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Fwens
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Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 51 | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:53:12 AM | Oohoohooh....just GOTTA revive this one
Been about a year since anyone responded to this one...does anyone feel that there has been a change since? Do you still feel childless women shy away from single dads?
To me, it has gotten worse than better. And not only childless women, but single moms too. I have been finding that the father's kids do not matter in a relationship...it is all about the mother and HER kids. But that is another thread...
One thing I keep hearing is that single women will NOT be involved with another woman's children. Kinda up in the air on that one. Guess it depends where the heart of the individual lies. But it sure does show what kind of person one is if they are more accepting or not. Tough call on that one...
I'm not meaning to categorize, and I apologize if that is how I am coming across. I am just calling it based on my experiences... | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:11:05 AM | One thing I keep hearing is that single women will NOT be involved with another woman's children.
That's terrible. But unfortunately it's true. I have had that happen with some of my ex's women. Over the years if he was with a woman who didn't want anything to do with his children, he would not spend time with his own kids to please that woman. Unfortunately, it affected how close he is with his now grown children. His loss really.
On the other side of the coin. I know a guy who doesn't want to be with a woman with kids at home because he doesn't want his child to compete for his affection/attention. He also does not want to father more children so his child doesn't have to compete for his attention from a sibling. But that's a whole other thread.
Personally, I love children so I don't care how many children a guy has. Mind you, at my age, it's probably better if they have grandchildren for me to love because I do now want to do non-child things that I never got to do when my children were still dependant on me and it would be nice if the guy was also available to do things with me.
I think blended families are workable, it just takes compromising on both sides. BOTH parties have to be open to include BOTH sets of children as a part of your lives as a couple, even if they are grown children.
Edit: Come to think of it. Single dads are now seeing what us single moms have gone through for years. In my younger years, many guys who were interested in me, lost interest once they found out I had two children at home and that I was a single mom.
I'm an empty nester now, but anyone who comes in to my life, will still need to be somewhat involved in my grown children and grandchildren's lives so if they don't accept that part of my life, that is a deal breaker. Just as I would accept theirs into my heart. It's a two way street.
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:41:14 AM | Wow, so many varying opinions on this thread!
I have no problem with men who have kids. My son's dad had 3 kids, all early teens, and we did our best to incorporate them into our relationship, 2 of the kids were good, the third was awful, stole from me, kept hurting my kids, stealing their piggy banks, etc... They were also a bad influence on my kids. I'd wake up in the morning to find my daughter sitting in front of the tv, coffee table littered with chips, ice cream, pop, all kinds of stuff, for BREAKFAST! It caused a lot of stress in our relationship, especially because dad was your classic "Disney Dad" and refused to step in, because he only had them every other weekend and didn't want to be the 'bad guy'
We eventually parted ways, not due to his kids, but his other issues. His ex-wife was in the picture, always calling and b!tching about something, I ignored her, what good would it be to argue? I let him deal with her.She was not my problem, no matter how hard she tried to make herself my problem. I wasn't playing that game with her.
Would I date a man with kids again? Sure!
My son is always telling me he wants brothers (I can't have kids anymore) However, I'd expect any man I date to be accepting of my son, just as I would accept their kid/s. Getting into a relationship with a man/woman who has children has it's challenges, but I think if you've got children of your own, it's easier to understand what the other single parent is going thru? I know having kids of my own (one is grown and off on her own) has made me a far more tolerant and patient person.
I'm at the point where I'm not really caring if I ever date again, there are too many people out there who have too many expectations when it comes to kids. I am a single parent, I raise my son to the best of my abilities, he is a decent kid, very loving and being a boy, he can be very rambunctious, which is all good with me. Some guys/gals can't handle that, and if that's the case, they're free to find someone childless.
I suppose it's all a matter of personal preference, some people don't like the 'restrictions' single parents have because of their kids, and others are ok with it. I have yet to find a man who understands that I can't drop everything and dash out on a moments notice without my son in tow, but you know what? That's ok, because one day someone will come along, with or without kids, who will be 'the one' and accept me as a package deal, just the same as I would if I found 'the one' and he had children as well. | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:36:41 AM | Yeah! I don't think anyone wants to be alone for the rest of their life, but I'm with NL. I'm open to dating, but it's just not a priority. It's too hard! It's hard to meet people. It's hard to find someone with whom you make that connection. It's hard to find time to spend with him. It's hard to make him understand when you only have one night a week or less and you won't include your kids in the early stages of dating. I have great friends and a pretty good life all by myself (with my kids).
Weird thing is, in almost 6 years being a single mom I've never dated a single dad. Not by design, just how life worked out. I guess a man without kids has a more flexible schedule to work his life around ours. A man with kids may be more understanding of the trials and tribulations of parenthood.
Any thoughts/experience on this, kids? | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:10:19 PM | | I can't speak for single dads but i've had nothing bt good luck finding dates. All have been single woman with no children. 5 seperate dates later, i've found someone i really like. We've been dating now 5months and going strong. | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:47:11 AM | I believe it has to do with values and ideas of family.
There are still so many people out there that try to label things. (Is this your biological child, step child, foster child, adopted child?)
My perception is that women, especially, seem to try to work out the labels -more so than men-on average. Perhaps this is the issue.
I have been taught that the idea of family is an open concept - you take people as family and they are (I won't even tell you how many kids call me "Mom" - not bio, step, foster or adopted - just Mom).
When people ask which ones are my biological children - I tell them - "all of them". Then most women try to clarify with me and ask which ones I actually gave birth to - I tell them again - "all of them". Most men I meet just get big eyes when they find out how many kids I have and move on from there.
To each their own but it works for me and I have some of the world's greatest kids.
OP - I believe that there are some very open hearted people who are willing and able to accept others into their lives without even blinking or missing a step. Keep on looking, your commitment and dedication to your children is something to be admired and respected and the person who really "gets" this and wants to be a part of your (and your children's) world is out there. | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:25:30 AM | Not sure how many responses were actually from 'single' women, but here's mine:
Yes, I tend to shy away from single fathers, if the children are young (pre-teen), Teenagers and older are ok.
I did not have any children, mostly by choice. I am not really interested in 'raising' children at this stage in my life. If a man's profile says that he is a single father, I wouldn't immediately write him off, but as someone else pointed out, I would be really curious as to how he interacts with his children. I am also in total agreement that small children should not be involved in the 'dating' life until both adults are sure that there is a chance of the relationship succeeding. Met one guy who wanted me to meet his children as part of our second date - nu uh, ain't happening.
I truly admire adults who take the responsibility of having and raising children seriously. Doesn't mean that I want that to be part of my lifestyle.
And as for the 'great debate' about the drop-down boxes. I laugh at profiles that say "Don't want children", but "Yes, have children" - I realize that doesn't mean they don't want the children they have, but makes me laugh anyway! | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:29:16 AM | | Well, I for one don't review the child status until I have read the profile, made first contact and met for the first coffee. Filtering someone because they do or do not have children would reduce one's chance of meeting that perfect match. And I agree it would depend on who they were not how old thier children were | |
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| do women with out kids, tend to shy away from single fathers
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:24:13 PM | | It really depends on what the situation is...if the mom is still around and can handle him having a relationship with a woman other than her then it's all good...but sometimes the moms go a little psycho...and that's more drama than I need. | |
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