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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:29:57 AM | ...........and on another note...
We are not guaranteed tomorrow......so live each day as if it's your last!
It is just so glum to be negative about life......how can you get up, do what ya gotta do, and expect to attract anyone else if you are not happy or at least content? You cannot give what you do not have, so to speak.
If you meet someone, at whatever age, love and lose them, THEY would want you to go on, to live and possibly love again. Sure you would mourn them for a season, but then rememer that you are ALIVE!
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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:30:38 AM | It's true that you can't RELY on LT commitments and it IS worth considering what happens to the remaining partner, especially since we hope that our LT partner is the one who we lovingly still joke with and 'play' with, even in our 80's. The reality check though, is there are YOUNG PEOPLE who lose their SO's also!
Many people define life's successes by the relationships we're/they're in or want to BE in to give us purpose.
I wonder if the same answer in our future, isn't the same one we should have right now?
Is it not worth finding and having a LONG TERM PURPOSE to our lives that is possibly going to last a lifetime? A LONG TERM CAUSE? Is it not worth being proactive in our purpose or our cause?
What about the topic of having children or working???
I think this is why some people get upset when women (and some men) say "My children are my #1 priority." In these cases, their PURPOSE has shifted to their children? To their children ONLY? When their 'priority' has grown into a teen and are off to seek a life of their own, independant of their parent, is their PURPOSE gone? Or will they be OK? Can this purpose withstand a lifetime of the dedication of your passion (without possibly leading to depression, as it could to the parent that lives vicariously through their children?) Or should there be MORE so that this is VERY IMPORTANT and worthy of our passion, but only a PART of what completes us? Have SO's felt slightly neglected? Has work life not been a priority? Have LT financial goals not been considered?
Some (and its not only single people) define their PURPOSE through their work lives. However, when they retire, is THEIR purpose also gone? Have their SO's been slightly neglected along the way in the persuit of money and success?
Do you have an interest in an even BIGGER picture? Are you proactive about your interests?
Would this not help people cope with not only LOSS, but ... as the OP talks about ... HOPE? Would this not take some of the strain and pressure off of the worry that we'll be alone for the rest of our lives? Would it not round us out a little more?
Done with my questions and rant for now ... thank goodness eh? lol | |
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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:42:10 AM |
Ok. And what happens to the remaining "partner" then? How does he/she cope with the loss?
Who spoke of marriage? People speak of LTRs and to "grow old together with"! Until when? Until one is felt stranded alone at 75 or 80? Does not sound very humanistic.
so to be humanistic, we should just not enter into loving ltr's at all, even if we find a mate to be with til one of us passes, because the pain of loss will be too great???
that makes zero sense. better to have found a soulmate and have years, be it 1, 2, 20, or even 50!, of memories, ups and downs, challenges, and great love, and at the end miss terribly that wonderful person whom you were lucky enough to have be a part of your life, than to feel no pain of loss because they were never there! | |
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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:19:13 PM | | It is one thing to end up being with someone for 30 or more year and (quite) another thing to put "for the rest of our lives" as a goal when dating. Big difference in motivation and essence, IMO! Unless of course one is openly looking for marriage+kids, which is quite different from a "simple" LTR. Boy meets girl and que sera sera as Doris Day sang. What will be will be. Planning for life when searching is just that ... planning, not love. JMO | |
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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:37:42 PM | | a person's concept of love and forever,i believe,is based on how they percieve their folks' relationship. my mom,after we lost my dad,had several offers of marriage from men.i would tell my mom"it's ok.you should go out. have some fun. she would tell me that she still loved my dad and she would "till the day she died.well, on mother's day when i went to the nursing home(mom is 85 and really doesn't know me anymore) i told her that i was don and it was mother's day and she looked at me with blind eyes and said"don(my dad's name too) remember when we danced at camp crowder?" i said "yes hun and you were wonderful. i kissed her and her smile gave me a glimpse of forever. | |
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| The rest of your life...
Posted: 5/14/2007 6:36:55 PM | draetor, i think you hit it on the button for one so "young". we all get dealt a deck of cards. we play the best we can. there is a difference between codependency and interdependency. some of us can accomplish quite a lot, be it professionally or personally, and we still have the commitment (or perhaps energy) to go for being one of a couple. some of us are willing to work hard at that and some of us are real clear when that becomes a one way street. so, we chose to move on because of the reality as opposed to the dream. but if we get tossed the deck of cards that does not immediately lead to "the one", then we learn from it, adjust and if so inclined "keep going". this requires a balanced approach to life, as well as to not be be so obsessed as to lose sense of self. but, hopefully there is also the spirit to not become overly pessimistic.
i do know some couples who have managed to cherish each other for a very long time, and my guess is that they will continue. very occasionally i would wonder what they had that i did not. the female partner in one of those couples was similarly fascinated with my professioal deck of cards (which was before my disability)--so we shared and we both learned a lot. i apply much of what she said to my current relationship. but i was not one of those fortunate in being married to the same person forever. i do have some younger friends who are similar in their dedication who are in the 30's and have survived tremendous odds. but i will say that those who do, have very clear senses of who they are and who their partners are. they are balanced in their relationships as well.
is it more difficult nowadays? well i guess that depends on your "deck" and whether both parties are willing to the the work. it certainly is much easier to get out of relationships. but i think if that's where your intention lies, then perhaps you shouldn't jump so fast "into" it. not only is the other person hurt, but children as well.
i might add that "successful" couples that i have observed not only have a sense of self and are not only willing to do the work, but also have a sense of humor. so i figure the only difference between them and me is that my deck of cards, first dealt, were not the greatest. hopefully this time around they are. it can happen. it may not happen, but if i keep trying, it just might happen. i do manage to have a life and include other priorities as well.
for others, success at "coupling" versus individual personal or professional successes, has happened very early on in the game. the ones who lose at being a "couple" are the ones who give up or become dysfunctional over the longer term. but that too can reverse, if someone wants it bad enough. now that may also reflect the extrovert/introvert aspect of personality and for me as an only child, the sense of family is relatively important--but i also tend to define "family" in a non traditional way.
i guess flexibility and good judgement come to mind, as well as learning from our own mistakes, not to mention the failed partner's. | |
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