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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/13/2007 12:02:58 AM | Dude, i'm reading your story and just had to post.
I lived in San Diego for 10 years where the dating scene is extreme. Way too competitive to make mistakes. I think you started rough with that date but actually recovered. I think you failed to move your conversation into something that was interesting and more inviting for her. You can be direct and confident without the rough edges, but if you choose to continually use the rough edge approach, realize that most women will be uncomfortable with that much tension and will walk. Next time, be confident and direct, but just soften it up and make the conversation interesting -- doesn't have to be small talk. Don't ask for her name ... make your new goal to be so charming that she asks you for your name. And never ask her age. It adds no value. The majority of guys lack confidence, so you're ahead of the game. Good luck.
Anthony | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/13/2007 12:28:37 PM | Don't ask her weight or how much she makes either
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/13/2007 9:11:49 PM | | wow...interesting read here...ive been single off and on since 2000 and i am a "nice guy".....ive gotten used to the women around here....i find it interesting to hear about other cities and the females there and the differences...as ive never dated in another town....im just me....nothing more and nothing less...thats what the females i interact with get...some like it some dont.... | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/13/2007 11:04:38 PM | i think this is pretty basic stuff that applies to women world wide. As guys, we generally fail to see things from the woman's perspective and ultimately end up confused when things don't go as expected. For example, not willing to engage in "small talk" when really small talk lets a woman get comfortable with you. As long as the topic isn't too rough or boring, the verbal conversation taking place is not the actual communication. That is, the true conversation is the body language both people are using, most of which happening subconsciously. It's fascinating to watch if you know what to look for. The head tilt, eyes widening, etc. Small talk is the stage to display and read each other's body language to learn if there's mutual attraction. Not complicated once you realize what's really going on.
Anthony | |
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| Pity Party
Posted: 8/27/2007 12:45:50 PM | | This whole thing has turned into one big pity party of people wondering why they got rejected. There are a lot of reasons! There are as many reasons as there are people! Making assumptions, presumptions as to why does not do anyone any good. Black, white, brown, young or old, male or female, **it happens to everyone that is out there taking a risk. Unless the person comes up to you and tells you they think you are an ***hole because (whatever the reason), you will never know and anything you come up with will be an assumption. Most people will not tell you because they are not confrontational. People are allowed to feel the way they do about a particular situation. Move on! If you feel there is something lacking in your approach, try a different approach. Like Dr. Phil says, "How is this working for you?" The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Look inward. Examine yourself. Whatever is going on around you is a direct reflection of your inner self. You create your reality. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:07:53 PM | Some times being right to the point is going to scare us off. Asking if we have a boyfriend right up front sounds desperate and to eager. Just causual conversation to start would be nice to get know someone. If there is a man in our lives we most likely would let you know without having to ask if there is a boyfriend. If I met someone I would expect nice conversation and if I was asked out for coffe or if I could call you would be better than just bluntly asking if I had a boyfriend.
Also it depends on how old you are. The younger generation is totally different as a general rule. And yes women are different here from what I have heard. For just a note to remember. Most women don't like quick come on's. Be patient, caring and more confident with yourself. Oh! and if they don't let you know there was a change in plans, they were not worth it anyway. If they don't give you their number you can bet they may not meet you anywhere. It is getting scarry out there anymore with so much assult going on. Good luck.
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:09:40 PM | Anthony. Your smart with good advice. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:14:30 AM | Being from down south and also knowing the social interaction make up in the east coast, I'm sorry Anthony your dead wrong. Dark Romeo can also back me on this one, he is a New York Transplant, and I'm one too from Texas, having lived their for 15 years. Here is how it is different: Note: I am not complaining in anyway, this is work I had to do for my college degree and also has been cross reference with a famous article done by the Seattle times or the PI I cant remember, anyone wanting the story let me know.
1. Women here dont put on war paint
2. They dont dress up that much, sweats and hoodie are common place
3. Their guard is up all the time
4. They are polite to all and friendly and will avoid conflict at all costs, this is a custom derived from Scandinavian culture.
5. They will smile and engage in small talk in a social setting but will be very hesitant to go to the next level unless he or she is really into you.
6. When the gray skies come, everyone retreats into their homes for the most part. Yes the weather has a direct impact on social interaction, a phenomenon that is found no other place. The heat waves down south never stopped the ladies from getting hit on there.
7. Old pick up places like the bar and club here arent the best places to go to anymore, I have been going to the same bars in the same area for many years now in hopes that I would get noticed as a regular and get lucky in hitting on women, no such luck but hey, I'm still at it.
