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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:12:04 PM | Hi Starlight, loved your comments ...you are a very wise woman. I too am older 51, actually am listed as 52 for some strange reason but who cares! LOL Anyway I experienced some of the same things as you did letting someone else define me when that should be up to me. Now, like you, I am on the way back to "me" and even a better, stronger, wiser me with tons more self confidence. I actually prefer older men if they are energetic. But I'm not against dating someone a little younger if he has the maturity and intellect I admire. I heard a good quote that I often pass along to my younger friends when they are heart broken over some guy breaking it off
"Sometimes man's rejection
Is God's protection"
also "Perfect love casts out all fears"
If the love is right it won't hurt, it won't belittle you, make you less in anyway ...it will feel safe, uplifting and secure. I think sometimes when we first meet someone we know right away its not right because we try to be someone we're not...a good clue right there that its not going to work....listen to those clues! | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:22:38 PM | msg #63 posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit on 5/24/2007 1 45 PM -
...It amounts to how well you have cared for yourself. I also don't care to date BBW (as if there was such a thing as a BBM), because most overweight females simply do not appeal to me. Yet I've seen large women who were stylish and had their hair done well and so forth... because they care about how they look, as opposed to your basic K-Mart tuna who gave up years ago.
"K-Mart tuna" ?
Because you don't find yourself attracted to these women you think it's OK to degrade them?
Let me just say that such mean-spiritedness is absolutely UNATTRACTIVE to me.
#@!##!  | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:39:53 PM | Monkey in a guy suit
No need to be unkind about the BBW, which I am. I prefer men who are heavier and there are many men who like large women. Just because you do not is no reason to make that unkind remark (is there any such thing anyway as a BBW?) I have dated younger men, my husband was younger and very good looking and I have dated prfessional athletes who were not intimidated by a larger woman because they were confident about their own masculinity. So any guys 6'3" and 235 lb and up I'm a fan of yours! Just be a kind big old teddy bear with a heart as big as you are.  | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:54:23 PM | Marthababy
What a go! That was a very unkind remark he made about BBW. Glad to see I wasn't the only one who said something. We ALL have to work on improving ourselves and sometimes weight is a very difficult issue and for some it is just who they will always be due to health issues. That is not my case and I am getting my weight down gradually and in a healthy way. Also some women are poor and can only shop at KMart, for these reasons we should be kind and give them credit that they are feeding their children instead of spending their few dollars on their look. However with a little ingenuity and some advice from someone who can help teach them, they could learn to present themselves well even if they must get their clothes from goodwill stores. Some social services offer courses for women teaching them how to dress and present themselves for interviews etc. I would really suggest too watching "What Not To Wear" which is a really good show on TV which gives fantastic dressing advice that can be matched to anyone's budget from designer to goodwill shopper. Ladies (and gentlemen) don't ever let someone else define whether you are attractive or not. It is a way to take your power and soothe their ego. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 5:58:01 AM | I agree with most of what you said. I have seen many women who prefer younger men. I have found that my limit on younger men is within a 5 year ranger. I look at profiles of men that range from 55 to 70. Younger than that I rather shy away from. Older than 70 gives me the concept of dating my own father image. As far as Men are concerned, I do believe that in that range they are visuals. They have been married to the woman who is no longer trim and Barbie Dollish, they want a change. Someone younger to carry on the arm for their own self esteem, they gain more attention from their peers. It really is a shame that people are really being shallow. Most Women and Men my age, are divorced or Widowed. All of us are in the same situation, we are alone. I've seen many profiles where the man claims to be 60 and I guarentee you they are 65 to 70, they have the same age tire around the middle, their hair is grey. The kicker is the now famous quote! "I don't like people who play Head Games". It seems no one has advised them to this point, they are playing head games with themselves. They shy away from Women their age, who they might well have a great relationship with, one that would carry them through the rest of their lives, and they wouldn't be alone. I have always wondered why a 35 or 40 year old woman would want with a 65 year old male,
who has his middle tire.. Grey hair and the attitude.. I'm set in my ways.. Your arm candy.. my legs hurt to bad to dance.. do we have to have the grandkids over, their too noisy.. why do we have so little in common..
