| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 6:02:40 PM | I'm a C-5 Quad with a little bit of C6 sparing on my right side, but not quite enough to use my hand properly. As far as why I can't drive, I'm just incapable of getting into my van by myself and I can't afford to get the driving controls that I would need to be able to drive. I'm currently pushing a manual chair but will be switching to a power chair later this Summer when I start school up so that I can be more independent in getting around the university.
I'm not really in a huge hurry to have sex, but a cuddling and kissing partner would be great (putting lipstick on my hand just doesn't do it anymore, and I feel weird never having an answer for when people ask me who gave me that hickey). And for what I can't use and control below my waistline, I'm sure I make up for in other places. In all but two times that I've asked to go out on a date, I've been rejected. And I never know what to put what I'm contacting someone threw a dating site. Maybe someone can give me some pointers on that. If you have any great ideas, or even just okay ideas, let me know.
(This is what I want to happen: ) | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/20/2007 6:43:39 PM | As far as what should go in your profile, do what you're comfortable with. Look at my profile as an idea. Personally, I'm more comfortable letting people know I'm all cripply before they contact me. Then there is no awkwardness when it's brought up later.
I'm close to you in injury. I broke my spine 5 places and nothing else. I done good.
The only other thing I'd say is don't let your chair define you. Other people will put you automatically in a category of "disabled." Do your best to put that in the back of their minds, not the front. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:15:15 AM | You have a great look on life.. and your profile is too funny. Best laugh I had all week. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 11:16:30 AM | | Yes I always put that up front. Think it makes it better, so they know your being honest.They will still have many questions.But if your open and they're interested it's a good start. Hang in there, i've been shot down lots of times. Power chair really is great for getting out and around.Was in a maunal one for 9 years, b4 getting power one.Still try not to stay in pwrchair all the time. It will mae you loose strength. Have a friend like that, although he had more movement than me. He is very weak now | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:13:31 PM | If people cant see beyond the wheelcahir then they are not the kind of people you should want to be with .
You are an attractive man with what seems like alot to offer the opposite sex. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:32:36 PM | | I actually fell in love with someone in a wheelchair. It didn't work out because I was too late to act on my feelings for him and he found himself a wonderful woman. We are best friends to this day. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 2:46:45 PM | Are there ways you can learn to be more independant? Or is it the type of injury that you have?
I believe it will be more difficult for you to find what you are looking for, if you need someone to take care of you.
I have dated a handicapped person, so I am speaking from experience. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 5/21/2007 3:57:17 PM |
Are there ways you can learn to be more independant? Or is it the type of injury that you have?
Unfortunately due to the level of my injury I do need caregivers to help me get out of bed and help me with some daily living activities. I really don't have any finger dexterity, except for a little bit of grasp on my right hand which isn't very effective unless something is sized just right, and I just don't have enough function to transfer myself (except for when it comes to laying down on the floor, or the asphalt outside. I got a cool scar from not one, 110° outside, who knows how hot the asphalt was). Those are my limitations, but I try to keep those private when I meet people, although the last girl I dated had no problem with getting me out of bed and going out. I messed it up with her because I went on a medication that, to put it bluntly, made me a****and extremely forgetful, but I'm no longer on the medication. But it happened again today where I had a great conversation with a girl and I was making her laugh, but I didn't have the guts to ask her out. I guess I just have to get over that and start doing it. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 1:16:39 AM | I think humor is definitely our best asset! I've been in a chair since I was 10 from an unknown muscular condition like MD. Without humor, damn, I'd hate to think what life would be like.
I've just found accepting me for me and knowing I have a lot of great things to offer someone else helps immensely. Being honest, funny, and self-accepting are the first steps to letting others see who we really are!
I hope everything is going well for you! | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 1:43:12 AM | I hope you won't see this as condescending, but I just wanted to say that I really admire the attitude of a lot of people in this form toward their difficulties...
Martin. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 4:23:15 PM | | My favorite topic here , I dig disabled men : I am on the " Dateable " website since 2001 : I met alot of disabled good friend's on there : I was hoping we had some disabled forum's on POF , that would be so kool : | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:36:51 PM | I think a forum should be opened for us too. I don't hear much about dating or marriage success stories involving the disabled, also dating tips, resources, etc. I know the info is out there, as I have found some. It just would be nice to have a place here! Not everyone with a disability would need it, but it'd be helpful for those that may be inexperienced! | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:53:40 PM | | There was a movie Friday the 13th Part 2 and there was a camp councillor who was in a wheelchair and he was attracting this woman camp councillor so he was doing quite well (actually she was pursuing him!). I know it is just a movie but I know youwill find a woman out there just keep working at it. I have a few problems that I am dealing with and I get looked down on by most women in my city but I am finding the true genuine women that do actually try to chat with me which I like. You'll be fine. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:39:42 PM | The main problem is that I'm barely independent and I need help with many things and I'm not very comfortable burdening people with those kind of requests, especially not a date.