Now I can speak for the south: clubs, bars, and other hubs of social interaction are brimming with life and people are there, not listening to their Ipods and playing around on their laptops, trying to look busy thinking Mr. Right will come and take them away but sitting their, dressed nicely, flinging their hair back and holding their drink of choice, waiting for that guy to invite them to another drink or to hit on them and let me tell you, traditions count for nothing down south, Dark once told of being rejected so to speak in a rude manner after asking how old a woman was at a bar after she had asked his age, I cant begin to tell you how Seattle even prides itself in being mindful of its manners to the point of "minding their own business at all times"
Also down south and up in the north east, there are alot more women verses men in ratios NYC has two women for each men while in poor Seattle there are 2 to even 3 men for each woman. Did you check up on those stats that were posted in another thread? Men outnumber the women here, even counting gay men (and not counting gay women) men still have to compete for women's attention. So true is the saying: if she is pretty she is taken.
Also, you mention signals and body language, you have no idea how right you are, but Eye priming and other facial signals are hard to interpret, a woman eyes could go wide for many reasons, not just in response to something you said or did. One exsample could be:
1. Feet pointed in your direction: She is interested in you and what you have to say
2. She flings her hair back: sign of flirtation and enjoyment
3. Arms crossed and very much in a slouched position: She is bored and wanting out
4. Crow feet or a upward angle forming on the sides of her lips: she is amused and interested
I can also get more information about body language on the internet, also look at how women dress in social settings, for example: black or tight clothing is often a signal she is single and on the hunt. Good Luck! | |
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| Pity Party
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:19:03 AM | Good one Susu, I agree, there are many reasons and most likely its not your fault, so move on and let it go. When rejection happens by women its most often for the dumbest reason and often if you were told, you'd laugh! But thats only in the case of being rejected before going on a date, after going on a date and your date decides to call it off, then an explanation is in order and it should be done.
Your faults or turn offs to one woman or man can be turn ons or values to another. Or some women and men simply dont care. You will meet so many people you will forget the feeling of rejection, I used to hate it but I kept at it and after a while you grow numb of it. It happens, but its not your fault remember its the fault of who rejected you because it is just the way he or she is. | |
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| Pity Party
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:35:01 AM | What SeattleArtist posited is most interesting to me, and I think he might have more than just a few grains of truth in there.
I moved up to Washington with my family from California at the age of 16. I'm now 34. There have been dates in that time, a couple serious relationships, but by and large no dice. There was a time I wanted to blame it on the fact that I didn't have an uber-thick head of hair and a nice ride, but that isn't it, as I see many women dating balding (or just bald) guys who drive around in Vanigans (sp?).
Then I thought, as the Freshman 15 from college didn't go away (primarily my own laziness), that it was because I wasn't in perfect physical condition (Seattle is nearly as bad as Los Angeles when it comes to emphasis on physical fitness, probably because of all the outdoorsy things to do in the area; it's telling that REI is one of the most noticeable and prominently-placed buildings in Seattle), but I have to discount that as well: there are women who are rather good-looking going out with guys who look like they spend all day sitting in front of a Wii swinging Link's sword.
I think it ultimately just comes down to luck of the draw. Ages 21-25 or so seem to enjoy the club scene, but they're doing it for attention and to hang out with friends, because they like dancing and dance music. I dislike dancing and can't stand most dance music, and dislike shallow conversation, so I don't do clubs. I'm the coffee shop type; the problem is, in the coffee shop, people have their iPods on, or they're stuck behind the screen of a laptop (which I myself am frequently as well, though I make a habit of looking up and smiling directly at a woman I find attractive).
Sociologists have noted something called the "Seattle Chill". People in Seattle are very polite, but are so unobtrusive that it's really hard to become legitimate friends with them. They'll smile (barely) at you as you pass on the street, but usually only if you smile at them first. They'll give you space in the grocery store line (usually resulting in an artificial inflation of the line size) and generally are physically closer to one another in our traffic jams than anywhere else.
Women are hard to meet in Seattle, pure and simple. They're guarded, they don't look approachable, and have a startled (which often means irritated, as most people don't like being startled) look on their face if you just walk up to them and start talking. Your best bet is to find out where the type of woman you're looking for hangs out (as the "types" honestly do tend to hang out at the same kinds of places; Seattlites are very herd-minded in this way), and then become a regular there in the hopes she is as well; after you're used to seeing each other in the same place, there's a bit more ease if you decide to approach her. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/3/2007 12:16:11 PM | OK here's my 2 cents worth.
Having been raised in a small town north of Seattle most of my life....and a 9 year stop over in Central Washington, I can tell you that people are the same wherever you go. A big part of the problem is that tooooo many people have been involved in games tooooo many times and that makes for a callous attitude.
