|Asperger's SyndromePage 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)|
|Over the past 10 years, we have seen a greater media effort to educate people about autism spectrum disorders. More people now realize that Asperger's Syndrome is at the high end of the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Having researched countless ASD sites and forums, I have found increasing numbers of threads by "Aspies" claiming that they are as "normal" as anyone else, they just "think" differently.|
They celebrate the perceived benefits of their cognitive differences and are quick to point out that many Aspies excel in math and sciences and are capable of obtaining good jobs. They claim that they are very logical thinkers because of their ability to disengage from emotional semantics. A good number of these people are quick to provide lists naming famous people who have/had Asperger's Syndrome as well as many names that are purely speculative insofar as Asperger's is concerned, which is why so many medical professionals (myself included) dismiss these lists as ludicrous garbage.
Interestingly enough, many adults who claim to have Asperger's have never been formally diagnosed by an educated professional in this field - when pressed as to why they are so sure that they have Asperger's, they claim that they fit many of the diagnostic criteria and that they have always felt "different" from other people.
So what exactly is wrong with this picture? Simply put, it's only half of the picture.
Please allow me to point out that Asperger's Syndrome has its own spectrum within the ASDs. All of the information posted above applies solely to high functioning Aspies. And therein lies the dilemma - no-one wants to talk about the low functioning Aspies, the ones who don't have blue sky and apple pie outcomes as they approach adulthood, the ones who will never be capable of any sort of employment, the ones who will depend on disability pensions.
It often seems that a lot of people tend to think that it's politically incorrect to tell the whole story, both the hopeful AND the less than desultory. I can't count the number of times I've come across threads where frantic parents are crying out for help, having just been told that their children have just been diagnosed with an ASD. Inevitably, responding posters offer reassurance, advice and compassion but it is interesting to note that in the case of a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, the resounding majority of these posts cite outcomes that are exclusive to high functioning Aspies. After all, who would be stupid enough to tell the whole story and risk being called out as an insensitively cruel reprobate?
This in turn creates new problems in cases where the parent realizes over time that their beloved child is NOT slated to enjoy a blue sky outcome. And you better believe that some of these parents are very bitter, feeling that they have been misled, some of them confessing that they would have made different decisions (usually pertaining to education, sometimes about a trial of psychotropic medication) concerning their child.
What makes me so sure about all this? I am a retired medical professional with many years experience in this field. My specialty was children with profound challenges and I have lectured across Canada, the continental United States, Hawaii, Mexico and Southeast Asia. Most of my presentations were filmed and shown in the United Kingdom, Europe, Australia, South Africa and South America. I am a published author as well.
I also have personal as well as academic experience. Two of my three daughters are on disability pensions because of their significant challenges. My oldest is a low functioning Aspie with concomitant disorders - severe OCD, paralyzing social anxiety issues and selective mutism. She was incapable of finishing high school despite her obvious intelligence because as time went by, she was increasingly unable to work anywhere near other people. It also didn't help that her main focal interest was not math or science but Japanese language and culture - studied earnestly at the expense of all her other subjects.
It makes my teeth sing to read sweeping and fraudulent declarative statements such as -
The mistaske in both of your comments is that aspergers negatively effect lives. This is opinion and tends to be that of someone looking on the outside in, someone who feels thatt they are better for not being Aspergian. Aspergers, in truth, does not ruin lives, it is simply a differnt wiring of the brain which results in a different perspective from a "normie". If anything, a "normie" should feel cheated for not being capable of the Aspergian perspective.
Not even close. Not even close to close. This post just fuels the rosy half of the story, making no allowance at all for the other half and believe me THERE IS ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS STORY.
