| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 9:56:37 AM | Passwords online? Could care less as there's nothing to hide. Bank accounts always get shared so that's never a problem. Cells, go ahead take mine and deal with all the calls! lol!
My business and tax stuff is always locked as that's 14 years of my life and it's not that she can't see it, it's more about I don't want anything to happen to it. It's more my book keepers stuff then mine.
As for keeping things private if I want to hide things then I will be single.
Once you live together then things should be an open book......if not then it can put a strain on things. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 10:52:37 AM | | It's not so much about hiding things, as it's personal. I don't see how respecting each other's privacy can put a strain on things. I consider myself an open book, quite cabable of having a close relationship with someone, but I would be concerned about someone that needed to know every last detail of my life, seems a bit insecure to me | |
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nrk
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Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:31:21 AM |
...but financial and security issues are something that I feel should be kept private....but this is learned behavior...I have been burned way to often.
until this relationship, I pretty much felt the same...not because I actually wound up getting 'burned' but because I allowed myself to be put in the position of 'loans officer' which made me uncomfortable. all debts eventually got settled but in some cases it took years and could have effected my credit and cost me opportunities. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:29:00 PM | I don't think the OP is based a just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. However, that said, this list is definitely the signs of never being able to trust a significant other (let alone ever be able to have one).
Trusting a person with you heart/ soul/body and well being is one thing but money changes people...it makes people do things out of character....that being said it is a seperate issue.
If you choose to share your financials with your partner/spouse than you do so by your own choice....we all have our own comfort zones and mine stops at financial..... yours may be somewhere else...I Say Hell Ya!!! to pre-nups/binding agreements when it comes to the whole mine/yours $$$$ dilema.
To state that you may never have a significant other because you personally choose not to share your financials is a judgement that is personal. We are all entiled to our opinion and a little debate keeps the mind sharp:)
What is yours coming into a relationship Stays Yours...what is built from the relationship is Ours...but seperate bank accounts with both parties paying half for living expences is acceptable.50/50...as for the law of "if you live with someone for "X" amount of time then you are entitled too$$$$.....or half thier property?"
not if a rent is paid and a receipt is issued monthly....
To keep this on topic I dont share personal ID's or financial
never ask someone whom I ask to spend their life with me, to sign a pre-nuptual unless very large amounts of wealth were involved (in which case they would be amply taken care of).
Taken care of is not a partnership...not 50/50....it is Sugar Mama/Papa BS...if you can't take care of yourself before a relationship starts then you cant expect to be taken care of???? | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:48:55 PM | | Share and share alike more and more as the Relationship develops. Acquaintances get ph#'s and e-mail addys,Friends get whatever they ask for,Partners get what they deserve. Remember why folks don't get married as often,governments and lawyers say you gotta share stuff,....-...,... ... and ...It be all about the expanding comfy zone. The heart and body are meant to be mutually shared and enjoyed.everything else ,to each thier own. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:18:29 PM |
Taken care of is not a partnership...not 50/50....it is Sugar Mama/Papa BS...if you can't take care of yourself before a relationship starts then you cant expect to be taken care of????
This in reference to a situation where one has a much higher income or accumalated wealth than the other, and nothing to do with being able to take of oneself. Does that mean that if I have the income and life style afforded me by an income 3x that of my potential partner that she shouldn't bother, cause she sure couldn't keep up to me financially and pay her 1/2? Half the rent on a $3000 condo? half the bill for travelling together several times a year? Pay for her own retirement, based on her income, while i live life based on mine? That's called roommates, not a partnership. A partnership has nothing to do with 50/50, and everything to do with what you can do for the other, to make thier day better, and that isn't based on finances!!
OP - Several have mentioned about keeping things private, and worrying when he/she needs to know everything. It's actually nothing like that. It's in the situations where neither partner prys or wants to know everything that the trust is built and shared. Someone who NEEDS or WANTS to know, is simply a person with control issues , IMHO. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 7:01:19 PM |
It's not so much about hiding things, as it's personal. I don't see how respecting each other's privacy can put a strain on things. I consider myself an open book, quite cabable of having a close relationship with someone, but I would be concerned about someone that needed to know every last detail of my life, seems a bit insecure to me
^^^ totally agree to that statement! ...when you need to know "everything" you are extremely insecure and not being respectful....well said H&L | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 8:09:25 PM |
I've always been leary of a woman who got too much or too little when they ended a marriage or long term, live-in relationship.