As a society we are inundated with the images of what "real beauty" is. How many out there are looking for the "Brad Pitt" or the "Angelina Jolie" type......hint ...go to a website that shows pictures of celebrities without make-up and some of then will make you GACK!
There is nothing that will turn a woman off quicker than being out with a "date" and watching his head spin, while the drool is dripping from his mouth as a twenty-something, over made-up, silicone filled barbie doll walks by. YES we do notice things like that.
Let's be honest for a minute....how many times have we been out on a date and had a great time....yet when something more visually appealing comes along we forget how much fun we had with the previous person.
I have had good and bad dates but it seems to me that peoples attitudes about dating have changed considerably since I last dated ( I was married for 16 years) Seems most people are afraid something better will come along sometime. | |
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| Pity Party
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:06:24 PM | WOW I would have never known that the dating scene was so hard for men. For they really don't show it with their impossible standards, standoffish ways and inability to commit to even a cup of coffee little own a honest conversation. I really thought that Seattle had to be the mecca of beautiful and easy women. Now I've grown up in Seattle and dating has never worked for me. Which makes this seem also precarious because if theres a city full of desperate men how come it's so hard for me to meet one. As for the blunt east coasters It's not your cheesy lines or conversation it's the invasion of personal space I have a hard time with. I hate it when a guy gets in my face or blocks me in a corner to talk to me. And what about the bar scene around here nobodies talking to anybody they don't know and usually at least on the hill every one seems to have a click of some kind that makes them feel oh so superior. I don't know about you but I'm beginningto think maybe your right Seattle is a hard city to make a true connection with someone. Hell don't get me started on the political correctness of this city that makes me wanna choke. Our city culture has changed in the past 10 to 15 years into this oh so perfect wannabe pleasantville where humanity could never exist. So I don't think it's just the women who are the problem I think it's this damn town.
And by the way my grammar sucks and i don't have spell check so deal with it. Although I am college educated. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:36:19 PM | | Or perhaps she was just having a nice conversation with a gentleman she met in a club. Sometimes you just meet somone for a moment, have interesting exchange, accept that for what it is and continue with your evening. If this wasn't a "singles" event, perhaps she was just out for some socializing and a****ail and not looking to hook up with someone. Seems that if a woman wants to just hang out and exchange conversation that's a no no to you. Not everyone is initially looking for a hook-up. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:07:24 PM | Hey New York!! I have relatives from New York, yes there is a difference. I think the hustle and bustle of New York forces you to be direct and to the point. Not a lot of time for small talk. The funny thing is, I am a native washintonian and find myself in your same shoes. It is just the way I am.
As for the flakiness....Most women around here (my friends) are really flighty. I am not sure why, but they are. Not a lot of focus or direction, but the other thing in your case....they may be just plain shy! Good Luck | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:54:24 PM | Dragon,
Well both genders in our wonderful (yes I mean wonderful) city has issues, however we always try and say its the other gender fault for making it the way it is. Really its the fact that the weather and gray skies have an impact on dating. Also, everyone I have done internet dating with, they are ultra laid back, one even said I didn't need friends in this town, I should take on a couple of passions and just wait around. Heh, go to a Java lounge in the U District and see the results of what happens when you retreat into your own personal shell and at the same time think someone will find you and it will be history from there. I mean so many places where hook ups would happen so we think, are nothing more than doing their own personal hobbies, I guess we are taking this "stop looking and he/she will come" to an extreme, though I must admit, such a tactic did work down south, dont know about up here. Lately I have have noticed many young 20 somethings moving up here to be on their own and kinda get to know themselves, like being out in the wilderness so to speak.
Both genders in this city are picky, very picky, and in free dating sites, we cannot afford to be as such, we can at least take what we can get and hope it develops into something grand. Plus, if you date someone and he or she isnt for you, remain their friend, never ever underestimate the power of friend networking for dating and relationships, it seems many things in the city get done by networking.
Peppy:
Its not the flakiness of Seattle, its simply our attitude in this city. I'll sum it up "it will get done eventually." Some ppl take their time getting back to you. I heard back from one woman after sending to Emails to her and waiting a few days. Are you from here? it sounds like your not, if you can pick up on the lazy or flaky way nature we have going here, also a direct result of the weather being grey and dark here most of the time. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:34:45 PM | | My God you sound so conceited and full of yourself. I can see why you get no play from real women. Perhaps it's not the women in Seattle but you and your approach and conversation. You sound like a young, immature, materialistic want -to-be player. I'm sure you'll end up with a bimbo that doesn't have the intelligence or maturity to see that. Good luck with that (to her!) ;-} | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:27:56 PM | | Queen, to whom are your addressing? the OP or me...the last poster? | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:34:59 AM | Now I'm a tender young transplant, only been here two months, but so far folk have been very nice to me.
