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| | would you ever lie about ur agePage 2 of 20 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20) | I joke so much about still being 25 that I sometimes have to stop and think about how old I really am!!!! Age is just a number and I do NOT feel like I am f*cken near 40!!!!
jj
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:26:04 AM | I used to lie about my age when I hit 30, until I realized how much attention women get at that age
so I dont anymore...lol | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 10:14:03 AM | I find that I have to get the right people to look at me. I hate to, I'm one of the most honest people you will find, but having kids in life is much more important than a little lie about age. I set it straight immediately in my profile, as soon as they learn a little about me.
I've been fighting this for years, I'm sure if I told people I was 42 I'd be snapped up in an instant but being 50 I'm not even looked at twice. This obsession with age thing has basically wasted my life. I want kids, can't do it by myself, life isn't life without kids. Don't tell me to adopt, I don't want and don't think it's fair to choose a single parent family for a child. I want the whole complete package, not just the kids, but a family and mostly a wife and partner.
I just wish there was some way to get Americans to not be so age conscious. It's not going to happen but I can still wish. American advertising has indoctrinated us with youth is the thing to strive for.
I've "wasted" more then 10 years of my life (no facts, just beliefs, more on this in a minute) because women want somebody within a couple years of their own age, and know they will find it if they keep looking. Numerous women (active, educated, late 30's, no kids) probably close to a thousand of them on the net have told me I'm perfect but you live in Kansas and you are just too old for me. 2 years later I find them still looking, and still have the same feeling. Meanwhile we've wasted 2 more years of out lives, when will they figure out that 2 years out of a lifetime is a major percentage of a useful adult lifespan.
It's not only women that think like this, men too. They know that next week they will meet the one they are looking for; the complete package, and they will find them 10 miles away. 2 years later they still know this because, there are millions of people on the net and they haven't met them all, there has to be one perfect one for me out there. There may be, but there may not, and the chances that they are on the same site at the same time, pretty slim. I'm on over a dozen sites right now; I've talked to 1000's for many years, read over 50,000 ads. Met close to 50. Most of these have just been the "What the hell he's in the neighborhood" things, I know if I'm going to win somebody over it has to be done in person, the 50 on the paper just kills any chances I have. I know I'm a strange duck but I'm not that bad. People need to be realistic, look for what's really important don't compromise that, but be flexible on the rest. Age is not one of the important things.
Back to Wasted, I want kids, always have, and always will, life is not complete without them. As long as it's still possible I'm going for the brass ring. I won't adopt into a single parent household, I want the family, mom dad, kids, dog, picket fence, etc. A kid should have two parents, I won't make the choice of a single parent household for a child, it's different to end up that way and deal with it, but it's not right for me to selfishly choose that for a child, because of what I want. So am I wrong for wasting 10 years, I don't think so, but how do you give up on a dream that is still possible. I have a quandary here, refuting my own argument, since age is something I'm looking for, since women over 40 don't and shouldn't feel comfortable giving birth, but I think this is a legitimate reason to consider age important.
I open for discussion, this to me is one of my hottest topics. I don't like it, but I don't think I have a choice in the matter. | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 4:03:35 PM | Unfortunately, you are right. A person in your position would be stereotyped as a man in a mid-life crisis rather than a man looking for a younger woman so that he may have a family. The media's focus on staying young seems to be everywhere, and you fall right into it. I will be honest, I would probably not consider dating a man in your age range. This would be for a couple of reasons. The first reason, my father would only be 5 years older than you and I would feel uncomfortable with dating someone that close to my father's age. Lets be honest here if you are 50+ and I at 34 start dating you how much time would I really have with you. I have a friend that is my age and married a man 20 years her senior. He passed away just this past Christmas.
I do not see any reason why someone my age should not look for someone that is closer to their age. The biggest reason being the commonality between us. Someone that is 50+ is not going, in all reality, going to love Linkin Park and Depeche Mode. Would you honestly have anything in common with my 20 something friends? Maybe my 30 something friends, but I still think that is stretching it. Unfortunately, in your situation you would need to date or be with a younger woman to have the child you so desire. Never rule out a single-parent family, many people are doing it and you can give your child all the love in the world on your own. I have been doing it for ten years and honestly would not change a thing!
