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 Author Thread: Funniest First Contact Message.
 Keith 1965

Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 351
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Funniest First Contact Message.
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:59:15 AM
Sorry my mistake i'll get my brushes out
 _batman

Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 352
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Posted: 10/31/2009 9:01:33 AM
I never get weird stuff.

I do send the occasional weird one but right now I don't feel like it.
 se44es

Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 353
Funniest First Contact Message.
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:46:04 PM
jo are you paulie walnuts from the sopranos
 SwanSpirit

Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 354
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Posted: 11/1/2009 5:19:53 AM
Today's freakiest ... is
i love you
then
You are stupid crazy selfish ....
.
And it clearly states on my profile I'm no longer here for dating and just on the forums. Mad.
 Miss K 80

Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 355
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Posted: 11/1/2009 5:28:06 AM
I got an interesting first contact message the other day. It simply asked if I was trying to kill someone...WTF!!
 Kieran.1981

Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 356
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Posted: 11/1/2009 8:27:45 AM
Whats your name babe? hmmm
 Jenna.1

Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 357
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Posted: 11/1/2009 12:56:39 PM
I got one that just said 'can i suck ur melonz'

like ok yeah sure why not - weirdo!
 annie163

Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 358
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Posted: 11/1/2009 2:37:24 PM
"Hi sexy bum".....and no he ain't seen my arse....
 -Danielle-

Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 359
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Posted: 11/2/2009 10:35:29 AM
luckily my sense of humour is strange enough to not be offended by this but i just logged into this evening and was greeted with the following message...

"you look like a potential customer if you want a full hrs worth of rattling my charge is £80"

how very nice eh. lol.
 anitajd

Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 360
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Posted: 11/2/2009 11:04:21 AM
lol i got a message today by some guy if i could fix his washing machine as it is shrinking all his t shirts.i told him to put them on a 30 degree wash instead of 40 and he replied saying thank you
 beetlebabe40

Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 361
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Posted: 11/2/2009 11:14:08 AM
Today's corker:

"Your lips my C**k !!"

What a Gent needless to say that got blocked and deleted pronto....
 hiitsmeforyou

Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 362
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Posted: 11/2/2009 12:18:33 PM
I got one saying ,,,AM NAKED!!!i replied,, i hope you have the heating on and blocked the idiot
 Longshanks.

Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 363
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Posted: 11/2/2009 12:20:18 PM
Wow I'm in shock, this is my only thread that still lives, usually it's deleted within about a minute, lol
Anyway I best keep on topic, have read some good posts on here and I get asked if I was a Clown again the other day, think someone is trying to tell me something, lol
 925dancer

Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 364
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Posted: 11/5/2009 10:09:42 AM
I just had one which had nothing in the body of the message just "lolololololololol" in the subject line. Thinking he looked a bit familiar I looked to see if he'd sent me anything before. Low and behold he had. I quote verbatim "rotflmao whitadog". For those not familiar with the Scottish burr that last bit translates as "what a dog" and as there are no dogs in my pictures I assume he was referring to me. I replied telling him how thrilled I am to have given him a laugh twice, so much so he mailed me on both occasions and that he will be a wonderful catch for someone. Wonder if I'll get a reply.....................

Edit: Just looked, unread/deleted. What a brave man, can't even read a reply to his dross.
 925dancer

Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 365
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Posted: 11/5/2009 10:26:03 AM
I'm sure the sender of this one didn't intend it to be funny but I was left amused and perplexed. Did he like my profile or not? He made such great efforts that I almost feel bad that there is little to nothing I find attractive about him, he's not even an age I would consider dating and I say I'm not here to really date anymore. Plus, I feel like half way through he's telling me off for being sarcastic! Still, quite funny and a little terrifying.


I need you, I need you, I need you (?) (Contains Rose) Sent Date: 11/3/2009 1051 PM