OP - first of all, how you view your situation is going to majorly impact on how you are received. Secondly, sounds like there's a little bit of fear factor here and that's understandable. There are plenty of good women out there that will not see your situation as a determination of your value as a person. It's starts with you though. It's not a matter of not being able to build up the courage - it's a matter of pushing through the wall of fear.
It's hard to do that and it's very uncomfortable pushing through that fear. Expect that you are going to encounter situations where things just don't go as well. But keep pushing through that fear anyway.
Attitude is everything. I actually did date a man once in a wheelchair (quadraplegic) and his attitude (very negative person, not to mention extremely verbally abusive) is what killed the relationship - not his chair and not his needs.
Focus more on what is right about you (you build on that), and less on what is not right about you.
Every one of us experiences fear and disappointment when it comes to dating and relationships. Doesn't matter what our specific challenges are - we all experience that. As for your concern about independence, the right woman is out there - but you will probably have to kiss a few frogettes to find her. It's all part of the journey.
EDIT: OP - just read your other posts here and perhaps this will encourage you on the independence factor. The aforementioned BF was also a C5 complete injury and incomplete at C4. Limited use of arms and minimal dexterity. In the first decade after his injury, like you - he needed assistance transferring. By the time I came to know him, he was actually transferring independently. There's a trick to it actually. He went to another rehab program in Orlando I think that taught him how about 10 years post injury. So don't be discouraged in that aspect...ok?
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:23:03 PM | | Alot of people say they would be okay with it but when faced with the situation will change their minds. I have had to deal with taking care of my mother for the last 9 years and it truly is a life changing experience. I would hope that if the situation were to present itself to me I could look past it. I would be open to dating someone in a wheelchair though. You do have a great sense of humor.......loved your profile.....you just be a little more brave and go after someone if you want them. You have just as much chance at love as anyone else on here. Good luck to you sir! | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex MY TAKE
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:39:57 PM | I just wanted to say that I feel you on your having a hard time dating. I am not disabled, but I have a son who is disabled. If people really think its that big of a deal, chances are it always will be to them. It's only a big deal if they make it one. You shouldn't have to remind people that you are human and that there isn't only one way of doing things. Not to mention, you didn't ask this to happen to you. I get so irritated with people who are ignorant. There is public transportation and almost all places have ramps now. Also, just because someone might enjoy doing stuff that you can't do doesn't mean that you are going to stop them from going with their friends. My ex liked to play cards and I didn't , I like to run and he didn't. It is healthy to have seperate interests in relationships anyways. You kinda have it built in as a given :)
People don't stop to think that anyone at any time can have anything happen to them that would change their life forever in an instant. I had that happen to me when I was 17. Most people will never know what it's like to have a seriously LIFE changing, FOREVER thing happen in their life.
Unfortunatly some people think of a disability as a weakness instead of something that gives you more strength .HOWEVER, There are some people who are smart enough to know that sometimes our disabilities are what give us are other abilities and make us stronger. I know its hard but think of it as a way to weed out the people who aren't compatible with you anyways.
ALSO, there are plenty of other ways to get a girl off besides having sexual intercourse. Maybe some of these girls just haven't had much experience.
My son was born 3 1/2 months early. He is completely blind. He has two brain abnormalities. He can not talk. He is still in diapers. And he is completely tube fed because he lost his ability to suck and swallow after having some really bad seizures ( infantile spasams) when he was a year old. From the time from 1 to 2 years old he had about 10 seizures a day that lasted about 20 mins each. He just learned to walk about a year ago, but doesn't have a good sence of direction and falls a lot. He is not capable of following directions or simple comands because he does not understand words. He does however love to be tickled and laughs a lot and crys just like you or I. It is very hard for anyone to accept this and want to date me or continue onto a serious relationship. He is six years old. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex MY TAKE
Posted: 7/16/2007 3:17:11 AM |
People don't stop to think that anyone at any time can have anything happen to them that would change their life forever in an instant. I had that happen to me when I was 17. Most people will never know what it's like to have a seriously LIFE changing, FOREVER thing happen in their life.