Although you might think that I am being negative, I'm being very honest here. I have spent 18 years single after divorce, and truly never believed I would want to settle into another marriage. Not because of baggage, I believe that some people are happier when their single. I have keep profiles online for 10 years, had many hits at times and none at others, what I did learn is few and far between are success stories. I may go for 6 months and never check the profiles, add or remove to the commentary, change the photos. Even did a research test on a profile. I wanted to know what attracted men to a profile, the results were amazing. If anyone would ask me my opinion on whether or not they are going to find their soul mate online, my answer would be.. You have a better chance of meeting your soulmate setting in Church on Sunday morning, or visiting the newest widower in town, and inviting him over for dinner.
So, you are right, we not only need our birth certificates to prove actual age, but we need divorce papers, and quite possible our spouses death certificates, a recommendation from an ex spouse, and two out of three of their childrens written statment comfirming what the profile list as absolute truth. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 9:38:06 AM |
If anyone would ask me my opinion on whether or not they are going to find their soul mate online, my answer would be.. You have a better chance of meeting your soulmate setting in Church on Sunday morning, or visiting the newest widower in town, and inviting him over for dinner.
The chance of a man finding his soulmate online seems to be pretty slim. Very few of the women online will even respond to communications from men. From the guys I talk with the response rate is about one in ten. It gets very discouraging when the women who are supposedly here to "date" just aren't interested in normal, average men. | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 107 | |
| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 9:47:38 AM | you know, golconda, that some women here do indeed respond to emails and are interested in quality men. I think the issue is that the women you want to hear from may not be responding.
as far as whether a site like POF helps you find a partner, it's all in the atttitude we project and our ability to see possibilities.
chris | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 10:00:45 AM |
I think the issue is that the women you want to hear from may not be responding.
Yes, that's quite true. The women I would like to talk to don't respond. It's not just me though. Every man I talk with about Internet dating has had the same experience. We send out thoughtful, well written e-mail introductions and get very little response. Just look through the forums and you'll see many threads of men complaining about the lack of response from women.
A big part of the problem is that there are many more men looking for women than the reverse, so the women can be very very picky about who they respond to. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 1:49:31 PM | ^^^ Ahem, Golconda, I must beg to differ! I've had more than my share of looking for responses to my "thoughtful, well written e-mail introductions" only to find "read/deleted" "unread/ deleted" in my Sent Messages box. I refuse to believe that I'm really THAT unappealing. (And, please don't burst my bubble and tell me I AM!  )
And, of course, it may also be that the men I "want to hear from may not be responding." Trouble is, I try to be honest, to prevent the unpleasant surprises that everybody complains about. Then I guess, well, I have a problem with guessing which men it might be who may be interested in hearing from me. I'm just not so pathetic that I'll accept a man who will phuck anybody who shows the willingness to do-me-baby!
Oh, I HAVE made some great long-distance email-pals--YES! even of the male persuasion!-- but, jeeminy-criminy, I'm here to date someone in REAL LIFE! I don't think it's easy for anybody here, really. But I'm willing to keep trying since I only need to make one right connection!
- Martha  | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 6:06:38 PM | Maralee,
I couldn't have said it better myself than what you wrote. All of the men my age, that I've met, either have had bowel or urinary problems, ear and/or nose hairs, long and/or dirty finger nails, etc. And they expect to find a YOUNG, TRIM, ATTRACTIVE woman. Who are they fooling? One of them even had the nerve to tell me that I smiled and laughed too much! Any wonder why he's been a widower for ten years? And better yet, another "gentleman" wrote and told me that he had "quite a few" responses to his ad and he was going to meet all of them. I wrote him back and told him "good luck". I am a YOUNG, 62 year old female, a little on the chunky side, however, I work full time, am in good health, and own my own home. I have no children and/or pets at home. What more could a "real" man want?
