| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:25:19 PM | | wowsad ~ you waste time with such thoughts! ~ You go for all the slim girls that fancy your favor! ~ They don't stay that way long ~ they get bigger then us, very quickly here in America. ~ you can enjoy a bumper crop of plesantly plump when your my age. ~ Load up on as many fond memories as you can, ~ you'll need them later , ~ I'm going to get some bad press with this post. ~ but what it hell, It's sad, ~ it's not the eating, it's a matter of not being active enough. People must do a lot of squating, bending, walking and crawling long after childhood to stay slim~ few do ~ so they get large and I'm are an ass for noticing. ~ Dar | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:17:10 PM | I'm not attracted to big women either. It's strange how this seems to work, it's almost like a lightswitch goes off attraction wise once a girl gets too puffy, I don't know what it is. That animalistic chemical attraction just starts going away, and it sucks I hate it. I wish I wasn't that way and could be attracted to my girl no matter what size she is, I just can't. It's soo not a choice. Something is definitely missing and I actually dread ending up with someone who let's herself go someday. I hope to god when I'm older it goes away somehow or the hormonal thing just dies out. The thing is, I KNOW most guys are like that, there is a point where a woman is hot, or just not, it has to do with more than just the body, but when your naked and the lights are on, it is all about the body and it can easily affect the quality of your sex, and thus the whole relationship and your whole life. I would personally do ANYTHING in return ANYTHING if my woman stayed in great shape for me, she could stay home, I would work out every freaking day, work my hands to the bone for her, ANYTHING I don't care what I had to do to do my part. I don't EVER want to lose that chemical attraction of lust for her EVER and I usually do for a 5'5 girl at somewhere in the around 135-140 range it seems. I know this could vary a bit as if a girl was pretty lean and muscular she could look good at 135 and 5'5 but she could also be 135 and look like the pillsbury doughgirl too, which is not sexy in any way. The tummy roll just gets to me and affects me a lot at some point, and a big butt, I just can't do it. I feel horrible about it when I feel that, and have really hated myself and beat myself up about it in a past relationship because she was the sweetest girl on earth and deserved someone who could look at her like she was super sexy, but I was struggling with her weight big and time. It made me feel like she didn't give a shit about me enough to lose it or stay in good shape, and when she would just make excuses or try to make me feel bad about it when I wanted to be more active or her to join in more active things, it was a huge turnoff and make me feel even worse. I just desire a girl who is in good shape, but then again, almost every man does, and women need to start paying attention to that and accepting it and becoming more giving in that regard. For men the weight is as much a deciding pressure factor on us as financial security in a man is for them. You know that pressure you feel to have a guy who can provide women? we feel it to have a woman who is sexy, don't make us live without our desire and feel that pressure, all you have to do is eat right and get 4 hours a week of cardio in. Big deal....we have to run a business.
Please lose weight women, be good to your man ;) and we will be equally good if not better to you. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:50:50 PM | Champ,
I had a good chuckle reading ya post. Thin women and heavy women have hang-ups about their body image...and few like sex with the lights on. Personally, I like em on...so I can watch a man get all dorky and make thee funniest faces just prior to the big O.
But being heavy hasn't hindered my sexploits. I may not be gumby, but I can move it well. It's all in how you feel about yourself and the person you are with.
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 104 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:21:24 PM | Champ I think you have every right to feel however you wish to feel or desire what ever it is you want...............you are very clear here..........so here's the tip..........
...........BE VERY CLEAR WITH THE WOMEN YOU DATE.............and make sure they know there are no exceptions and that you will lose attraction for them..........this being said up front is honest and real................and if you find a woman who's health is her #1 priority and do the research and have a look at her family background then you will know if healthy eating is a fad or a true lifestyle............my son is vegan and I think he should certainly only date vegan women as it's a huge part of who he is..........but that's just my thoughts and he can do what he wants.......but he's starting to understand why I said watch how she values food and uses it in her life..........is it a reward..........does she "study" nutrition as a hobby, does she eat without thought?.........alll those factors are so important................and this coming from a fat mom!...........Who knew?
My sisters have a very clear agreement with their spouses...........it involves weight and looking good for each other................my sisters do what ever it takes to stay in the best shape possible...........their spouses, one is mid fifties and still plays soccer, the other is 42 and he works out daily..................that was their agreement, all 4 of them . Many people say, "well what if one of them gets fat are they going to divorce the other....." that is not the issue.........the issue is respect and trust and committment to what they agreed upon.................so they do that..................
