| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:46:47 PM |
It is just a glorified term for Booty Call. It is being used for sex when someone gets horny
No, it's not. Not in my world. But that's the thing about all these phrases. We each have our own little definitions that stem from our own little lives. That's not about to change, so these forum discussions are more about explaining "different" views of things than trying to define anything. That will never happen. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/19/2007 7:20:33 AM | Re msg 125
"if you're looking for a deep, lasting relationship, and not a shallow one (and risk STD's), you wouldn't want to use anyone for sex."
That is one opinion.
Here's another: IMO, allimony and child support and clingyness are "STDs" too (socially and sexually transmitted "diseases" because they can be dangerous to one's health because they can cause stress and heart disease or who knows what other life threatening stress induced sickness). So I think to make the risk of HIV and other STDs and "STDs" ZERO (0) I will become a hermit. Better 100% safe than sorry, I agree.
Let's also bring back those belts people used to make sure their partners stayed loyal for sure, zero risk! IMO people should practice safe sex whether in a FwBs rel or an LTR. Because one can never be sure!
Right?
lol
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/21/2007 9:36:39 PM | hmm...well I'll be the first to admit that I'm a commit-a-phobe...so to be honest I like the FWB idea. You hang out, there's laughter, fun, intimacy and then you're on your own again. I don't feel empty, alone or used. I like my time to myself and until I find the one I want to be with...FWB does just fine for me.
That probably sounded like I've got 27 FWB set up all over town. I don't. But if I were to happen upon such a person...thats fine with me. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:16:43 AM | Hi LuvrofSarcasm!
I would like to ask why "commit-a-phobe"
what is making a person to have this phobia or fear? | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:26:33 PM | BTDT and would do it again with the right friend...mine moved away. Honestly, it's not what I'm looking for, and though there are exceptions, of course, I don't think most people are....it's usually just something that happens. If I developed that kind of friendship with someone else, and saw no serious relationship potential, I'd be open to that possibility again.
It's like nick and others have said: It's about FRIENDSHIP first and foremost. The fact that you sometimes have sex is a bonus. It's fun. It's nice. It's whatever you need it to be. It doesn't mean that you have sex every time you get together, either. Sometimes you just hang out (or go out).
The ultimate test of a true "FWB" relationship is when one of you starts seriously dating someone else....and the benefits stop. Is he/she supportive or jealous? Does the friendship (minus benefits, of course) continue or end?
On a side note: WHAT is with the assumption that casual sex means reckless sex (never mind MULTIPLE partners!)?? Some people are stupid and some people are safe....neither is exclusive to the casual or to the committed. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:28:40 PM | | Pink im sure there are women out there too like like to be "friends with benefits". Not just men. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:38:41 AM |
Hi LuvrofSarcasm!
I would like to ask why "commit-a-phobe"
what is making a person to have this phobia or fear?
I would like to answer that, if I may be so rude. In my case it is 2 marriages that ended in divorce including child and spousal support and an engagement where my fiance ran off with my best friend. And yet the ladies I date all want to move in (or have me move in) . What's up with that when we make better friends (even committed friends living next door to each other if you like.) I have talked to so many people who got along great with their SO until they got married. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:53:37 AM | | Men and women alike want sex... This can't be that difficult of a concept to comprehend. We are conditioned to only have sex with people we are in love with but this is not true human nature. The older people get the more they stat to consider their personal satisfaction. Having an intimate relationship with a person you do not plan on being exclusive dose not mean you don’t love that person. Plenty of married people are making love without being in love… Whether it is right or wrong can only be answered by the people involved none of us should be so arrogant to judge. And if you do you will sound envious. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:58:36 AM | | That is right YOU only know men who want that. Because men are on the receiving end of that. Truly there are as many women looking for that as men. They just feel guiltier about it due to preconceived notions of behavior. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/25/2007 10:55:05 PM | | Friends with benefits is a touchy one. I guess there are so many factors in making it legitamite in ones mind. Now if both parties are doing this FWD thang, its careless, a health risk and in more cases than often emotions eventually become part of the equation. So I say NO. But on the other hand if you have 2 people that obviously into each other; and open and lack scandy behavior...then maybe it may be okay. Basically they are testing the waters with each other sexually, expressing affection, without putting a lable on "the relationship" they have. FWB is basically dating low key and not wanting a microscope from the people around you. So, for the FWB doers and avoiders, just just follow your gut instinct. Well all know many have done it before. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:01:07 AM | it's still a poor excuse for avoiding being in a committed relationship..it's avoiding the work and time for a relationship and satisfying a need.
Tried this once..someone always ends up caring more than the other.
the word USED comes to mind..
dusty | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:12:01 AM | | Relationships should not be "work"! That kind of mentality scares many people off relationships and into FwBs, IMO. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:36:52 AM | Sir, Ibeg to differ...being married 23+ yrs and then divorced in 2001..relationships take constant work..and nurturing..you have ebbs and tides.. working to make a relationship solid meaning..keep romancing her, try to retain those feelings that made you fall in love in the first place...recognizing the positives and ignoring lifes day to day annoyances..my folks made 52 yrs..aunts and uncles made 50 and 60 yrs..sister is over 40 yrs..communication is the key...listen and then hear what she is saying..selective hearing befalls alot of me..me included..
if we all learned from the wise advise in these forums, alot less of us would be divorced I think..
dusty | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:44:46 AM | Relationships should not be "work"!