Admittadly, I havn't really gotten out into the scene yet, but I have been on a few successful dates (by which I mean I had fun, andf I think she had fun, not that we messed around) and even a second date.
I've lived on the east coast (Rochester NY for 4years, Philly PA for 1) and was raised mostly in Texas.
Now, SeattleArtist, I did not at all have the same experiance you have had with Texas women. The ones I was out with were sweet and active, if a bit conservative. If we had a disagreement, most of the time we could simply let it go. They only got cross if I pressed the issue.
Easterners to me have seemed largely shallow and unfriendly. a la 'I don't know you and I don't want to know you.'
I have yet to really solidify an opinion on northwesterners, but I have been told by a recently made native friend that part of the key to defeating the so called freeze is to bring warmth and openess. According to some opinions I have heard, Seattlites prefer fresh meat so to speak.
Now one thing I have kind of noticed is a lot of folks who have not been very well traveled, and have pretty thin skin. I'm with DarkRomeo on this one. I am not nessisarily as direct, but I do tend to be intense. That is one thing I worry about. Between me and the crowd I run with, a girl cannot be delicate or reserved. In fact, the more aggressive and bold she is, the more likely we will be to adopt her into the fold.
Its kind of funny to think a city that is so overwhelmingly sex positive and out there would have a deficiency of lusty (using this in the general thirst for life way, as well as the sexual context) , agressive, driven people.
-another semi-aimless rambling brought to you by boredom at work | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:51:22 AM | Cheshirehat,
Well I say welcome to Seattle, may you stay be pleasent. I remember when I first moved here, right around the same time you did, look buddy, your in for one hell of a rain season this year. I notice alot of Texans moving up here.
Well, you seemed to of had a better experience down in Texas, where in Texas are you from? I came from Plano, a phoney city that literally rivals hollywood. Womem there had the "you dont have money, I dont have the time" way of thinking when it come to relationships, bececause they were born with the silver spoon.
But all I will say to you know is that your point of view about Seattle here thus far is held but so many transplants coming here up, give it some time, you see why so many men complain. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:57:19 PM | Hey, I really liked Seattle a whole bunch when I first moved here too. I made a few good friends and well they promptly disappeared as do most people. I'm not a bad horrible strange person, just me.. nothing to drive most people away I would think.
It's a weird Bermuda Triangle as far as I'm concerned.. I've been here 11 long years.
GOOD LUCK. You'll need it. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/14/2007 1:50:33 AM | | yea I noticed that too, especially my female friends, I'm not a bad person, nor strange, not intolerant etc, I donno it seems people here in General, especially opposite gender relations tend to keep the other sex at a distance. I am beginning to think when it comes to getting a G/F I have to know someone who knows of a single girl who is interested in dating. Makes sense, its a safe bet compared to cold internet connections. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:39:22 PM | | Seattle artist, did I tell you that Venus has been in retrograde for about 18 months. Ergo, I believe the reason for a lot of the aloofness on both side of the equation. It just came out of retrograde on Sept 8 and as it goes more direct, around the 15th through the 18th relationships in general and especially between the sexes are going to improve. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:04:29 PM | Wow Blk queen that was a bit harsh. I do not think either one was deserving of that. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:36:47 PM | Susu,
I am kinda confused, are you say this is an astrology result of Venus going through some changes. If so well, thats fine and all, more power to us I guess but I don't believe in the astrology unless there is scientific proof that solar system events and planet formations have an impact on human behavior. However I am very ignorant to such a train of thought, looks like its worth research. | |
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| Women In Seattle
Posted: 9/15/2007 3:20:54 AM | Hello All,
I know it's been a while since I posted here so I just wanted to give everyone a bit of an update. Well, after having no substantial luck via this site I decided to think outside of the box, the computer box that is. I recently met a girl at a club in Seattle. Seems almost too good to be true but she's perfect. Here are her stats:
~ 33 years old (1 year older than me)
~ NO KIDS
~ good job (she's a nurse)
~ own car/place
~not from seattle :) (she's from Oregon actually)
~ 5'4, 108 pounds (perfect size as far as I'm concerned)
I have some pictures from last weekend when we were in Vancouver, check them out:
http://picasaweb.google.com/bobbybourne/VancouverWithChristy?authkey=bYNDSYVhsIM | |
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