point where I am sitting right now, I can see both fra59e and Girlflower’s perspectives. Although I gave the combat-boot feminism long ago, (because I like men…not in the way that Winston Churchill liked women, but in a more humanistic way) I do see the benefits of the liberties that the feminist moment gave to women. It had to happen, boys.
As for the double-standards, it’s up to us to reject them—and even have a little fun with it. What woman doesn’t enjoy hanky-dropping and using her magnetism to catch the eye of every man in the room when she wants to feel attractive? That’s where the human nature part comes in. I love those Shania Twain “Oh man, I feel like a woman” moments.
We don’t need to cater to egos either. If it hurts, stop—and chances are, if a woman cares about a man, he WILL hurt her at some point. That’s what our feelings are there for—to tell us when to retreat and re-group: when we are hurting ourselves or someone else. And we all make mistakes.
As for the bar, that’s the last place I would go to meet men. Heck, even the internet is better than that!
Hmmmm… fra59e + Girlflower =
(Gotta have some fun!) | |
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| The Chase!
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:13:02 PM | The way I look at it is, if either side plays the "chase", then the relationship won't last ..... another tempting chase is likely to come along very soon!
So, if you are into casual sex ( ..... with jeans and t-shirt  ), Friends with benefits, or serial monogomy then I guess the "chase" fits.
Tigerwoods,
You have it right with
In my opinion romantic success comes not from scheming and conniving to obtain a cherished prize, but in honest straightforward communication where either party may initiate the conversation, but BOTH parties are willing and eager participants... Be honest, be polite, be open-minded and just see where things take you without all the old-school head-games! | |
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