****** has sent you a rose. Each user can send 2 roses over the course of 30 days.
Hi,
I share your passions for:-
• Animals and I like them so much I don’t eat them
• Dance – though this is fairly new to me – and quite a surprise to me too – I have just suddenly got it and watch MTV with a completely different focus – do you think the Cheryl Cole troupe are in desperate need of more rehearsal or is it meant to look like that?
I enjoyed the dance part of FAME (what there was of it) and THIS IS IT and was delighted to stumble across a level 0 Hip Hop class. I want to get better and appreciate more – sincerely.
I am conscious that I have scored 3 own goals and saying I have a vague knowledge of Rambert and have heard of Michael Clark is perhaps not going to help.
• Music – like you anything that reaches – and in my case even if it is not cool – like Alphabeat – but I do like mainstream rap, hip hop and dance – I like Kiss FM best
• I used to enjoy singing and did a lot of it but now feel vaguely resentful that when I was in choir my peers were acquiring football and social skills outside.
• Skateboarding and inline blading are on the begun list for me – just waiting for a companion here, yes really.
• I spend a lot of time in the gym so no surplus pounds on me – at present – but I need the gym – the lights, the tribe, the noise, the company, the music, the soft towels, the scalding showers, the friendly conversation and the endorphin hit
• I used to be very sarcastic and cutting – then it dawned on me that the hurt it caused to others was not justifiable (and worst case it did deep damage) so I now I do kindness.
I am not being prissy, it is nothing to be proud of but my language is quite robust and I acn still be rather too direct and intolerant of euphemisms, but you can go qua very long way within the boundaries of kindness – in fact perhaps way further when it is said with a smile and good humour within the context of a caring friendship - but then again perhaps there was irony there too?
What would be the plan for a first non-date date then – I am not being assumptive but I can hardly wait?
Not for you the pictures or a gig or the terraces then?
A s lightly informal one person identity parade come job interview, boo and suit then?
A public, well lit, core hour’s venue, a coffee shop perhaps with low noise levels so after the initial visual was passed the verbal examination step could start with clarity?
I do not know why I am responding to you at all actually.
I really wanted someone with your interests, yes, but who would be happy to called by a pet name (poppet or baby girl – do I hear curled lips and snarls)and give me a cuddle when I felt beaten up (vice versa too – of course)– no mention in your list of snuggling up to watch DVD’s.
Dancer – or Icemaiden?
However your feisty, frosty friendship would be well worth having even if you plan to break my heart by not even giving me a cold hand to hold.
So if I pass the visual (at last someone who likes short hair and skateboarding – or was that ironic (too)?)
I still look forward to hearing from you but know, that busy person that you are, you do not reply to people you will not get on with and there is short hair that is fashionable and there is short hair that says is this person having chemo or is an apprentice monk or has had nits or only gets it cut once a year.
I take cats on a case by case basis.
Few people are more clearly cat person than you, I am sure.
Kindest wishes,
Al.
PS I would have attempted an acronym laden and laboured joke about texting shorthand but did not dare for fear of your filter – I would have made the effort, in fact I had.
PPS My clothing has improved - I now have a non-work pair of sahoes that are not (expensive) trainers, a jumper from next with a hrad top organise polo neck, and a dary hooded top that weights more than I do - and to think I used to be clothes conscious - I still like clothes though.
 Vaguely Optimistic

Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 366
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Posted: 11/5/2009 12:27:23 PM
I don't even think what follows is even funny, just vaguely weird and obsessive. Note the times on the messages (and yes, they are all from the same man):

10/7/2009 1157 PM

Hi there,

Imagine, you’re a Hobbit, you think adventure is a nasty, disturbing and uncomfortable thing. Then one day, thirteen dwarves and a wizard enter your home unexpectedly and persuade you to go on a long, dangerous adventure with them.

You will be reluctant at first, but your adventurous spirit will be awakened and you can use your quick wit to help your companions out of a number of tight situations.

Yeah, a first date to beat all first dates - Dont you think?

10/7/2009 1154

Hi - (Dont know your name)

Ive been thinking that perhaps you are correct and that dwarfs are not heroes, but calculating folk with a great idea of the value of money. I agree that some are tricky and treacherous and pretty bad lots although, again, some are not, but are decent enough people, if you don’t expect too much.

Perhaps we all expect just too much.

I was also thinking that Aberdeen may not be the best locale for your campaign. Have you thought about moving to the high passes? Well above the tree line where condensation runs like rivers down the glassy face of sheer rock - where every breath is an effort and muscles ache from exhaustion.

I also rid my dusty parlour of spiders by suction - perhaps there is no end as we know it to the universe infinite or finite.

10/7/2009 1120 PM

I'm sorry for arriving unannounced, the wind carried my umbrella all the way from my backyard to your backyard. I thought I would retreive it before it became a nuisance. I hope that you dont mind.


10/7/2009 1104 PM

Hey - dont know your name gal.....