I do wish you luck in your search!  | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 5:25:27 PM | | I have no need to lie about my age, no one believes I'm 36 anyway. Apparently I'm very well preserved. | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 5:49:05 PM | Since you feel so strongly about having children then it wouldn't be honest or fair to yourself to deny it just to end the search. I had to chuckle at myself because when I checked your profile I, too, thought - oh no KANSAS.... Not that I'm interested in having children either; I married young and had two daughters while in my early 20's. They are the light of my life! I don't want to go through pregnancy and raising a baby, not only because of my age, but because I've already "been there done that".
There are so many working women out there who have postponed marriage & children that I think it is more possible than ever for you to meet a woman with whom to have children. And she doesn't have to be in her 30's. More and more women are having children while in their 40's. Sure, it's tougher on their bodies and the risks are higher, but if they want children they will do it. I know women who believe it's "too late" for them to have babies - they are "too old" and none of the men their age will want to have children.
I say, keep looking. There will come a time when you may have to stop & reconsider, but not at 50. Best of luck... | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 5:52:13 PM | @hac First thanks for your view, now may I rip you a new one. 
Two comments: First; what does your father’s age have to do with anything in this situation? That's exactly the type of thinking I'm fighting here totally irrational. The common interest thing is rational that's ok. That's a good reason to select or not select somebody. If you have things in common with somebody and you enjoy their company, age shouldn't be a big concern.
Two; Anybody can die at any time, true older people probably die more often, but so do city people, and people with, is it type A personality (the worrier, business types), and high cholesterol people, and high blood pressure people, and heavy drinkers and.... I don't see people shying away from them, well maybe the drinkers. I'd be willing to bet the person your friend married was not a backpacking mountain climber at age 50 or single handing a sailboat across the gulf of Mexico, or a windsurfer or whitewater kayaker or somebody that ridden a bicycle over a 500 miles in the last year. So that is also irrelevant. I don't think I have a foot in the grave, but who knows anyone of us could be gone tomorrow.
You have to look at the whole package, not just date of manufacture. Just like a car, the lifespan and usefull life left is much more dependant on the care and maintenance then the date of manufacture.
Americans are too busy eating Big Macs, Drinking too many Cokes, using too much medication trying to earn enough money so they can have enough to join a health club that they don't have enough time to use. If they would just slow down and smell the roses maybe they would have time to figure out what's important in life and live a little longer to enjoy it. What's that I smell........ ah roses,......... I just wish there was somebody else here to smell these.............. wild Multiflora roses on the pasture fence... Look its a blue bird, and there's a tufted titmouse, and a nut hatch, aren't they fun to watch, when they walk down the tree upside down. Hear that its a wild turkey....
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/3/2005 10:11:45 PM | @ hac: One other thing, it was said I wouldn't have anything in common with your friends because of my age.
Even though my age is 50, I'm not really 50, I don't live the life of the 50 year old men that you are thinking of, I'm not like your dad, because I've not had kids and I haven't had to grow up. Like my profile says I'm 38 with 12 years of experieince, granted I do know where I was when JFK was killed, and I did know about Woodstock before it happened. As far as differnce in music goes, even if I was 35 I still wouldn't like all that stuff that you like because I've grown up dancing to and enjoying country music, it has nothing to do with my age, just life in a different part of the country and different lifestyle. I do happend to know who the Beatles are and did own and wear a neru jacket once but that's not stuff that ought to keep somebody from talking too and liking somebody else. These things should not be deal breakers.
People like you* are wasting your life missing a good chance because you think your going to find that perfect mate on here next week. let mre tell you for most of you it ain't gonna happen, a few will, but most are going to have to compromise and every year that it takes you to realize that is another year wasted of an already very short time we spend on this planet, you only get one chance at this life, do it right and do the most that you can with what you got.
* take comfort that you are in the majority here, that doesn't make it right, but at least your not alone. When the lemmings head to the sea you'll be right there in the middle of the crowd. Americans as a general rule are really screwwed up on this issue, the advertisers have been extremely sucessful with behavior modification on this topic. Wake up America!! | |
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Jroch
| | Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 39 | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/11/2005 10:40:41 AM | jheld - I don't know what the heck you've been doing with your life for the past 50 years, but why are you blaming everyone, society, women who don't like your age, etc, for it? Whose fault is it you've wasted that time?