Posted: 12/22/2011 4:35:21 PM
|A typical answer from a denialist who has a small mind. Now that science has begun looking at genetics they are surmising that most things that happen to us are based on the condition of one's genetics. I was reading last night about Angelman syndrome, and how at least in mice, they have found a way to kick start the non-working gene using pharmaceutical agents. Question being, why did that gene not wirk?. The Genome Project and others who have since replicated their findings on autistic children and their families, stated in 2010 that the autistic children had genetic mutations that did not originate with their parents. Although quite an important finding, its been kept quiet because it was always hoped to blame the victims, and they are still trying. I also keep reading about inherited or "born with" theories about all sorts of things that are known vaccine injury, like deafness, blindness and even anorexia, but the public doesn't seem to look past its newspapers or TV for information, and media is controlled by whoever has the cash to own it. Now that the internet can bi-pass those who control information, anyone can read about vaccine components and vaccine injury and death. Hell anything that can kill you can certainly F-UP those it doesn't kill. But to shut down discussion because of a personal feeling or opinion is simply putting your head up your backside and claiming some sort of victory. To each his own then.|
Posted: 12/22/2011 4:50:50 PM
|Vaccine ingredients aluminum, ethylmercury and formaldehyde can cause spontaneous genetic mutation separately. Some vaccines contain all 3. Vaccines are also given in bunches, ensuring one gets all 3 in even greater amounts. There is a most recent finding and labelling of "sporadic Autism" and greater emphasis on spontaneous mutations. There is also spontaneous schizophrenia in families without a history or genetic reason. Theres a whole new world of possiblities on the horizon. No need to remain static in your thinking. Rather that rumours, the science is changing and catching up. We are on a path that will answer our questions. We have been in the dark for a long time, and what we have been told has not been accurate. I always think to myself how primitive people explained things without science. The sky was a god, the earth was a god, the penis was worshipped. Much of what we are told is just as ridiculous and without proof.|
Posted: 12/22/2011 5:14:43 PM
cheated cause of not being wired differently? unable to be empathic, cheated? I am finding I am in denial until something much deeper either form findings online or maybe some day, get with someone who knows of the traits of asperger and can tell me after talking-getting to know me long enough for this to be done, to then tell me I have it. then work on how to not be a faker with "NT's" as I've seen a lot during my searching. then again, not feeling much in regards to pain that I can stomach depending what pain, headaches on the other hand kick the bucket on pain sadly.
Kohmelo, tell me, do you have asperger's or just post in here with info or facts you may have?
My son is professionally diagnosed with Aspergers. During the problems that led up to his diagnosis, I found that each and every issue that came up with him was identical to my personal experiences. I fully understood what he was doing and thinking in each instance. I have done extensive research on the subject.
During my research I concluded that I too, have it. I considered going to a professional for a proper diagnosis. It was my conclusion that I would end up spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars to get a piece of paper (professinal diagnosis) that would give me no financial return. Hooray, I have a paper! Wait, no...
I also don't feel there is anything wrong with me. I am simply different, so there is no other benefit either.
If anyone wants to challenge my self diagnosis, I would gladly allow you to pay for a professional one... otherwise, you may keep your comments to yourself.
Now, being Aspergian offers endless social challenges, including dating and relationships. However, there are benefits too... such as the capability to focus on single items to the point of obsession. For example, my son is interested in "Deadliest Warrior". He has so much information on various warriors types throughout history... it's astounding. He will start telling me about something and I'm very skeptical that he is making it up because of the details. I'll look it up and find he's bang on with his information. We also tend to be extremely good with hands on tasks such as auto repair, carpentry, electronics computers... you name it.
So consider one's strengths and weaknesses with regards to social interaction;
It is difficult for someone with Aspergers to look someone in the eye. For me, this holds true with people that I do not know well. One example, I was dating a girl for 3 months before I found out what colour her eyes were. Once I could finally look into them long enough to really see them, they were so beautiful and complicated. I studied them for at least half an hour (she became uncomfortable!). It was a feeling I will never forget and I don't believe most normies will ever have that type of experience.
Another challenge for one with Aspergers is making an initial connection with another person. While a normie will approach a person with small talk, usually the weather, one with Aspergers will scoff at pointless drivel. (I noticed it was hot / cold / windy hours ago, where were you?) I am currently learning / forced teaching myself about how to do exactly as the normie does. It is complicated, but I now know they are establishing social competence. As I learn about this, I also have people that I already have competence established with.
