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| | Asperger's SyndromePage 3 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | | Personally, I hate having Asperger's. I don't like being lonely, but I don't like being around most people. My problem is simply that I don't meet people. Having Asperger's means I put things and information on a higher level of priority than people. I can't help it, that's just how my brain works. Therefore, it makes it very hard for me to meet people or make small talk with a person to get to know them. Unless there's something contextually interesting worth talking about, I keep quiet. A lot of people think I'm shy because of this, but I'm definitely not shy. I just don't know what to say as small talk is pretty much torture for me. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/24/2009 2:01:47 AM | Aspergers(not autisum) isn't real, it comes from inexperience in social interaction, perhaps when the person is shy when they are young they don't learn how to interact like an average person. You can heal yourself from aspergers by realizing and changing the aspects that make you awkward and getting confidence by being in and getting experience in social situations that make you uncomfortable.
Trust me I know, my words have more meaning behind them than you think...
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:23:45 AM | | So are you saying that Asperger Syndrome results from not socializing a lot during Elementary and Middle-School years? I will admit, I was more of a hardcore loner back in Elementary and Middle-School, way more quiet, so it all comes down to how early the person starting socializing? | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:36:13 AM | | I seriously hate the gender role in our society that it is expected for the guy, or man to take the initiative when it comes to romance, dating and relationships, like the guy making the first move and asking the girl out, initiating all the conversations and keeping them going, because having Asperger Syndrome makes it a mental handicap, it's not really a matter of being shy, scared or lacking a pair of balls, it's just simply not knowing what to say and when to say it!!! | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:05:57 PM |
Aspergers(not autisum) isn't real, it comes from inexperience in social interaction, perhaps when the person is shy when they are young they don't learn how to interact like an average person. You can heal yourself from aspergers by realizing and changing the aspects that make you awkward and getting confidence by being in and getting experience in social situations that make you uncomfortable.
Trust me I know, my words have more meaning behind them than you think...
You're under the mistaken assumption that Aspergers is only a matter of of socializing. How does one "heal" their heightened sensibilities? How does one stop having "special" interests? I've done lots of socializing, I'm not shy, but I still don't talk to people 'just because'. I pretty much only talk if I need to request information of some sort from a person or provide it. If I'm at a party and there's a hot girl there, I probably won't say anything to her. It's not because I'm shy, but rather because there usually isn't anything contextually interesting worth talking about. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:58:09 PM | Okay, My daughter has Asberger's and I do not. Here are my scores. I have thought I had certain traits of Asberger's but this blew my mind.
Agree: 2,5,6,9,12,13,16,18,19,22,35,39,41,42,43,45,46: 1 point
Disagree: 1,8,10,11,17,24,25,27,28,29,30,31,32,34,36,37,38,40,44,47,48,49,50: 1 point
Score: 40
She is taking the test now and her husband is our control group. I'll post their scores below.
Son in law scored - 24
Daughter does not want to take the test... (OOH changes her mind the last second.)
Daughter scored - 20
Okay, I just lost all respect for the test. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:21:38 PM | | Women with Asperger Syndrome have it easier than Men do. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:40:28 AM | Why would you think that women have it any easier? Do you have any theory to back up that claim, or is it simply that women have it easier in this (male dominated) world, just because you say so?
Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas. So the reverse would stand to reason. I work far below my skill level and ability because female Accountants (and such) are more easily accepted in the workplace.
In regards to the test - I do not think the results indicate that I have Autism. I think it is relative to my field and my talents. I remember long strings of numerical information; always have. I find patterns where others do not see any. I have a unique view of the world. Am I Autistic? Not at all, I'm just an extreme geek. lol.
My father was a Cryptologist in the Navy. He solved puzzles for a living. I am his daughter. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:36:53 PM | | The reason why Men with Asperger Syndrome have it harder than Women with Asperger Syndrome do is because it is always the Man that has to be the one to initiate the Date and Relationship, the Man always makes the first move and asks the Woman out, and since he has Asperger Syndrome, that makes me and other Men socially clumsy and awkward in the Courtship process. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 61 | |
| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:58:12 AM |
Personally, I hate having Asperger's. I don't like being lonely, but I don't like being around most people. My problem is simply that I don't meet people. Having Asperger's means I put things and information on a higher level of priority than people. I can't help it, that's just how my brain works. Therefore, it makes it very hard for me to meet people or make small talk with a person to get to know them. Unless there's something contextually interesting worth talking about, I keep quiet. A lot of people think I'm shy because of this, but I'm definitely not shy. I just don't know what to say as small talk is pretty much torture for me.
I can identify with everything you said, especially the part about people perceiving me as shy. I am usually quiet out of a lack of commonality, not a fear of people. When I hear guys having their 'guy talk' about the Superbowl or their sex lives, the significance of the discussions just doesn't register in my mind. And I know that if I talk about my interests they'll find me to be boring or painfully pedantic. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 62 | |
| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/1/2009 9:15:33 AM |
Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas.
