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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:18:06 PM | | rules sux.but if a guy says hey you look beautiful today can i take you out to lunch and the first thing out of your mouth is im not having sex or im not kissing you.even if he just wants to sit down and just have lunch with you, you are already scaring him off. trust me there is nothing wrong with being honest,but wait until it happens. all guys aer not out for sex some just want to have a good time. if i was a guy and the first thing a girl said to me was a lists of nots then yea i would prob want to end the date pretty fast. if a guys leans in to kiss then thats when you say no.try just going on the date or talking to the guy with a open mind.just relax cause if you keep going the route youre going then u might be single for a while. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:21:31 PM | Bravo to you. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable with yourself. After all you are the person that you need to look at in the mirror everyday.
When you wake up with a feeling of a clean conscience, then you can lead the rest of your day a productive and happy one.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your approach. Stick with it, the right guy who is looking for a girl like you will come along. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:37:13 PM | I have no intentions of having sex within the first few dates BUT things don't always go as I plan. I am a happy, healthy, 42 yo woman who can make her own decisions, IF it happens to be the wrong one...well as long as I own it, it's all good. I'm not going to be so rigid and hard-assed to say it will absolutlely not happen.
I know what I have isn't lined with gold and I'm not going to carry around that superior air that I MIGHT bless them with it eventually...if they are worthy but hey...that's just me. To each their own I guess.
C~ | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:59:07 PM |
I think it is good to let them know what to expect or what NOT to expect.
This would weed out the guys that are just looking for sex.
It might also weed out the guys that aren't. Starting a date with a lecture on what not to expect strikes me as a bit rude and I might even see it as a sign that the woman has some issues. But mostly I'd see it as getting a lecture for bad behavior that I hadn't even done. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:26:39 AM |
Guys only think with one brain anyway
"guys" do not. Every guy is unique. To generalize according to gender is just plain....
hey... wait.... a second.... brain?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/24/2007 6:56:53 PM | is this just before they hear the sound of your panties hitting the floor?
I played the same games way back when too. Your eyes say yes, yes, yes; and, your mouth says no, no, no.
Slide: *flick* *flick* with finger....smarten up. NOT funny......you bitter, bitter, silly man. I think, actually, he should get squished by a thousand ladies --a forum mosh pit of sorts. Are ya with me, ladies? | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:11:48 PM |
I think, actually, he should get squished by a thousand ladies --a forum mosh pit of sorts.
I have seen that happen here and it is never pretty. Besides, as misogyny goes in the forums his offense was fairly minor; you should save the pit for the real Neandertals.  | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/25/2007 8:24:37 PM | | I have done the same thing with men but it seems they just dont take no for an answer so what am I doing wrong? I want a man that will respect on the first date not try to get into my pants like all have them tried, and I have told them up front what I want and expect as far as respect goes but it does not seem to work they start talking about sex and positions, and how they want to do this to me and that and it really turns me off.. what should I do? I am lost it makes me feel like not going out on dates anymore... someone help me.... | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/25/2007 9:25:30 PM | | I think you are doing the right thing. You are easily screening out anyone who is only looking for sex. And a lot of guys respect that. I met my gf on here and on her profile it said, "You won't be getting any, anytime soon." And I was happy to see that. I know exactly what you mean by empty sex. Sex without love is like a job. You clock in and clock out. What you are doing won't keep all the creeps away, but it will help significantly. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/4/2007 5:03:06 PM | you know..I was wondering about this very thing..
I won't have premarital sex because I am a practicing christian...
I tell men from the get go.. I'm chaste/Celibate.. I can't tell you the number of men who question me, my reason, my mentality, call me crazy, wack, or even tell me that they will get me to change my mind because they are so hot that when I meet them i'll throw myself into their bed and screw them..
sigh.. I've sort of given up on finding someone as it seems that everyone wants to have sex within a few hours/days or weeks of meeting..
but i'm sticking to my guns.. if I don't find someone then its all good in the end.
but your right.. you need to let them know up front so that if they are looking for a sexual relationship then they can go ahead and find it else where. I don't mean blurt it out on first contact but be honest before meeting them in person. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/4/2007 5:25:18 PM | | If he makes a move and you are not interested then politely say "I prefer to wait until I know someone before I engage in intimacy" or however you wish to phrase it. If you have never wanted a kiss goodnight on the first date then I would have to ask why? Haven't you ever been on a date with terrific chemistry? Just because you kiss does not mean it will ever lead to anything else. If the man gets pushey then say good-bye. But what if you WANT to kiss him after a wonderful evening? If I had a great date with a guy and he shook my hand and walked away I would assume he did not enjoy himself. If he said "can I kiss you goodnight?' then I have the option to say yes or no. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/4/2007 7:31:05 PM | I let the circumstances dictate his access to me during the early dates.
For a first date, I always meet at a public place, and usually leave him at that place too. So any kissing would be a very quick peck. There certainly wouldn't be any sex, since that would involve having sex in public. 