These are people that I have termed "functional friends". This means that they are a friend of mine to serve a function. Andrew, for example, is my "pool friend". He can be annoying as hell when he talks on and on about his family situation or his social status.. but when he talks about pool, he's alright. We play pool in one place and he often introduces me to people that I would not have otherwise met. While it was difficult to establish this functional friendship, it is easy to maintain because I am not emotionally attached. There is no drama between us, nor shall there be. I also have Stan my "work friend" and Amanda, my "bartender friend" et al.
The point of my stories is that it does not matter what your individual life skills are. You can make a fine life for yourself by focusing on your positive attributes rather than trying to fix your negative attributes - or even worse, listening to someone else pitying you because you are not normal. You can make a social life without social skills, you can enjoy it to the fullest. You can view each complication as a challenge to be overcome and a feather for your figurative cap or you can wallow in your own self pity. It is your choice, wether you have aspergers or no legs or banana fingers.
I hope I answered your question.
Posted: 12/22/2011 5:47:49 PM
Rather that rumours, the science is changing and catching up. We are on a path that will answer our questions. We have been in the dark for a long time, and what we have been told has not been accurate.
Research is a lovely thing but it should not be repeated as fact until proven. Many things have been researched but delivered nothing but dead-ends and fallacy.
However, given the possibility that it is developed after birth, regardless of point-of cause, it is still something that would have been effected by the parent's genetic makeup - the child is made up of the parent's genetic material. If it were purely the mutagens then all who were exposed would develop a similar mutation.
Now given the possibility that Aspergers is caused by a genetic mutation, let's consider two types of genetic mutation;
1) A deleterious mutation has a negative effect on the phenotype, and thus decreases the fitness of the organism.
2) An advantageous mutation has a positive effect on the phenotype, and thus increases the fitness of the organism.
Genetic mutations are the basis for evolution. All with Aspergers should look at themselves in the mirror and consider which of these 2 genetic mutations they are, then perhaps sing the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" them song then giggling to themselves and walk off, having forgot the question
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:42:38 PM
|I think you did, I mean you listening off hands on tasks as you put up there, sure enough with PC building, I'd taken a job training course last june-july which ended early this year. I guess what troubles me at times is when i go looking up stuff on asperger's through the web and find something that I'm not sure is legit or tied into it all ya know. for a wild example, by all means if its true tell me, I'd found a journal of some sort from an aspie who said, the full moon can mess up aspies' and the only way to not have this happen, whatever it is that happens is to be by the ocean. for smaller facts sensory, touch/smell/sound/sight I always thought it was odd that some smells got to me not bad enough to become sickly but disturbed my nose I guess. if a shrink suggests something like this without a proper more in depth finding diagnosis would it still stand true just as it would with a professional saying it?|
and thank you for the above, I'll be re-reading it latr small font is a problem haha
Posted: 12/22/2011 8:46:18 PM
I guess what troubles me at times is when i go looking up stuff on asperger's through the web and find something that I'm not sure is legit or tied into it all ya know.
You will find tons of info. Many of it is not necessarily wrong as opposed to unproven or opinionated.
I'm sorry that I don't know who I'm quoting, but "if you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie" The lady above was correct when she said there is a range of high to low function Aspergers... but what doesn't have a range?
I'd found a journal of some sort from an aspie who said, the full moon can mess up aspies' and the only way to not have this happen, whatever it is that happens is to be by the ocean
We are mostly made of water... but again, this is a theory, opinion or perhaps personal observation
for smaller facts sensory, touch/smell/sound/sight I always thought it was odd that some smells got to me not bad enough to become sickly but disturbed my nose I guess
YES! this is true (observed behaviorally and somewhat subjective), it is also personal and individual. I wear my underwear inside out because the tags drive me nuts. Some smells get to me, but not many. People touching me can make me jump... and the sight of large moles, birthmarks, thick arm hair, those skin coloured facial protrusions (no idea what they're called), poorly located tattoos and piercings and a few others make tense up.. and if any of those things touch me, I'm twitching
if a shrink suggests something like this without a proper more in depth finding diagnosis would it still stand true just as it would with a professional saying it?
not sure I understand this question. I think you're saying is:
if the professional suggests it a possibility but wants to conduct further analysis, should you assume the suggestion to be fact?
