| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/6/2007 12:32:11 PM | If you came to me with a list of rules... I would probably laugh... ask if you were serious and thank you for your time!
Although I am not quick to jump into bed with someone I am not going to say right out of the gate... no, no, no... it sounds really controlling
This is not to take away from your morals, you just might want to think of how you are going to bridge this subject in a tactful manner that is all...
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 104 | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:55:10 PM | Rules are made to be broken.
I'd wager that you've broken your own rules many times.
You're only fooling the fools.
Imposing upon others when you're experiences indicate that you can't control yourself is misguided. You attract what you are - like water seeking it's own level. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:22:25 PM | I suspect people that have rules about everything would be the first to be irritated and turned off if they were ever subjected to a bunch of rules themselves.
There's nothing wrong with simple, logical, straightforward parameters for dating behavior, just don't (like others have already mentioned) hit the other person over the head with them.
If the OP finds this isn't enough, and the men she goes out with NEED to be hit with a 2X4 to get the message across, then you're dating the wrong men. Smarten up. These jerks can't be THAT difficult to spot, for crissakes???? | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/9/2007 7:27:54 PM | Hmmm, in my humble opinion this is up to personal preference and choices; if you dont want sex too early, youre within your rights to express that; it definately runs off the men who are only into dating you for a "hook-up" ... and believe me theres lots out there... why dont those guys just hang in the Adult Friendfinder and assorttment of other sex sites to get their rocks off... and leave gals alone who REALLY want a relationship... but if you present your rule with too much force it may come across as being bitter and having baggage and that could scare off even a decent suitor. So do share your values upfront, but share them without malice. (Although personally half the men on this site ARE pigs!) lol
Good luck! ---PoeticBliss
PS-- what happens if by chance you meet a man that is sooo hot and the chemistry is so undeniable that youre eating your words by the end of the date? *smile*
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:44:04 PM | My opinion;
Stating a set or stingent conditions of any sort on meeting someone, is a bit "obnoxious". Yes their are men who will be low class and try to grab a little "something, something" as soon as they can. But like with all anti-social behaviors, we tend to over state their prevalance and make it out that such things are the rule rather than the exception.
I believe that the common man comports himself in a manner that does not assume anything will happen. At least I say this to be true about myself. But I am of the opinion, that the vast majority of men are like myself.
No one likes to hear; "Void where prohibited" , "Closed on Sundays", "Batterys not included", "Must be 18 years or older to entrer", 'No returns after 7 days", before you go shopping. I think you get the picturte, I hope. Dating should be about two people communicating and feeling natural. Not about; "enter at your own risk" and "mind fields the next 200 miles".
Also stating that kissing and sex will only happen after you feel their is exclusivity, makes sex feel like a prize that is to be earned or won. With you as the only arbitor or judge of weather your potential prince is worthy of such a gift or prize. If I happen to meet someone like yourself, I am likely to run in the opposite direction.
Plus you beeter be something R E A L S P E CI A L for a man to want to submit himself to a intelligence insulting lecture on your intimancy issues. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:53:08 AM | | Heh...I have this right into my profile...DON'T KISS ON A FIRST DATE, and NO SEX UNLESS WE'RE IN A LONG - TERM RELATIONSHIP. I have been kissed, and it's been akward... a guy just KISSING ME thinking I wanted it, when I clearly did not, and then they felt really, really stupid afterwards. I feel if I don't tell a guy BEFORE we go out, they WILL try.......so I might aswell save the time. And yes, I have lost a TON of guys who called me "boring" or whatever but why is that? Jeez, they ONLY wanted the SEX part and NOT a relationship.............so i'm glad they disappear! | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:48:55 AM | | Nothing wrong with anyone stating up front that sex is off-limits, especially in the preliminary stages of dating. But like others have said, don't beat a person over the head with it. If they don't get it the first time and continue making advances you simply dump them and move on. No need for explanation or drama. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:19:43 AM | You have to be kidding . First date OK second maybe. But potential friends have already been set or you would not be out with him in the first place.
Woman that think like that usually sleep alone .....probably are not good in bed either .
And food will quickly become your new boyfriend.
And as many of the woman on this web site they are not thin or in shape.
Sex should be incredable and yes ladies there are men who are not good in bed either 
Watch Sex in the City for some hints | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:03:16 AM | | your funny i have had girls like you with a thousand rules.i get them in bed within a half hour got them naked hot as hell then left .because i say never say never because basically you put a chalange up dont test me or i will have you in 15 minutes try me. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:28:25 PM | | Women who need to state rules like this are probably the most likely to bend or break their rules -- especially for the right guy. Just like the women who say "no games" and "no players". I think these women have been played a lot, and in spite of their declarations will probably get played again. There is probably a psychological term for this sort of behavior. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:57:55 PM | In my circle, we call what you have the "Golden Box Syndrome"
To answer your question, yes, you are too abrasive and presumptuous. What makes you think every guy you have a date with wants to jump on you the first time?
I have had some of my best one date dallyiances with girls that say no sex on the first date. After you get that 4-5 drinks in them they go down like the Titanic (nose first).
I get the feeiling from your writing that you use sex as currency to get what you want rather than for your own enjoyment. If you think sex is like the new handshake, maybe you have been putting sex in a pedastal too long.
I do not feel that sex is always appropriate on the first date but it is uncool for you to "lay down your rules" before any date occurs for potential dates. If someone did that to me, I would know that they are an overbearing and manipulative woman and that the only one they'd have sex with, without any hassles, is themselves.
Yes, you need a different approach. Try this one, if a guy gets the courage to ask you out, offer to try and do something fun with you on his dime, spend his valuable time with you, and to do all the thinking and planning to try and impress you so that all you have to do is show up, then keep your mouth shut and smile. If later he tries to get you into something you feel uncomfortable with, simply tell him that you do not feel comfortable. If you like the guy but its is too soon, after the subject has been brought up in the normal course, tell him you like him but it is too soon. If he is a gentleman, then he will understand and slow down. If he is a scoundrel then don't go out with him again. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:04:05 PM | | I think that is fair....I mean I think any gentleman would not expect too many of the things your already saying you won't do. I think though sometimes with such stern rules that you clearly feel strong about you may miss out on some spontanaity - which does not have to be empty and hollow but meaningful - just within your guidelines. | |
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| I inform every potential date that sex will not happen anytime soon..
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:15:26 PM | OP: "My question is am I being too abrassive in HOW and When I'm getting this point across to men?I don't feel that it's right to not let men know this up front and I make it a point to stress this a thourghly as possible to the point where some people I know say that I'm too abrassive. I have to admit, yes I DO try and beat it into their heads before hand but again,that way nobody's time gets wasted. Do I need a different approach?"
Don't know.....what kind of feedback have the young fellers been giving you when you inform them of these rules? Do they act testy, beligerent, or accepting and agreeable? If the feedback in negative, you may be coming off too strong....if not, you're probably doing alright.
Just some food for thought....have you considered asking them during the get-to-know-you phase what their thoughts are on the subject(s)? I mean, if they think it's cool and you don't, why bother going out with them? Kind of a screening process, ya know?
~ds~ | |
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