I sure as hell wouldn't make that kind of agreement because being the only heavy one in the family.........I have NO idea what weight I will be in a year from now............but they knew that was important to their relationship so they all 4 committed to that. Now I'm smart enough to know, that I better not get involved with a man who hates large women........NOTHING ON ME IS SMALL.........even my eye lashes are fat..........so it only stands to reason that I better find someone who loves me AS IS.............and when I lose the weight............fine.....................and if I don't...............that's fine too!
either way.......total acceptance! Just be honest! | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 106 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:30:10 PM | Dancecard, I'll bet there are plenty of beautiful slender to thin women who couldn't gain weight if they wanted to out there.............the question is...........are you what they want? I happen to think there are plenty of women that you would find attractive standing right under your nose..............but I think it's so bent out of shape with anger that you can't seem to see them clearly................I know a ton(no pun) of "tiny" women who will probably be tiny their whole life...................Start living as though the type of women you dream of are available in ABUNDANCE and when you are ready..............she will appear................I mean, what have you got to lose, except some negative vibes. And just think, the journey sure as hell has to be better than feeling sorry for yourself..............I can understand how you must be frustrated but try and understand............they aren't doing this TO YOU..........or getting fat to make you mad...........it's about them................so release THAT anger and move on to the the naturally thin ladies who will be happy someone isn't trying to fatten them up.
The very best to you,
Diva | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:43:33 AM | Hey Diva, I like the fact that you have so many oppions but never seem to be pushy about it... No I have a question for you... I had been with a man for a couple yrs and I was the same size when we met as to when we broke up... He always told me how beautiful he thought I was and loved me for who I was... Not by size alone... But I never really felt like he ment it... Is It just me or do you think he really did... I usally don't have a problem with my weight... I've been a Big Girl my whole life... I have never once known what it was like to be skinny and I'm a very active girl.... I ride my bike everywhere I can... Walk like 3 miles a day... and try to eat healthy but I'm still Big and still Proud... What do you suggest I do...?
Mighty | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:16:27 AM | There is nothing wrong with having your own preferance when it comes to being serious about a relationship...why start off with someone u know later on in life there will be a problem
I think I know now what my preferance is, and who knows , when i meet that guy I could possibly be ...
I'll have to wait and see... | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 109 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:39:36 AM | You must have me mixed up with someone else................I'm so pushy I cringe sometimes when I re-read some of the stuff I write. I try to tone it down because in here, there is no benefit of inflection or intonation.......sooooo I come off a bit harsh........but I really don't mean to be........it's more of I don't know how to sugar coat.............
You judged your boyfriend everytime he said he loved you because you never allowed yourself to believe it. So you judged him by the same measure YOU judge yourself.........when you REALLY love who you are..............you will just EXPECT everyone else to love you too............actually, you'll be shocked when they don't.................and this isn't size specific honey...........every person has to come to terms with WHO THEY ARE.........every person............ask them, there is something we all have to learn to love about ourselves and some of us just die trying..............
I know a bit about your situation because after my divorce..........I met the most wonderful man........I couldn't let him love me..............as I certainly didn't love myself.............and I pushed and pushed.........and he stayed and stayed...........until I just pushed and closed the door........................2 years of HELL for that man.................he swears it wasn't...........but god I'd have strangled me if I was him..................I will always love him for being THERE with me..........and THERE was an interesting place.
I learned a lot about ME. Listen and learn why you do what you do. watch yourself. It won't matter if he loves you more than life it self IF you aren't ready or willing to be loved. So don't involve ANYONE else into your life until you are "sh1t-free". You will make a man jump threw hoops to prove his love and there is NOTHING he can ever do enough of to prove it when you think you are not ENOUGH.........know this....
.........................YOU ARE!
Accept who you are completely....and unreservedly and when you do........you will accept others as well! That means accepting your gifts as well as your weaknesses, for together, they make you WHOLE!
My suggestion:
You have to KNOW that you are not here by mistake. That never before in the history of time has there been another YOU........nor will there ever be another you in the years to follow...............you are no mistake.................you have a purpose............how long you are here is not your business but treat everyday as your last...................treat each person as a new adventure............even the ones who mean you harm....................enjoy the lesson...........GET THE LESSON............own your mistakes and your accomplishments(that's a hard one) and take FULL responsibility for the things you do and who and what you are! no excuses..........if you phuck up..........admit it, apologize and make it right.........................BUT ABOVE ALL..........
.......................................BE GRATEFUL..........................................
every day...........all day long........................for everything.................
never can you be miserable and grateful at the same time............can't happen!
In this life pain is required.....................suffering is optional........so in your gratitude let me leave you with this........a saying I learned long ago....
"Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
Today is a gift.........that's why we call it the PRESENT....."
.............open each day up and enjoy it.................the rest will follow!