Off my soapbox for now. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 6:44:22 PM | | I was married for 28 years to a man 13 years older and scared to death to start dating again. At age 58, the first guy who asked me out was 45 and I kept refusing worried I'd be laughed at until I realized how much we were enjoying being around each other, the rest just came naturally and although I now live far away from him we talk and remain good friends. I have since dated a 41 and 44 year old who both pursued me. I don't have those low ages on my profile search, I'd like to date men 52 to 65 but until that happens I'll continue dating anyone who makes me laugh, treats me like a lady and truly enjoys my company. Age is a number, what you make of life is what's important, don't intentionally hurt anyone's feelings and God guides you the rest of the way. I really would like to know from some younger guys what the attraction to older women is, anyone? | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 7:04:15 PM |
I've had more than my share of looking for responses to my "thoughtful, well written e-mail introductions" only to find "read/deleted" "unread/ deleted" in my Sent Messages box.
Marthababy, It's interesting to hear that you have experienced the "no reply" syndrome. The men I talk to all say that it is very rare to get a response from a woman. As I said, only about one in ten e-mails gets a response.
I've never gotten a "thoughtful, well written e-mail introduction" from a woman nor have most of the men I've talked to. Women just don't seem to have a need to initiate. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 8:50:58 PM |
I've never gotten a "thoughtful, well written e-mail introduction" from a woman nor have most of the men I've talked to. Women just don't seem to have a need to initiate.
Try searching for the No Response To Messages in the threads.....that topic has been done to death, from both sides. Men and women have been posting in threads for ever about how they get Read/Deleted or Unread/Deleted instead of a response.
Maybe you are just talking to the wrong people. It happens alot.
It isn't just an over '50/men/women issue.....it appears to be neither age or gender specific. Manners seem to be seriously lacking in on-line communication. That has also been done to death in the forums.
Edit: I just read your profile golconda..... it was a bit of an eye-opener...
aside from the spelling error shortly after your claim of intelligence and the comment about being willing to send a photo "if" they meet your criteria.......
well. ....I will just leave it at being an eye-opener. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 9:59:33 PM | Why do you think most men "shave off" some years from their profile...
That, my dear is a commentary in itself!
Perhaps men haven't realized that an "older woman" could run circles around her younger counterparts...in both interests, confidence, and experience (mmmm).... besides the 'tude.... and sexiness! (hey ... take me for example!)...Goin on 50... woo woo!! and feel hotter than ever!! SO THEREEEEEE!! | |
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| Attraction in your 50's----WHOOPS!
Posted: 7/7/2007 5:58:05 AM |
Getting back to my original post - Can we in our 50's find someone to relate to and find happiness? Yes, if only 'we' would stop looking at the outer shell so fastidiously! | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/7/2007 11:03:22 AM | Golconda:
After noting your complaint about women not responding to your e-mails I took a look at your profile. Frankly, though you would appear to meet some of my basic parameters (age, shared interests, etc.) for a possible contact (other than location), I doubt that even if you lived nearby I would be inspired to either contact you or respond with much enthusiasm to one of your e-mails because your profile is not only terribly generic but you expend far more effort describing what qualities your potential date should have than you do delineating your own talents and desirable traits. You come off as humorless and boring, maybe even slightly arrogant. You aren't any of those, are you?? Think about that and put some more effort into your profile. A spellcheck run would be prudent as well -- obvious typos suggest carelessness. You need to put your best foot forward in a very competitive environment. You have to know the male to female ratio on POF is against you -- many women (especially those with attractively written, interesting profiles) get dozens of "hits" and messages a week and we are most likely to respond to the ones that are a bit creative or that give us some individualistic insight on the man. "Hi, I'm a tall, handsome, intelligent professional, my friends say I'm great and you should be too" is, honestly, a huge yawn.
Plus (and this is a BIG one) you don't post a photo. I'm sorry, but that "professional discretion" line does not wash. Lack of a publicly posted photo tends to strongly suggest to most women you are married or otherwise involved. Offering to forward a pic in e-mail does nothing to dispel that concern. In this day and age I don't know anyone in any profession who thinks less of any single person for their having posted a respectable (not overtly sexual) profile on a legitimate dating site. Also, most women don't like being put in the position of taking the effort to open communication with a guy only to discover that he is physically unattractive to them -- a "pig in a poke" so to speak. I'm sure you feel the same way -- how many women have you written to who didn't have a photo posted? Zero, right?