I have to disagree with this. To my knowledge there is no solid correlation between mathematical/scientific excellence and Asperger's. What I believe is that the skills of those who show promise in those areas are enhanced (beyond those of their peers) by the intense focus which characterizes people with AS. I could be wrong though, and I'll gladly admit to being wrong if you can provide me with some verifiable information. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:47:54 PM | | Males with Asperger Syndrome have it harder than Females with Asperger Syndrome since the Status Quo in our Society and Culture, it's the Social norm that us Men have to initiate everything with Women, unfortuneately, I'm just speaking the Truth. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:06:41 PM | Having Aspergers I speak from personal experience and I lost count of the number of male and female aspies I work with. As well as aspie friends and family who work in the high tech industry from Apple, HP, Sun Micro, Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, various labs, Lawrence Livermore National Labs and Sandia. As well as authors, artists, lawyers, medical personnel.
My late husband (a chemical engineer) like myself was a high functioning aspie and we were married decades. And I know a few aspie males from our son Dungeons and Dragon and SCA groups who are aspie and happily married. Much depends on where one lives and the number of other aspies in the area, which is much higher in university and high tech areas of the country.The thing about Aspergers is there are many variables, so one person may be closer to autistic and another person will be high functioning Aspergers and the problems they deal with may be lights, sounds, being in crowds or even small gatherings because of the over stimulation of the senses.
And in this day and age, even Aspie women ask men out. Usually because they sense something familiar about the man per his interests.
~Beth~ | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 65 | |
| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/4/2009 12:13:04 PM | | Boys/men are three to four times more likely to have Asperger's than girls/women, so naturally, there's always going to be a larger percentage of men suffering. But even if we subtract Asperger's from the equation, men will still have a tougher time dating in general. C'est la vie. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/4/2009 1:54:26 PM | RE Msg: 59 by aspiring_angel:
Why would you think that women have it any easier? Do you have any theory to back up that claim, or is it simply that women have it easier in this (male dominated) world, just because you say so? Studies have shown that that men are most likely to find a relationship if they are outgoing, and women are most likely to find a relationship if they are agreeable, even if they are not outgoing. Aspies in general are agreeable to things, when presented any reason to do so. Aspies are also known to be far less outgoing in general, living far more in their inner world, and in general, to be poor at approaching others and presenting reasons to engage in future social interactions. That results in aspies being far more likely to end up in a relationship if they are women, and far less likely if they are men. The only exception might be an aspie woman who has worked out a logical reason to conclude that she's always better off not dating, in which case, she's far less likely to find a relationship, because she refuses to accept any date, no matter what.
Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas. So the reverse would stand to reason. I work far below my skill level and ability because female Accountants (and such) are more easily accepted in the workplace. In the workplace, that can make it much easier for women aspies. Aspies tend to be socially inept, but equally, far less aware of what is going on socially as well, and generally don't display cruel or manipulative behaviour. A male aspie who displays incredible math and science skills is likely to be thought of by his male colleagues as seriously out-performing them, and thus becomes a serious threat when promotions come up. In the workplace, it's often more common to use social insults and disparaging comments to give the boss the impression that he cannot handle the management skills required for the greater promotion. So he's a serious threat for a promotion, and therefore, greater insults can be expected. As he usually lacks guile, it's normally obvious that he cannot handle the insults, and usually cannot return them, making it clear that using such insults is an excellent way of removing him from the running. The boss might feel it's wrong to do so. But he cannot deny that geater promotion does require greater management skills, and that if the male aspie isn't capable of management, then he is totally wrong to be promoted. However, his skill cannot be denied, and is highly useful. Thus, it's very common that male aspies are often passed over for promotions, and end up being handed the difficult tasks by his new supervisor, who was formerly his colleague, or often, his underling.
It's just a simple fact that the higher up you go in any business, the more social skills are required. Aspies don't have them, and that leaves them on the lower levels, or shunted into a very technical area, but still where they are subject to other far less capable people but who have better social skills, and that means just about anyone who isn't an aspie.
However, women are seen as being emotionally more sensitive, but generally less smart in maths and science than men. Thus, a woman aspie who displays incredible math and science skills, will be more likely to be seen as having skills far above the average assumed for women, and therefore being up to the level generally assumed for males, but without being seen as superior to men, and so not seen as a clear threat to promotion, but a competitor. As they are seen as more emotionally sensitive, and now, the law protects them from any form of harassment in case it is a hidden form of sexual harassment, companies won't allow for anyone insulting women aspies any more than any other women. They are expected to compete on ability alone, and they have that in spades. There is also the problem of management skills. But as women are normally expected to have great social skills, and this is extremely encouraged in women, women aspies are far more likely to have such skills, and because they are expected to, they are given the benefit of expectation. So in general, the boss is apt to think that she is up to the task of managing her subordinates, and is more likely to be given the chance.