If that is your question, then my answer is no. A professional psychologist or psychiatrist is in business to make money. Many will drag out each patient's diagnosis so you have to visit more and pay more. I won't say they are all dishonest and more interested in your money than you well being, but I can guarantee you that some are. I have no idea what type of "shrink" you have so I can't speak on the subject.
In any case, I would suggest self-education. A good start is "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison. He explains Aspergers using social stories which is a tool used by educators who specialize in children with Aspergers. He also offers several reference books that contain actual facts.
Posted: 12/22/2011 10:48:19 PM
|I see and I'll look up this Look me in the eye, I hope I can find something on it through the web, I don't dig book stores much and from where I live there aren't any near by without lots of driving. as for the tags on clothing, I'd always tear em off if I could and not ruin or tear up the shirt some haha. the things you quoted were from me Jsfate =) |
might I ask for you to share with me stuff you know in private so I may pick up more solid facts or info alone on asperger's, it would seem my likeliness in finding true points might be masked by not really knowing an exact keyword or ideas to look up. that is apart from that book you listed already
eye contact by the way, if I'm nerves I find its hard to do that with new people, but even if I've not adjusted to them just yet or this warm up thing ends its course. though sometimes, something about seeing a woman, it doesn't seem to pick my nerves as much whether some part of me feels comfortable or just at ease over all. is this too part of asperger's?
I would go into detail of myself but I'm not sure that would be very wise being here where the net is fair game or too much of the open book. I know there was a mother from the UK some where and she also suggested asperger base on how odd my profile was base on writen something of flags. however, it all has been changed many times since then. though even now it might catch that of someone who knows of what to look for with words. -shrug thanks again
Posted: 12/23/2011 2:41:37 AM
I don't mind private discussion, might even welcome it, but... your email restrictions won't let me msg you. Either you gotta email me or lift your restrictions. It's up to you. Don't feel bothered to msg me, it's welcome and I'd rather prefer furhter discussions without the world watching
Posted: 12/23/2011 2:48:32 AM
get the book off amazon if you don't feel comfortable walking into a book store
Posted: 12/23/2011 6:55:41 AM
|alright the mail thingy has been fixed. if further problem's arise let me know|
Posted: 12/25/2011 3:09:42 PM
|You've left more current mutation discovery off your list. There is now a recognized form called "spontaneous or sporadic or sporatic genetic mutation" I have read about both soratic autism and schizophrenia, where there was no history or obvious genetic relation to the parents. This is more in line with regressive autism, the kind linked to vaccines. To read it for yourself:|
www.hhmi.org/news/eichler20110515.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&urm_medium=twitter You can also jusy search spontaneous genetic mutation and autism etc . Other links I have don't launch so I won't list them.
One should also investigate vaccine ingredients aluminum, ethylmercury and formaldehyde.
Genotoxic mercury/thimerosal : www.vaccinationnews.com/evidence-thimerosal-risk
aluminum induced DNA damage: onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/tox.20482/abstract
formaldehyde genotoxic, mutogenic: mutage.oxfordjournals.org/content/17/3/183.full
theinnozablog.blogspot.com/2009/08/vaccine-ingredients.html A quote from this report
"The toxicity of this cancer causing chemical should be of great concern to parents, especially when infants and children receive over a dozen different needles containing this substance before they reach school age, at 7. Formaldehyde can cause allergic reactions on both an immediate and delayed hypersensitivity basis, leading to potentially chronic immune system problems.
According to the U.S. poison information center: "There is no acceptable safe amount of formaldehyde if being injected into a living human body. It is a toxic substance and should be avoided at all costs".."
The World Health Organization named aluminum hydroxide, a component of most of the currently used veterinary vaccines a grade 3 out of 4 carcinagen, with 4 being the most carcinogenic.