Live in gratitude and watch your life fill with grateful pleasure!
Now I'm exhausted, I feel like I've given and two hour talk. I meant every word. You seemed sincere and I've been there so I truly feel you. Some may not like my approach or advice but it works for me.........and you did ask........and I think it's on topic in a nonjudmental kinda way.
Peace n Wholeness,
Diva | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 111 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:50:43 AM | Lass I will mark that with the HIGHEST of compliments I've received in ages.......
I do know my shyte...........and I mean that as in.........I've done enough shyte to KNOW it when I see it.
Yes I agree I'm a piece of "work" and not for the faint of heart...........I wish it wasn't so, but it is! | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 6:29:21 PM | | Lots of reality here! Reality is a hard thing to face or find for that matter. Many have addresses this subject most eloquently, with respect and candor. ~ My sincere respects to thoses that have contributed, even to Diva64, that suggested that slim women might not prefer the likes of myself and choose to run off so that I don't know that they might even exist. Or that I might be angry about something. ~ Maybe they are! How would I know, if I rarly see any? Perhaps she's right! How do you clear out a mall? I still hold firm to my statement. ~ height, weight proportion really gets scrambled as the years click by and way too premature for many. ~ dar | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:17:07 PM | Ya i kinda used to feel bad about only liking skinny/slender women. But then I found out that ALOT of women only like tall guys. I thought to myself: At least a persons weight can be can be controlled, it may be very difficult but it can be done, but height is something you can't change and i used to think women were very shallow for this.
But now i know to each their own. If your simply not attracted then your not attracted. Just don't go and rub it in peoples faces when your not attracted to them. Be nice and polite cause some of these people could be your friends. | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 115 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:28:04 PM | Dancecard, I think I explained that poorly. Please forgive me. Yes, I do think you are a bit anger (I'm sure you know this already) that you feel too many of us have let ourselves go to hell in a hand basket(ha, I'm just paraphrasing)..........as for women not preferring you, that is not what I meant! I do not think that is the case at all here is what I meant; sometimes we are just not the match for the person who has our interest and that doesn't make us bad or them wrong...........just NOT the match.
Certainly didn't mean to imply all thin women or even most are not likely to want you ................but remember all you need is ONE.
However I do think you will draw a lot more women if you keep a positive outlook. You will draw like kind..........ya know that whole "water seeks it own level" kinda thing......
Let me say this.....
You have already told me what you think about your situation.........
How does it make you feel..........?
Now let me ask you how do you ACT when you feel this way?
NOW GET THIS.........how likely are you to attract ANYONE when you act this way??
NOT LIKELY HUH?
SO change the way you think...............know that there is an abundance of whatever it is you desire.........and feel confident and excited and grateful that you are WELL, a good man, and a giving soul and then GO LIVE THIS...........
How many do you think you will attract with this attitude......??
Truth: You may never find that ONE woman you are after but then again, you very well may and either way, life with that attitude has to be much more worth the living!
Diva
p.s. I feel you on the height thing(post above this)..........I mean that is something you have absolutely NO control over and I really do have COMPLETE control over my weight............trust me, it's a control issue for me so I KNOW THIS..............But I promise you there are sooooo damn many women who love men of ANY size that the ones who don't can just be checked off so move on to finding the one for you. plus you're cute as hell! Have fun and get ready..........some sexy women who likes men of all heigths wants to be loved by a guy just like you.
Okay so now you know what moves my heart! I really wish people understood how fabulously unique t& wonderful they ARE! | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:49:02 PM | that was honesty without excuses and prejudice
that would make you NOT an a-sshole
that is actually pretty sexy
we are all survivors of our biology and sociology and we like who we like
we all deserve to be with the partner who gazes upon us like we are absolutely the hottest being they have ever laid eyes on
happy fishing for your skinny hottie when you jump back in the pool | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:31:06 AM | | Diva, I just wanted to say thank you very much for your insight to my problem... I guess I will just have to work harder in knowning who I am and Be happy ALL the way around... Its going to be tough going but I have a feeling I can do it and when I get there... Men look out .... Because I am going to be on the hunt....lol... | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:41:50 AM | Hi....I just found out recently I love men with some chub and most definate hairy...skinny hairless???ew..its the pref...Im a bbw gawd i hate that term.....but i dont like big sloppy fat men...but skinny eww hate them bones..... | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:12:15 AM | And another thing...........
this is the thread where I'm going BALLS TO THE WALLS all out on my soap box and my beliefs........
what is up with this focus on the negative?? Why are some of us so fixated on THAT WHICH WE DON"T WANT??? STOP IT NOW!!!