There are many, many stories I could tell you about my family on my father’s side. Some would be unbelievable (bet you can’t guess how many half-siblings I have); some would be heroic (my uncle was fierce during the civil rights movement); some would be weird (anyone ever misplace a pan of potatoes for six weeks?); some would be sweet (all displaced people could get a meal at my grandma’s house); and some would be tragic (all I’m saying is that substance abuse and a bad heart don’t mix).

But today, I was thinking fondly of my aunt who passed away a few years ago, and one of her favorite sayings: I’m going to smack the cowboy sh*tout of you.

She used this particular saying as a bit of intimidation to get us kids – and there were a lot of us between all my father’s children and the foster kids that my grandmother was raising – to do whatever she wanted.

Truly, it was effective. No one wants the sh*tsmacked out of them, let alone the cowboy shit. It was the real deal threat. It was a take the shoe off and chase you around the house kind of threat. When my aunt said it, she meant business. And we knew to listen.

I say we, but honestly, I was such a goody-two shoes that the threat was never directed toward me. It may have been directed at the group of kids I was playing with at that particular moment, but never at me. And to be perfectly honest, my aunt could never make this threat with an entirely straight face. Although you knew to listen when she was taking out the can of cowboy whup ass, you also knew that she still had her sense of humor.

I mean, what is cowboy sh*tanyway? I never knew, and when I googled it just now, the results weren’t pretty.

Other, less obscure but just as ridiculous family sayings were:

* If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t wear his ass out jumping. (Hey, I come from humble folk).
* People in hell want ice water. (Apparently, my humble lineage is full of those who curse profusely).
* You’re getting tangy! (As in, go take a bath).

So, your turn. Do you have sayings in your family that are completely irrational, illogical, ridiculous, or even silly? Maybe there are some that do make sense but just make you bust a gut whenever you hear them?

Leave them in the comments. I can’t wait to hear them!

10/7/2009 1143 PM

Hey Gal - dont know your name.........

I was just thinking - you and me, we are just like two peas in a pod.




I replied that I didn't think we were two peas in a pod, on account of him being clearly batsh*t crazy and possibly certifiable and me just, well, not being.
 Vaguely Optimistic

Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 367
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Posted: 11/5/2009 12:28:55 PM
Can't edit, but it's fecked the times up Last time is first time and vice versa. Or something......
 paulmale39

Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 368
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Posted: 11/7/2009 2:57:34 AM
OMG !!! I'm in stitches here reading some of those messages, I can't believe they are real ................ pmsl.
 Steve Bungle

Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 369
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Posted: 11/10/2009 5:05:53 AM
I naughtily decided to send one out. I was provoked into doing it.
On her profile, in the "first date" section, she wrote that she'd like to walk along a river without being pushed in (this was accompanied by the obligatory LOL).
Mmmm, the lass has a sense of humour...
I messaged:
  

In the "first date" section you said "a walk
along the river" would be ideal.
How about the river (name of local river to her)? It's local and
if I have to push you in you'd not drown as
it's too shallow...
;-)

Read. Deleted. No reply.
No wonder I'm still here.

 NonSumQualisEram

Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 370
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Posted: 11/10/2009 6:01:05 AM

"Your lips my C**k !!"


You lips my Cork?

Perhaps he was trying to ask you out for a glass of wine?
 Gucci Girl

Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 371
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Posted: 11/12/2009 1:43:45 PM
Iv just had a nice one, apparantly i have man legs and a boob job

 jai1968

Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 372
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Posted: 11/12/2009 3:33:55 PM
My funniest was " I have just the one arm, I like collecting stamps & postcards, would you like to go for a drink". Needless to say I was very tempted to see his collections but didn't fancy the idea of having to go to the bar all night!!! xx
 Chuckie1965

Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 373
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Posted: 11/13/2009 9:40:35 AM
A woman asked in her profile why do guys put a woman in their profile and then not message them. I wrote back that its because they are basically letting you know they like you etc, etc, etc....

She wrote back its one of lifes mysterys (despite my detailed explaination from a guys point of view) - she either didnt read it or just didnt get.

I then jokingly wrote that she wasn't "the sharpest tool in the shed lol" which she really took offence to and went off on one at me about - I wrote a reply to say that I was genuinley only joking only to find she had blocked me when i tried to send it.

Talk about sensitive.......................lol
 GillYD

Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 374
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Posted: 11/13/2009 10:10:09 AM
oooo this morning i got one said

that red lipstick u have on, what would you like to put it on

yep i wrote back

on my lips then my coffee cup u numpty derrrrrrrrrrrrr

god what crap do us girls put up with!!!!!! the odd one just has to spoil the nice chats on here
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