Realdeal was right on with this. I was 28 when my life was changed forever - traumatic brain injury in my case. I was a hare's breath from being in your situation - literally.
HOWEVER, There are some people who are smart enough to know that sometimes our disabilities are what give us are other abilities and make us stronger.
These are the people you want to surround yourself with - the people who see you, not your chair. As one poster said in an earlier post, your chair doesn't define you. You define you.
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:38:30 AM | rybread77,
I read your post, then immediately went to your profile to learn more. You are, just like you say, VERY FUNNY. I wanted to send you an e-mail to share all sorts of warm fuzzies with you but you have me blocked as I do not fit your age/hair color/shoe size/city/ parameters - or some other criteria.
THIS is the reason I'm posting here. I'm in a relationship, so I'm not trying to hit on you, but what if I were available? And what if I was the PERFECT woman for you? You would never know, because you have too many obstacles in the way.
The right woman for you could live 1 mile outside your radius. Or she could be 6 months younger or older than your age settings.
OPEN YOU EYES and your preference settings my friend and you'll be able to communicate with a LOT more women (and men) and then the possibilities are endless.
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:31:56 AM | Hi to OP (rybread).
Don't ya just hate it when someone comes on here and says "hey, you could go hang around other people with handicaps, you'll find a date there maybe, or more understanding", (or words to that effect)?
*pause while I go fix some coffee*
ok, back. (bet no one even missed me, LOL!)
Anyway, I am sure they mean well when they say stuff like that. Or I guess they do.
Forewarning about this site: Many many many people see all these numbers of 'single' people, get all excited about all these 'prospects', and just skim and scoot right over profiles that they flick off quickly for even little reasons.
Now you, my friend, have a fairly big reason for people to just skim over your profile on their way to other pastures. *GASP*... a wheelchair! Oh my goodness.. what if this... what if that.... I want to do this or that.... and come on now, a wheelchair???? You've got to be kidding.  What are They doing here?
(giggle, right now this "they" is sipping on some really good coffee!!!)
So on their way to finding their idea of Ms/Mr Perfect, we are usually skimmed over, on a dating site. See, they haven't met us yet.. haven't met our personalities.
I've always stated, even before my accident, that the most special wonderful person who can love you and fly in your love also... just might have a purple head and one arm, and you might miss out on them if you turn away!! (Words to that effect. We could make it no legs or blind or just about anything anyone wants to stick in there). 
I get out and about all the time.. I drive.. I do many things... so some day I might meet someone "out there" who falls for me in a special great way. Ouch! I better keep bandaids on hand if someone is going to fall, (dang, that's the mother instinct coming out, LOL). I'm not really looking for someone, though. God will tend to that detail if it's to be. Yet, the fact remains... when I'm "out there", people can see my personality.
And when YOU are out there, people get to see your personality!! Go and shine!
On here, well, on here... all I can say is send out lots of "hi, just looking for a friend, don't panic" emails (LOL) and maybe you will get to meet someone ... and maybe the friendship will grow deeper.......... and deeper........... and deeper! How cool that would be!
In the meanwhile, get out as much as you can and get brave!!!!
Go ahead and ask someone out... a casual, "would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow?", might be the key.
I KNOW what you mean by needing courage. Take a deep breath and do it, giggle.
If she says she can't, or whatever, well hey... you've done it! The next time will be easier! 
As for the sex.... I can do it, I feel touch, I can give, etc. etc. etc.... in fact I can be down right sexy sometimes...
But hey, I haven't had it in a long while either!!!!!!! 
As for the "I clam up and not say anything"...
Ok, close your eyes ....opps you can't while reading this.. well then, just FEEL this...
Feel my chair whamming into yours and hear me saying to you,
"JUST DO IT".
~~Robin | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:55:05 AM | Hi,
I have posted on this topic before and myself being a C5-C6 quad for the last 23 years have to say in my experience it's all about attitude...how you carry yourself (a wheelchair I know) lol. But really I have found that my attitude and perception of myself directly effects the way others see me.
Is it harder to find a date..maybe, however the dates I have found are of a very high quality and if they don't end in romance they absolutely end as friends which is very cool.
I was told back when I sustained my injury I would never do a lot of things...well with determination and also being stubborn as hell I have done more than the so called experts ever thought I would...Like drive, transfer, work (same place for 16 years), boat, fish, swim, etc....I feel where there's a will there's a way and rarely let something and never let someone tell me "I can't" .