I would be the one who got too little because when push comes to shove, and you end up in emergency, you realize the material things don't count. I was thankful to get out with what I did.
Should guys be leery of me because of that? That's their call. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/7/2007 9:26:01 PM | Credit cards
loans
bank accounts
property
A friend of mine did this with her common law.
He suddenly died.
Guess who is in the poor house now and has all the debt.
In Canada it is totally not worth it to even admit common law. | |
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nrk
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Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:38:44 AM | In Canada it is totally not worth it to even admit common law.
except it's the law and if you get caught lying about it, you'll pay the piper. not too happy about that as it's going to cost me over $300/mo in tax credits starting this year 
my 'status' is something I'd like to hide!! | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:20:58 AM | | Sure - he could take my cell - then it wouldn't work for him all day! Can't imagine why he would want any of those passwords, but if he wants to read over my shoulder, okay. But give them? Probably not. Same with banking information. Not in a dating relationship. That's separate. If he wants to ask about it, I'll share some information, but on the whole, don't really see the need in the early stages. He should trust me. Same as I trust him. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/8/2007 10:00:10 AM | | well as i used to be an open book, gave someone i trusted my computer password...then he added a program on my pc that gave him all my other password..changed everything..i couldn't activate anything again...had to change my bank account as he ripped me off for 4 grand as well...and for a single mother with 3 kids...lets just say..not very nice. so no i will never share that info again..no passwords, no bank info..no credit card info..and no social insurance numbers! and i will never ask him for his...he can have his info to himself as i will have mine..life has enough to share, i guess i decided i need limits on that now. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/8/2007 10:49:46 AM | Interesting that my list of things I recommend to people not to share is much like FFs. I have never been one to refuse do something just because it scares me.
More than once, I have had to go to friends' homes to help change ALL their passwords and account numbers and check their computers for key-loggers and root-kits after the love of their life became the ex from hell.
That said, I am an open book to a partner. If she wants (not demands --- that's a level one red flag) to see what's on my computer, in my bank account, on my cell, msn, email... no problem... I will log her in.
If she wants the phone numbers of my friends or exes, GREAT! Here's the number, call her, we'll get together!
If it is an issue of protecting someone else's privacy then I will tell her what is in the file and why I can't share it (eg. confidential client files or pictures of someone who has asked that they not be shared).
If she wants me to co-sign a loan though... I agree... never again. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/9/2007 11:41:00 AM | | No I wouldnt,had my ex take my bank card one time that was an account savings for my son as well and he cleaned out the account.So much for trust there.Anything else if they cant ask for the info from me personally,Im not giving out any passwords or anything that they can try to use against me later. Even if it is innocent to me they can twist it.If the S/O has to know everything Im doing he obviously doesnt trust me so why go there.No trust you have nothing. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/9/2007 1:12:53 PM | This ones a no-brainer.
CP said it first and best.
Trust is earned and once it is, gradually all locks are removed.
Let's face it. They become the beneficiary to your Life Insurance, Pension, and crusty gym socks. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/9/2007 10:37:33 PM | | when i am in love my life is an open book, just flip thru and read what ya want!!! | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/9/2007 10:53:08 PM | Overall I totally agree with Cuddly’s statements in all his previous posts.
To get to that point does require some time like mach1nehead said,
trust has to be earned.
At the same time, those who do have fear for justified reasons perhaps due to past experiences it is advisable to know the rules of law. You don’t have to like them, but you are governed by them. If you feel the need to protect your interests and such thoughts are agreeable by both, then the do write a prenuptial agreement covering the”big” items. To enter such agreement I view also as a sign of trust, respect and the understanding that things can happen and neither has the intent do take unfair advantage of the ohter.