Any Nascar fans?? Well when your guy is out there and he goes into a spin........what do you think he focuses on?? He is a trained race car driver............and it's A FACT........he must focus his attention on where he wants to go..........If he focuses on the wall.........then he's going into the wall.....................he knows it is paramount that he keep his focus on the direction he wants to go...........
WHY?
Life session:........you go where your attention is.........what you think about, you bring about! PERIOD!
You got certain women/men contacting you all the time........stop focusing on those type of men/women.............make your profile reflect what it is YOU DO WANT........make it PLAIN..............I mean.......be real SPECIFIC about what you want..............stop trying to be vague so that you don't "miss" anyone..........ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!!!
I see so many people talking about: skinny girls..... yuck.....and fat guys.....yuck......I hate men with....... and I hate women who............how bout FOCUS on what it is you do like...........no need to slam or bash people you aren't interested in, don't you know EVERYONE is reading you and nothing is MORE unattractive than your nasty remarks about another..............no healthy sane person is reading crap like this...."I hate skinny chicks, those bones make me wanna puke and I wish those skeletal sticks would quit contacting me...." and thinking........"yippie, he hates thin girls so maybe he'll give me(a chubby girl) a shot".........YA THINK? I said NO ONE healthy would take that as an invitation. That kind of ranting should be viewed as a WARNING!
Okay, I think I'm finished, thank you for letting me vent!
Diva | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 12:49:03 PM | | well for some of us, it is medical man, I have PCOS polycystic ovarain syndrome and it keeps me fat. The only control i have is to exercise like crazy and it dont always help. I was born to be alone and fat. Dont feel bad, man, it is just nature. No one wants to pass fat genes on to their future offspring. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:08:34 PM | I don't. A person's life-stye is a choice and it's reflected in their appearance. A person who is honestly working on themselves will show signs of change that the ones that aren't or like making excuses will not.
The ones that have honest medical problems are few and far between. Usually it's a self deception. | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 122 | |
| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:13:37 PM | goodbye girl.............you are depressing the phuck out of me...............you seem to like going to all the threads I've been in and saying the same thing.......WHAT IS IT YOU WANT????
do you like the way you are?? IF NOT...........change what you can or hush! There are others here with your same issues but they are not playing the "poor o me" card. you have another dis- ease that needs addressing and that is somewhere along the way you stopped knowing your worth.
YOU are not lacking anything..............so stop playing small........it does not serve the world!!
who in the hell do you think is going to come after you with an attitude like that??
I could see if you were butt ugly with elephantitis ...........but you are a pretty girl..........however, your attitude is DAMN UGLY............
DO YOU WANT MORE IN LIFE...............then go make it happen........
the most successful ad campaign in the history of advertising..........and it had nothing to do with shoes and had everything to do with LIFE......
JUST DO IT................
nothing will change until you are sick and tired of being SICK AND TIRED!!!
if you think fat means you will be alone,............then guess what.........YOU WILL BE ALONE!
there are too many big girls on here having a ball for you to USE THAT SHYTE AS AN EXCUSE...........
so get off the cross somebody else needs the wood................
YOU ARE ENOUGH...........and until you believe this...........nothing else matters!
Get yourself together before you try and mix some man up and invite him into your pity party..............NOT FAIR...............
Counseling might be a 2nd great step............
1st step................knowing you need help! | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 3:03:57 PM | | Well we all have preferences but sometimes it's ok to look past "set standards" and see what else we may find and never have looked for. I generally like bigger women or athletic/strong women (quite the opposite of the OP)..height doesn't matter to me. I just like curves. However, I wouldn't totally shoot down someone who had a lot to offer, had some chemistry, etc just because she was on the smaller or thinner side. I actually think some slim women are pretty, have nice faces, but I don'f find the bony look very attractive. Still I hate to rule anyone or anything out just based on that. Everyone is entitled to preferences though. It's a big world. | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 3:13:42 PM | Goodbyegirl, apparently you're one of many here with PCOS, including me, and I understand only too well how you feel, as it's not just weight we deal with but many other symptoms that can make you feel ugly.
But, as someone who deals with women with PCOS on a daily basis AND the men who love them, you need to realize that beauty comes from within and you can radiate a certain beauty even if you're not beautiful.
You can make subtle changes to make yourself feel better. So what if you're fat? So am I! Don't apologize for it, don't complain about it. Learn to live with it and do the best you can with what you have! | |
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| I feel bad when I judge people on their weight..
Posted: 8/5/2007 3:47:57 PM | This type of thread always gets me. Who cares if your short or fat or anything else. Why do you have to tell folks your not attracted to it. Choose the one's your attracted to and leave the rest alone. There needs to be a thread why do you feel the need to let folks know what attracts you. | |
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