Ok that's my opinion and I'm sticking with it...I hope some of it helps... | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:28:45 PM | Ok peoples, it's RANT TIME!!!
Ok, I am a paraplegic who now uses an electric chair to get around about 90% of the time. The rest of the time I use a manual. I have to tell ya: the guys around me are absolutely stupid, blind, shallow and in need of EDUCATION. I was born with spina bifida but am only numb from the knees down. I have complete feeling everywhere else. I do go out with friends, male and female, however, dating has been...kinda dry. I've had only 3 boyfriends and few dates have gone past one day. I have explored a bit (you know what I mean lol), but haven't hit a home run yet. Seems guys are just too scared to go all the way. If only I found a guy who was not afraid to date me and explore as well. Therefore, yes, intimacy is VERY hard if you have a disability. It just takes killing off the pigs before you get gold.
PS. I have decided to always be upfront to guys on here about my disability. If they don't want to deal with it, then they can go home. If they can deal with it, then they can go home with me. If you're honest about your disability from the start, you will start to notice the pigs from the good ones. Good luck my fellow chair users!
This was a pick up line I thought of and it worked. "I give free lap rides!" Usually, guys took it as sexual (hehe perhaps), but then I explained and they happily received. Many of my friends have received them.
Also, because I'm kinda lazy and not in the best of shape, guys seem to be turned off. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:10:02 PM | A really really long time ago, I dated a guy. Six months into our relationship, he was shot in a hold-up. (partial para, C3-4)
I liked him before it happened. But I didn't fall in love with him until I witnessed the strength and dignity and resolve with which he faced this injury that changed his whole existence. Because the thing is, it didn't change him.
We were married a year and a half later.
He was, and probably always will be, the sexiest man I've ever been with. His feeling "down there" was diminished, but as one poster mentioned, his upper-body sensitivity was heightened. I never knew how sexy the inside of an elbow or that spot right where the chest muscle meets the shoulder can be... We were extremely creative and resourceful in our lovemaking. We used the pump and toys and dear GOD that thing he used to do with his tongue...
For many years I considered myself the luckiest woman on the planet, for many, many reasons.
Fifteen years and three kids later, we went our seperate ways. The chair had nothing to do with it. If a woman won't date you because you're in a chair, then she's not worth the time it takes to give her a second thought.
*stepping off my pedestal*
Okay, one thought that came to mind- and I'm thinking about the first few dates/ mobility thing here. How about double-dating? Helping out with getting a chair out of the trunk, transferring, stairs, that kind of stuff shouldn't be a problem for any woman, but I can see how it would be uncomfortable for you both to do this before you've even gotten to know each other. So do you have any friends that would go out with you? Places like street fairs and farmer's markets could be ideal for this kind of thing. Have your friend there to help out with the "heavy lifting" and then the two couples could go their seperate ways. Just a thought.
OP, you are smart and funny and good looking. TAKE A CHANCE. And if that doesn't work, TAKE ANOTHER CHANCE. She's out there. But you won't be able to rock her world until you ask her out. | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 8/15/2007 1:01:10 PM | I once dated one of the sexiest men i've met who was a parapalegic, it was a long distance relationship..with a few flights back and forth to see each other. It didn't work out..but we still stay in touch. My experience was that he had lost sensation from the waste down....but gained it in his other senses. Absolutely one of the best kissers i've ever had.........um..and then some. ;)
He was extremely confident though....never felt like he wasn't capable of much. He also did research on medications to allow him to have sex with the least amount of side effects. There are women out there that can see past the disability and look into the heart, then they can be creative to satisfy both of you! Don't give up.......it takes everyone time to find the "right one"...wheelchair or not! | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:51:46 PM | Yeah i am also in a wheelchair. I miss being in a relationship, but that is because i love connection. Ha ha buy a puppy when ever i go out it seems to work for me. I find i am meeting older women. well i am 19 and the women i am meeting are around 25. i think this is because that is when they decide it is ok to open up to different types of people. My sense of humor help out alot and my amazing charm haha. Hang in there bud... | |
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| Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 8/26/2008 3:07:52 AM | | I have said if before and I'll say it again................if I am attracted to a guy and get to know him and develop feelings for him, then no wheelchairs (or medications) are going to get in my way. On the other hand if the attraction isn't there I can't pretend it is, just like it would be with any other guy. | |
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