Sporatic autisn: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/03/070320103844.htm
Sporatic schizophrenis: http://www.nhs.uk/news/2011/08/August/Pages/sporadic-genetic-mutation-schizophrenia.aspx
"Autism is thought to be the most heritable of all neuro-psychiatric disorders. Yet most cases of this childhood development disorder that severely affects social interaction and communication are "sporatic" and come with no family history.
Williams Syndrome, a disorder that appears to occur spontaneously (sporadic) from deletion of gene material from adjacent gene"
So you can see there is much knowledge and acceptance in the scientific community today that spontaneous genetic mutation exists and causes developmental conditions. The Genome Project report of 2010 reported the autistic children/families studied showed the children had genetic mutation that did not originate with the parents. They also found the children had mutations that were different from each other. I myself feel than indicates individual injury to their genetic integrity.
Posted: 12/25/2011 9:43:17 PM
|Williams Syndrome IS heritable. Heritability is a feature of populations, not individuals. So even if something is heritable -- it is not true that it is inherited by all the individuals in the population. Nothing in your links suggests that autism is correlated with vaccines - the vaccine hypothesis is lacking convincing scientific evidence. Much of our DNA is merely a technical artifact, a low frequency accidental transcription in the genome. Most mutations that occur are corrected, but some still get past the goalie, hence, we have evolution such as immunity to HIV - http://www.livescience.com/9983-immune-hiv.html|
Even Wakefield wasn't able to replicate his study, and he was given plenty of opportunity to do so. If you're looking for credible research on autism spectrum disorders, please refer to the following sources:
http://www.asatonline.org/intervention/treatments_desc.htm - Association for Science in Autism Treatment
http://www.autismsciencefoundation.org/ - Autism Science Foundation
https://simonsfoundation.org/ - Simons Foundation Autism Research Initiative
http://www.nlmfoundation.org/grants.aspx - Nancy Lurie Marks Family Foundation
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:38:56 PM
|I saw you criticize another poster for making things up and basically exaggerating. You're pretty good at it yourself Blondie. What you state is garbage.|
Posted: 12/27/2011 3:56:27 PM
|^^Those who can't refute the facts resort to making ad hominems, Kemo Sabe.......|
Posted: 1/1/2012 12:12:51 PM
|I've got light-medium Asperger's (self-diagnosed) and it has made interactions with people difficult, in general, not just dating situations. This has been an interesting thread. |
I would like to add that I was married for about a decade to someone who also has strong Aspie traits and I don't really recommend it. The reason I don't is because if we are too much alike then the areas where we have difficulties become exacerbated as neither one of us know how to handle it. For example, when married to an aspie, we had extreme difficulties getting along with our neighbors (one of my stress triggers is barking dogs - just drives me up the wall). I have found that life runs much smoother when I am cohabiting with a NT (normal thinker), who can run interference with the neighbors and other social situations, leaving me to remain in the background in peace, where I can then handle areas where perhaps they are lacking (keeping finances under control, for example). I believe Aspies should seek out partners that can be complementary to them in areas that they lack, vs seek a mirror image of themself with identical flaws as well as strengths.
Another thing I would like to add - and this is a heads up for the parents out there - working at home has been a godsend for me and I only wish I could have started doing it years ago. As it is I've only been doing it 5 years but I feel so much better that my interactions with the outside world can now be from choice and not a forced necessity. I'm not recommending my particular career (medical transcription) as it is being rapidly destroyed and dismantled by offshoring and corporate greed; but I am recommending pursuing any line of work that allows one to work in solitude and peace (computer programming or web design, for example).
I extend my hand in friendship to other Aspies on the site. Hang in there and don't give up.
Posted: 1/2/2012 8:29:56 AM
|I am an Aspie as quite a few of you people put it as well. Diagnosed at 11. Was an intimidating figure and always angry. That didn't help much. Now I tend to be laid back and try to be as calm as possible.|
Dating has always been a struggle for me. I usually never understood what people were looking for. I find that I hate it when people lie to me, even the whitest lie has gotten me upset in the past. Too many people I have dated only temporarily and never gotten past the second or third dates. Recently I found that I no longer believe that I am doing anything wrong, but I may not be right in thinking that way either. I am finding now that people I am dating I tell them I have Asperger's syndrome and they have no idea what that is. So that might be the one wrong thing I am doing is letting people know too soon. Of course, I am a firm believer that people always have a fear of what they don't understand as well.