As I get to know him better, provided I want to get to know him better, I would have him pick me up at my house, which would allow us the possibility for more contact. But that would probably take a month or so.
What I don't do is have long drawn out discussions about my "rules", although I will make it apparent as we have more dates that sex is something I only do in the confines of an exclusive, committed relationship. But I consider that part of getting to know each other rather than a manifesto that's delivered before the first date.
It's not that I'm worried the guy won't want to know me if I tell him right away that I'm not into sport boinking, but I think it's a little presumptuous. After all, I don't know that he wants to have sex with ME either, right? So I save the sex talk for later on when there's a possibility that both of us might be interested.
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:43:43 PM | No quarter!
--a forum mosh pit of sorts. Are ya with me, ladies?
just peachy with me.... a mosh pit sounds good. maybe i can work out some of my bitter, bitter silliness slaming sweaty and hard. but you better watch out, i'll climb out of my nietzschean cave to the top of a stack of speakers and dive right onto your head!
let me know when i make a good impression, ok?
...yawn
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Ender
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Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 93 | |
| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:49:51 AM |
#1. I don't kiss on the first date, not even a peck on the lips. NO!
I think you just have issues.
I sure as hell don't expect sex on the first date, but if I were arranging to go out to dinner with a woman and she browbeat me about how she wasn't going to kiss or have sex and how horribly first date sex was and blah blah blah blah blah blah, well I probably would find an excuse not to go on the date. NOT because of the lack of sex, but becaues the woman obviously obsesses over silly things, and feels the need to have utter and complete control over any situation she walks into. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/5/2007 4:48:03 AM |
I think you just have issues.
I sure as hell don't expect sex on the first date, but if I were arranging to go out to dinner with a woman and she browbeat me about how she wasn't going to kiss or have sex and how horribly first date sex was and blah blah blah blah blah blah, well I probably would find an excuse not to go on the date. NOT because of the lack of sex, but becaues the woman obviously obsesses over silly things, and feels the need to have utter and complete control over any situation she walks into.
I have to agree with part of the above quote
although for me I'm simply trying to lead a christian life, I think it only fair to tell a man that I'm leading this kind of life style. But making that clear prior to meeting I believe has nothing to do with issues I think its simple respect and not wanting to waste someone's precious time. stating that "I don't kiss on the first date (the kissing part I dont have issues with personally) or I don't have sex till whenever and if that isn't okay with you i'm letting you know so that we don't waste each others time" is all that needs to be said up front.. so that no one goes in with expections of something they aren't going to get.. simple... no need to repeat it.. or beat the person over the head with the idea.. you said it once.. thats it if they didn't listen they have no reason to gripe or complain..
so
just because someone chooses not to have sex.. doesn't mean they have issues.. but unfortunately sometimes people are required to blah blah blah repeatedly cause some just don't get it.. I however have a simple rule 'once said is enough, if someone doesn't listen its not my problem' | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/5/2007 5:38:33 AM | I find it interesting that the responses seem to be 50/50. I'm the opposite of the OP - if I don't get AT LEAST a kiss if we hit it off I'd be confused & frustrated! (And probably horny!  ) The only thing that scares me is AIDS!!! To the half that answered "yes" to sex/& or oral on the first meeting, how do you "KNOW"? 
To the OP - stick to what you believe - just don't stick it down their throat! 
(Git yer minds outta the gutter! Or is that my mind... ) | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/5/2007 5:49:47 AM | Hmm, well as far as this goes
#1. I don't kiss on the first date, not even a peck on the lips. NO!
Where we come from on a first meet you would greet with a handshake. When leaving however it would be a hug and a kiss on the cheek. If they dont reciprocate, then its is a given they do not like you and are not interested in being friends. So that would be the end of it.
How sad to cloud a relationship before it start by adding rules. Isnt that what courting is about, seeing if you are compatible, setting expectations. Have we forgotten the art of courting. Why are people focussing on the destination before the journey even starts.
You seem worried about sex before you even have a chance to meet someone. I am stating to wonder who has the issues here, sounds like maybe you are the one that has sexual hangups.
Why would you tell someone about sex, before you really get to know them? Heck they may not even like you, so why would it matter.
In fact if you brought up those two subjects on a first date, I would pay the bill make a mental note that you are a PBH, politely excuse myself and run as fast as I can. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:09:42 AM |
Why would you tell someone about sex, before you really get to know them?
well unfortunately, I have gone on dates with men and have not told them about my beliefs and within the first 4 dates they try... I say no.. when I am asked why I explain why.. two things usually happen either 1. they hang with me for a few more dates repeatedly try until I write them off or they figure it out themselves or 2. I never hear from them again.
so why waste time.... my last bf..I dated for a year.. but we were on the same no sex prior to marriage page.. we got to know each other in ways I had never gotten to know anyone... when the relationship ended we where both pretty settled with the fact that we where just not compatible for marriage but we continue to be friends today.
I just think personally its best to be upfront.. about one's beliefs.. you just have to figure out how to be tackful about it. | |
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