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 DumchikBrewsky
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 124
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Asperger's SyndromePage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm sorry the OP is gone. I fell deeply in love with an Asperger's person before it was recognized as a form of Autism. People would ask me what was wrong with him, and I'd answer, "Nothing. He just sees the world differently, that's all." He was a challenge to love, as we didn't do what I thought couples "should" do together. Our relationship ended after 13 years because I couldn't take it anymore, and knew I did not want to be with him for the rest of my life. He felt confident enough to strike out on his own in a different part of the country.
we haven't kept in touch I hope he's happy.

I've known women married to men with Asperger's. They also describe their situations as "challenging." It shouldn't be a barrier to love.
 mildmike
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 125
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:39:06 PM
I think the real challenge with Aspergers now is the label and stigma that comes with it. People don't understand it and there are few people that do understand. Think about it. You have to define who you really are. Aspergers is a label new friends and potential partners don't need to know about unless it is absolutely necessary. My experience tells me this much: If your new friends or dates find out too soon that you have Aspergers Syndrome, you have pretty much told these people that you have let that define who you are. This gives them an excuse to label you and move on. This is what people who have no understanding or don' know what it Aspergers is will do: Run away.
 Ashtadbinsaiyef
Joined: 5/28/2012
Msg: 126
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:39:43 PM



Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas.



I have to disagree with this. To my knowledge there is no solid correlation between mathematical/scientific excellence and Asperger's. What I believe is that the skills of those who show promise in those areas are enhanced (beyond those of their peers) by the intense focus which characterizes people with AS. I could be wrong though, and I'll gladly admit to being wrong if you can provide me with some verifiable information.


Intuitively, I’d second this. I’m extremely analytical and somewhat obsessive in the way I study and approach the social-political issues that interest me, and I’m positive that that’s where that aspect of my AS expresses itself, yet I’ve always absolutely hated mathematics. Actually, I had difficulty with math as a child because I was always trying to picture what everything meant in order to really understand it; I truly did not understand that this wasn’t what you were supposed to do and it took me some time to figure that out. You can see why this would cause problems: 4+4=8 is something you can visualize and understand the meaning of. f(y)f\left(y+\frac{1}{2}\right)=\frac{\sqrt{\pi}}{2^{2y-1}}f(2y)? Not so much. Once I finally drilled it into my head that all you’re supposed to do is memorize the order you’re supposed to do things in and then just do it, I excelled, but I still hated it because I was still constantly fighting the urge to actually make some goddamned sense of the meaningless numbers I was being forced to move back and forth all day.
 Ashtadbinsaiyef
Joined: 5/28/2012
Msg: 127
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:54:31 PM

Recent evidence is beginning to suggest that rather than lacking empathy and relationship interactions, it's that people actually feel them too strongly... and can't cope - thus needing to avoid the situations that bring about having to process the overloading...

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/article/633688

and

http://www.support-for-add-and-autism-spectrum.com/Aspergers_empathy.html


Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Even going into a mall for a couple of hours, I become totally overloaded mentally tracking the movements of everyone around me, trying to project their mental states and what they might be thinking or feeling, and so on and so forth to the point that I literally can’t keep my own train of thought and I just get mentally lost in it. Sometimes I do it explicitly for that purpose, just for the refresher. But I can’t do any kind of shopping in public unless I’ve already researched and know exactly what I’m after, because I’ll be too overloaded by all that to even think about what I’m doing. I mean, this is to the point that I can’t even calmly browse a store and think about what I’m looking at because I’m tracking everyone in the store, judging what the clerk is thinking and what (s)he thinks I’m looking for and thus what they’re probably going to say next, how my reactions to their comments or suggestions are making them feel, and so forth. So, I just sort of shut down and don’t say anything, partially because interacting much with an environment adds to the complexity.

So you can imagine how first dates go with me.

Nothing like what I’m actually like once I become comfortable with someone, and then all this heightened sensitivity becomes helpful. Of course, at that point the problem is that I need significant time alone (even if I don’t want it) because at that point it’s still so taxing that I’ll burn out if I’m not careful, and start paying less attention to the relationship because I’ve had to tune all that out to try to focus on anything else.
 Ashtadbinsaiyef
Joined: 5/28/2012
Msg: 128
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:58:02 PM

Boys/men are three to four times more likely to have Asperger's than girls/women, so naturally, there's always going to be a larger percentage of men suffering. But even if we subtract Asperger's from the equation, men will still have a tougher time dating in general. C'est la vie.


One more thing I thought I’d throw in: it’s already known that the AS genes express themselves somewhat differently in men and women. Now, some are beginning to believe that AS is underdiagnosed in women because one of the ways AS ends up commonly expressing itself in women is as anorexia. See here: http://www.eating-disorder-resources.com/eating-disorder-articles/anorexia/anorexia-and-autism-may-be-linked/
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 129
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:24:37 PM
I read most of this thread with interest for some reason...mostly because I feel I've met more than one person from online who I've strongly suspected has Asperger's.

Then...just for fun...I go and take a couple of online tests for Asperger's....and I shock myself by scoring very high/borderline on them for having it myself....definitely going to investigate this further. I appreciate all the posts on here and I greatly empathize with those here who have ASD; I have always felt "different" and an outsider my entire life myself.
 JQinSF
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 130
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:44:44 PM
Maybe this has already been posted:
www.wrongplanet.net

There's also a specific dating site that targets people on the Spectrum.
YMMV.
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 131
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:23:00 PM
I recently dated a psych major who labelled me as having characteristics of Asperger's. What a rude thing to say!

Nobody knows less about human behavior than a psych major.

In 2004 I took an online test and scored exactly halfway between normal and Aspie. 25 is normal, 50+ is possible Aspie, my score 37. I think my score at age 10 would have been 50+.

The questions on the test often are not bad behavior, such as you'd rather stay home than go out.

As to the girl who labelled me, I believe my social intelligence is higher than hers. It would be more realistic for me to label her OCD, possessive, passive aggressive, and mentally unstable. Crazy cat woman like the Simpson's character.

Today an Aspie customer visited my workplace. He said it's genetic. If so, the ailment would be extinct soon because they breed less.

I don't like it when parents use an Aspie diagnosis as an excuse to let their kids misbehave. Also not one cent of my tax dollars should be spent on "disability" benefits for mild, recently invented pseudo ailments.
 RachelGirl123
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 132
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 7/2/2012 10:30:41 PM
was in relationship with someone with tourettes sex was very difficult. just gave up and had a sexless relationship.
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