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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:05:25 PM | entering into an abusive relationship is a mistake (when you look back on it) a bigger one is continuing on with one.
leave as soon as you can. no one deserves to be abused. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:05:59 PM | | Way to go, Shelby. This forum is a good one. I'm amazed at the men who have also been behind all of you. They deserve credit for the encouragemnt they have offered. Best of luck dear. Don't forget, we are all behind you, 100%. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:15:26 PM | Hey Shelby
Congrats on two things - for posting the forum and for leaving the loser. I too was in a similar situation it started when I was your age. I married him, had two beautiful kids and finally had the courage to leave when I was 28. My life now is awesome, I am in college, I have a great group of close friends and I am happy & free. I am telling you all this because I want you to know that you have so many wonderful things to discover in life and PLEASE if you ever meet an insecure jack ass again you will leave the moment he disrespects you.
Good luck and live life to the fullest
"believe and all is possible"
cheers
D | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:46:58 PM | | I have to agree,these guys are weasels and weak.They drag all men down with this disrespectful behaviour.The fact that there are men that offer support shoud'nt come as a surprise because we are not all like that.Just as all woman are'nt abusive as well.some are,some are'nt.There is good and bad in everyone.Some worse than others. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/17/2005 5:59:27 AM | | That was my last relationship. I had never been treated like that before in my life. I could feel all of my self esteem and self control leaving and it scared the hell out of me. My advice, get out quick. The physical bruises heal fast, the emotional ones dont, if at all. | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 35 | |
| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/17/2005 7:09:49 AM | The Emotional scars can be cured
look at yourself first
Look at each part of you
From your toes to the tips of your hair
YOU are Special
There is no one like you on Earth
There Never will be another one of YOU
You are unique
Now look at what YOU want
Don't settle for less
You are Unique
So You deserve what You want
The perpetrators are the losers here
Not You
Look at what they have lost
Someone Special and Unique
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/18/2005 5:15:52 PM | | I was with an abuser for 9 years. When I was pregnant with both of his children, he wanted me to get an abortion, each time I didn't. I held out through the name calling and and the run-me-downs through both children. I didn't even get to enjoy carrying them. I was a mess. I took me soo long to finally get over the abuse and start fighting back. I beat the shit out of him. I just couldn't take it anymore. He swore the kids weren't his, so I showed him and had a paternity test done and proved his ass wrong, then divorced him and made him pay child support !!!!!!!! I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years and I still have to fight myself every day with my self esteem issues. NO ONE is worth the kind of hell I went through.....Life is too short not to be happy....Kick his ass to the curb Sis !!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/18/2005 5:25:14 PM | | I hate to say it but some guys really suck...I also dated a guy who was incredibly mentally abusive. He seriously got off on ruining my day, by making some mean comment. The worst part was that he was not attractive. He told me on a daily basis that I was ugly and fat, and how hard it must be for me to have such hot friends. I was a freaking promotional model at the time so I couldn't be that unfortunate looking. Anyway I eventually dumped his butt and it took me over a year to build my self esteem back. Some people are just really sick individuals. He was insecure and ugly so he wanted to make me feel the same way. Its really sad because I never thought I would ever fall into that sort of situation. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/18/2005 5:38:44 PM | | longte, that is very nice ...but to borrow a quote from a movie, even when you know that you don't deserve any bad treatment...."sometimes it's easier to believe the bad" words hurt more than any hit, slap or punch....trust me, I wish my ex would have stuck to just using me for a human punching bag for 10 years of hell instead of turning to emotional abuse....my daughter said it best so many years ago, "we have bruises on our hearts, so no one believes us" but I got lucky twice and both times I got away from him with my life the second time I was alot smarter I kept my heart from him so he couldn't hurt me in that way again and when his comments started, all the belittling I stood firm and fought back the truth; realizing that he no longer had any power over me, guess he realized it too because he then decided to once again threaten my life...now once again for the past 8 months I've been starting my life over again knowing that he is finally out of my life and means absolutely nothing to me...(or to our daughter, she has never forgiven him for the first time) | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/18/2005 5:56:49 PM | ONCE AGAIN, BEEN THERE DONE THAT, BUT I WENT A FEW STEPS FURTHER AND WAS ABUSED BY HIS SON AND DAUGHTER WHOM I INVITED IN MY HOME. THE SON STOLE MY SON'S CAR AND TOTALED IT, I BOUGHT HIM A 4-WHEELER (BEFORE HE STOLE THE CAR) AFTER HE PROMISED TO GET A JOB TO PAY FOR IT. IN THE END, MY ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND HAD ME IN SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH DEBT, HIS SON STOLE BY DEBIT CARD AND WIPED OUT MY CHECKING ACCOUNT, STOLE MY CAR AND LEFT TOWN AFTER ROBBING HALF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. MY BOYFRIEND WAS STRESSED ABOUT THE CAR BEING STOLEN, SO HE BEAT ME UP. THE END RESULT IS, THE BOYFRIEND WENT TO JAIL, THE SON IS NOW IN JAIL, AND THE DAUGHTER (WHO WAS NO ANGEL) IS BACK WITH HER LOW CLASS MOM. PLEASE BELIEVE, THESE MEN NEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEERRRRRR CHANGE. THEY GO FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN. IF A MAN HITS (OR PUSHES, SCRATCHS, BELITTLES) ONCE HE WILL AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