I've met a lot of guys with this problem - they come out of high school seeking perfection. They watch their friends get married, have kids, get divorced, and all the time they're thinking "I'm superior to them, I'm not making those mistakes". Somewhere along the line these guys panic and realize that life is passing them by. Sounds like you got there a little later than most. What got you to that point? An idealized concept? Was nobody ever quite perfect enough for you? Or have you been partying away, never thinking of tomorrow, only now to decide you should have been doing things differently?
Most guys your age are grandfathers by now. Most people decide to have kids with someone in a similar age range, so that their partner will be there to help them raise their children and be at a similar stage of life. What you are expecting is unrealistic, and you are bitterly complaining that nobody wants to help you accomplish your goal.
Maybe your goal needs to change. Maybe you could consider dating people that already have children, if you need children in your life. If you insist on only having your own, biological children, perhaps you might consider a surrogate mother/sperm donor situation.
If you start lying about your age, your relationships will not get very far, IMHO. All I know is when I was in the 25-30 age range, it would have been a major turn off to be approached by a 50 year old with a need to breed. | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/11/2005 11:41:46 PM | @astrosky: My story; I've wanted kids my entire life. I was married for 9 year to a women that said she didn’t want kids, she was young when we got married, I figured after a few years that the motherly instinct would kick in, it never did, she said she didn't want to be as bad an mom as hers was, a long story. Her mom wasn't bad at all. Any way after 9 years she decided she didn’t want me, that blindsided me, I was in for the duration, even though it wasn't what I wanted we weren't fighting just not loving either, I made a promise, I was sticking to it. I would have been 34 at the time, a few years later I was normal again and started looking. I spent a couple years learning that Kansas has very few outdoors active, want kids, non-traditional work environment type women. Now I'm 40. At that time I was a member of few singles groups, even president of the local one, but women don't join singles groups till after they figure out everything else has failed and that happens when they are to old to have kids. I join a national agriculture singles group and end up being a national director. Again it's all 40 and up, too old for what I need. I have also met a number of women along the way, got side tracked with a couple of relationships, most can't have kids, and I mostly learn that I have to have kids to feel complete so those relationships don't work. I'm now 45 or so and getting to old for the younger (33-38 yr old) women to want me. I find the internet matching sites, think this is the answer to my problem; surely there is somebody out there to recognize the gem here, one that still wants kid and will not be so hung up on age. 5 years later and 50,000 profiles read, and thousands of emails, I’m still single. The last 10 years of my life in my opinion have been wasted because women are so hung up on age. I'd be happy for you to prove me wrong. I'm listening.
Women with kids would be fine too, and adoption is a possibility, but I don't want to only have kids I want a family and that means a wife and partner. I wouldn't choose a single parent family for a child, a child should have two parents. It's one thing to end up a single parent, quite another to choose that. I'm not that selfish to choose that for a child just because I want to be a dad.
I only lie about my age long enough to get them to read a little bit about me. I tell the truth in the profile. Women that want kids aren't going to search the 50 year old men, the percentages aren't there for them to have any hope of success, so to get read and found I have to lie. If dating site search engines wouldn't require an age it would not be as much of a problem. If they could search for want kids and nothing else they would find me, but the age is required so they put something that they would like to find instead of what they might consider. I know women if given a choice aren't going to want me but maybe after learning about me they can deicde that my age really isn't that important. | |
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| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/12/2005 12:00:23 AM | NO WAY....I love my age....every year of my thirtys has been the best year of my life so far.....I turn 38 next month.....and I'm actually looking forward to my forties!!!!
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late™
| | Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 48 | |
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longte
| | Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 49 | |
| would you ever lie about ur age
Posted: 5/12/2005 12:30:20 AM | jheldatksuedu
You would be only one of the very few people I would say this to
Go overseas to find a wife
Chinese and Phillipino women are looking for guys like you
Very Loving one man women.
Could be a perfect solution
I would not recommend Russian women simply because
I have heard horror stories about them [but these were only stories relayed third hand]
It will be difficult to find a modern western woman who wants the same things you do
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cazar
| | Joined: 4/28/2005
Msg: 50 | |
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Your points are well taken, but still stick by my reasoning. 