Another reason why I think dating doesn't work for me and maybe for all other people with Asperger's syndrome is because I don't think I know how to find that sense of attraction. What I mean is I can't really show the other person what would make me look attractive. I know that attraction is the key to starting off a successful relationship. You have to build from there.
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:13:57 PM
|To share more about me. Yes I did date a little throughout school and college, but never for that long Some people in school seemed to want to have sex at an early age, and that scared the crap out of me. Since then, dating has become further and fewer in between. |
Not relating to dating:
I was a smart kid in school, and usually the biggest/tallest in my classes. I excelled in math and was also very athletic. I played soccer, basketball, some volleyball, and eventually towards the end of high school I played some rugby. I also got picked on early on in school, but once I realized that I could use my size to my advantage, it was very rare that someone would try to start a fight with me again. There were exceptions as some people wanted to make a name for themselves. I didn't like fighting all that much, which stems from the fact that I almost killed someone in a fight in grade 7.
I used to see a counselor from diagnosis until about the age of 21. I finally got to see some of the notes recently that he had written during those sessions, and I was able to see myself from someone else's point of view. I realized that (repeating myself) I was always frustrated and angry, and other people always worried for me which helped me realize that people did like me after all. I also dealt with depression throughout the years and did take anti-depressants. I found that long term use of anti-depressants just makes you more depressed, and I ballooned up to close to 300 lbs at the finish of high school when I only weighed 2/3 of that upon entering high school. I now weigh 185-190 lbs again due to fitness and better nutrition. Doctors have recommended further use of medication since, but I turn it down every time due to side effects
In college, the focus became on communication and I did a very good job at it. I realized I had to talk in a language that was easy for others to follow and understand and not try and sound so smart. I hate having to explain things as sometimes I don't know how to do that, so that worked. I still found that I was easy to manipulate. When I worked at a gas station during school, one female co-worker actually tried to manipulate me into a fight with her ex during a shift change (there was some innocent flirting between us before that). Anyway, the fight never happened (almost did), and I kicked the guy out of the store for verbal abuse of his ex, and reported the incident to the boss. She was eventually fired some three months later for a mistake that cost the boss a lot of money. She also tried to manipulate me into quitting that job too because everyone was getting their hours cut. It almost worked until I came to my senses and talked to the boss.
Although a lot to read, there is my shared experience about my life as an "Aspie"
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:11:17 PM
|Saying ALL would exposed would develope a similar mutation couldn't be more inaccurate. The Genome Project report on autism found the children had mutation that did not originate with the parents. So saying it involves the paren'ts genetics is categorically wrong. The Genome Project also reported the children not only had hundreds of mutations, the children had different mutations from each other. Genetic study is still in its infancy, and the Genome Project is the first major study report. So instead of talking nonsense, read that report.|
Posted: 1/7/2012 1:36:15 PM
Saying ALL would exposed would develope a similar mutation couldn't be more inaccurate.
If you (or jachamer) are referring to my statements, you'd best review what I wrote because I never stated anything of the sort.
It's really not possible to explain why single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNP) or copy number variations (CNV) predict the occurrence or severity of ASD to someone who reads all the wrong literature and refuses or is incapable of comprehending the heritability of autism.
Posted: 1/7/2012 5:39:01 PM
|So your strategy is then to insult anyone with a different perspective. Very Classy.|
Posted: 2/15/2012 10:32:06 PM
|There was a campaign conducted by the National Autistic Society in London, United Kingdom of Great Britain, a few years ago about "Think Differently". It show cased the "another side to this story" as well. I myself have encountered the other side of the story many, many times, that no one seemingly wants to pay attention to, according to one poster on here. Also, even so called high-functioning Aspies have challenges. |
I have found interestingly enough that there are many adults that are formally diagnosed by an educated professional in the field of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (ASDs), yet still get ostracised and are told that they really shouldn't be having challenges in getting and keeping careers/jobs.