It used to be true that male aspies had far more advantages than women, because there used to be a desire to encourage excellence in workers, and aspies excel at that. But since the 40s, there has been a drive to encourage the average and the less able, and to overall ignore the more abled, to use more employees at a far lower cost per employee, as that makes each employee closer to the average, and that makes it much easier to replace an employee if there is a problem. So now, there are far less jobs that want someone truly exceptional. Women only don't have that problem because they are assumed to be very emotional, and assumed to be far less logical. That assumption drives the perception of female aspies, who are far more logical and far less emotional anyway, to be actually closer to the average man. So it would be much harder for an aspie woman to get a job in psychology or counselling, but actually would be considered a better choice in math or science, or even in many male-dominated fields, than an aspie man.
I don't think it's quite accurate to say that women aspies have it easy, just that they tend to think more like a smart man about many things, and that puts them firmly closer to the norm. As there is a tendency now to support the norm, and disregard the unusual, that helps them. I think the same would be true of a man who is quite emotional and illogical, say a man who wants to be a hairdresser or an actor. He tends towards norms of femininity. But he's likely to be accepted far more, for the same reasons.
In regards to the test - I do not think the results indicate that I have Autism. I think it is relative to my field and my talents. I remember long strings of numerical information; always have. I find patterns where others do not see any. I have a unique view of the world. Am I Autistic? Not at all, I'm just an extreme geek. lol.
My father was a Cryptologist in the Navy. He solved puzzles for a living. I am his daughter. From what I've read, and the people I've met, you sound normal. Many women who became mathematicians had a mathematician for their father. Even in uni, when I was doing maths, the girl on the course who excelled in maths, once told me that her father was a lecturer in mathematics. So I think it's something normal for many children to take after their father and it's often true for girls as well, even in maths.
But I don't have much in the way of evidence of women who excelled in maths and science, who didn't have a parent who excelled in either. I do know that many men have. Just I really don't know if spontaneous mathematical and scientific skill happens all that often in women. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 12:25:30 AM | I'll raise my hand in my admission to Aspergers Syndrome. Was diagnosed in my late teens although had a lot of tests as a kid. For many years I tried turning a blind eye to it, but after seeing some vids about it on YouTube I began to find out about it a bit more.
A lot of famous people are/were Aspies, I'm led to believe that Einstein was Autistic. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:21:48 AM | | thats another reason why it is tougher for us men with asperger syndrome, finding or meeting a woman with asperger syndrome is looking for a needle in a haystack, that, and the other reason that us men usually have to initiate everything. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:12:07 PM | | I to have Asperger's and just found this out a few years ago I have had a few relationships over the years but have not had much luck recently I have done every thing from internat dating to being fixed up with a girl by a friend. I even went out with a girl who had Asperger's and even that was not right. I just wonder if there is really anything wrong or that different people who have Asperger's? | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:32:36 PM | | I just wonder how many men on this site that have Asperger's have ever had a long tearm relationship and how many are now at the moment in a relationship? If you have asperger's and are in a relationship how did you go about finding your partner? | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:18:54 PM | | about 70 to 80 percent of people with Asperger Syndrome are Male, thats another reason why it's harder for Aspie Men than it is for Aspie Women, that, and the fact that us men have to initiate everything with women. | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 2/17/2011 11:51:13 AM | HOW IS THAT A MISDIAGNOSIS
THAT IS EVERYTHING THAT AS IS | |
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paulpa
| | Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 73 | |
| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 2/24/2011 5:04:17 PM | It is easier, it is all about philosophy coming into it... same with real life, but with online you can move on, wash, rinse and repeat.
Walk in like you own the place, one thing that I found effective was a joking "If you feel like you are not good enough for me, then I totally understand." This communicates your intentions clearly without saying it, shows confidence, and places pressure on them to respond positively.
This "Nice guy trying to act like a douchebag and failing at it " act really works, it shows confidence (which most people with ASD lack because they feel labeled), it shows your true colors as you plan for them to see through an "intentional" rude and cold outer shell to be nice underneath, it shows need which many nurturing girls are attracted to, they will try and get you to get rid of your "harsh" shell and show off your "nice" core. (personal development, I wouldn't miss an opportunity.)
Well that is how I go about it, it is effective as it breaks her from the normal "true douchebag" type of guy to one who is being a jerk in order to fit into a norm but is nice at heart... (just don't tell her it is really the other way around). | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:45:45 PM | i am well aware that i display all the symptoms of this disorder and i find it to be the cause of why i am not successful at dating because it scares all the women that come in contact with me....that is why it is easier not to date and just be happy with who i am | |
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| Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:35:02 PM | | I don't have it, but a friend I have known for 15 years does. I met him through my automotive circles and owns a successful auto shop in Mass. He has written a couple of good books on the subject. Look me in the eye, and Be Different. | |
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