| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 11:21:19 AM | [[Could you say that again???? I didn't hear you! ]]
Diva,
You are always a breath of fresh air and make me laugh. I've continued to read this thread and find it interesting to say the least. I find that weighing in one's opinions are important but most are filled with a lot of presumptions of how overweight people lead their lives.
Yes, I've been guilty of being shallow and judgemental...but no one could be more judgemental of me than myself. I lead a more sendentary lifestyle now than ten yrs ago, but I dare say I'm a pretty active woman for being overweight. I don't think OP or anyone else should feel any guilt for not being attracted to a heavy person, but what irks me is that a lot of men have no problem having sex with big women, they just don't want anyone knowing they did. What is far worse is meeting a big woman...actually having feelings for..engage in an intimate relationship, but then immediately dump her after discovering one's friends dont' approve of your choice of women ( or men for that matter).
Those are things a person should feel some guilt about. Maybe deep down inside the OP actually liked the heavier girl but couldn't handle the stigma attached with dating the token fat girl...who knows, I can only speculate. At any rate, I would hope any one who meets me would treat me half as well as I try to treat others. Bottom line is we all have our preferences, and that is just how it is. I'm not asking anyone to like me....because the reality is...not everyone will, but those who do know they have a good friend in me.
I've said it before and I'll say it again...I'm glad I'm one happy well-adjusted fat woman. I think growing up fat has taught me a lot of life lessons and the biggest one ( no pun intended) is to be humble.
Diva...ROCK ON GIRL!!!
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:01:41 PM | okay now!! good point.. food is not my downfall even though im overweight. i think im a very good person on the inside, im overweight cause of the medication i used to take, i used to do drugs too which didnt help, im still active trying to loose some weight, i dont want to be a model or anything, does that make me less a person?? what a way to kill self esteem when "the nice looking" ones reject you cause of your fattness. okay, where's my ben and jerry's icecream? lol  | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:08:12 PM |
What is far worse is meeting a big woman...actually having feelings for..engage in an intimate relationship, but then immediately dump her after discovering one's friends dont' approve of your choice of women ( or men for that matter).
IMO many men would have sex with a woman that they aren't attracted to regardless of body type. Maybe the man and/or the woman were drunk, stoned, or horny. Maybe she was easy. Maybe he hasn't had sex in a while. Maybe sex with unattractive woman is better than no sex. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:48:30 PM | ....mostly because I know that they would have better self-esteem and present themselves more confidently...if they weren't constantly defending their Size . .
J M O . . | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:55:53 PM | [IMO many men would have sex with a woman that they aren't attracted to regardless of body type. Maybe the man and/or the woman were drunk, stoned, or horny. Maybe she was easy. Maybe he hasn't had sex in a while. Maybe sex with unattractive woman is better than no sex. ]
That's not exactly what I meant. Anyone can have sex...and hopefully it's consensual. What I was referring to are some men who actually are interested in, date, and bed a larger woman ( or maybe even a less than attractive woman) but because of what OTHER'S think and say, dump a person they actually care about. To me that is something to feel bad about....because it is then that a person is allowing how other's view and or judge a person to determine a person's value.
Sex without any feelings is just sex, but when you care about someone it makes it far more different. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 2:18:39 PM | That's not exactly what I meant. Anyone can have sex...and hopefully it's consensual. What I was referring to are some men who actually are interested in, date, and bed a larger woman ( or maybe even a less than attractive woman) but because of what OTHER'S think and say, dump a person they actually care about. To me that is something to feel bad about....because it is then that a person is allowing how other's view and or judge a person to determine a person's value.
I understand your point, but there are some people who always assume a man is attracted to a woman just because he has sex with her. That's not always true. Sometimes a man can dump a BBW that he likes because of what others would think , but that doesn't only apply to BBWs. I know a 45 yr old woman who broke up with a 29 yr old man because she was concerned about what her business clients would think about her dating a much younger man. I know a white woman who broke up with a black man because she was afraid of what her family would think about interracial relationships. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 2:35:13 PM | [I understand your point, but there are some people who always assume a man is attracted to a woman just because he has sex with her. That's not always true. Sometimes a man can dump a BBW that he likes because of what others would think , but that doesn't only apply to BBWs. I know a 45 yr old woman who broke up with a 29 yr old man because she was concerned about what her business clients would think about her dating a much younger man. I know a white woman who broke up with a black man because she was afraid of what her family would think about interracial relationships. ]
Brock,
I understand that too. I guess it's the motivation or lack there of, that people choose in creating a relationship, and then having bad feelings about it afterward ( regrets) and then dump a person which does happen some of the time. I totally agree that some women think if a man has sex with them it equates to LOVE, but the fact is, it does not. Again, it's sometimes left up to interpretation. The thing is when people purposefully seek other's that they find appealing, intially, but then have a 360 degree change in attitude and bail out.