Yes, within Asperger's Syndrome, there is a spectrum of difficulties - more severe to more mild. No one has mentioned Non-Verbal Learning Disability (NVLD or NLD) which isn't an official diagnosis, interestingly enough, and yet there are quite a few people out there with it, that have challenges.
I have spent my time back and forth between the British Isles and Canada, actually and have noted differences in support services between the two countries for people with Asperger's.
Yes, Asperger's is a different wiring but also there are associated challenges even on the mildest forms - and those shouldn't be discounted. By the way, it's a misnomer that most Aspies are good at Math and Science.
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:57:44 PM
|I read through a lot of the various responses here, and boy-howdy, you read the same on a lot of forum pages:|
"My son/nephew/friend's kid/grandson has it." (not to exclude the females with AS out there) Okay, no disrespect, but we aren't kids. We're adults. Telling us that it will work out, and to keep trying; that doesn't really help.
Then folks posted stuff about causes of AS & the treatments/symptoms of AS: Kyrie Jesu Domine *WHACK!* Dona Eis Requiem *WHACK!*
Here's my two cents, and I'm sorry if it seems a little frustrated, but that's how it is:
We don't like going to bars, or at least I don't. Bars are noisy, crowded, overstimulating, and cause someone like me to close off and have a hard time focusing enough to read signals. Book stores are dead, and nobody goes there anymore to meet someone nice, which would seem to be why they're dead. Coffee shops are grab&go, not stop to enjoy life, strike up a conversation with someone, and certainly never some stranger. Plus, too much caffeine REALLY isn't that good for me.
Aside from that, all you neurotypicals refuse to observe standard rules as society grows more isolated from one another. Everyone's gotten really weird about a stranger talking to them, like it's all con artists and shit. So what makes that drunken ***hole you meet at a bar or a club any better?
Then there's church. Now aside from trying to meet someone at a church being awkward, it's really uncomfortable. I go to church to be spiritual. If my mind is on some girl, how exactly is this improving things? It's not! I'm not thinking about that week's message or what's happening in my life or how to stop being so depressed about everything. I'm thinking about her!
Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I HATE the term Aspy. Why not just call me a honky, cracker, male-pig, or whatever, because you're limiting Who I am to What I am.
@aspie2u (who apparently deleted his account, so I don't know to whom I'm writing anymore), I've had 3 girlfriends and been on a few dates. Internet dating is bullcrap, because a lot of the women on here are hesitant and totally unwilling to actually meet up. There's some stigma about meeting online. So? You don't tell people you met online if it's that big a deal. You say you met randomly and got to talking about common interests, got together for a few dates, and then hooked up. If someone is your friend, then they shouldn't make you feel bad for meeting someone online. What's more, you can make up some shit about a bar or an S&M club or a pottery class or something: yes, you read the words S&M pottery in the same sentence. It's nobody's business but yours. My parents met because my mom had to borrow laundry soap from a neighbor whom my dad was dating but they were breaking up. Is that really so much more special than, we messaged eachother on PlentyOfFish or and really liked one another, so we started dating and really fell in love?
In terms of sex, we only need as much help as anyone: vocalize, listen, share what you like or don't like, and don't be afraid to experiment with anything.
In terms of relationships, we only have the same problems that neurotypicals have: vocalize, listen, share your life & aspirations, and don't be afraid to try something new together.
Posted: 4/27/2012 5:37:28 PM
|I'm sorry the OP is gone. I fell deeply in love with an Asperger's person before it was recognized as a form of Autism. People would ask me what was wrong with him, and I'd answer, "Nothing. He just sees the world differently, that's all." He was a challenge to love, as we didn't do what I thought couples "should" do together. Our relationship ended after 13 years because I couldn't take it anymore, and knew I did not want to be with him for the rest of my life. He felt confident enough to strike out on his own in a different part of the country. |
we haven't kept in touch I hope he's happy.
I've known women married to men with Asperger's. They also describe their situations as "challenging." It shouldn't be a barrier to love.
6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)