Any other little privacy issues I think everyone should be mature enough to respect the other and know that they exist, There may be no harm in sharing them, there is no harm in leaving them untouched either.
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Avow
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Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/9/2007 11:18:43 PM | Got anything to hide?
•Just some private thoughts... and memories,
They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.
" You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will
live in torment unless you trust enough." | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 1:21:18 AM | | the past makes you who you are. if your mate appreciates the person you have become, then the past becomes irrelivant, unless it might somehow effect them (ie: std's, criminal record, etc ). a future together relies on complete trust and openness... from the present onward. if you need to know your mate's entire past to be comfortable with them, seek help. you're just way too nosey, and you'll always find a reason to disrespect them. we all have skeletons....and if you don't...you havent lived!! this being said...two in a REAL relationship...not just dating...should be able to share everything. secrets lead to mistrust. you should never have to demand trust. it should be offered when it's deserving. commonality always ballances this kind of question. your kids, his kids, our kids? so many dimensions. why the hell would your mate need your pin number anyways? if you dont trust them enough to have a joint account, why give them your card and pin? why on earth do they need access to your money? they would have their own account and pin, right? email password? why would you care? if you ask...you dont trust them. would you open regular mail adressed to them? I'd hope not. not only is it illegal, it's bloody rude. just my opinion. personally, I'd have nothing to hide in my email from a mate. she would know all my friends, real and pretend (onliners). all these p/w's shoudl be given at someone's comfort level as trust is earned. never demanded. for, if you have to demand them, you are cercumventing the whole trust process. my opinion | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 1:58:32 AM | As a matter of fact...
I have this little black box containing some paper, Iron, and bloodstains burried in the back yard.
But before you go grabbing your shovel and metal detector, please don't belittle me, I didn't bury it in MY backyard, I'm not that stupid. I burried it where you'll never find it...
In your backyard. | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 2:30:10 AM | They become the beneficiary to your Life Insurance, Pension, and crusty gym socks.
let's not forget....then they get to find out anything you have been hiding ( as a primary beneficiary)... ...so ya might as well trust them now if they are within range of being your benficiary....ya think?
IMHO (O=Observation) - it seems most are commenting on a partner WANTING to know, or NEEDING to know. If that was the case for my partner....well...what partner?
I'm going to dig up my back yard now.... | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:28:55 PM | | I have nothing to hide from my man!LOL ... literally NOTHING! The accounts are empty and the cupboard is bare!!!! Seriously though, I will tell my man anything he wants to know. Sheeeeeeesh if you have to be suspicious of your SO, then you arent ready to have one yet! | |
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bboop
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Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 6:21:15 PM | I have nothing to hide so if they want passwords etc---fine with me!!
If I was with them for a long time then would do the banking thing--------even though hubby & I were together 25 1/2 years, we still had our own bank accounts---strange but true---------we both knew what each other had in accounts etc & knew each others passswords--- I guess we were both on our own for so long just kept the separate acoounts--but nothing hidden from each other about them! | |
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 6:52:27 PM |
Sheeeeeeesh if you have to be suspicious of your SO, then you arent ready to have one yet!
^^^Exactly.
I DO understand people who have been burned in the past, taking the road of caution in the beginning. But eventually (insert amount of time here) if you still hold back, and carry around a certain amount of distrust, then I would question the relationship. That's keeping in mind that we are talking about 'long term' type relationships, not merely dating someone.
Also, I think some people are just naturally more private, some more open. I share when I feel like sharing, but if I'm questioned about personal stuff too much, I feel intruded upon, and I clam up. It has to be on my terms, not them asking too many questions.
Cheers and beers!!!
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| Got anything to hide?
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:39:15 PM | | Getting burnt can hurt,so do all you can to preven it from happening again. Trust must be earned. L-T'-R's mean commitment to enjoying being around each other.Dating means explorfing the possibility of an L-T-R while hopefully having some fun. You must feel like sharing to be able to. People who aren't used to sharing tend to not be used to discussing personal stuff. Set guidelines if you really want to get to know the person. | |
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