Thit is the kind of mentality that is killing the relationship. This screams selfishness and a lack of effort above and beyond the individual themself. Relationships should not require pain, discomfort, bad gut feelings, etc. , but they have to require work, or otherwise known as "effort". You shouldn't have to work to make something work that just isn't there, but you should work at making it more fun and interesting, surprising your SO, doing those little things to spark romance. Isn't that what it is all about? You can't just sit around idle thinking everything will just fall into place everyday despite all the daily challenges that will arise.
Work is effort, effort is work. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:55:04 AM | love/laugh,, I agree.
I personally , think it's worth the time and risk to meet men that are open to all the adventures of meeting someone.. being a friend, a lover, and all the other great things that may occur as a result to it. Everyone has to make their own personal choices, whether we agree with it, or not.. And yes, though i don't know , but i'm sure some women choose this approach too..Maybe its due to the fact that after being single for a long time , you get used to having your life solo and dont want to change or share certain parts of it... Guess we wont know , until we hear from the people that live by that choice
After being single for some time and never had that intimacy for a time, possibly the fear of getting back into a serious relationship it feels pretty good to have a FWB.
It makes one realize what they are missing out on in the terms of feeling like a women . even if it's just the sex.
As long as the understanding is there, I see nothing wrong with it, "each for there own"
One time I would have maybe frowned on it, now I say go for it as long as your not hurting any one. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:12:03 PM | Re posts 138 and 139
With all due respect to the above posts, it is the a relationship is (or requires) "work" mentality that "screams" what is called "protestant/puritan work ethic". We work for a living we do not live to work. A relationship is not a job. If it is then it is not based on "Eros" but on "partnership", which reeks of "social corporatism". Eros is not abiout being selfish. You cannot work for Eros. Eros/In love is not manufactured or worked upon. It is there for how long it is there and then some day it evaporates. There is nothing selfish about that. It is a fact of real life. If people want to "be in a relationship" as an "alliance" of two vis-a-vis the rest of the world that is fine, but Eros and in Love have nothing to do with it. And as per love, we are supposed to love all other humans, not just our SOs or relatives or friends.
Peace! | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:26:46 PM | Just adding my two cents. Nobody is getting used in such an arrangement. You are both getting at least physical pleasure out of it. It's a consentual agreement between two (hopefully) mature individuals who simply want good sex. Nothing more.
End of my 2 cents. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 2:05:27 PM |
two (hopefully) mature individuals who simply want good sex
Nope. That is FkBuddies.
Friends with Benefits means two FRIENDS who ON TOP of their friendship want to share good sex as well. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:12:35 PM | NICK,
I will assure you..my folks were married 52+ yrs and my aunts and uncles 50-60+ yrs and I will bet that they worked at getting along..learning each other..and made a concious effort to be as one..when you do not work at a relationship you soon will part as surely communication will break down and so will the love they once had..
I think you are fixated on the word work..that my friend is a synonym of communication, give and take and also as lust subsides the love fills your heart..
I was married 23+ yrs and in the last 5 I worked hard to no avail..when one has lost the will to love unconditionally, the marriage fails..I realize in europe and other countries most live together as a couple..but in the midwestern USA marriage and working at it is still alive and well and blossoms to all who choose to partake..I hope to find that again and will work my damndest to make it work forever!
Dusty | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:32:38 PM | | Let's stay on topic...relationships do take a certain amount of work, but this thread is about something entirely different, thanks. FWB's don't want a relationship, that's the whole point. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:40:12 PM |
It seems that the idea of "Friends With Benefits" must have been invented by a man.
because they want to enjoy sex from women without having any obligation to them.
From what men tell me, i'd bet on it. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:48:47 PM | | Oh, come on now. I do not think it is only the men in today society that want FWB. To even think that, let alone believe it is just plain silly. There are both men and women who desire that type of relationship. I don't think it is necessarily a good choice. Not one that I would make a decision to partake in, but I have no right to judge or bash anyone elses choices or decisions. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:06:27 PM | | For me the key word to making a successful FWB relationship is Friends. I just wouldn't want to get intimate with someone that I couldn't be at least friends with. blech. I think it's wonderful to have someone you love to be around, have great sex, great conversation, adventures....and still keep separate households and individual lives. Now if you are talking FWB versus Monogamy, for me the choice is about health. People always end up doing whatever they want anyway, so unless it's a mutual desire for more, it will always be FWB no matter what they might tell themselves. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:59:30 AM | Having been in numerous FWB relationships they do come in varying degree's of friendships.
Having said that I feel that there is nothing wrong with a "Mutually Pleasurable Arrangement" with 2 consenting adults.
Some of my very best friends are those who I no longer have the "Benefits Package" with for many different reasons, but the friendship stayed the same.
I also had one many years ago that due to some issues in my life I would not commit to any more then FWB for the first little while. It did not take all that long to realize that I was falling in love with this person, and we moved on to the next step and were together for over 3 years.
FWB's often remove the pressure's associated with a "Relationship" and can allow those involved to just be themselves!
I have grown tired of these relationships, but I would rather have something that may grow into the love of my life then sit at home alone every night! | |
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