Look, you've got this FREE opportunity to post ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about yourself -- make the effort to present yourself in a unique light!! I've actually started e-mail exchanges and even met guys who had the silliest profiles, BUT that silliness told me more about who they were than that generic laundry list you posted. I'm not saying you have to be silly, just be yourself. If you really are that generic, maybe you should play on that more creatively . And you HAVE to post a photo, preferably several. Include some of you doing things you enjoy. You've made yourself too convenient for women to dismiss by being lazily bland (and possibly married.) | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/7/2007 4:41:48 PM | | Not true! I'm 56 and state that as my age. I realize that for some that will leave me out of their search results, but I believe in being honest and want someone who is comfortable being with who I am and the activity level I enjoy. Historically, I have dated men somewhat (4 years) younger than myself, and it mostly had to do with connecting with someone with similar interests. So, I don't think age is a definitive criterion. And yes, my photo is current! | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/7/2007 7:45:23 PM | | I'm 56 also and I want to be completely honest about that. When I first put a profile on a dating website, I took a few years off my age. I soon found out how embarassing it is to meet someone in person and have to tell them my real age. (It would come out eventually anyway.) I found it's much less complicated to just be honest. If it leaves me out of some searches, oh well. I will date men up to 10 years younger than myself mainly because I have a high energy level and I can keep up. I'm finding a lot of men my own age and older are just fuddy duddies and the ones who aren't, are looking for younger women. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/8/2007 5:13:22 AM | Good mornin... I am 55 and proud of it! I've earned every wrinkle, every sag, every pouch. I do have a treadmill, and light weights and I do work out, on occation, when I feel like it. I don't let someone, man or woman make me feel worthless, and unattractive. If you don't like it, I tell them to move on, it really is a turn off when some idiot asks me if i'm "perky" goodgawd man. I haven't been perky in years. My personality can be perky sometimes, but teenagers are perky not 50 year olds.
As far as the "preforming" goes, that has to do with health issues, poor circulation due to smoking, drinking and medications their on. And some want to blame age, well I think it's more like, they never could "preform" in the first place so they want to blame it on age.
I've met men on both extreems, one that was a 10, one that was a dud. But the deal was, the 10 didn't know how to kiss, but he was good in the sack, the other was a great kisser, but was lousy, and was a pencil, if you know what I mean.
Ya'll have a wonderful day!
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/8/2007 5:24:13 AM | Another point, some may find this shallow, I won't respond to someone that doesn't post a picture, I'd like to "see" who I talk to. Have you ever been on a blind date? YIKES! Ok I know I am not a beauty queen, but I think it's only fair. I had a bad experience with someone that didn't post a pic, I won't go into detail here. Yes I know that some can be decieving and post something that was like 10 years ago, or even post a pic that is not them, but at least I can get a good idea, on who I am resonding to.
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/8/2007 6:49:34 AM | About posting photos ...
Some people have good reason not to post a photo. People who have professions that require them to meet one-on-one with strangers might not want to advertise a desire to meet someone in an online dating site.
Even if we can agree that most of the people who use this site are “safe,” we can also understand that some people prefer not to put themselves in a situation where a mentally unbalanced individual would recognize our photo or otherwise determine our identity (in small towns, it’s possible), then make an appointment to see us at our place of employment.
Certain kinds of mental health issues can be extremely dangerous for those people who are required, by their profession, to be alone with strangers. These professionals do everything they can to protect themselves, and one of the ways they protect themselves is to avoid the appearance of “advertising” for a sexual partner. Not that everyone on POF is advertising for a sexual partner, but an individual with mental health issues might see it that way, regardless of our intentions. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/8/2007 8:28:03 AM | Ok I can understand that you don't want to post a pic, if you have that situation. But hopefully eventually they send a pic. Otherwise what is there to hide, unless your on America's most wanted... hahahaha. | |
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| Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/10/2007 3:25:43 PM | | Well, considering that men reach their peak at ummm...17, and women in their 30's, we are always unequal! I think if we all keep ourselves together, for ourselves first, age is irrelevant. | |
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