GOOD LUCK. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/19/2005 4:50:36 PM | | exactly scorpio altho learning it the hard way did actually do some good for me because for those 10 years apart some family members were saying that I still cared about him while I denied it going back did finally get him out of my life for good, and as a wise friend of mine told me after I got away this time he stated "A leopard never loses his spots" how true it is with an abuser, sure they can appear to be this "wonderful, caring person" but laying beneath the surface is the monster just waiting to come back out | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/19/2005 7:10:31 PM | jeez i hope your not still with him? you know why guys act like this right ?cause he really hates himself and is so insecure because your a pretty girl ! see if you dont feel like shit about yourself hes afraid you will dump him for someone else therefore he tries to make you feel terrible so you will cling to him. As far as the hitting well as they say fight fire with fire . a guy that hits a girl is not a man hes a scared little boy with a control issue.kick him in the balls and see how quick he gets up and hits you again. DONT LET HIM MAKE YOU THINK ITS YOU! Cause its not! ITS HIM !!!!!!!!A message from someone who has been there and lived to tell about it!!!:  | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 5/19/2005 7:26:34 PM | | by the way my last post was directed to cris34 : in closing i hope all the women in this thread who have been through any sort of abuse find peace in their hearts. wounds do heal eventually. gianna | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 6/4/2005 4:29:04 AM | | seems too many men feel so lousy with their life that they strike out at the easiest target,usually those closest to them.the lack of a fear of retribution will allow them to continue much as flipping someone off in traffic.abuse will continue as long as you will allow it.remember ,you know where and when they sleep.you prepare their meals bring them the drinks wash their clothes.handcuffs are quick and inexpensive irratants can be placed in their underwear exlax in the chocolate cake works wonderful.sorry to seem vindictive but do not allow anyone to make your life miserable | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 6/4/2005 8:30:59 AM | For anyone to do such as a thing is purely evil. If they have some critique about you they should say it gently and respectfully. Secondly, IF they truly love you, they will love for you for who you are inside. The moment they start the continous "You are fat/stupid/dumb/" routine that's the **hint** that they're not worth your time and love.
The worse thing that can happen also, is that you start to believe it. If your heart tells you, you're not dumb/fat/stupid than most likely you're not. However, as many people pointed out in this forum, getting out of the relationship is better said than done. I had an ex-girlfriend who asked me once, "Do you mind if I compare you to my ex-boyfriend?" I was dumb enough to say yes and this person had the tendancy to compare to anyone who had a Harvard degree(I was in college at the time). Unfortunately, I didn't have the Testicular Fortitude to say to her, "hey enough is enough what you are doing is hurting my feelings." This went on for 3 of the 5 years that we were together. One day I just woke up and got real pissed about it and kindly told her, with the fear of losing her, that what she was doing was hurting me. We argued and argued and eventually she got the hint.
Unfortunately for me, I allowed the behavoir in the first place, so it became acceptable behavior for her. So I realize that the key is to not allow the behavior to progress once you identify that what they are doing is unacceptable and not proper relationship etiquette. If they listen to you and your concerns, and they stop the unappropriate behavior than they love you or are truly concerned for your well being otherwise and have your interests in mind. If they don't stop the behavior and have an excuse for it, than they do not have your best interest in mind. | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 6/4/2005 8:49:27 AM | I can also relate to you. I knew a guy who tried very hard to make
me feel small by making remarks over my height and my age, but,
every time, I approached his mentality with very intelligent responces
I gave him. But, he just was trying deliberately to humiliate me time
and time again. Then, I told him off and made him to chase me
around.  | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 6/4/2005 9:42:15 AM | There are many, many shelters to go to...go to one, and get started on a new life. They can help you to learn how to help yourself.
msjanuary | |
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| being abbused mentally and physically!!!
Posted: 6/4/2005 1:38:48 PM | Sometimes leaving is not as easy as other people think,,I been in an abusive relationship with the father of my kids for 4 yrs.He abuse me verbally and physically.One thing that i cannot forget is that when he kick me in my stomach when i was pregnant with my youngest.My baby was born premature because of that..There was no strong law againts womens abuse at that time in our country,,,so i dont really know what to do (i just heard the news that the law was passed last year,,which is good).I tried to separate with him,but he threatened me with lots of horrible things.....Luckily my mother was here in Canada and she helps me to get a working visa here..That was my only choise..I left my kids in the care of my Aunt and grandmother..Hopefully i can get them by early next year...
My ex doesnt care and support my kids...I have to work for them,,,but that is fine..way better than living with him...
Shelby all the guys seems to be nice and cool at first,,thats why we choose to be with them right?,,but sooner or later their true color will show,,,Anyways now that u know what kind of guy he is ,,u have to think how u can get out,,,im sure there is a way,,,just plan it carefully and pray that it would work...
Goodluck... | |
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