We all have said or done things that have left us feeling a bit guilty, myself included, but it's when a person continues the behaviour which is bad. I embrace my size but I certainly do not expect other's to do the same, however, for those who do I expect them to treat me with fairness and some amount of dignity. Additionally, I'm not talking about a 24 hr whirlwind sexual romance either. I am wise enough to realise that some things don't work out, but when it is WORKING and you get the heave ho based on the aformentioned things...it can be a crushing blow to someone's emotional well-being, which in turn perpetuates the stigma that can be and often is attached to those who have less than desirable physical traits.
I hope that made sense. Just my thoughts for what they are worth. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 2:44:23 PM | Early on in the thread Sunny and Dream had it spot on - but they are in a rare minority - and the group's even smaller that can put those principles truly into practice. Biology always plays a part, yet our mind is in control - it's always a choice, free will, and we make those choices. Those choices are what define as as who we really are inside. Good luck  | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:18:19 PM | | Hey I'm a little on the heavy side if not interested then you are not but don't hurt my feelings about it because I'm a beautiful woman inside you just can't see it.Its your lost not mine . | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:38:27 PM | I'm a beautiful woman inside you just can't see it.Its your lost not mine .
This wouldn't be my loss. I would much rather be single than date someone that I think is completely unattractive. I don't care how 'beautiful' a woman is on the inside, if there isn't at least some physical attraction then I would only be friends with her, not date her. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/6/2007 5:37:37 AM | [quote This wouldn't be my loss. I would much rather be single than date someone that I think is completely unattractive. I don't care how 'beautiful' a woman is on the inside, if there isn't at least some physical attraction then I would only be friends with her, not date her. ]
Honesty is totally important....and that's what it comes down too. Kudo's to you for being upfront. Pity, not everyone is like that, but a good majority of people are..thank God! | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:30:02 AM | Everyone has their choice and type of person that they date. I stay fit, and I expect that somewhat of the person that I date. I am not looking for someone that is anorexic, or is overweight as well. My prefrence is somewhere in between like 110 to 150 and it depends on the height and person. Mainly, I am very frisky and playful. Play wrestling, picking her up to hug her, sex are activities that are in my desires. I don't want to throw my back out. As a general rule someone told me, if they can put their arms around them, and their legs around them then that is fine.
Other than that, I try not to be rude. I do look at the whole package and if she looks like a winner and that is a marginal thing, I don't worry about it.
Just my thoughts..... | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 265 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:49:24 AM | I don't get it...for the women who are offended by the whole concept...would you rather a guy "force" himself to sleep with you? I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be very saddened to find out a guy had to keep from gagging in order to sleep with me. How good would THAT make you feel? I'd rather have a guy be up front about it and say he's not attracted to bigger women than have to "get through it".
As for it being "his loss"...no, it's no one's "loss". We all move on. If the guy was going to be sitting home crying about it, he probably would be with you.
For those men who have been perfectly honest, there's nothing wrong with you at all. Most of you have been quite nice about it, so there's nothing wrong with how you feel. For the one's who had to put down bigger women in order to get their point across...well, that says something about you. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 266 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:44:30 AM |
I don't get it...for the women who are offended by the whole concept...would you rather a guy "force" himself to sleep with you? I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be very saddened to find out a guy had to keep from gagging in order to sleep with me. How good would THAT make you feel? I'd rather have a guy be up front about it and say he's not attracted to bigger women than have to "get through it".
I agree. If a man dated a fat woman that he wasn't attracted to, I'm sure at least some of these women would complain that he is using her for sex. Can't have it both ways. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:46:27 AM | Well, like it or not we all make judgments about other people's looks. The reason you might feel bad is because somehow society has told us we should have no preferences beyond whether or not the person you're judging has a good heart and that a preference for one means a hatred for the opposite.
The fact is our preferences are ingrained in us just the same as any other animal species. And it's all related to continuing the human race. There was a time when the physical appearance meant something more than just whether or not we found someone "hot". A plump woman with big hips could have many children - big breasts means she'll have plenty of milk for all of them - a physically strong male could provide well and protect the cave - If women were part of the hunt, then you'd want someone thin and strong enough to move fast. You also wanted to pass these traits on to your children so that's what you were looking to mate with.
These "signs" have altered a little with whatever was required to keep the species going too. There came a time when providing well meant you had to have money not physical strength so a heavy man was what you wanted. At a time when poverty was just rampant, if a man was fat, it meant he had the money to eat well and so could provide for his family. All of that is subconscious now. We don't even realize the reasons behind what we find attractive anymore because society has pushed being PC on us to the point that the only valid reason we have for not wanting to date someone would be if they were evil or something.
My personal preference leans toward someone tall (6'0" +) and physically strong however, that doesn't mean I would never date someone who wasn't. Even while making my profile I let guilt get to me a little and slid my height preference down to 5'10". I personally go for the taller men cuz I'm tall and I want to be able to put my spikes on and not tower over him.
I have also found that physical attraction can come with falling in love. My last boyfriend was so far from what I would have called attractive that if I had just passed him on the street, I would have never given him a second glance. But having gotten to know him and eventually fall in love with him made me see him with new eyes and that's what made him physically attractive to me. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/10/2007 3:22:14 PM | | broch11,thats true you have to be attracted to someone regardless of size but you still don't have to hurt someones feelings .Ex. I don't want to date you are fat why not I'm sure you are a nice person but I am not attracted to you .Then at least theres no hurt feelings and you have turned someone while still making them feel good about themselves. | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 270 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/10/2007 4:45:10 PM | OKAY MY PHUCKIN GOODNESS..........Eldubu may I?...............allow me to RANT for a moment will ya??
PEOPLE LISTEN UP................why is this so hard..........
Do you really think if a man doesn't like my FAT ASS it's "HIS LOSS"????
DO you really think a MAN/WOMAN is shallow because they don't like the way I look?
DO you really believe that we should not CARE about the outter shell(what a person looks like)??
(I would hate to think a man was dating me and didn't find me absolutely smokin "HOT")
SO with that in mind.........please tell me which of you are attracted to mongaloid(sp) features? (these people have GREAT HEARTS....... RIGHT?)
You know damn well that there are people you would NOT date no matter WHAT size they were or how nice they are or how big their heart is.........if a person smells like a dirty sock or has 3 week crust on their teeth but is the nicest soul you know..........you gonna date em??? YEA RIGHT.
If a person is heavy and unattractive to someone.........SO BE IT! But it's no one's LOSS.....NO ONE IS SHALLOW.........this is about what turns us ON......GET IT?
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT FAT PEOPLE WANT TO BE PITY PHUCKED???
HAH........that kills me! think about this....... the guy you are with says he loves you, but he really does not like the extra fat around your stomach and it repulses him to see the celulite around your thighs but he thinks your so sweet that he doesn't want to hurt you so he "stuffs" those feelings so as not to be shallow and stays around anyway.........
THAT"S WHAT YOU WANT???
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Allow people to LIKE what they LIKE. There are men who will look at a women with a big azz and think...........YUMMY and there are men that will not see things the same as someone else might.........TO EACH HIS OWN.......
please people GRASP THIS!
My problem is the RUDENESS when saying you don't like fat people.......WE GET IT! But speak for yourself saying sh1t like ..."men don't like this.....or people hate that" is completely insane as you don't know ANYTHING about ALLLLL people!......so hush!
The thing of it is.........some people come on here all bad assed talking about what they hate in women/men.................and can't get a date to save their lives.......might want to re-think how you come across! If I were dateless, I'd change my tactics.............it's not that you need to start dating fat men/women.........it's more like you need to quit being an azzhole is probably more like it. Then your choices will become more vast. Believe it or not........Thin people might frown upon your sh1tty attitude in the same way you don't like fat chicks or guys!
I absolutely disagree that LOOKS don't matter............attraction is so VERY IMPORTANT!
I've been holding this in much tooooo long!! thanks for letting me spill! | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 272 | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/10/2007 5:39:41 PM | | I don't think that people should make excuses for their preferences. If you don't like a person for any reason that's your decision--- feeling guilty about it is a waste of energy. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:24:54 PM | just a casual observation...
seems a lot of very unattractive men are the ones saying they have a problem with women who are over weight... lmao! i see these c*cky posts and look at their pictures and wonder who are THEY to judge anyone?? some women may be over weight, but they can lose it. You guys can't lose your ugly!!  | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:54:27 PM | ^^ yay - that's exactly what I was thinking all the way through this thread.
I have no problem with a man not wanting to date me because I'm not stick thin. I've been stick thin and now I'm curvy - I love myself either way. I wouldn't pretend to be attracted to someone I'm not so why would I want that in a partner.
What I DO have a problem with is what someone else mentioned - rudeness. You don't have to be a****to turn someone down. Just be polite - what does it cost ya? All it means is you've been kind to someone and improved your karma. | |
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Now tell us whadya REALLY thinks, Diva hun. 
Jeff